-harsh laugh- [22 Jun 2003|08:17pm] You know what? I'm sick of pretending like everything is ok, and all that jazz. I'm just gonna flat out say whats on my mind. I'm jealous. There you fucking go. I'M JEALOUS. I don't know how it is possible that you can't even tell that much! Everyone and their mom's dog knows that I like Josh, could it really be more evident? So, what goes through my mind? Why bother to wait for him.?! He's never going to like me the way I like him, so I might as well have fun with other guys. Right? RIGHT. Wow, I just admitted this to an entire school that can read my journal, but OH WELL, it's not like ya'll didn't know anyways. So for a really long time I didn't say a word about it to anyone. I mean, first he liked the most gorgeous girl in the world, so why even bother liking him then? And then all my bestfriends started falling for him, and that was no good either, but then finally Josh and I got closer, and that made me REALLY happy, or so I thought. Because the closer I got to him, the MORE painful it was to be around him, because I know he doesn't want a girlfriend, and even if he did, look at his selection! Why would he pick me? I mean, really. I'm NOT looking for the sympathy vote here, I'm just stating the facts. So there you go, thats why I've been all emo, and bitchy lately. And this is why I do what I do. -sighs heavily- I really can't believe I'm going to post this... but oh FUCKING well. I'm ok. I've gotten that out of my system, and I don't really want to think about it anymore. Being numb is great. 7 comments|post a comment

angst. [22 Jun 2003|12:18am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | ;; Counting Crows- Colorblind ] I am color blind Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside I am ready, I am ready I am ready, I am... Taffy stuck and tongue-tied Stutter shook and uptight Pull me out from inside I am ready, I am ready I am ready, I am.. fine. I am covered in skin No one gets to come in Pull me out from inside I am folded, and unfolded and unfolding, I am.. color blind. Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside I am ready, I am ready.. I am ready, I am... fine. I am fine I am fine. Nothing like a haunting melody by the Counting Crows to make you see things. I remember learning in Philosophy that at some point in your life, you're going to see that everything you thought you were...everything you were doing, everything that was making you happy, won't make you happy anymore. Isn't that a frightening thought? That thought, that feeling, is a part of growing I guess. Sometimes, in Philosophy I would sit there and listen to all of it, thinking it was bullshit. I'm a damn happy person, I've always been that way. And I was never a forced happy person, it was just natural. But lately, due to some of the choices I've made...I don't know, it's becoming harder to keep the smile on my face. I think I know whats bothering me...but I don't know how to really explain it. Besides, it's time to let go of it anyways. Whats the point? There is no point, which is the point. I didn't go to the BBQ today, and I heard it was a great time. I'm happy everyone had a really good time, I just...couldn't get up today. I literally sat in bed all day, just...sat there. It's so unlike me..I don't know, whatever. I'm done thinking. Thinking only hurts you. post a comment

so I finally find the time [18 Jun 2003|10:04pm] I've been running around like a chicken with no head for the past couple days. I've been through every emotion in the book, and now have a cold. I was so sick a couple days ago, I highly doubt any of you would have recognized me. I've spent a lot of my time thinking of Josh, and how much I wish I could do more. I know he says I do enough, but I still feel like I could be saying something so much more meaningful or touching. Maybe it's futile, but oh well, I know that he knows that I care. He's my bestfriend, and I made sure to send his family a card and a huge boquet of flowers today. I just hope he's alright. I've never seen him cry before, and I honestly can say I felt my heart breaking for him. I miss him though, I know that sounds selfish, but when you spend practically every night with a guy and then he's not around, it's odd. I've run into Mr. Stanton a few times. I know he's one of the most hated men on the Dover campus, but I think everyone needs to take a step back and realize something...Mr. Stanton does not force anyone to do anything to him. You're able to just walk away, the truth of the matter is a lot of girls here are attracted to him, and choose to act out their desires. I understand he's in a teacher's posistion, and I defitneley understand everyone's concerns, but lets not just focus on him...I mean, he isn't forcing anyone to do it, and thats the bottom line. If I'm going to be honest, which I tend to be...I like Mr. Stanton, he's fun to talk to, he's smart, he's funny and I enjoy him immensley as a teacher. Just so everyone knows, I got an A from him without doing anything. I'd also like to send love to my favorite girls Tate and Tavia and Calista for always listening to me, or at least offering to. It means the world. 5 comments|post a comment

[12 Jun 2003|11:22pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | ;; Simon & Garfunkel- Sounds of Silence ] - Talia sighed, a heavy sigh as she sat down at Parker's desk, rolling her neck and placing her hands over the keyboard. She bit her lower lip, not wanting to say the wrong thing- Well, I was told I wouldn't be put in the middle. It's not fair that my two bestfriends are fighting, and I don't know how to fix it. You made the decision to move out, but hey, since I'm the one who seems to be causing the problem I moved out instead. Thanks so much to Parker for letting me stay with ya'll, it's making this experience a whole lot easier on me. Parker has to be one of the most gorgeous girls at Dover, not to mention, she's smart and sweet. And I owe her big for letting me stay with her...I'm feeling rather odd tonight. Who knew you could actually feel emo? I haven't talked to Josh yet today, but I did talk to Mason, who I guess wrote this song in my honor... My bum is on Monroe. My bum is on Monroe. If I'm lucky, she'll stop being such a ho. Thanks Mason, it's a lovely song. Well, I'm gonna go work on some homework. Night ya'll. 4 comments|post a comment

[11 Jun 2003|11:28pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Niente ] -She wrapped the blanket around her, sitting at Josh's desk while she waited for the lap-top to boot up. She smiled, and looked behind her while he slept, a smirk appearing on her face- Yeah, Mr. Bad-Ass is asleep over there, and I'm gonna steal his laptop for a minute so I can make an update. I got my first grade back, and what a surprise. It was an A+ from Mr.Stanton, my AP Lit teacher over at the University. I'm happy he seems to think I'm such a good writer, I'm sure it helped that I had a personal experience that I could write about, but hey, I'm not gonna complain about getting an A. I've spent my last couple days with the STD Depot, Josh. -she smiles- He has to be one of the greatest guy friends a girl could wish for. He's a pretty ok guy, I guess. I also had a talk with Curt, and that went really well. I was happy it went really well, because I missed talking with him, especially ghetto speak. It's always nice to have the ability to make up with your ex's, right? I feel like I haven't seen my girls in awhile...Tate, Cali ...where you be? Or maybe it's I...Talia, who has been hiding under a rock for the past couple of days...I promise I'll get out more and come chat with you girls. I miss you. I also hung out with one of my first girls here, Tavia. I love that girl like a little sister...she was feeling a bit down over the fact that Jason had left the school, and she wanted to step out of line a bit. She's very innocent...but, we had a good time at the park. I hope she survived it! A quick shout out goes to Mason, keep up those great Britney impressions. I can't wait to hear you play a song for me as well. Well, I'm tired...so goodnight <3 EDIT , UPDATE, WHATEVER -sighs in frustration- I was gonna be cool with it, let them both sit here and fight, but I'm kinda done with that. I understand that Josh might have hurt some of your feelings, I get that, I really do, but if I have to hear one more mean comment about him I think I'm gonna get really pissed. We're close, we're going to stay close, and he makes mistakes. I know, he's human. And the worst part is...I've made even bigger mistakes than he has, like Mr. Stanton, and Deryck just to name a few, but no one is really getting on my case about it. I love you all, and I love Josh too, so I don't really want to talk or hear about him, or negative things you have to say about hin anymore. Thank you and goodnight! 63 comments|post a comment

[09 Jun 2003|11:53am] [ mood | curious ] [ music | :: Bright Eyes- Lover I don't have to love ] Holy Shit. And I do mean shit. I'm now in College, how weird is that? Last night I just couldn't get too sleep. I realize now it may have been nerves, or maybe it was the fact that Tate was snoring and talking in her sleep again. Something about "sheep, and baaaa", oh who knows what she could be talking about. I wrapped myself up in a blanket, and sat in the courtyard, only to be greeted by my homes, Josh Stevens. There had been a lot of drama swirling around him yesterday, so I kinda talked about it with him. Things were cool til he poked me, and threatened me with a trouser snake. So Josh , I made a special icon just for you. :: Talia grins wide and prepares to pimp her new icon:: I was in Cali's new dorm yesterday for like 5 minutes. Cali- Sorry I wasn't all there, I had a long day, and was just completely out of it. And no Tate, it's not because I was having sex the night before. Geez. And I would like to say, not in anyone's defense or anyting, that if you're single..you have every right to be having a good time. Hell, I know I do. Girls always get themselves too attached to these guys, so that when the guy goes out and has fun, it becomes a big deal. I'm not dissing anyone, of course not! I know how that feels, to get attached to a guy, and then have him leave you, but at least the guy is honest about it, and at least he isn't your boyfriend. Right? Things could always get worse. And I'm really glad to hear that Der and Kay are back together, that makes me a happy camper. I was so bored, I made myself a new layout. Go worship or something. 34 comments|post a comment

[04 Jun 2003|03:02pm] Excuse me? Does anyone have a hole I can crawl into? Jamaica has been odd, weird, whatever. I'm not having a bad time, but I'm sure not having a good time either, and that is no one's fault but my own. I swear, one day,long ago, before I went to Dover I was a good kid. I got good grades, only tried alcohol once and was a virigin. Now? I've been at Dover for a little over three weeks, I've gotten drunk twice, had sex with two different guys, and my grades weren't the best either. Maybe I'm just not as happy as I used to be. But when you are the happy girl...it's hard to be sad, cause you feel like a lot of people depend on you to be the happy one. As they say " No one ever really cares about the strong person". I'm NEVER sad, so I'm little freaked out that I am. I don't think it's Curt, although I'm sure that didn't help. It's not...I don't know what it is. It's just a weird feeling. Have you ever just felt weird?. Cause I know I do, right now. I feel odd. Anyone want to HELP me feel better? -laughs- Please? 12 comments|post a comment

[01 Jun 2003|11:05am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | The Recruit ] -sitting in her bikini, a towel wrapped around in head, her eyes focused intently on the screen, as she watches The Recruit and tries to type an update at the same time- So, Ana calls me, and tells me she got dumped too. Whats up with this? -she laughs a bit- I have to admit, I'm not sad, I just feel kind of stupid. Well, yeah. I do feel stupid. When you give someone something you were really proud of having, and then they dump you because they like someone else, it's not exactly a party, y'know? I regret giving it to him, I mean, who wouldn't? But, it's my fault for allowing it to get that far, and for giving it up even though a part of me wanted to. -she laughs, a little harshly as she continues to type- I had sex on prom night I'M SUCH A CLICHE. I suck. But as you can see, I'm laughing and having a great time down here in JAMAICA, the people here are great, and Cal owns me for taking me along with 'em, plus, ya'll know I'm "straight trippin" to have my girl TATE here with me as well. She was depressed cause I'm now a Uni Frosh, but I'm gonna stay living in our room, I've heard they're bigger anyways, but the real reason I'm staying is cause Tate is my bestest girl here, and I love her. So, I'm not gonna let her get depressed. Just to let you know, Ana is right... The Recruit is the sexiest Colin Farrell movie ever, and ya'll need to watch it. He's all hot, and..hot...and hot. Ok, I'm done now, really I am. But hey, I did just get dumped, so I have every right to look at him, and think, "Wow, I need comfort sex" . - she chuckled, shaking her head at herself. You're the biggest loser of all time. She clicked the update button as she turned the computer chair around and focused on The Recruit- 2 comments|post a comment

[25 May 2003|11:35am] [ music | Madonna -"Open your Heart" ] -she is wearing low slung gray sweat pants, as moves over to her stereo, turing on Madonna "Open Your Heart to Me", bopping her head along with the beat as she twirls around eating yogurt, using the spoon as her microphon, she chuckles at herself as she moves into her desk chair, twirling in that as well- Twirling reminds me of last night, and last night ended up being A-OK with me. Last night didn't start out great though, I couldn't find my boyfriend...Curt. Anywhere. Then again I am the loser that forgot to actually go knock on his door, so I went to prom solo. Danced around with my girls, hung out with Tate a bit...talked to Josh for a millisecond, but I ended up just getting more depressed, and more depressed, and more. But, then I found my Curt..and of course, when I found my Curt...I wasn't even mad at him for a split second, I didn't care. He looked so handsome in his suit, with his new black hair. His eyes really popped. So, because we didn't get the chance to dance at the Prom, we just stood in the middle of the courtyard, and slow danced there. How's that for romantic, kids? Then I saw the sprinklers going off on the next patch of grass, and took his hand and ran through it. Considering he was wearing leather, and I a white dress...things got pretty steamy. Lets just say, prom night is a night I shall never forget. But then my baby Kay was worried about Deryck, and I feel bad for her. So Kay, listen up..you and I must go out soon, have some fun...without thinking about anyone but ourselves and how much fun we're having, mmk? And to my darling Josh, feel better ok? You'll find someone who truly cares for you and appreciates well, how fuckin cool you are, mmk? - slides away from the computer, jumping up on the bed and singing loudly. She laughs as the song ends and collapses on her bed, with a giggle- 6 comments|post a comment

[19 May 2003|07:51pm] [ mood | horny ] Josh Stevens makes me tingle in between my legs like whoa. ;x I love that kid. He WISHES I make him tingle, like whoa. And he knows it 8 comments|post a comment

[17 May 2003|01:45pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Justin Timberlake- Rock Your Body ] -Talia is wearing her normal big grin, as she turns on the radio. Dancing over to the computer, as "Rock Your Body" blares from the speakers. She sits down at the chair, swiveling in it a bit, before finally hitting the update button- You know what? I bet I'll have you nekkid by the end of this entry. So, I'm here. Finally, at Dover. And boy have I been busy!! I've met so many wonderful people. Just a few who really stuck out for me. -smiles- I think I can make great friends here. So, the first person who walked up to me, was Toby. What a DOLL. We talked about things, just a cool kid all around. I hope to get to talk to him more. Then slowly, throught the evening as I came out from my room, I met Fox, who I also enjoyed. We talked for a realllly long time. He won't tell me who his prom date is, so NOW I have to go to prom. Hater. I met Tate, who is my V-SQUARED girl! I enjoyed her so much...that we became roommates!! I met Jamie Heights, who likes glitter and sex. -nods to herself, laughing- He's gonna make me do bad things with him one day..I can just feel it in my bones.I met Dominik, Kaye, Tavia, Jason, Dean, Barry, Bastian, Calista, Alex, Jemm, Max, Evan, Aimee, Christina, Illiana, Toria, Marc, Brynn, Parker, Josh Stevens,Audrey,Mischa,Mia, and probably more . I am also, the official disciple of Meg , she needs some love. So, I'm her disciple, -laughs- Wow, I'm a huge dork sometimes. Who wins a piece of cake? CURTIZZLE DOES. I met Curt, what a cool kid HE is. We also talked all night, and he's got this absolutley fabulous Scottish accent. So, I somehow got him to talk ghetto-speak, in a Scottish accent. Now that, is unbelieveably GREAT. He's funny, and cool. and he's CURT. You should take the time to get to know him. Really. I NEED A PROM DATE or at least a prom group to go with -she smiles, moving her mouse over to the update journal button. Standing from her chair she dances around her room aimlessly, while singing "Rock Your Body", she hits the off button, and walks outside. Ready for a brand new day- 2 comments|post a comment

Tal-Tal-Talia! [15 May 2003|02:14pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | The sounds of Dover ] So, this is Dover? I'm so glad to finally be here. I was on the waiting list for FAR too long. Now, I know some people are really busy, and I don't want to bug anyone...so if you want to get to know me. This would be the place to do it ::she smiles brightly:: I'm Talia Monroe. And here are some...well, "facts" I think you should know about me. 1. I'm Talia Monroe. 2. I was born August 8, 1985 3. I am seventeen years old 4. I'm from Sacramento, CA 5. I'm crazy, original and spunky. 6. I'm adopted 7. I'm the only child though! 8. I love my parents, a lot. 9. I am not depressed. 10. I was the President of my class at my old school. 11. It was an all-girls, college prep school. 12. I love to be myself. 13. I love Colin Farrell, cause....he's Hot. 14. He's also Irish, he gets bonus points for that. 15. I think that Punk'd is the only good reason to watch MTV. 16. Don't hate on Britney Spears just cause she's prettier than you! 17. I like to scratch.. 18. DJ... 19. Make my own mixes. 20. I collect records like crazy. 21. Billy Joel is my idol, he's just so COOL. 22. Saved by the bell was the BEST show on television. 23. Will Ferrel is comic genius. 24. X2 is the best movie out right now 25. "Konstantine" by Something Coorporate, makes me cry 26. My current ringtone is,"The Rainbow Connection", by Kermit the Frog 27. Shaking your booty is a daily neccessity. 28. I like having short hair 29. I apologize for things that aren't my fault. 30. Coldplay and John Mayer own me. 31. Counting Crows own me too. 32. Jennifer Lopez is a sex goddess! 33. Elton John is really cool too. 34. I want to be Mandy Moore, I mean, HOW CUTE IS SHE?! 35. I think that Justin Timberlake is hot, so bite me. 36. JC is cool too, only because he's not afraid to do his own thing. 37. Hayden Christensen as Sam...in Life as a House....whoa hot. 38. I like toe socks. 39. I own six different colors of converse low-tops. :x 40. I think that Reese Witherspoon is to die for. 41. I listen to ALL kinds of music. 42. My name is Talia, the boys are urgin..but I am proud.. 43. TO BE A VIRGIN 44. I love to change, and learn new things. 45. I love old retro clothes, vintage is sexy! 46. I love dancing around in your PJS with your girlfriends. 47. I love guys. They're so much fun to be around. 48. I like the drums. 49. I know two break dancing moves. 50. I can semi-beat box. 51. I have a theory that people from Australia are just naturally hotter than us. So there you have it, ME. ::she smiles, moving the mouse to the update journal button, walking out into the Dover courtyard:: 12 comments|post a comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]