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Liz's Journal
I know almost all of my friends will read this ENCLUDING the people I mention (even though I hate them) and I know you guys are going to run your mouths saying that I'm talking shit. But in reality I'm not talking shit here....EVERYTHING that gets said I say str8 to your faces and you know it.
It's been a month since I last updated my journal... I really didn't realize that that much time had gone by. I have to say though in the last month A LOT of things have changed. The last month for some reason has given me sooo much time to sit and think about everything that has happened to me w/in the last couple years....Yes, it hurts still to think about it but I've finally accepted the things that have happened and I'm starting to move on w/ my life. For once I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself b/c of all the shit that has happened to me....and the only reason that is...is b/c I know that I MYSELF went down that path and decided to mess up 4 years of my life....And if I ever want to accomplish my goals I need to stop being such a LOSER and get over it....and quit using things to escape from my problems. And now that I finally don't have certain people in my life to hold me back from what I wanted to achieve its going to be hella easier to get what I want.
Friends- Oh man it's funny how you think that you can trust someone and you really can't isnt it? In the last couple months during the time that I needed my friends the most.... I've been totally f*cked over. I accepted a bi0tch back thinking that she had changed when in reality she really didnt. I met her brother and gave him a second chance and the same thing. I hooked up an old friend with this inbreed h0e and she totally turned him against me and a few other friends. BUT threw it all I've realized who my true friends are and what I really have left in this world.
To the people that used to tell me that I was in their "family" You guys told me that you had my back...that you would NEVER ever let anything go wrong.... BUT HELLO!!!! You caused me 3 years of hell....WHAT WAS I THINKING!? How could I have actually trusted a bunch of ignorant fools like you to help me out when I needed it when you CAUSED ALL OF IT!? I don't care what you say or do after this b/c I KNOW that you won't do anything to me.....b/c yall are still scared. But its the truth you guys need to grow up and recognize what a REAL family & a REAL friend is.
To my true friends.... I'm sorry for totally abonding yall in the summer. I know that its been like 4 months since then but I want to say this....I only pushed you guys away so that I could figure out what was wrong.... And to be honest it really didn't work. And the only person who really knows that came back w/o giving me hell and helped me out like she has done for the last 3 years. She's a true friend... no matter how annoyed we get of each other or how stupid our fights are.... we are always there for each other no matter good or bad ... if we are mad @ each other or not.....or if its to push each other to do something good that we don't want to do.
So i'm done babblin and i'm sure yall are tired of reading this long entry but i had to say this stuff b/c i've been thinkin it. And I finally had a chance to in between jobs.
Peace n' love
*Liz*
To all of my wonderful friends that don't give me hell...
I just wanted to wish you a Very Merry Christmas... and a Happy New Year.... and to those of you who don't celebrate it Happy Holidays... I love you guys... and everyone guess what???? Vehids my best friend...lol (see told you i would add you)
THANK YOU!! I wanted to add that just to Thank everyone who has helped me threw this hellish year... LOOKIE you guys I made it and I'm still alive....
Well, Happy holidays!! Love ...
-x-Liz-x-
Ya so I really haven't written in here for a long time so lemme update my wonderful friends ....
Alright... SO I started to ignore Mike and told him not to call me anymore.. b/c hes a child molestor and he's got an anger problem... Bottom line i hate mike... And like he's tellin people he's gunna come over here when no ones home...??? WTF!??!?!?!??! I really am scared..and he's constantly calling... ahhh another stalker!!! fuck!
Okay so amanda gets outta the hospital and that weekend we go downtown to see the fields x-mas window...and sini (her b/f) and her are complaining about how cold it is... WELL YOU SHOULD'VE BROUGHT A DAYUM JACKET!!! And alen complains about $ so we leave.... grr and kt and i spend the night bitching and have sooo much fun on our own... lol remember our dinner katie? DAYUM!! lmao i was sooo fulll and it was dayum good.. ahhaha
Okay now i just had a x-mas party... and it got outta control... .I got drunk ya and i was smokin (cigarettes) But i didn't get so drunk where i got in a bed w/ someone EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A BF and i didnt get so drunk i puked all over christinas moms bedroom... .NOW THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE....
AMANDA... YOU ARE SUCH A LIEING /MANIPULATIVE/HYPOCRITE!!! GOD I AM SOOO sick of you saying one thing and then you do another ..... DON'T CALL ME... DON'T COME OVER...DON'T TALK TO ME OR LOOK AT ME IF I SEE YOU IN PUBLIC....Oh and also don't call katie.. or christina... hahaha BC WE ALL HATE YOU INCLUDING FUCKEN ALEN!!!! THAT'S WHY I HUNG UP ON YOU TODAY... but 4 real amanda... I SWEAR TRY AND GET KATIE IN MORE TROUBLE AND EITHER YOU'LL END UP BACK IN THE PSYCH WARD... OR YOU'LL END UP IN A HOSPITAL IN CRITICAL CONDITION
AND amanda you wanted to read what christina said in that letter about you? Here it is...
>From: Lilazn1DER03
>To: iluvsparklez03
>Subject: LIzeTTE Please OpeN!!! From Christina
>Date: Sat, 21 Dec 2002 15:41:20 -0500
>
>Oh MY GOD THIS IS THE last PARTY I AM EVER HAVING WITH AMANDA, GOD WHAT THE FUCK SHE THREW UP IN MY HOUSE ESPECIALLY IN THE ROOM MY MOM SLEEPS IN. NOW IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT AND ASS, AND GOD DAMNIT I AM SO PISSED OFF WHAT THE FUCK JUST WHAT THE FUCK. DAMNIT SHE KNEW SHE WAS ON MEDICATION AND SHE STILL DRINK. I HAVE TO ADMIT I WAS THE ONE WHO POURED THE DRINKS SO ITS PARTIALLY MY FAULT BUT DAMN I WAS DRUNK AT THE TIME WHEN I POURED THE DRINKS SO I DIDNT EVEN KNOW BETTA. DAMN THAT HOE. NEW RULE!!!!!! AMANDA IS NOT ALLOWED AT MY HOUSE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO PISSED OFF I WANNA SLAP HER IN HER FACE DAMNIT.WHAT THE FUCK SHE DIDNT' EVEN HELP MY BROTHER CLEAN UP WHAT THE HELL GOD I JUST WANNA SPIT IN HER FACE OR SOMETHING OR LIKE PUT SOME DOG SHIT IN HER BAG AND LIKE LEAVE IT THERE AND MAKE HER CLEAN IT UP OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I AM SO PISSSSEDDDDDD OFFFFFF I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MADDDDDDD I AMM. PLEASE E-MAIL ME BACK OR EVEN CALL ME WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AND SUGGESTIONS OF HOW FOR ME TO HANDLE THIS PROBLEM.
>
>P.S. GOD WHAT THE FUCK I AM SO MADD I JUST WANNA GO OVER TO HER HOUSE AND LIKE DO SOME RECKLESS SHIT TO IT. GOD WHO DOESN'T HAVE THE CONSIDERATION TO AT LEAST HELP CLEAN UP WHEN THEY PUKE AT SOMEBODY ELSE'S HOUSE!!!!!! DAMNIT!!!!! GRRRRRRRR!
ANYWAYS... LOL I'm done with my drama ridden friends they can go to hell... I love Katie/jess/chrissy/triston/vehid/brendan/a
Love ya guys!!
-x-Liz-x-
WOW....I am soo beat down and tired!! I have been workin a lot... Babysitting a 3 yr old, a 1 1/2 yr old & a 8 month old and working full time at my dads shop.... and now my mom wants to open a club....AHHHHH!! I don't have a problem w/ her opening a club but I know that my moms going to do what she does with every family owned thing.... She's going to throw in the fact that she's suffering and sick and Leave it all in my hands to take care of ... And a club? Wth do I know bout owning a club? NOTHING! For once I can say that I am truely scared. I'm so young and I'm already helping out my dad n' Marks business and I have like no time for a life... and when I do I try to catch up on sleep or hang out w/ my friends.
I dunno I'm just soo stretched out and tired... So i ask this to all my friends... Please let me be this week... I really need my space. So if i say i dont wanna go out.. or NO i cant take you here or there... or i straight up say leave me the F*ck alone.. do it.. B/c most of you don't know whats up... n' itll be like that till i've had some time to relax...
liz
You over all Thanksgiving was a good day... Ya it sucked w/o Nick being there ... But one day I will see him again..right? RIGHT! And today was good too....But on somethings I'm really confused and on others I just really need to vent and get it all out b/c I'm so frustrated w/ CERTAIN people that call themselves my "best friends"... So here I go.
Mike-
You said "I like you a lot and I want to be the best guy you have and will continue to have forever. I want to treat you better than any guy you've gone out with...." BLA BLA BLA! Then you come to me the very next day to tell me that "I don't know if I'm ready to get into a relationship right now. With me comin back and all...I'm just not sure." So I believed you thinking that you were for real... and hanging out with you lately I know you are full of shit. Point blank you are.... You lied to me just like the rest of my boyfriends did.... And then you ask me if I can wait awhile so we can hook up when you're ready? NO! I was going to say sure... But I'm going to date around but now it's a flat out no... You said you weren't sure if you were ready for a relationship...? and you know how you lied mike? B/c everytime i introduce you to a new friend of mine.. or someone I know you're always trying to hook up with them...That's why tonight I was singing "I WANNA GO HOME NOW!" and thats why I made Christina "take me home" early.. haha that's right I didn't go home I went to her place and chilled and I'm bout to go to bed for a lil and go out again! And like I said in your apartment that was the last time I was coming over there... B/c from now on I will drive by myself.. b/c if you come over to Alens place... I'm out.. I don't wanna see you anymore... b/c I totally confided in you and trusted you.. not as a b/f but as a "older brother" figure like you said i could... and you just opened your fat mouth to everyone...So like i say "pay backs a bitch" Don't leave me with any gurl you like ...b/c lets put it this way... NONE of my friends will hook up with you now. "Pay backs a bitch!"
Alen-
Dayum lol I don't think I've been threw this much shit w/ anyone in a while... But here is what I have to say... I'm happy you and Katie are together....and that you love her.... She will realize your being serious soon enough. And I'm happy that you are finally putting your foot down with Amanda and Mike and tellin them to stay out of the relationship.... lmao! You know Alen I'm starting to think about what you said... hahha I seriously think they have something going on with each other... It's just not normal for a brother and sister to act that way... heheh I know people probably think I'm sick for thinking that but umm I know her and she only acts like that with guys she likes. Anyways Alen... See ya later ..... and don't take to offense if I just up and leave tomorrow. It's not you it's the "grease monkey." haha "No problem I mafia." lol luv ya kid!
Brad-
To be honest I am soo scared....I remeber moving out here when I was 4 and you were what 11 and you would take care of me and shit and I always looked at you as the guy I wanted to marry...Weird enough that our parents planned our wedding w/o us knowing eh? And then you always agree with them... even when you were dating other gurls... It actually scared me for awhile. Sittin out there last night talking to you and hearing you tell me how you felt about me.... I wanted to say soo much to you but I couldn't b/c I'm scared of being hurt again. I know I'm mean to you and tell you to go to hell and stuff but I'm only joking around with you.. and you do it back to me so :P... You know how you prance around here tryin to get my attention I do the same thing.. lol! I feel so dumb admittin this but it's something thats been on my mine for like ever. So I got home tonight at like 1 am and I was thinking bout stuff and I started talkin to my friends and I was like gawd...ya know I love him and I always have.. My feelings for you are sooo much stronger than feelings I have had for anyone or anything. I dunno there is soo much I want to say.... But I'm only going to say this much b/c I know now that I am comforatble now talking to you. You went from being a person I could confide in and that meant the world to me... to the person I honestly want to be with forever. I feel retarded sayin this b/c I'm going to get a lot of grief about how young I am... But I truely know that I have the one. I love you.
Chrisco-
Quick note to you... I swear if I have to do anymore research for YOUR senior paper.. or anymore of your homework...We are goin to box... although I'll probably lose thats alright..lol Another thing... you were right I miss highschool soooo much but there isnt a dayum thing i can do to change it cept get on with life and do what I planned... Thanks for being there for me threw thick n' thin... you are a true friend.
Ya sorry bout it being sooo long.. Buts there's a lot of things I had to get off my chest b/c it was just really buggin me... and theres things I actually couldn't talk about with some people in person.. which is really scary b/c normally I talk to people in person none of this phone/online crap... It's got to be face to face... but i just couldn't do it...
Sooo take care everyone, be safe and have fun!
Love ya guys!
~*Liz*~
Current mood: loved.
So aside from the DRAMA my friends are causing... I would like to wish everyone a Happy Holiday!
So I was reading what Chrissy said on my post... can you spell d-r-a-m-a I can.. lol Well, thats cuz I'm so used to it... and point black im tired of it! So here is what I have to say to the people that are causing it in my life... FU
It's been a while since I've last written.... I haven't been able to get on MY friggen computer b/c of my mom.... and when I have a chance... My f#@$en friends come over to go out and "have fun" (YA RIGHT!) And just oh so much has been going on.. It's so unreal.
"Rogers Park"
Is what we will call this lil problem.... So Katie n' Allen are going out.. and I start to gain trust back in Allen and shit... and I start gaining trust back with Amanda .... AND tada!! Fight after fight happens to the point ... I told Katie that whatever Amanda says I am going to just nod, smile and agree with whatever she has to say. So Amanda kept pullin Allen away to talk to him and shit and like I dunno I just got annoyed with her in everyones shit...like the way she was all up in mike and my situation... and she was the same with katie and allen... It's just soo f#@$en annoying.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"Boyfriends"
OMG!!! Alright so I've been dating this guy Keith... riight? Ya okay... So.. I got together w/ him the night I broke up with Jon... (LMAO!! I almost called jon cory..)BUT anyways... so like I've been thinkin ...and like i felt guilty about that b/c I felt like i just used him to get over jon... BUT THATS NOT IT ... lol I really do like him and I just realized that like... umm a week ago... So anyways....I go to the mall Friday and like i tell amanda i HAD a crush on her brother.. and she tells him... and then we "are going out" WTF... it all happened so fucken fast I didn't realize what had happened till like saturday. But then like Amanda gets on my msn and she starts cussin keith out tellin him i dont like him and all this other shit.... So like I didn't talk to keith all weekend b/c I spent the night at Katies... Then Sunday morning comes and we go over to allen and mikes apartment.. and like things between mike and i are really awkward... and I'm starting to realize that .. Amanda hooked Mike and i up.. ahh!! SO like Mike and i realize that we dont like each otha in that way... and all this other crap... I dunno I am just totally fed up with Amanda getting all up in my shit....
"Best-Friends"
Best Friends are supposed to have fights yes I know that but are they supposed to be fighting to the point were they are constantly hurting each other purposly/pushing each others buttons/constantly talking shit about one another? I dunno I honestly don't think thats what best friends do and what they are for... I think a best friend is supposed to be there to help you threw the thick and the thin... To back you up.. to disagree and straighten your dumb ass out.. Not to sit there and tear you apart... So i say this to "Rogers Park" people.. I'm tired of the fucken fights.. and I'm tired of going out to "have fun" and all that happens is you guys argue fight and hurt each other.. If i wanted to be apart of General Hospital (as jon would say) I would try out for the cast. I don't wanna be apart of all this fighting and shit.. B/c besides my friends... I have other problems... I love you guys to death.. b/c you can be good friends when there's no drama... But I can't deal with this right now... SO much stuff is going on in my family... that I'm being torn apart.. and I really just need one of my parents to help me out... But since they don't care.. I just need someone to let me cry on their shoulder... b/c thats all I wanna do.
I don't know if I have anything else to write. But all I know is that I'm really tired and in a lot of pain right now... *grumble* and I want to go to sleep and just wake up tomorow and start another day.... So I think that's what I'm going to do... So talk to yall later..
Love ya guys!
*liz*
WOW!!
LOL!! Chrissy just made my week sooo much betta... For those of you who don't know who Chrissy is... She is like my best friend... hehehehe...She wrote me this poem and it made me smile...I want yall to read her work... b/c she writes the most amazing things... and here is a sample of one of her things
Let's make a circle--Christianna Dawn Weston November 16, 2002
I can't let go but, the tears just keep coming. I want to stay for you but, they say I must leave. I've been here all of my life and now I must leave. I can't leave you. You're my best friend. I know boys have cooties but, yours are okay. Let's make a circle that will never be broken. I hug you as we say goodbye. Starting a new life will be hard but, it must be done. I'll write to you everyday but, as the years pass I don't have time. You don't call anymore. We haven't seen one another in 15 years. High school was fun and college was crazy was tough but that's all behind me now. I decided to go back to my first home just to see if any one was still there. I saw a few folks from the old gang but I didn't see you. I saw your mom and she said you're doing great and she gave me your address and phone number so I decided to write this to you. I waited a while and you didn't reply. I went on with my life and then one day a letter back and it was from you asking me to come visit. I made the arrangements and I was on my way. I decided to get really dressed up. I don't know why. Then once I arrived at the airport I realized I hadn't seen you in 15 years and how would I know who you were. Then I heard some one calling my name. I turn to see a tall handsome man with a beautiful crest white smile. I was in shock and finally words came to my mouth. We hugged for a moment or two. Then you said you had made dinner reservations if that was okay with me. I agree to that even though I was seriously jet lagged but, it was okay. We ate, danced, and talked for hours. The next couple of days were like a dream and I was watching everything happen to another person. My last day with you and I was almost brought to tears. I held them back for fear you would see. As we sit waiting for my flight I ask you if you remember out pact. You looked at me and said of course we made a circle that will never be broken. I smiled and you did back. My flight number is called and we walk to the gate. You grab my hand and say that you forgot something and you would be right back. Last call for everyone boarding the plane. You still haven't returned but I have to go. I turn to walk away as I hand the woman my I hear Lizette! Liz! Liz! I turn around and you fall at my feet. I go to help you up and you say no wait. You're on the ground and you look up to me and say I bought you a circle that can never be broken. You open the box. A ring? A ring! You say something but, I'm so in shock that I can't even hear you. You look slightly embarrassed..you ask again. Will you marry me?? I begin to cry and whisper yes. We embrace. People are clapping and cheering all around us but they are so far away from us right now. Now 50 years later we both still have our unbroken love for each other. Only because we made a circle.
If anyone copies this... I'm going to have to seriously hurt you.. GET YOUR OWN SHIT!!
Love yall !!
~*Liz*~
Today has not been a good day so far... My great uncle melvin died... So i'm going to be going to kentucky soon for his funeral... my uncle gene... (kentucky too) is STILL in the hospital bc of the stroke... and my grandma (kentucky also) is in really bad shape......It's like my family is all dieing now....
God... My favorite teacher from high school....the women that helped me threw a lot of my problems.. is suffering from breast cancer and is going threw kemo.... I called her today... ya i know weird right ... But she was my orchestra conductor and like a mentor.. and she was close with her class ...
I dunno anymore... like i wanna cry... but i can't i hate showing my weak points.... It only gets me hurt more... BUt this is what i have to say.... I am strong and no longer dumb....So if you guys are worried im going to do something stupid like hurt myself.. or try to attempt suicide...your wrong.. bc i've grown away from that.... It took a lot.. But im here and im here to stay and bug all of you =) hehe ya i'm smiling... b/c i know i've got people that care about me.... and that want me around....
So to all my family and friends.... Take care and plz don't do anything stupid!!
Love ya guys!
~*Liz*~
Okay my last entry for the night!!!
allen-
So I talked to katies bf b/c i thought maybe he knew if katie was mad at me...and like he's cool ... he seems to really care about her.. and I'm really starting to like him.. and tomorrow I get to spend more time with him, manda, katie, and mike... and I get to know him better... and im actually pretty excited... I think so far he's pretty cool. Maybe and hopefully these 2 will stay together for a while.... and then ill be happy hehehe
amanda-
I'm starting to trust her again.... and It's cool... b/c she can be a really good friend.. YA!! lol I know i'm retarded... but hey it takes a lot to get my trust back....
peace
liz