||Rest in Pieces- Saliva
As Joe said:
"So much we look forward to the possibilities of the future that we often forget the past....We can not begin a new with out and end.....so instead of hello 2004...how bout goodbye 2003......."
This year has been major in so many ways. So many firsts, so many lasts... so many amazing memories and incredible friends made. A few regrets, but come on, who doesn't have some of those? There's no way you can grow in you don't ever experience. There have just been so many significant events this year that have definitely changed me in so many ways. I'm probably a different person today than I was 365 days ago. I've learned so much about myself, about other people, who I want to be, and who I don't want to be. I don't want to hurt people, I've learned that I really can't handle breaking hearts.. it tears me up inside. I can't stand being the source of someone's pain, which definitely happened this year and I still haven't quite gotten over it completely. I love my friends dearly. I don't know what I would have done this year with out each and every one of them. From right down the street to states away. Well I had a lot more to write about this... but I suddenly don't feel like it anymore. I have a million things racing through my head at one time.
So, since it has been brought to my attention many times this year, I have decided thatI will forever and always be the GREAT friend for the rest of my life and never be any more than that. That sounds promising, right? I mean, I will get to have so many guy friends and hear all their relationship problems but not have to deal with any of the problems on my own. Oh wait, that also means I get to miss out on the kisses and cuddling and holding hands... hugs that mean something.. having someone look at you like you're the most important person in the room and then knowing it is sincere. But it's okay, I'll have friends. They'll come to me and I'll give them advice. Just like I do now..... but it's okay, I won't need any advice. I won't have my own problems. ::sigh:: I just won't something more, something REAL, something that means something. I just don't want to sit around and watch all of my friends with their boyfriends anymore and continue to be the third wheel. Where is my Johnny Castle? Where is my Prince Charming? Does he even exist? Okay sorry, I'm done... I always have to be so optimistic and reassuring all the time.. sometimes I have to just vent. But it's okay, I can handle it.. keep coming to me with your worries and I'll try to take them all away. It's what I do best.
I'm Tara. I'll be your friend.
Oh, btw, Happy New Year : ) Guess this wasn't the best idea of how to start it, eh? My birthday is this month. I'm almost old... I have a whole lot more on my mind, but I need to get in bed before my mood worsens. I seem to be so grouchy lately.. boooo.