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Sarah

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[20 Oct 2005|07:01pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

There is no fucking word i know of to express my anger

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today [20 Oct 2005|02:53pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | They Say It's Your Birthday- The Beatles ]

I am not feeling chipper...at all. I have been depressed off and on for the past few weeks. It really doesn't feel good. I don't know. At the same time as longing deep connections, sometimes I almost wish I could be more detatched from everyone. Sometimes it just seems easier. And I wouldn't be disappointed. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too passionate and emotional for my own good. I just have such strong feelings, and then I get disappointed. Maybe other people are just not like that. I can't even go too into depth because...people just, they don't understand. It's not like they couldn't relate, or that they're not physically capable of comprehending. It's just that, the world's not on your side. Even the people you think are your closest friends. It's not like I have friends that are manipulative or shallow or anything. I have great friends. It's just that there are very few people that can see you inside and out, good and bad, who can see you cry, and who can see you scream, and who can see you break down...and all the other things that lend to human vulnerability...there are very few people who can see all that, and still see you, despite everything else, your soul, unobstructed. It's almost like people only open up to a certain extent, and then they shut you out. Like, "Woah, that's a little much." There's always a point where they're going to judge you. And, yes everyone judges, it's natural. We do it all the time. But I mean, there's always this breaking point, where there's something about you that's too real, or too raw, and then people shut down. To the extent that from that point on, things aren't the same, and you know not to tread there again. But we're human. I can't live like that. I can't live like this. I just need to get out of this place.

When I was in Montana, I had this conversation with someone. We were talking about how when someone gets hurt, they protect themselves by being 'careful' the next time. I argued, that this is the smart thing to do. Who wants pain? Of course you're going to protect yourself the next time around. The person I was conversing with argued that it's sad that someone is led to hold back a part of themself the next time around. I couldn't see this. Why would it be sad? If anything, I thought it would be a happy thing to think that you're going to have a more stable future if you correct mistakes you've made in your past. But somewhere along the way, I don't know if it was that day, or if was since then, but I later changed my mind completely. Chris was right. You are punishing a potentially innocent person by holding something back from them because of what someone else did to you. That's not fair. What if the next person is completely harmless, but you are forbidding them of something that they never lost their rights to? Why should the next person suffer? It is sad. For people to seal themselves up and not let go. And by 'protecting' yourself, you aren't only punishing someone else, but you are punishing yourself. You could be limiting yourself to something meaningful just because you won't open up. I don't know why i couldn't see it before. I'm not saying one shouldn't be cautious. After all, as far as we know, we only have one chance at this life thing, so of course we want to make it as happy as possible. But people place so much emphasis on practicality. But the truth is, you can't avoid it. It's life. Pain is life. People cry. And people get hurt. And it's terrible. Horrible things go on around the world. It's sad to think about. I wish I could help. And I will try. Sometimes it's good, though, to just be. Just live. On instinct. There is no right decision for every situation. Which is why I feel that the best way to go about things, is to do what you think is right. Or compromise. I don't know. All I know is...that person...the one that never closes their heart. The one who I argued about, the one that I originally said should protect themselves from hurt. The one who I later changed my mind about, the one who I later decided was doing the right thing not to guard themselves to heavily. That person is me.

Based on my revised firm belief, if the latter Sarah were to advise the Sarah above, she'd tell her to keep doing what she's doing...never hide

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[19 Oct 2005|06:32pm]
I'm so effing pissed.
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[17 Oct 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Penny Lane ]

xCosmicxCreepers: it would make me happy to know that you are out there being yourself-a true persian sex bunny

aww, how sweet

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[15 Oct 2005|06:28pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

When it comes down to it, you're on your own. No one person can understand you completely. The best you can do is have as many loving people around you who really care.

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Why oh Why, Jenny [11 Oct 2005|05:23pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | What do you think? ]

Jenny's afraid of her fetus
She carries it but still
She's afraid of her fetus
So she won't let it come out
And she shouts
"I'M AFRAID OF MY FETUS!!!" *in Shannon voice*

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[29 Sep 2005|09:30pm]
[ mood | emotioal ]
[ music | stairway to heaven ]

I want to cry, but I can't.

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[25 Sep 2005|08:32pm]
XtasteofmysteryX: it makes me sad
XtasteofmysteryX: if only my hookah would work right about now
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[25 Sep 2005|08:32pm]
XtasteofmysteryX: i wish the muslims would just stop strangling me
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[25 Sep 2005|08:31pm]
XtasteofmysteryX: I just wish that I coud go to Iran and see the clothes that I saw in the Mexican Wal Mart. But there's no chance.
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[25 Sep 2005|08:31pm]
fuzzygremlin4: its in my head
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Ameh Molook [25 Sep 2005|06:58pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Basmati-eh Kuhe Nooneh

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[25 Sep 2005|06:48pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

What up. I'm so sorry I have abandoned you my little blurty buddy. It's not you, it's me, and I just don't care much about getting on the computer anymore.

Oh my gosh, my grandparents already left our house to drive home hours ago, but I swear I heard my grandpa's voice shout, "Hey Betty..."

To whoever commented on my last entry about 3 months ago:
Yes this place is scary. Sometimes. And it changes colors too.

I think I may give my vagina a name. But it's so diverse in disposition that I think I may call it different things depending on it's mood.

I think newborn sea turtles are just the cutest little things in Minnesota. I swear, if I could provide a proper home for it, I would take one home as a pet.

Now I have to go force myself to do my research paper.

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[09 Jul 2005|06:07pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | We just figured out blues clues ]

What is this place?

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PLEASE just no GUNS or KNIVES [29 Jun 2005|03:34pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | beck ]

SO we were all phsyched about the aquabats show..I had practiced my nerdy dance skills for weeks ahead of time and reminded myself it would soon come in handy. While we were waiting in line at the Ottobar, we found out that apparently the power was off and we were gonna wait till 9 to see if the power would come back on, but it probably wouldn't happen, and if that be the case, the aquabats couldn't play because they had play on FM in the morning. God, they act like they're humans who need sleep, even though we all know that they're aliens. SO then we were gonna stay and watch the opening bands play outside cause opening bands are hardcore like that, and then they never ended up playing. I guess they're not so hardcore. I should tell them how and where i cut myself and what i do with the blood afterwards. They would be surprised. SO we journeyed back to poolesville, got ice cream on the way, and planned to hang out at the park/my house and shit. And then everyone left right when we got there. SO it was kind of a shitty night. But Suz slept over so that was cool.

You just gotta try to surf through the bad and float through the good.

And remember that the most important thing we can do while we're on hold to live the life we've been preparing for is do the best we can while we are waiting, have as much fun as we can, have the best times that we can, have the best relationships that we can, take up on all the great oppurtunities that we can...because you never know when that dial tone will hit.

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[29 Jun 2005|03:29pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Duh..Hey Willpower ]

Oh baby, you're SO sexy...You're Krispey Creme is what I want to be....

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Shout out to my GIRL LIVE FROM TIMES SQUARE..NOT [09 Jun 2005|06:03pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Suzie Neiva is a doll!!

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[09 Jun 2005|04:48pm]


You Know You're Persian When....


You refer to yourself as a Persian, not an Iranian.

You refer to every other Persian as a FOB.

You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes.

You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or Mercedes.

You have a friend that designs websites.

You think Black Cats have talent.

Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.

You wish Waffle House had "kaleh pache" on the menu.

You rap along to DMX in Farsi.

You own a fake Rolex, Omega, or TAG.

Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.

You think you're the first one to come up with Persian Mafia.

You know the Persian Mafia hand sign.

You rewind the movie Clueless to show your friends the Mafia part.

You have to explain to sefeeds that a visa is not a credit card.

Your refer to your dad's friends as Amoo!

You order hot tea at Chili's.

Your parents have a samovar.

You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.

You take dates out to chelo kabob.

You have a Persian rug in every room.

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and figs.

You actually like carbonated yogurt drinks.

You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.

You only wear Adidas athletic wear.

Your grandmother insists you eat something every time you visit her.

You refer to your group as Khodemuni.

You name your pet Versace.

Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.

You know Samad is funnier than Jim Carrey.

You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Farsi

You have sudden and strange cravings for "doogh"

You wonder whether a cute girl is Persian and go up to ask her just to start a conversation

You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house

You know all the local Persian restaurants within a 30 mile radius of your house

You take Persian food to school or work to eat, even if it is cold kabob

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.

You have to explain to all your friends that being Persian and Iranian are the same thing.

You have Thanksgiving dinner with rice and "khoresht." (STEW)

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and play cards, waiting for their tea.

You walk down Wilshire Blvd in LA and you are trying to eavesdrop on others' Farsi conversations.

Within five minutes after you leave a party your parents are talking shit about all the people who they were just "ruboosy"ing while you are listening idly in the back seat of the car.

Your parents want you to become a doctor or a computer programmer.

Your dad tells you daily, "Donyayeh ayandeh, donya yeh computereh" ("The world of the future, is the the world of computers.")

You're proud to be Persian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Persian friends!





Get Your Own "You Know You're" Meme Here



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[22 May 2005|10:03pm]
XtasteofmysteryX: how do you say masturbate in farsi?
XtasteofmysteryX: haha
XtasteofmysteryX: the things your parents don't tell you
Microwavecds: i have no fuckin clu
XtasteofmysteryX: man
Microwavecds: iranians arent that preverted
XtasteofmysteryX: yes they are
XtasteofmysteryX: trust me
XtasteofmysteryX: there's got to be a word for it
XtasteofmysteryX: will you help me on my quest to find out? or do I stand alone?
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[03 May 2005|09:47pm]
[ mood | horny...still ]
[ music | Dastah bala ]

Microwavecds: ye roos beyah khoonamoon gheluine bahamdegeh bekesheem


SCOORREE, hookah party

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