| 3:34a |
Oh geez...
I'm just so fed up and stressed almost to the breaking point. I have tons of classes, work, and on top of it problems with people. One in particular. I have this guy "friend". I'm not really sure if we're friends anymore or not. He tells me that we're friends, but tells one of my best friends here at school that he thinks I'm "playing games with him to get his attention". That's such bullshit. Like I'm in 4th grade and play games to get boys attention. Come on. Even if i DID want his attention, that's not how i'd do it. It's so pathetic. I've just been trying to avoid him because its obvious that he doesnt want to be around me and i'm sick of him making shit up. if i talk to him, then he thinks that I "like" him, but if I dont talk to him, then i'm playing games with him. i wish he'd make up his fucking mind. I'm sick of HIS fucking games. I dont even want to be his damn friend anymore, I just want to know what the fuck is going on. He cant fucking tell me, he has to tell everyone else and then pretend that everything is cool with me. He does the same thing to my friend. he tells her that they're friends and shit and then tells me that he cant stand her. he's a pathological liar. this is not helping my stress level. i bet my blood is literally boiling. redheads DO have tempers.
I talked to Micah for a while today. It was really nice. I miss Micah. He's a really awesome guy. The only thing is that he's kinda like Shaun in the sense that he's SO intelligent, that they sorta make you feel stupid. I mean I know that I'm perfectly capable of having an intelligent conversation, but they just sorta make you nervous b/c they're so deep and smart. But Micah's cool. And speaking of him, I haven't talked to shaun in FOREVER. I wonder what he's up to? Chris F. actually IM'd me a few weeks back. That was really weird. I havent talked to him for a long long time. He's not much of a conversationalist thought, but I thought it was cool for him to say hi.
I finally got over my thing about not putting up my david bowie posters because they freaked out my roommate. we rearranged our desks and stuff so I have like a little cubby hole/corner thing and I put my posters up. I like it. I like my corner. I like having a corner.
I seriously think I'm becoming an insomniac. Its almost 4 in the morning and i'm seriously not even tired. it's so weird. i'll be exhausted all day long, then at night, i'm WIDE awake. I've even stopped having caffeinne later than afternoon. It's weird.
I fucking hate where I live when I'm home. I HAVE to get a good job this summer, but unfortunately I live in hell. I have no options of where to work. Seriously. You have NO clue. basically there are like 3 fast food places and thats IT. i live in like the worlds smallest town. i was arguing with my mom about it on the phone earlier and she just doesnt get it. i ended up hanging up on her i was so frustrated. i cant believe she didnt call me back. i dont like arguing with her when i'm this far away.
i'm just so stressed right now. I really need a break. I cannot wait til spring break. sarah (hopefully) and I are driving to north carolina to the beach house and meeting jesi and aj there. I'm so happy i get to see jesi. and we're gonna have so much fun. jesi and aj are gettin some alcohol and we're gonna actually act like we're in COLLEGE. I cant wait.
well, i should probably attempt to go to bed. does stress affect your sleep? or lack of sleep? maybe thats it.
Current Music: silence |