OH MY GOD. I am so fucking pissed right now. This girl from down the hall is driving me ABSOLUTELY NUTS!! Today is her birthday and she somehow got a hold of one of those fucking noise blower things from birthday parties. She was going down the hall blowing the damn thing all morning. She comes in my room (which I normally keep locked now because of her, but my roommate had just left to go to the shower) and she SEES THAT I AM IN BED SLEEPING. Now, normal people would quietly LEAVE THE FUCKING ROOM. But no. She keep son blowing that damn thing and yelling "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! !WAKE UP!!!". OH MY GOD I WANT TO KILL HER SO BAD. I'm gonna start writing in here all the stupid things she does so you all can laugh and sympathize with me. Here are a few more recent things she has did:
-Yesterday, I decided to eat some apples and peanut butter. So, I open my peanut butter and realize that HALF of it is missing. WTF? Yeah. I automatically assume its psycho girl, but ask my roommate just to be sure it wasn't her (which I wouldnt mind that much if it was her, because I know that she'd replace it, but i was pretty sure that she would ask first) and she said it wasn't her. So I ask psycho girl. She TOOK HALF OF MY FUCKING PEANUT BUTTER without asking at all. Didn't even tell me. I was pissed.
-Okay, so this morning, she comes in the bathroom while my roommate was in the shower and OPENS the shower curtain while she's showering to show her a stupid picture.
Yeah, more to come. Just when you think she's done it all, she surprises you again.
I miss being home
I miss my queen size, black, wrought iron bed
I miss my much-bigger-than-a-typical-dorm bedroom
I miss my privacy
I miss NOT living at fucking school
I miss cussing a lot
I miss my brother
I miss my friends (even Jared!! and especially jessica)
I miss DAIRY QUEEN AND FOX'S PIZZA (okay, so they have dairy queens around here, but not that many and I haven't gotten to go to one yet)
I miss my car
I miss driving in general
I miss Shayla
I miss my walk-in closet
I miss stupid things that small towns have like beauty pageants and local festivals
I miss NORMAL ONE PERSON BATHROOMS
I miss being able to walk around my room in my underwear
I miss Jesi's house
I miss HAVING A KITCHEN
I miss fried eggs and bacon
I miss when going to Florida was a VACATION not school
I miss going to the movies all the freakin time because there's nothing else to do
I miss mall outings being a big road trip because you had to drive for hours to get there
I miss making my own clothes
I miss watching Law and Order with my mom late at night
I miss making myself food
I miss not having to make my bed
I miss my diseased comforter (don't ask, it's not really diseased)
I miss not having stupid hurricanes every fucking week
I miss knowing how to get around town
I miss going to Dairy Queen to stalk Zach and Tanner
I miss going to football games just to watch the marching band perform and then laughing at their stupid hats
I miss wearing hoodies and scarves
I miss deer (just kidding)
Okay, I'm done, because I have a rant about deer. Did you know Florida fucking puts deer and cows and shit IN ZOOS??? That's insane. That would be like us having a cat in a zoo. A fucking deer. I look out my window at home at any given second and can see a cow or a deer. I fucking ran over more deer than most people down here have even SEEN. They're crazy.
You know what else is insane? I've been hit by FOUR FUCKING HURRICANES since I've been down here. How crazy is that??
Okay I'm done for now. OHHH and I got a 96 on my college Algebra test today.
Okay, I'm upset again. Nothing new, just a little sad. My friend back home basically hates me. I know that something happened between us to make this separation, but that was over a year ago, and honestly, it was NOTHING worth fighting over for this long. He was a really great friend and I loved him to death, but now he won't even speak to me. I've tried to initiate conversation and everything, but he won't talk to me. However, he keeps doing things like asking Jesi about me, and reading my xanga journal, that make me think that maybe he still wants to talk and be friends, but when I talk to him he won't talk to me. It's really hurtful because I really miss being his friend. There are just things that happen that remind me of him, or fun times we had, and I think about him and I wonder what in the world happened to make him hate me that much?? It just hurts, that's all.
Okay, enough of that. So, I'm still at college. I have a fucking headache right now and it's pissing me the hell off. So Jared's off in college having sexual adventures and telling me and Jesi all about it. Great. What i've always wanted to hear.
Well, I gotta go before my head fucking explodes.
Hey everyone. I know that this journal has been on several websites and mailing lists, but just out of curiosity, does anyone still read it?? Leave me a comment if you do. There for a while people were reading, but I was wondering if everyone quit. So let me know. Thanks. And if you don't want to comment, you can e-mail me at understatement1012@yahoo.com.
-Tara
okay, I haven't ranted in a while, so there are a few things I need to get out.
First: I hate men. They're such assholes. Okay, I like my roommate Lauren. I really do. But for some reason, guys like zone in on her and act like me or any other girl near aren't even around. I mean they dont have to like us, but must they act like we're invisible?? That's so incredibly rude. There's this one asshole, who gets on my last nerve. He's one of those people who tries WAY to hard to be different to the point that it's just annoying. He calls himself "zero". Oh wait, I forgot, besides giving HIMSELF a stupid nickname, he has to spell it with an "x" like "Xero". Loser. I mean seriously, he tries WAY too hard and its so obvious. Anyways, he comes up to me, lauren, and brianna and introduces himself to ONLY lauren. Like me and brianna arent even people. Yeah. asshole. so after having a total conversation without so much as LOOKING at us, he leaves. Then another day he sees me and lauren and invites lauren to come play cards with the group. oh yes and her ugly little friend can just run along to her room. i hate assholes like that. he could at least treat me like a person. There are tons of other guys that basically do the same thing, although not as blantantly as that asshole who isnt different although he tries to be. I refuse to call him by the stupid name he gave himself. Jerk.
Okay, another thing. I have two absolute freaks who wont leave me the hell alone. Okay, the first guy is this fat, weird kid who started talking to me one day out of the blue. He comes up to me and asks me if I play tennis. First of all, I have no clue how he even knew that. I had worn my tennis shirt earlier that week, but not that day. How the heck do you remember one person you saw wearing a shirt a few days ago in a group of 2000 people? I have no clue. So that creeps me out for one. So now he keeps bugging me to play tennis with him. Which I almost wouldn't mind if he wasn't so damn creepy. He like sneaks up on me all the freakin time and asks me when I want to play. The other day I was in one of the little computer rooms in the back (there is no way he could have seen me unless he was watching me b/c i was back there for like an hour before he came back) and he knocks on the door and scares the holy hell outta me and fucking asks me to play tennis with him again. He wanted my phone number this time. I told him my cell phone was broke. I did not want him to get my phone number. And then the other day, he found my xanga journal (my "clean", public, much more friendly journal)and left me like 2 comments within 5 minutes. He's creeping me out and I hope I stop seeing him around.
Then there's this other freak who I don't even know what the hell he looks like. He's such a loser, he's hitting on me on the INTERNET. He saw my xanga journal and goes to my school. He keeps gettin on AIM and sayin all this stuff to me. I think he's ghetto. My luck he's probably white and ghetto. Geez. He keeps sayin all this shit about how good i look and i'm like WTF?? I have no clue who this fucking idiot is but I wish he's leave me the fuck alone.
Whew, I feel much better. I love my journal.
Okay, I haven't forgotten about this journal (yeah like anyone reads it anyways) but I got a new one to write about boring stuff in that other people can read. This one is mroe personal and definatly more obsenity-filled and angst-ridden than the other. In other words, I can be a total psycho on here. It's a place to let everything out. So, I love my Blurty, I am not getting rid of it, and I will continue to update when I get incredibly sad or pissed off or whatever.
Oh and I've finally got around to completely updating my website so go check it out now. It's cooler than ever. Yeah, sure. Check it out anyways.
http://www.geocities.com/understatement1012/index.html
And don't forget to sign the guestbook, even if I don't know you!! PLEASE.
I swear, people just wait until I'm truly happy for a few minutes and then they upset me. But you know what, I'm not even going to give him the satisfaction of upsetting me. Because I don't give a fuck. Seriously. When he is being a paranoid prick, I honestly have no feelings for him. So I don't care. He's acting like he used to, maybe he's back on drugs. I don't know. Anyways, here's what happened..I was on aol and doing some homework. Gavin starts talking to me. I'm talking back to him like normal and i said that i really needed to go to bed. Okay. So he writes this big thing about how if i don't even care about him anymore than blah blah blah and all this bullshit. Well, i'm fucking sorry if i don't have time to call your ass while i'm STARTING COLLEGE. I'm FUCKING BUSY. and you know when the last time he tried to call me was? So long ago I dont even remember. He never even makes attempts to call me. He just bitches when I don't call him. I don't need to be spending my time trying to keep a relationship going that is basically going NOWHERE. I don't mind talking to him, but when he gets like this i HATE HIM. I hate him so much. But I love him so much when he's good to me. But right now I hate him. A lot. I guess we can't ever be "just friends". I just wanted to start over down here, get away from all that. I love him, and I'll always love him, but that doesn't mean i'm going to be with him. Well, I feel better. I seriously don't care. Asshole.
I dreamed about yet ANOTHER pop star last night. I was best buddies with Nick Lachey...you know, that guy that used to be in 98 degrees. Yeah. Weird. Why can't I dream about David Bowie or something?? come on...
Well, gettin ready to go to class.
I get to go to work in an hour. yay. Actually it isn't that bad. I gotta take off for an hour to go to FIRST teams. That's like this freshman group thing. It's our first meeting.
I need to stop eating sour cream and onion chips and mt. dew as a meal. Yeah. College rocks. We got pizza for dinner yesterday. It was awesome. It's weird how much me and Lauren actually have in common. All day long I kept thinking about how much I wanted some domino's pizza. later, Lauren asked me if I wanted to get domino's pizza for dinner. She even eats the thin crust like me. Haha Jessica. Just kidding. I love jessica. Even though she likes the expensive stuffed crust pizza.
Jared called me the other night. I was very impressed. He apologized for some stupid girl cussing me out on his cell phone the other day. That's an accomplishment when Jared apologizes without you forcing him to.
Jesi just started college today. I talked to her over the weekend and she was homesick too. I think she's doing better now though. Her roommate was having a party cuz Usher won a VMA. That's funny.
Why do I ALWAYS dream about celebrities? No matter what, 99% of my dreams (or possibly more) have a famous person in it with me. I dreamed last night that I fell in love with Justin Timberlake. I don't even LIKE justin Timberlake. yuck. It was weird. I was like begging him to stay in Florida with me and he was totally in love with me and going to quit his career to stay with me. It was funny. I woke up and was like "WTF?" Weird.
Well, I'll attempt to update later. Since I have so much damn free time now that I LIVE at school.
Wow. Well the reason it has been so long is basically because my computer sucks...AGAIN. My hard drive went out about a week ago. Great timing considering I'M GOING TO COLLEGE!! Anyways, thank God it's still under warranty and Dell is sending me a new hard drive.
I started college Wednesday. I moved in last Saturday actually, so I guess I made it through my first week. It's pretty cool. I was really really homesick the first day after mom left. I cried. I didn't think it would bother me as much as it did. I got over it though. I mean I still miss everyone, but i'm okay with being here now. I really like it here. There's palm trees and everyone takes weekend trips to the beach. It's so awesome. It's beautiful.
My roommate Lauren is really cool. We get along really well. I'm going home with her next weekend to Pensacola. That should be cool.
I'll update more later.
I'm about half asleep right now. That's pretty normal considering its like 2 am. I just need to get some stuff outta my system.
I miss Gavin. So much. I really want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I really don't want to want to spend the rest of my life with him. Does that make any sense? I just hope it's not like one of those movies and I end up getting married to someone else and realizing that I still love Gavin more and truly want to be with him. I can just see that happening to me. My brain is too tired with this deep and emotion conversation. Ha. I sound so stupid.
I'm packing for college. It's depressing. I'm leaving Saturday.
I saw Tanner at the fair the other day. Jesi and I talked to him for a few minutes. I'm still not sure if he wants to talk to me or not. It was sort of awkward, but made me realize that I really miss him. Tanner's changed a lot. So, I don't know what to think about him anymore.
I am REALLY tired. I keep zoning out. I need sleep.
Well, I went to help my grandma this week at work. Basically we went shopping most of the time. My grandma is the coolest. I did get three new kick-ass cds though:
Oasis
Presidents of the United States of America
David Bowie's Heathen cd
Oh and the hottest guy was hitting on my in Hot Topic. Hell, I only go in that store anymore to pick up guys...they're all so damn nice.
I need to go get my shit off Nicole.
My new college roommate seems supercool. (thats such a loser word, isnt it?)
I have a whole pack of Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies here beside me....
....AND NO GODDAMN MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
geez that pisses me off.
i'm so fucking random.
I have nothing else of importance to say.
oh wait, yes i do.
I watched like nine movies while i was at my grandmas.
Unbreakable
Pluses:
-Bruce Willis
-Pretty good plot.
-Kinda creepy.
-Written by M. Night Shyamalan.
Negatives:
-The whole comic book thing going on. What the fuck was that about?
-When Samuel L. Jackson's character falls down those steps. It made me cringe thinking off all those bones breaking.
Dickie Roberts:Former Child Star
Pluses:
-David Spade
-The song they did at the end with all the former child actors. It was hilarious.
Negatives
-It wasn't the greatest movie ever. Not very memorable.
Kids
Pluses:
-This whole damn movie made me speechless.
-When Casper is drunk off his ass and sitting in the bathtub singing "I'm Casper the Friendly Ghost, the dopest ghost in town. All the bitches want me, cuz I'm Casper the friendly ghost."
-Casper is hot.
-The whole movie is just amazing. I can see why it was controversial though.
Negatives:
-Telly. Who names their kid Telly?? And please, no one that ugly can screw as many virgins as that dude did.
-The 10 year olds doing drugs. That's just wrong.
Romeo + Juliet (Yes, the one with Leo)
Pluses:
-Back when Leonardo DiCaprio was still a good actor.
-Beautiful cinematography.
-The whole thing was just beautifully done.
-I love Claire Danes.
Negatives:
-They spoke EXACTLY as Shakespeare wrote it. I find Shakespeare to be very hard to follow.
Chasing Amy
Pluses:
-Jay and Silent Bob. They're hilarious.
Negatives:
-Everything they did was like "What the fuck??"
-I thought the title was wrong throughout most of the movie. I was like it's ALYSSA. Who the fuck is Amy?? Then when you figure it out, it still really makes no more sense.
-Jay and Silent Bob were in like 10 minutes of it.
-Silent Bob spoke.
-Ben Affleck.
-The whole concept of them having a threesome to "bring them all back together". What the hell was that about?
Zoolander
Pluses:
-Two words: David Bowie. Why the hell else would I watch this movie?
-Ben Stiller looks so much better with make up on.
Negatives:
-I fell asleep after the David Bowie part and didn't finish it.
-Did anyone else notice that, while being attractive in their own unique ways, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are neither one supermodel material?
Okay thats all I can think of right now. I need sleep.
Dr. Mario is an awesome gamboy game.
Randomness again.
Good night.
He didn't show up. I was pretty upset, even though it was partially my fault. I didn't want to call because I wanted to see if he'd come see my on his own. I sat and stared at my cell phone for roughly four hours waiting for at least a call. He finally called sometime after 9:00 and said that he forgot. He forgot me. Why do I let him control my feelings like I do? It's like I couldn't survive without knowing that there is someone out there that cares about me more than anything in the world. I don't know what I'd do without it. I don't think I could take it if he ever stopped loving me. I can't ever date him again. Everyone thinks that if I'm so in love than we should just get back together. It's not that simple. If I ever went back to him, I'm sure that I could never go back. I'd be committing myself to forever, something that I'm not ready to do. I couldn't handle losing him again, so I can't put myself in a position for that. He's constantly in my thoughts. I think of him every hour of every day. I wish he'd stop invading my thoughts and my life. I think that is why I basically cut myself off from him after we broke up. It's much easier to deal with it when he's not around. It seems like every time I forget about him (if that's possible) he calls me. Maybe we're meant to be together. I'm not sure I even believe in "soul mates". Plus I highly doubt God wants me with someone who has a first class ticket to hell. I have to keep telling myself that it's not my job to clean up his life. He has to do it on his own. Maybe then I'll go back. It's so incredibly hard to hold myself back when all I want to do is be with him. I can't imagine feeling this way for anyone else. I can only hope that I go to college and find someone who makes me feel this way. Or maybe he's the only one who can do that. Then what will I do? Live life without love? Possibly. Thank God I'm a strong willed person or else I don't think I could do this.
I'm such a fucking loser.
....except for the BOREDOM part. I can't get used to not having a job. I'm such a lazy ass now. Well, we went to Florida. Jesi and I basically survived without too many emotional and/or physical scars. I about crushed my ankle in a mosh pit at the House of Blues. We went to see Dashboard Confessional, Thrice, The Get Up Kids, and Hot Water Music when during Thrice the whole crowd fell on top of us people on the stairs. My ankle got caught in between the crowd of people and a concrete step. Yay. And they hit my other shin, so I have bruises all over. Most of them are gone by now though.
I have basically spent the past week watching the OC. Geez is that show addictive. Isn't Luke such a soap-opera name?? Anyways, it's really good. And I hope the baby isn't Ryan's.
I've been talkin to Gavin again. I figured out why I don't do a very good job of keeping in touch with him. I think it's because I find it easier just not to deal with him. I don't like the fact that he can basically see me inside and out...like he's looking completely through me. It gives him total control...something I don't want anyone else to have. I'm sort of glad I'm leaving. I just want to start over in Florida.
I did my schedule for the fall this morning. I have 18 hours first semester. I'm taking:
Intro to Psych
Fundamentals of Speech
Astronomy
Christian Thought
College Algebra
Old Testament Survey
My Psych class is only one day a week for 3 and a half hours. I'm gonna die.
I don't want to go to Fishnet. I'm not sure why either. I just really don't. I'm telling you, I'm so freakin lazy anymore.
I just finished reading this Stephen King story. It was really gross. This guy is stranded on a desert island and he ends up eating his legs to survive. He just hacks them off piece by piece and eats them raw. Then he starts in on his arms. I think I would just starve to death.
That's all for now.
Well, I only have a few more days left in this hellhole they call a bank. Thank God. I'm to the point where I'm mentally cussing out every customer who comes by just because they are.
Monday we're leaving for Florida for 2 weeks. I can't wait. It's gonna be awesome.
I'm now an official member of a real band. I play the keyboard with a few guys at church. It's pretty fun. Amanda and Ryan sing, Adam plays guitar, Kevin plays bass, and Jake's the drummer. We played in front of people for the first time on Tuesday and we actually did pretty good. I used some of my graduation money to buy me a keyboard.
Speaking of graduation, I finally graduated. I can't comprehend life without going to high school yet. It's weird. And especially after I quit work It'll be weird. I don't know what I'll do with myself. ;)
I hate work. Earlier, this lady came buy dripping with sweat and then proceeded to wipe it off with her hands. Then she rubbed her hands all over her papers and then handed them to me. It took all my willpower not to throw up. It was sick.
I'm starving now though. I didn't come to work until 11:00, so I didn't get a lunch break. Basically, I've lived the past 24 hours off of a pack of strawberry gushers and a can of Mt. Dew. I'm hittin up Dairy Queen when I get off work.
How do people manage to go to the bank 2 or 3 times a day?? Seriously people, why??
Did I ever write that I got a new car? I did. I miss the Jetta so bad. I loved my Jetta. My mom, however, hated it and she wanted a car that she could drive when I'm in college. Hence, the 2000 Toyota Corolla. A nice car, however, it cannot compare to the Jetta.
I just bought the entire first season of The O.C. on DVD. How pathetic is that? Very much so.
I'm done for now.
I have a fucking eye infection. It fucking hurts. I had to wear my contacts because my glasses aren't strong enough and I can't see to drive with them. And I'm basically blind without either. So we had senior cap and gown picures (plus senior superlatives) and my eye is all red and watery and gross. We did our "Most Unique" picture really cool (and you couldn't see my eyes either!). I pretended I was dead, lying on the ground and Ryan hung upside down from the tree above me. I wanted him to act like he had stabbed me with his pocket knife, but they wouldn't let us.
My eyeball still hurts. I have to go around with one eye closed because it's all blurry from watering and oozing. Yuck.
I think Prom is one of the stupidest high school rituals there is. It's nothing but a money-sucking waste of a perfectly good Saturday night. Some of you are probably saying, "But hey, Prom is the BEST night of your high school life!". Well, for one I disagree and for two you're probably popular and I probably hate you. Now, I would not make such a statement about how much prom sucks, if I wasn't prepared to say why:
1. The music sucks. Maybe it was just because our DJ sucked ass, but every other goddamn song he played was Jennifer Lopez. I hate Jennifer Lopez. And our "theme" song was that dumb American Idol girl's song, "A Moment Like This", which they played BETWEEN all the J.Lo. I think my ears were starting to bleed. Or maybe that was just me jamming my eating utensils into them.
2. The dresses. Ok, dresses suck. They are so uncomfortable. I picked out the plainest, blackest dress I could find and it was STILL uncomfortable. It had this mesh stuff underneath the skirt, and when I sat down it would dig into the back of my thighs. I swear that stuff was imbedded into my skin. I'm surprised I didn't have to get surgury to remove it. Plus the dress was incredibly tight and I could hardly breathe. And the next size up wouldn't stay up on me.
3. The hype. People get way way too hyped up about Prom. It's basically a Jr. High dance with fancier dresses. WOW. Ok, so what's all the excitement for? I know some people that actually try and get their prom dates in SEPTEMBER. GEEZ PEOPLE. Seriously. You might hate that person by May.
4. The massive amount of money spent on it. This one girl I know brags about her 80 dollar shoes. Wow. It doesn't make her look "cool" or whatever (at least not to me), but it makes her look STUPID. Eighty dollars for a pair of shoes that you're gonna wear for maybe an hour, then take them off under the table, and never wear again for the rest of your life? I don't even want to know how much her dress cost. I can't imagine spending hundreds (and in some cases, thousands) of dollars on a DRESS. I actually did go to prom last year (under protest, and only under the conditions that no one would bother me about going this year) and I spent under 50 bucks on my dress , and I even thought that was steep for a only-gonna-wear-once dress.
5. All the getting ready shit. Nails. Hair. Tan. Makeup. All that shit. It took me roughly 15 minutes last year to get ready. It took me almost four hours to do my friends hair this year. Now, I don't mind doing her hair at all, because I love to do hair, but I wouldn't want to sit in a chair for hours while someone poured gallons of hairspray on my head. People flip out if their toenails aren't painted to exactly match their dress. Geez, come on people, do you actually think that guys notice that?
6. The date. I went with a friend last year and that's ok and so is going with your boyfriend. Fine. But when people start getting desperate and literally ask 20 people and get turned down, it gets pathetic. Why would you do that to yourself? I know that I have no one to even consider asking, so I just don't bother. Plus that fact that I don't like prom anyways.
7. The dancing. Prom is like a formal orgy. People making out and grinding on the dance floor (or at our school it's more like plastic tiles on the ground). It's gross. Get a hotel room.
8. The whole new car obsession thing. Okay, maybe it isn't new, but I never noticed it that bad before, but all the guys are suddenly more obsessed with how cool the car they're taking is than anything else. My brother even took my Jetta. Of course, that's probably because he has an Oldsmobile, but hey. Anyways, my point is, people are like borrowing Jaguars and Hummers. If you have a crappier car, it's okay to borrow a parents or siblings to upgrade for a night, but if you already have a decent car, why go completely out of your way to borrow someone's extremely expensive car? I wouldn't want to be responsible for a Jaguar personally.
Okay, that's my rant on prom. I just finished doing my best friend's hair for the dumb thing and needed to rant about it. And her date's a jackass. But that's beside the point. I'm going home to spend a nice quiet evening with a book or something. And NOT at prom, like the whole rest of the Senior class.
Well, now I'm on ANOTHER frickin mailing list...Come on people, this journal just isn't that entertaining.
I got my book in the mail yesterday. I'm already almost done with it. I'm such a dork. It's calle "Bully" and it's a true story about this kid who is a total asshole to everyone, including his friends so they plot and kill him. It's so gross. They slice him up with a knife and slit his throat and he's still alive and trying to talk when they throw him in the water all cut up so the alligators and crabs can eat him. It really happened down in Florida in the early 90s.
I ordered my David Bowie cd too. I hope I get it today.
I gotta go to work today. I get to quit in a month. I have to there now. I'll write more later. Maybe. If I feel like it.
I'm so pathetic. I like to say I have no feelings, but I do. And they hurt so bad when they come. Apparently Gavin has a new girlfriend. Ok..good for him, I can't do or say anything about it. It's none of my business and he has every right to have one. And i'm being stupid and jealous and selfish. But it hurts like hell. I guess it's true you'll always love your first true love. I just don't want to say anything to anybody because I feel pathetic and it helps to let it out in a journal. It was my choice to break up with him so I cannot say a thing. I just have this empty feeling like someone ripped a part of my heart out. The part that I've been rebuilding since he took most of it with him when we broke up. God, someone please shoot me before someone reads this and realizes how pathetic I am...
Ok...other things about today to lighten my mood...the National Honor Society had our blood drive today at school and Me, Julie, and Jesi worked the canteen with the food. It was pretty fun. I didnt give blood. I hate needles in my arm. Kevin did and he actually screamed when they stuck him...poor kid. I did feel sorry for him. Julie tried to give blood but they couldn't get her vein. They stuck her a bunch of times though. I'm glad it wasn't me. We got free pizza and cookies though for working.
Ok I feel like shit and I have a huge college history paper due tomorrow that i've had 4 months to do and I haven't started yet. So I better go get started.
I'm really pissed. Again. I swear I hate my job more than anything in the world. I'm supposed to work three evenings a week (two+friday). Ok. Fine. But NO. They have me scheduled for an extra evening. Which I don't really mind doing on occasion. But the thing is it is a Thursday. Stupid ass Sharon only has me come in on the Thursdays that SHE works so there is three people to work instead of two. She seems to think that her Thursday evenings are busier than anyone elses. She just doesn't want to do anything but sit there and e-mail her nasty ass boyfriend. Also, I had plans this Thursday. I made them because I don't normally work Thursdays. Well, of course she can't deal with only having the normal TWO people there that evening so I have to cancel my plans to suit her ass. It pisses me off. Oh and Amanda and her having to leave at 2:00 on Mondays so she can go to an OPTIONAL class at 6:00. That is BULLSHIT. She said she needs time to spend with her kids. THEN DON"T TAKE THE GODDAMN CLASS BITCH! And Sharon is NOT my supervisor. She really doesn't have the power to tell me I can take off work or not. She really should call our supervisor Jill. I might do that tomorrow if I'm still pissed enough. Fucking work. I hate it. I don't hate working, I just hate all the bullshit in that place. I actually like having a job, just I really wish it was a different one. It's like high school with all the rumors and bullshit.
Whew..ok i'm done for now. I think.
I hate driving in the rain.
Ew...you know what's been in my head all day? I stayed up really late last night to finish reading my book "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King. And she gets out of these handcuffs by slitting her own wrist and when she pulls it out she basically starts to skin her own hand. It is so nasty and I hate hate knives. Yuck. My wrist has hurt all day thinking of that. I gotta stop reading that stuff before bed.
Oh and you know what else sucks? Our school. Yeah. The seniors were supposed to go to the movies free on thursday because we took some test earlier this year. Well, today they told us we can't go because the assholes don't have enough money. Yea. Well they seem to have enough money to send the Jr. High kids to the movies and the bowling alley EVERY MONTH. Dumbasses.
I guess I lied when I said I was done earlier. Sorry.
oh and people just annoy me in general.
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