Tara's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Tara [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

Another boring survey [22 Jan 2004|01:23pm] HAVE YOU EVER:: 1. Kissed your cousin: No? 2. Ran away: Never have but there have been a few times that I've wanted to 3. Pictured your crush naked: ahahaha ....4? Why is 4 always skiped?? Its my fav. number! 5. Broken someone's heart: yes 6. Been in love: yes 7. Cried when someone died: thats like asking if i have a soul... of course ive cried! 8. Wanted someone: lol! in what way? probably.. 9. Broken a bone: sprained one once, thats it 10. Talked to a stranger?Yes, I like meeting new people.. 11. Lied: yeah 12. Cried in school: Only on like last days of school types of things WHICH IS BETTER:: 13. Coke or Pepsi: Dr. Pepper and cherry coke 14. Sprite or 7UP: Sprite 15. Girls or Guys: mmmmm boys 16. Flip flops or sandals: Flip flops 17. Nike or Adidas: Nike 18. Pop or rap: Pop over rap.. but really anything goes 19. Day or Night: Definitely night.. Cause it's "more fun in the dark" right? 20. Cold or Hot: Well in the cold you can cuddle and MAKE it hot... so yes 21. Tall or Short: I dunno 22. Pants or Shorts: pants WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:: 23: What do you notice first: I notice eyes then lips then hands.... Im such a sucker for nice lips 24. Last person you slow danced with: I don't even know.. but I dreamed last night that I slow danced with Mitchell.. haha 25. Worst Question To Ask: Does this make me look fat? THE LAST TIME:: 26. Showered: I dunno 27. Taken a bath: yesterday 28. You kissed someone: too long ago.. 29. Your Good Luck Charm: My MIOP 30. Person You Hate Most: no one.. there are people I DISLIKE the most.. but no hate 31. Best Thing That Has Happened to You this year: school year: Marching season and all my friends that came with it in 2004: not sure FAVORITE:: 32. Color: blue and black 33. Movie: Beauty and the Beast, Beaches, Moulin Rouge 34. Place to be: In my room, with my friends, in the band hall 35. Juice: Apple.. most definitely 36. Finger: I dunno.. not the ring finger, that's for sure 37. Ice Cream: Chocolate chip cookie dough 38. Type of Donut: long johns are good.. or blueberry 39. Season: Winter I think... or fall 40. Breakfast Food: Anything my grandma makes 41. Boys name: I dont know anymore 42. Girls name: ditto WHO:: 43. Makes you laugh the most: Rhean 44. Makes you smile: Joe, my friends 45. Can make you feel better no matter what: Joe 46. Has A Crush On You: hah yeah right 47. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: that's a dumb term 48. Who Has it easier? No one 49. Who can you talk to about anything? rhean DO YOU EVER:: 50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: No 51. Save AOL conversations: yeah 52. Save E-mails: yeah 53. Wish you were someone else: Not really, no 54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: No I'm happy being me BEST:: 55. Place to make out? Just about anywhere will suffice? right? how about a nice dark park... ; ) 56. Cologne: I like the smell of boys minus cologne... but stetson is yummy, and curve 57. Perfume: Strawberries and Champagne from Victoria Secret.. thats what I wear 58. Food: REAL lasagna, Chinese food, anything else Italian 59. Romantic memory: Not very much romance happens to me... but.... I'd rather not think about it HAVE YOU:: 61. Fallen for your best friend?: nope 62. Made out with JUST a friend?: yeah 63. Been rejected: of course 64. Been in love?:yes 65. Been in lust?: hahaha.. me? NO WAY... hahahah. again with that lying question? 66. Used someone?: no I dont think so 67. Had sex? Not so much 68. Cheated on someone? no way 69. Been cheated on? nope 70. Been kissed?: yes 71. Done something you regret?: of course Last Person:: 72. You talked on the phone with?: rhean 73. You talked to?: Alan 74. You hugged?: My dad 75. You instant messaged?: Alan 76. You kissed?: dumb 77. You had sex with?: oh I can't narrow it down... hahahah.. yeah right 78. You yelled at?: I don't yell very much.. so it's probably been a while 79. "did stuff" with?: blah 80. Who broke your heart?: I think I kinda broke my own heart..... it does make sense, I promise 81. Who told you they loved you?: Maybe my dad or like.. Katie.. I dont know DO YOU:: 82. Color your hair? nope 83. Have tattoos? nope 84. Have piercings below the waist? let me tell ya.. 85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? blah nope.. surprise 86. Own a webcam? no 87. Own a thong? Victoria Secret is my hero ....88? 89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? I guess that means do i speak German, so no 90. Habla espanol? un pequeno 91. Quack?: don't you? HAVE YOU/DO YOU/ARE YOU... 92. Stolen anything over $50? no 93. Smoke? "smoking makes me look sexy" no way gross 94. Schizophrenic? um nope 95. Obsessive? about some things 96. Compulsive? about some things 97. Gay/Strait/Lesbian? I like boys.. a lot.. 98. Panic? depends 99. Anxiety? not really 100. Depressed? somtimes 101. Suicidal? no Ok.. that was fun.. NOT. I hate being sick. the end. post comment

Wow.. just *sigh* yeah. [13 Jan 2004|12:06am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Here Without You - 3 Doors Down ] Joe: u know that star on the texas flag?? Joe: that's you...you're my texas star Wow... I'm trying to figure out how to write down how much that meant to me.. but I just really can't come up with the words for it... so I guess I'll just leave it at that for now and figure out how to show it come July 8th. <3 x's 3 MILLION!! I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight, there's only you and me. How long till July? ......sigh post comment

Movin on up [12 Jan 2004|08:01pm] Wow, last night Rhean and I were actually look at apartments in Austin online. How scary is that? I can't believe I'm actually going to be 18 in 5 days. Soon I'm going to be out on my own in Austin... pretending to be an adult and stuff. I'm really excited but scared all at the same time. I love Austin to death. It's like the home I've never lived in. Its such an amazing city, so full of diversity and awesome people. And I have so many friends that I really really miss.. so that will be really cool to be around them regularly! But on the other hand... I'm going to be all out on my own and stuff! I've never really had to take care of myself all that much so that's going to be a whole new bag of beans. Living on my own is going to be really cool though.. my own little home. Can't wait. I'd better have LOTS of visits from cool people *cough* Man, Rhean and I are going to have so much fun... like one long sleep over! We found a really cute one in Chelsea Gardens. Pretty reasonably priced and very sweet. I feel like a 12 year old in an 18 year old's body. Not quite ready.. but I hope I catch up soon = ) post comment

Stolen, too : ) [10 Jan 2004|10:17pm] 1. Name: Tara McDorman 2. Single or taken: indefinately single 3. Sex: Female 4. Birthday: January 17, 1986 5. Sign: Capricorn 6. Siblings: a brother, a sister, 3 step bros 7. Hair color: dark blonde 8. Eye color: Brown 9. Shoe size: uh 8? 10. Height: 5'3 11. Favorite foods: real lasagne 12. Hometown: here R e l a t i o n s h i p s 1. Who are your best friends?: Rhean and Lacey 2. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: hah 5. Longest relationship?: 10 months 6. How many actual relationships have you been in?: one really real 7. How many people have you kissed?: 4 8. Are you shy around your crush?: I don't have a crush. it's called a "CRUSH" for a reason 9. Do you indulge in random hook-ups?: umm.. I have.. not anything too big of a deal though 10. Still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with?: I don't think so.. 11. Do you know what it feels like to be in love?: 12. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friends?: YES F a s h i o n | s t u f f 1. Where is your favorite place to shop?: Um I have no money, but, I guess Spencers or Old Navy 2. Have any tattoos or piercings?: my ears are pierced 3. What is your favorite thing to wear?: anything warm (my flute hoodie,) tshirts 4. What is a must have accessory?: my necklace(s) 5. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing?: a little less than $200 on a dress last year... and it sucks cause you only get so much use out of them!! 7. Who is the most fashionable person you know?: Hillary 8. Who is the least fashionable person you know?: Garner 9. Do you match your belt with your hair color?: a blond belt? not so much.. 10. What is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good?: oh I don't know.. 11. What are you wearing right now?: flute hoodie and my four leaf clover pajama pants 12. How many pairs of shoes do you own?: a bunch but I don't wear them all 13. What is the worst trend you see today?: trashy looking girls S p e c i f i c s 1. Do you do drugs?: No way Jose... (supafly?) 2. What kind of shampoo do you use?: Preferably Herbal Essences (with that Organic experience *wink*) 4. What are you listening to right now?: watching a movie.. but John Mayer was probably the last thing I listened to 5. Who is the last person that called you?: probably Rhean 6. Where do you want to get married?: I think somewhere outside and beautiful.. haven't really thought of that since I'll probably never get married... 7. How many buddies are online right now?: 82 8. What would you change about yourself?: Maybe being able to be more open and not so closed off sometimes.. be more dedicated than I am 9. What are the essentials in your life?: family, friends, music, my cats.. 10. If you had the power to do any one thing, what would it be?: oh I don't know.. 11. What nationality are you?: a few things 12. Do you send out holiday cards each year?: no.. H a v e | y o u | e v e r 1. Given someone a bath?: babies : ) 2. Smoked?: ew no way 3. Bungee jumped?: No, but I probably would 4. Made yourself throw up?: no.. only if I was like sick and needed to.. 5. Skinny dipped?: Yes..... 6. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: hahah probably 7: Have you ever cried when someone died?: Yes 8. Fallen for your best friend?: No 9. Been rejected?: Yes 10. Rejected someone?: Probably 11. Used someone?: nah C u r r e n t 1. Hair: shoulder lengthish and layered 2. Music: I *heart* all kinds of music 3. Make-up: a little... usually just eye stuff 4. Annoyance: oh man, so many I could name.. rude people, people that think they're better than everyone else, people that are super hard on themselves all the time, when flute players can't hold their effin flutes up. IT WEIGHS LIKE 2 LBS! 5. Scent: I love the smell of boys.... mmmmm.. 6. Favorite artist: Lots.. Norah Jones, John Mayer, Depeche Mode, The Cure, the Beatles.. more I'm sure 7. Favorite group: see above.. 8. Desktop picture: the collages I make of my friends or the scenic pictures 9. Book you're reading: Perks of Being a Wallflower.. I've read it before but it's good.. if you haven't read it, you should 10. CD in player: John Mayer I think 11. DVD in player: The Pianist (cause I'm watching it right now) 12. Color of toenails: toenail colored? post comment

No all-state for Tara [10 Jan 2004|07:22pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | My Immortal -Evanescence ] Well we had area auditions today. I thought I played really well... like.. better than the others.. but I got 3rd in our room. They only take 1. I just can't seem to win anything this year... it's starting to get REALLY frustrating. But at least I don't have to learn all that new music now.. I remember how strung out Hillary was at this time last year... ::sigh:: I really thought this would be my year..... maybe I need to change my screen name. I haven't really done it any justice this year to deserve it..... Funny story: Hillary and I are in the warm up room playing through our music. I get done playing whatever I was playing and realize there is another piccolo girl standing right there listening to us. Girl: "What school do you go to?" Me: "Bell" Girl: "What?" Me: "Bell" Girl: *eyes get really huge* "Oooooooh, so THATS why yall are so good!" What are you supposed to say to that?? She just kinda walked away... I laughed so hard I almost started crying! Time to go now.... post comment

Sara Evans- tonight [07 Jan 2004|04:46pm] [ mood | blank ] If I had a weakness You sure found it tonight Some hidden desperation You saw floatin' in my eyes Moments just like these baby Wrong can feel so right And I don't wanna go home tonight I've held it all together As long as I can There's pieces of me fallin' Right into your hands And don't the lies come easy baby When the truth just ain't worth the fight No I, I don't wanna go home tonight So lay me down easy And hold on tight And tell me I'm the only one you see tonight Lonely woman, lonely man There's just some things only lonely understands I might be just a sinner Who wants to be a saint One justifies the reason Oh, one understands the pain And I don't know what's wrong baby And I sure don't know what's right But I don't wanna go home tonight post comment

I can only be me.. [06 Jan 2004|08:07pm] [ mood | exasperated ] [ music | Shenandoah ] It amazes me to no end how guys can seem to be a completely different species than me, especially college guys. How can someone be so preoccupied with sex that they let it control their very being? "I got a vibrating tongue right, thats very considerate" shut the hell up! Are you effing kidding me?? Oh, Candice should put out for me cause I got a vibrating tongue ring... dumb. so dumb. "I mean, damn, a guy has needs too" well stop thinking with your damn penis and you shouldbe fine. I guess I just dont understand because a)Im not a guy so I can't possibly understand how their bodies work or b) Not having sex or anything like that doesn't bother me. It's not easy being good all the time.. I AM a normal person. But sometimes certain things are just worth the wait. I take that stuff pretty seriously and am not just going to throw it away on some random person.... as tempting as it can be sometimes and as much as I just want to give in sometimes to just get it over with and stop being the only person I know that has barely done anything, I just can't bring myself to do it. So I guess boo on me for being a prude or boo on my for just trying to stay true to myself when everyone else around me is giving in. But you know what? I can only be me. But honestly, that's all I want to be. post comment

Happy New Years.. [01 Jan 2004|02:18am] [ mood | oy ] [ music | Rest in Pieces- Saliva ] As Joe said: "So much we look forward to the possibilities of the future that we often forget the past....We can not begin a new with out and end.....so instead of hello 2004...how bout goodbye 2003......." This year has been major in so many ways. So many firsts, so many lasts... so many amazing memories and incredible friends made. A few regrets, but come on, who doesn't have some of those? There's no way you can grow in you don't ever experience. There have just been so many significant events this year that have definitely changed me in so many ways. I'm probably a different person today than I was 365 days ago. I've learned so much about myself, about other people, who I want to be, and who I don't want to be. I don't want to hurt people, I've learned that I really can't handle breaking hearts.. it tears me up inside. I can't stand being the source of someone's pain, which definitely happened this year and I still haven't quite gotten over it completely. I love my friends dearly. I don't know what I would have done this year with out each and every one of them. From right down the street to states away. Well I had a lot more to write about this... but I suddenly don't feel like it anymore. I have a million things racing through my head at one time. So, since it has been brought to my attention many times this year, I have decided thatI will forever and always be the GREAT friend for the rest of my life and never be any more than that. That sounds promising, right? I mean, I will get to have so many guy friends and hear all their relationship problems but not have to deal with any of the problems on my own. Oh wait, that also means I get to miss out on the kisses and cuddling and holding hands... hugs that mean something.. having someone look at you like you're the most important person in the room and then knowing it is sincere. But it's okay, I'll have friends. They'll come to me and I'll give them advice. Just like I do now..... but it's okay, I won't need any advice. I won't have my own problems. ::sigh:: I just won't something more, something REAL, something that means something. I just don't want to sit around and watch all of my friends with their boyfriends anymore and continue to be the third wheel. Where is my Johnny Castle? Where is my Prince Charming? Does he even exist? Okay sorry, I'm done... I always have to be so optimistic and reassuring all the time.. sometimes I have to just vent. But it's okay, I can handle it.. keep coming to me with your worries and I'll try to take them all away. It's what I do best. I'm Tara. I'll be your friend. Oh, btw, Happy New Year : ) Guess this wasn't the best idea of how to start it, eh? My birthday is this month. I'm almost old... I have a whole lot more on my mind, but I need to get in bed before my mood worsens. I seem to be so grouchy lately.. boooo. ~*~Tara~*~ post comment

eh [31 Dec 2003|03:15am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Sonat Opus 15- Pathetique ] Well I spent the night with Rhean last night. We went to Amber's house to see her new baby. Spencer was just the sweetest little baby. He is two weeks old today. We walked in and he was asleep in his little basinet. Then Rhean picked him up for a bit and let me hold him. I held him for about 20 minutes. He kept making these sweet cooing sounds and baby sounds as he slept on my chest. I can't wait until I can grow up and rock my own babies to sleep. It was awesome. I didn't want to let him go when it was time to leave, but I doubt Amber would have let me keep him! She kinda likes him. Then Jenni came over and we all watched How to Deal. It's a Mandy Moore movie about a girl that doesn't believe she'll ever fall in love (or maybe is scared to) most probably because her parents' marriage fell apart and they got a divorce. Sound familiar?? hah. dumb. So she, of course, finds the perfect boy: Maken. And he eventually wins her over, then does something dumb, then wins her over again. The typical teenage love story that makes you wonder why that stuff never actually happens to you. Where is my Maken? So that was fun. We all got to do the "awwww!" thing in the end. Jenni had to leave with like 10 minutes left in the movie. Sucks for her, she didn't get to see Mandy Moore forgive Maken after he was a jerk and got her in a car wreck. AND after he got in a car wreck because he was pissed that she decided not to have sex with him. dumb. After the movie was over I got online for a second but no one was on so we put in Bad Boys 2. I fell asleep after about 30 minutes because it was late-ish by then; so we finished it this morning. Good movie. It made me laugh a lot. So today we helped Rhean's mom grade piles and piles of papers. If I'm ever a teacher, I won't assign that much. Why punish myself?? So then.......... we finally got to leave and we went to get George, went to my mom's house where she gave me a cute blanket, then came here to watch yet another movie. Bad idea. Ever been a third wheel? How about a third wheel in your own house? Better yet, a third wheel in your own BEDROOM?! Can honestly say I've never been a third wheel in my bedroom till tonight. dumb. But then we took George home and Rhean and I watched How to Deal again. Lot's of movies.. fun. Don't you hate it when you can be having a great day and suddenly you feel yourself getting sucked into the bad mood and you don't even know why it's happening. You can be all fine and dandy then suddly.. *BAM* you just wan't to go to sleep and not wake up for a long time. It's even worse when you may actually know why you are getting in such a bad mood, but just don't really want to acknowledge that that is the real reason for it. Maybe it's better to believe it's random than to admit that it's just because of some dumb reason that should really have no affect on you at all. Maybe I'm just being dumb. That's highly possibly, it happens frequently. I'm sitting here right now and it's perfect. Everyone in the house is asleep except me. All the lights are off and I have the music on. It's perfectly serene and comforting. I wish it could be like this forever. sigh. This way, everything is happy as long as I let it be. Nothing can be bad unless I let it, unless I think about it. I can just bask in my peace. yeah.. I'm kinda in a weird mood. I don't know. On that note. I'm done. bye post comment

Dreams? [29 Dec 2003|12:40pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Stacey's Mom has GOT IT GOIN ON ] So for the THIRD time, I did that thing again last night..... About a month and a half ago I had gone to sleep at about 11:30. At 11:45 I woke up for some reason and I was seriously scared. Like, the kind of scared where my heart was beating really fast and really loud, I didn't want to take my head out from under the covers, I felt like it was hard to breathe.. and almost felt as if if I were look around my room there would be someone in there with me. It was crazy. I had only been asleep for 15 minutes! So I just layed there for like forever trying to calm down or at least go back to sleep. It was really weird. Then the next night it was almost like I was scared to go back to sleep.. jeez. So then a few weeks later the same thing happened. Except, this time, I could clearly remember what I was dreaming before I woke up. There were these two guys that were arguing or something and then as soon as they started physically fighting I woke up with that feeling again, so I figured this time it was just because of a bad dream so I wasn't quite as scared. Well, I talked to my step-mom about it.. quite a long conversation.. and she told me she thinks it's probably because I have so much that is about to happen in my life (turning 18, graduation, college) and it's probably just some anxiety that I'm not consciously aware of and that's the way my body is letting me know.. or something. Well last night it happened AGAIN! But before I went to sleep, like when I got in bed, I felt all dizzy and just not right.. it was weird. it was like I was sick without the sickness. Then when I woke up my body felt really heavy and my arms felt tingly or something. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest and I had that nervous feeling (like butterflies you get when you're around that certain someone, just BAD butterflies) and I had to breathe really deep. I kept trying to go to sleep but it just wouldn't work. I guess I eventually did fall asleep though. It's really weird.. I wonder why that keeps happening?? post comment

Man oh man.. [28 Dec 2003|02:49am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Neon- John Mayer ] Wow I completely just got myself out of a BAD situation. jeez. why does my house HAVE to be the house of sin?! and btw. when I say beer is gross, i'm NOT lying!! Don't keep trying to get me to drink it cause I'm NOT GOING TO! alcohol free is the way to be. haha No late night talk tonight... thats sad No Joe tonight... thats sad Tonight sucks. period. I love virginity. virginity= freedom, an std-less Tara, no Mama Tara, no problems. and I did read this over and i DO hear how dorky and "princess prudish" that sounds, but at this point I really don't care. That's me, I'm not out looking for sex and anyone that truly wants to know me, truly has to accept that. Ok, i'm back to normal Tara now.... it's just time to go to sleep and NOT dream about bad things. Maybe I'll just dream about Joe tonight.... that would make me happy. Bye post comment

[23 Dec 2003|12:23pm] I wasn't sure what to do with myself...... ......till you hung my moon. post comment

One of those survey things.... [20 Dec 2003|09:10pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Adagio for Strings- techno version! ] Nine things you wear daily: 1. bra 2. underwear 3. necklace 4. jeans 5. t-shirt 6. sweatshirt 7. socks 8. other necklace 9. ? Eight movies you'd watch over and over: 1. Beauty and the Beast 2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 3. Beaches 4. Mermaid 5. Drop Dead Fred 6. Moulin Rouge 7. Cinderella (I like the disney, can you tell?) 8. Legends of the Fall Seven of your favorite songs at the moment: 1. Raining on Sunday- Keith Urban 2. Blue October- Calling you 3. Everlong- Foo Fighters 4. Does Reagan '01 count? 5. How about '03? 6. Come Away with me- Norah Jones 7. Six objects you touch everyday: 1. Computer 2. Piccolo 3. my bed.. 4. radio 5. Remote 6. friends (i love hugs) Five things you do everyday: 1. Brush my teeth 2. play piccolo 3. Eat 4. Talk Online 5. take a shower Four bands you couldn't live without: 1. Norah Jones.. not quite a band, but meh 2. Reagan 3. I don't know 4. '' Three things you love at the moment: 1. Family 2. ALL of my friends 3. that feeling Two people who have influenced your life the most: 1. Joseph Grzybowski 2. Catherine Grzybowski One thing you could spend the rest of your life with: being loved BASIC QUESTIONS [my name is]: Tara [in the morning i am]: usually sleepy [all i need is]: friends and family [love is]: a wonderful feeling [if i could see one person right now]: Joe [im afraid of]: being alone forever [i dream about]: lots of things HAVE YOU EVER . . . [pictured your crush naked?]: no [actually seen your crush naked]: no [been in love]: next [cried when someone died]: yes [drank alcohol]: yes.... [lied]: yes [coke or pepsi]: coke [flowers or candy]: neither, I like originality WHO . . . [makes you laugh the most?]: Katie or Rhean [makes you smile]: my friends, Joe [gives you a good funny feeling when you see them]: no one here [has a crush on you?]: I dont know? [easier to talk to: boys or girls?]: depends on the topic DO YOU EVER . . . [sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you]: well not all day.. [save aol/aim conversations]: all the time [cry because of someone saying something to you]: probably HAVE YOU EVER . . . [fallen for ur best friend]: no [been rejected]: yes [rejected someone]: probably [used someone]: no [been cheated on]: no [done something you regret]: of course WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON . . . [you talked to]: rachel [hugged]: meredith [you instant messaged]: ummmm Joe? Rachel? I dunno [you laughed with]: meredith, john, and katie DO YOU . . . [color your hair]: no [habla espanol]: mas o menos HAVE YOU/ DO YOU/ARE YOU [smoke]: no [obsessive]: about some things [could you live without the computer?]: If I had to, but it wouldnt be preferable [how many peeps are on ur buddylist?]: 200 [what's your favorite food?]: REAL lasagna [whats your favorite fruit?]: pineapple [what hurts the most... physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional pain, it's more permanent (unless your head was like physically cut off or something) and harder to forget [trust others way too easily?]: Not too easily, but trust is one of the most important things in life F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S . . . [i want]: love [i wish]: fate didn't suck [i love]: music, piccolo, friends, more than friends [i miss]: [i fear]: being alone forever [i hear]: music [i wonder]: When things are going to go right Okay so I got to hang out with John, Meredith, and Katie Leander last night. It was good times. Katie is a sweet girl and just what I expected except for maybe a little more soft spoken. We went for mexican food at a karaoke bar (where john spilled DP all over his pants) then went to the Leake household, Richland, Haltom, and the L.D.Bell. "Lets go out on the marching field!" Weird. Then we took Katie back to her hotel in Ft.Worth. The whole "Im your ex b/fs girlfriend" wasn't as weird as I thought it could have been. There was only one point in the night that felt a little awkward, but it was fine.. Austin is the next test. Lets hope that goes fine too. Im sure it will. If I have to worry about anything that weekend it will probably be Alex being a WOMAN! arg. I slept ALL day today... yay for a cold. blah. There is no one online and this is boring... no more boring whoever stumbles across this. 1 comment|post comment

This song makes me happy... [18 Dec 2003|11:38pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | Everlong- Foo Fighters ] Everlong Lyrics Hello I've waited here for you Everlong Tonight I throw myself into And out of the red, out of her head she sang Come down And waste away with me Down with me Slow how You wanted it to be I'm over my head, out of her head she sang And I wonder When I sing along with you If everything could eve feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang Breathe out So I could breathe you in Hold you in And now I know you've always been Out of your head, out of my head I sang And I wonder When I sing along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang And I wonder If everything could ever feel this real forever If anythind could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when post comment

It is what it is [18 Dec 2003|07:20pm] [ mood | nerdy ] [ music | American Soldiers ] So yesterday after a whole month of waiting, the results for Grand Nationals were released. Westfield was first of course, Reagan got second by .05!! And L.D.Bell got fifth with a 93.... yeah... Kinda reminds me of that saying i've been seeing everywhere- "Failure: When your best just isn't enough." Now I in no way think we failed, don't get me wrong.. but it's just kinda disappointing that after so much hard work.. man, so hard... we didn't really max out like we thought we would. But it was an amazing season and an amazing ending to my marching band life, so I can't really complain. Now, I am SO proud of Reagan! For being such a young school they have managed to accomplish so much in the last 4 years and are quickly on their way to being a major powerhouse in Texas (and Nationally, as well.) They have also maintained their amazing attitudes and are some of the nicest people in the activity. Now, I think it's very generous that BOA decided to fill us in on how all the hard work.. blood sweat and tears.. payed off at Nationals. It's just a shame that the experience of being SECOND IN THE NATION by .05 PTS was stolen from Reagan. That wouldve been so bad A for them... Anyways.. enough about that. The only thing left to say is: 5th, BOA sucks, Twinkle twinkle little star, monkey judges, Meet George Jetson...... seeing cute friends, Riverside (?) Community College, starbucks! Cavaliers booth? getting stuck in Chicago, Reagan hotel, seeing the westfield rapper multiple times in our hotel, Carmel bandhall (bleh), warm up solo-age the day before performance, Winners in life. But anyways, enough of that... 2nd to area means I have to work my BUTT off these next three weeks. Mrs.G told me I need to practice at least 2 hours a night and she said if she were in my place she'd practice 6-8 (but I don't see that happening.) I want to make it so bad so I really need to bust my butt.. if anyone would like to offer some extrinsic motivation, it'd be appreciated highly! w00t piccolo. Wow, it's kinda sad that this whole post is about band... but I guess that's all my life is anyways, so it's all good post comment

It's amazing that some things can be so far out of reach and still be the closest to our heart.... [15 Dec 2003|10:26pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | You're just too good to be true cant take my eyes off of you ] for a few past entries: www.xanga.com/taramac its not updated like at all... but oh well.. skipped right over nationals and the last month of my life, probably one of the most influential and important of my life so far... To sum up the last month a little.... San Antonio was awesome, got to see lots of friends. Last performance in Texas was one of the most emotional performances I've had (behind Nats '01, SA '02, Nats '03) It was so surreal knowing that I would never again perform in this state with these people that I've grown to love as my own family these last three years (or less for the kiddos.) When it was all over and the bleachers began to clear out.. I just layed out in the middle of the field with a few of my girls... three years just caught up all of us at the same time and we had a good time of reflection. I love them so much! My senior flute girls: Yall mean the world to me and I have NO idea how I'm going to survive without you ladies next year.. how can I not start each and every day off seeing your beautiful shining faces?? I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to cope with it!! I can just see the phone bills now!! hahah. Then that Thursday-Saturday was Nationls. Simply amazing and the best possible way to end off my senior year... we were told to leave it all on the field and that is exactly what I did. I could not have possibly played better than I did and could not have possibly poured more of my heart into every single note. That week was amazing. I learned that nothing that incredible can possibly last forever. If it did, it would lose its affect and would not be appreciated. I had a BLAST with my friends and was fortunate enough to spark what has quickly become an incredibly important friendship to me... I was very reluctant to leave at more than one point of the trip and would love to be able to live through it again (although some parts I would change.. like spending more time with a certain someone.) But all great things must come to an end, apparently, so I'm just glad I was able to end it like that with the people I ended it with. '04 One Hell of a ride! Okay, so Saturday I had Phase II (well I guess I for piccolo) of all region and I got second chair. Pretty exciting. I got to advance on to area which is held at UTA in January. The region concert and practices are on Jan. 16 & 17th... go figure THAT is how I'll be spending my 18th birthday. Can you believe it? 18... I don't know where the time went, but it just slipped out of my fingers! I'm about to enter the stage of life where people will be expecting me to decide what I want to do for the next 50 years of my life..while I'm still a child myself! It will soon be acceptable for me to find a man to spend the rest of my life with. Find the next 70ish years of my life at 18? It will soon be expected that I start a family... have a carreer, get married, have babies (when did I stop being a baby myself?) It's scary and I'm not too sure that I'm ready for this kind of responsibility that will be ushered upon me soon. I guess I'll just have to remember to take one step back, breathe, look at all the simplicity around me, and realize that this is what is supposed to happen. Maybe that way I'll be able to accept it easier. So sometimes I get the feeling that I'm being tested in someway. Like... something that I know I want or that I know is perfect will be there.. but just right out of my grasp. One of those relationships that has quickly grown into being one of the most special people in my life. Like a certain guy said... "You know...it's really *hard corps* awesome when one person can turn ur whole night around and make it awesome.." You know its something special when you catch yourself smiling randomly and realize it's because you were thinking of a certain person or when their physical pain makes you sad and you wish nothing more than to just take all of their pains and anguish away. But I guess for now there's nothing I can do but wait...... but I think fate will make it up to me. It has to, right? That "current mood" thing only lets you chose one mood... what am I supposed to do when I have so many emotions running through me at one time? I guess I'll just have to wait until another entry to let those shine. Well I've officially been trying to write this for about two hours so I'm going to go ahead and go now.... hope I didn't bore you TOO much And I'll leave you with this because I think this best describes me right now: Born N So Cal: post comment

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