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Star-crossed and stark [21 Nov 2003|11:24pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

*These foolish words flow out of my mouth like water from a stream, you can’t stop the flow of water, and I can’t stop these foolish words from getting out*

Someone can hurt you until finally it gets to the point where you believe you can't ever trust them again, or feel comfortable around them, you're anticipating deceit, yet you crave them.

Today me -n- Ua rode the bus home w/ Kim and Kassie. We got off the bus and hung out w/ Hudson for about 20 minutes, he's absolutely hilarious. He was like, "I lost my virginity, can I have yours? Oh wait you lost it to me last night." Then we went and hung out @ Kims, and Alex -n- Joe came over, then Chris came over for a little bit. Then Cait came over and we all went to Kassies for food. Then, we went to see Romeo and Juliet and we saw Kle,Lauren,Stephanie, and Sandy there. I also saw Gabe and Billy and alot of other people. Shylo did so good and Mercutio was SO hot haha. At the play Ryans friends kept bugging me, finally Joe turned around and was like "Shut the f*ck up." Anyway so then we hung out after the play, and here I am tired as all get out, so thats what I'm gonna do get out of hea and go to sleep. <3 sleep!

2 stepped on it | my heart is on the floor

So forget the feelings so few have & the future we don't have [20 Nov 2003|03:57pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Northstar-Rigged and Ready ]

Today is so pretty.

josherYY488: people are just jealous of u and cant resist u
josherYY488: thats the only possible explanation
josherYY488: ill teach them a thing or two about messin with my wife

Haha leave it to Ua to make me feel better.

my heart is on the floor

Shake it like a polaroid picture [19 Nov 2003|09:43pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | The Finalist-"Here With Me" ]

-I'll scream my lungs out to try and get to you-
Today was kind of boring. Mom took me to school this morning so I got Starbucks which is always good. I <3 the rent car and don't want to give it back. I saw Hudson when I went to the main campus, it made me smile because he was wearing his 'hobo' clothes. In World Geo. we had to watch a video on Evita, which our teacher told us meant slut. So after school Travis and I were talking about prositutes :-\. Then I got home and read something that made me cry. I'm just really confused about this whole thing, I'm mad, but I miss being friends and I just want things to be the way they were before he started being a jerk to me. Let's see, then I went to church, I pretty much talked to Erica the whole time, Kyle and Sean were talking to us. Then after CCE Austin almost ran me into the wall w/ Holdens skateboard and Kyle was like, "That woulda hurt really bad." Really? After church me y la familia went to Manuels <3, I could eat it everyday I swear. Soo we're going to Tyler the day after Thanksgiving. Which means I am missing Sugarcult and Story of the Year Fri. & The Early November Saturday, what a weekend to go to Java Jazz. Tyler can be fun though Josh, Austin, & Jake are going to. Plus Amanda will be there, and Kyleigh and Chelsea and all of my moms cousins and my second cousins. Carol Ann is going :\, gah she just has to criticize everything and she's always in a crappy mood. I think I can go skiing w. Kassie over Christmas break, woo hoo! At church we were talking about how our generation is so bad, then our kids are just gonna be out of control. And I was thinking about the past, a looong time ago people used to get married @ 13,14, and 15 so it wasn't a big deal for them to have sex that young. Well today it IS a big deal because we don't get married that young, its considered wrong. I just thought that was interesting because a teenage mind is a teenage mind and every generation is the same in that aspect, even though today (in general) we do more ACTING than thinking. Yeah I also heard a rumor about someone and its bothering me...

my heart is on the floor

[18 Nov 2003|10:52pm]
My name is hanging in the air
Once mentioned it brings an empty silence
And you're well aware that it's there
So you think to yourself, I won't mention this tonight
Maybe if I pretend like noone knows it will go away
Surely, everything will be alright
Just close your eyes and shut them tight
Count to ten and when you wake up, then you can pretend
Pretend that this horrific reality just isn't real
Well let me tell you...
I can't pretend hug you
I can't pretend talk to you
I can't pretend you're sensitive
I can't pretend this was all a misunderstanding
Though, I lie to myself and tell myself these things
Just to keep the air flowing through my lungs
Can't you see every look you give me and turn away?
You're cutting my oxygen short.
It's not fair that you have the power to steady my breathing
But, you're well aware of your fortune and it's being misused
You're treating it as a drug and me as a toy
You're addicted while I'm getting played
my heart is on the floor

My bear my bear, what can make me feel this way? My bear! Talkin' 'bout Sophie oooh oooh. [18 Nov 2003|09:25pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Northstar <333-"Cinderella" ]

Wowzers so today was pretty fun. I went around all day talking in a country accent and listened to David sing 'Dancing Queen' in the hallway. Fun stuff...so then ANOTHER weird thing happened, the power went out in 8th period. But I was in Bio (the room w/ the window...to the WINDOWWWWW jk) anyway so we still had light. Then we went to the Galleria for Stu Co and I hung out w/ Jess and Kas there. Ton-os of other kid-os went to. We had an hour to shop and eat. Then we went to do Build-a-Bear (all the bears we made are going to poor/homeless/orphans for Christmas). My bear was brown and I named her Sophie she had red bows on her ears and a green and red ribbon around her neck :) Im hoping to make a little child smile. Then we had another hour to shop and I found the most amazing skirt @ Urban Outfitters and I need to go back and get it. Then we met up @ Build-a-Bear again and came home. And guys...lets not get into that right now, I might have a poetic soul, but I have a girls mind...haha that just means I'm in no mood for a deep entry. :) holla ya herd Sidalee?

1 stepped on it | my heart is on the floor

It's raining, its pouring... [17 Nov 2003|03:58pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Saves the Day "You Vandal" ]

It rained all day yesterday and MAN it rained today. It was even raining when I crossed over to the main campus. There was a tornado warning during fourth period, so we had to go into 'hiding' or whatever. So my teacher ignores the first warning and keeps teaching, but after the second warning she took us into some office. It was a good bunch of people to be stuck with though, Travis was being hilarious and Lindsey was in there to. Some foreign lady was like, "Sit down get down!" and Travis was like, "Why are you standing up by an open door and trying to get us to sit down?" Morgan was freaking out and worrying about his g/f who was home alone. Then I tried calling my mom fifty-billion times and realized I couldn't find her because she was in a rental car. So after that, we went to get Grant. Then we went to get Garrett, and ended up having to get Trav, Justin, and Sabby along w/ him. We saw Aunt Tiff who was getting Josh, and we saw Austin in the car. It was so funny we were honking at him and he had his head in his lap and would not move an inch for anything. Hmm what a boring update.

1 stepped on it | my heart is on the floor

This song reminds me of Sky Ranch [16 Nov 2003|11:56am]
[ mood | refreshed ]
[ music | Allister-"Somewhere on Fullerton" ]

So lets see hurr… last night I went bowling with Curly Kim, Melissa and Benny Boo. Yeah, I finally got to hang out w/ Benny Boo. There was gonna be a bonfire at the office, but we got the dates mixed up and its really next weekend. I invited Travis to the bonfire, I dn if he was serious about going or not. It’d be cool if he did. At the bowling alley last night there were these freaky guys next to us and they were smoking and drinking, and they kept talking to us. Then the guy making the food was hitting on me and Kim when we went to order. They were playing rap music the whole time and it was hilarious because Kim kept doing her “disco dance” and Ben was dancing.

my heart is on the floor

Bertha Bock [15 Nov 2003|05:26pm]
[ mood | giggly ]
[ music | Yellowcard- "Ocean Avenue" ]

I woke up
I woke up
I woke up

Last night Kassie spent the night, last night we watched Holes and took pictures. Then today it was hilarious, we prank called infomericals. I wanted to go to Goodwill and I have people to go with, but no one to take us.

I was thinking about something I read, "Love is what keeps us alive, but it's what ends up causing us pain." I used to always think that if two people loved each other they would stay together forever. But, I realized that isn't true because people grow apart, and things happen and things change. And the reason why we float from one relationship to another is because we always need someone to love, even if that person changes. So we should just accept the change, except that yes, you DID love each other, but things changed. If only if accepting change was easier.

my heart is on the floor

I didn't realize what I was doing [14 Nov 2003|03:44pm]
[ mood | mixed feelings ]
[ music | The Lyndsay Diaries "Mixtapes and Memories" ]

So we're officially not talking. I don't know how I feel about that.

I promise this won't be another song about being alone but all I feel is regret
and I can't find the nerve to pick up the telephone.
I was thinking about how it drives me crazy just to feel your hand in mine,
and how simple that is
and I've thought about saying no to hope
but I have this funny habit of putting pictures up on the wall of you and me.
I know that priorities never understand reality
and time never lends itself to those who are waiting on love.
But it is overdue that we should share this night and Grace,
your smile is the only thing that keeps me breathing.
The hours pass by like minutes when I'm with you.
The hours pass like minutes in the rain.
So lets stand here in the rain forever.

my heart is on the floor

Let's make this [13 Nov 2003|05:56am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Tell me how you feel.
Cause I don't think you care at all.
Confusing transmissions confirm my suspicions.
I'm not gonna keep holding on. - Homegrown

my heart is on the floor

We're racing to outrun the wind [12 Nov 2003|03:53pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Anberlin-"Driving" ]

So recap of today being ignored by someone you 'care about' doesn't make you feel to great. Who knows... But lately it seems like *someone* doesn't wanna talk to me, its like he's never happy to see me anymore. That really sucks because your friends are supposed to make you happy and your SUPPOSED to want to talk to them. Josh keeps telling me its all in my head... maybe it is? But, how can you imagine something like that? Ah, I don't know, but all I know is that this has me feeling down. Kle said not to dwell on it, but I can't help it. Oh yeah and Jessie stuck his hands down my pants. I slapped him. The end. (for now)

my heart is on the floor

sweet catastrophe [11 Nov 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | The Mars Volta "Drunkship of Lanterns" ]

You put me to bed, and layed the covers tight
But, you never came to see if I had fallen asleep
You kept your foot in the door and left the dim light
So quietly, so softly you let me down
What is a hug if it's routine?
You made sure to carefully lay my heart on the ground
What is a kiss if it's expected?
You looked to make sure no one was around
So as you tiptoed out the door
You left a peice of you here, your traces on the floor
Right now I'm wondering wear you are
As my eyes stare into blank space, I am a shadow
I wish I was with you...
No, disregard that because you're with her
It hurts being so close to you, yet feeling so alone
You're right next to me, but that won't do
No, I need to be held by you

Tonight was the Spaghetti Supper. Garrett was already up there 4 band, and Grant rode w/ mi Padre. So when my mom and I got there who do I see first? Ray Ray and Mykal. Then I saw Travis who was trying to get me to flash him...hmm that didn't happen. It was lots of fun I hung out w/ Heather, Nicole, Steph, Kassieeeka, Glori, Brittany,Andrew T, Dez...and so on and so forth. I talked to Brooke & Courtney. I also saw McKae she is so adorable. Court -n- I watched her while Jordan played. I saw Mr.McNochin, I was trying to hide, but that didn't work to well. I also saw Hurtmafel and I shouted @ her everytime I saw her, 2 bad Riss wasn't there. I also made a new friend Jeff ... ha ha I kept calling him Blickenstaff (no it WASN'T THE Jeph Blickenstaff) The funniest part was seeing Seanie Poo Ja Brownie it was great I was laughing so hard that I had to go outside. It was fun giving his friends 'that look.' Ahh well I have HW to do. Peace out lil gs.

my heart is on the floor

When the answer that you want is in the question that you state, come what may [09 Nov 2003|05:01pm]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | Coheed and Cambria-"Blood Red Summer" ]

Last night Ua and I went to Curly Kims to watch movies, and Alec came over to. We watched Zoolander and Clueless. It was nice to watch funny movies, I was being incredibly random. Ua told me he loved me :). Today was the Road Rally for NCL we were running around Wal-Mart like crazy it was great.

my heart is on the floor

ahh yeah [08 Nov 2003|11:29am]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Thrice ]

Co&Ca, Thrice, and Thursday concert=life changing

Afterschool Kim and I went to Bens, because this girl that he knew, her mom was taking us.

We (me, Kim, Ben, Brittany & Andrea) got there an hour and a half early and we waited outside to go in. Then we get in and the first band is Coheed and Cambria, but they had gotten there late and so Claudio just played an acoustic set, which was incredible...I got chills standing there listening to him.

Then it was Thrice, they were so good, I just closed my eyes and stood there screaming. I was in major awe, as soon as they started my heart started beating so fast.

Then during Thursday, Kim and I made our way up to the front where Ben was (I think he got some really good pictures) Anyway Thursday was amazing, Geoff was putting so much into the performance...just ah its so hard to put it into words, because nothing even compares to it.

After the concert we got water, merch, and we met Tucker the drummer from Thursday, and we got autographs and pictures from him. <3<3... Ben met Claudio from Coheed while Kim and I were getting our merch. We went outside, and had found out that we had just missed Teppei and Dustin from Thrice. Even though we didnt get to I cant complain because it was absolutely incredible.

my heart is on the floor

I hate it when people lie for attention [05 Nov 2003|04:37pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Coheed and Cambria ]

How could anyone reject you? You are so perfect. I don't want to share you with anyone, but you aren't mine.

"I get jealous when another girl hugs you, because for that one moment she's holding my whole world."


Did you really think the words you spoke, when you were young
Would survive in this bitter world?
The same goes for all the young loves, that went cold
The ones that you still long for. The ones that you still miss.
And the misfortune in this game is that the feeling isn't mutual
There is no longer a flame to share, excuse me while I sound lame.

Die Trying-"So Long"
Wake me up 'cause I can't sleep
Call me any time you need
I put my pain into you
I hurt myself through you
So, call me anytime you need me

As I lie here waiting I try to forget you mean
But life don't keep waiting for you
And I can't keep saying

So, so long to sleep
'Cause you are everything that I dreamed
So, so long to sleep
'Cause you are everything that I dreamed

Just what I'd do if I saw you
What if I saw you?
'Cause I don't want you to see me
I'm broken down, torn up and lonely
If I saw you, if I saw you

So, so long to sleep
'Cause you are everything that I dreamed
So, so long to sleep
'Cause you are everything that I dreamed
So long to sleep
'Cause you meant everything to me

So long, so long
So long, so long
So what's left for me then?
So what's left for me then?

'Cause you are everything that I dreamed
So long to sleep
'Cause you are everything that I dreamed
So long to sleep
'Cause you meant everything to me

So long, so long
So long, so long
So long, so long
So long, so long

If I wasted your time, I'm sorry
For wasting your time, I'm sorry
If I wasted your time, I'm sorry
For wasting your time, I'm sorry

I'm not trying to sound nostalgic, but I remember in sixth grade when Kassie, Kim and I were talking in the AMS cafeteria one day. I don't know why, but I said I was afraid to be a teenager. (?) And Kassie said well, when your 13 it doesn't really count, but when your 14 your like a REAL teenager. Well here I am almost 15 and I'm still afraid to grow up. I don't think Kim ever minded it though. I just rememberd that conversation today and thought it was ironic.

my heart is on the floor

You to? Me Thrice! [04 Nov 2003|05:24pm]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | Thursday ]

Today after school Kas and I practiced our dance for dance, cause we have to test over it Thursday. Then when I got home my Coheed & Cambria, Thrice, and Thursday tickets had come! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I might go see Brand New on Sat w/ Kas and Jess. I'm not sure, but if I don't I might go see The Skalywags. I saw a certain someone this morning :). And I saw Alex after school! It was hilarious we were all talking after school and Josh said something about being married, so this black guy walks buy and goes, "WHOSE MARRIED?" and Josh goes "We are, now drop it like its hot!" Ah...it was great.

my heart is on the floor

confrontation [02 Nov 2003|03:42pm]
I have a major problem with having to confront people. And I was kind of getting the vibe that Bens gf had a problem with me. So I decided to ask him about it. I was so scared, I don't even know why. And he said, he had heard that, but he asked her and she thought I was cool. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it seems like hes been acting differently, and he was just kinda like "Me?? Oh...I don't know." Then he had to go so we didn't really get very far...but hes such a cool guy, and I'm just kinda worried about losing him as a friend, I really don't want things to change between us. And it just seems like all of these small things are starting to add up. And the hardest part is trying to ignore my feelings.
my heart is on the floor

Sody Curls! Cwody Cquirles...The only broken hearted loser you'll ever need... [01 Nov 2003|11:00pm]
[ mood | giddy ]
[ music | "MAGAZINES"-Brand New ]

Astroworld was soooooooooooo much fun! Cait, Kim, Charly, Kas and I went. We found Sam and Raul as soon as we got there. And then later we caught up w/ Josh, Stephanie, Sandy, Tiffi, and Andrew T. They left waay early though. But these little boys in line for Batman Escape were cussing up a storm, and Sam and I were like "Whaa...?" I told the little boy he needed his mouth washed out w/ soap and I was gonna tell his mommy. Then he continued to bug us and call us names, harrassing us and telling us we looked 75, I didnt know his name so I called him Potty Mouth. It was hilarious. Then Andrew T. was telling us about this little baby whose stroller fell over and she was just sitting there and her mom was like "MY BABY MY BABY" in a hick accent. Every ride we wanted to get on seemed to break down at one point. Seriously...then on the Cyclone, Caitlin rode w/ some freaky old guy who held her hand on the ride!! The haunted house was pretty scary, it was 23232 times scarier cuz Charly kept screaming. We went to Taco Bell after, and then on the way home we listened to Yellow Card! The ride home was so hilarious because I had waay to much Mountain Dew. SO fun night, yes, yay woo hoo. I wish I was @ TBS & Saves the Day but, g'night.

my heart is on the floor

Happy Halloween? [01 Nov 2003|09:29am]
Yesterday was Halloween, it didnt really feel like it though. Ben came and picked me and Jessica up and took us to the game, Kim, and Sam were already in the car. It was like impossible to get a word in tho... anyway so we got to the game and we saw Josh, Kle, Lauren, Charly, Andrew K, and Tiff...we pretty much hung around w/ them and that was fun. We saw Brando and Randi to. I saw Christian! Overall the football game was pointless, but hilarious, just because everyone was bouncing off the walls. I didn't have any energy so that kinda sucked. Then my mom came and got me, Jess, Sam, Kim, Ben, Andrew K, Josh, and Charly to take us to Overtime. Well we're in the parking lot...but there was no use in changing my dads mind, so yah I have to leave all of my friends and go home. It sucked SO bad. But, I'm going to Astroworld today so yay.
my heart is on the floor

"No Seatbelt Song"- Brand New [30 Oct 2003|06:28pm]
So, it's sad that doesn't suit you now.
And me fresh out of rope...
Please ignore this lisp, I never meant to sound like this.
So take me and break me and make me strong like you.
I'll be forever grateful to this and you.
It's only you, beautiful.
Or I don't want anyone.
If I can choose it's only you.
Fix me to a chain around your neck and wear me like a nickel.
Even new wine served in old skins will cheapen the taste.
I shot the pilot, now I'm begging you to fly this for me.
I'm here for you to use, broken and bruised.
Do you understand?
It's only you, beautiful.
Or I don't want anyone.
If I can choose, it's only you.
But how could I miscalculate... perfect eyes will have perfect hate.
If I can choose, it's only you.
“We're wrecking” and I'm dry like a drum...
so fine I'll leave... we're spent... take our time...
measured... we slave for days.
It's only you, beautiful.
Or I don't want anyone.
If I can choose. It's only you.
But how could I miscalculate... perfect lies from a perfect hate.
If I can choose... it's only you.
my heart is on the floor

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