ma vie et roses

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+vital+

Name - Deyama Hideko. The Cultmaster!! >:E
Pen Name - The Cultmaster.
Age - 22.
Sign - Leo.
Location - The Seventh Layer of Hell.
Pets - Just hide.
Titles - General Hayashi of the X Brigade, Cultmaster of the Cult of Toshi.

+current+

Songs - Gardenia - Malice Mizer
Eyes Love You - hide
Glow - dopeHEADz
Rusty Eyes - Toshi
Scape ~with transparent wings~ - Klaha
Vanishing Love - X
Secret Touch - Rush
Dahlia - X Japan.
Band - X Japan. Duh. *rolls eyes*
Vocalists - Geddy Lee, Toshi, Klaha, Kirito, Kawamura Ryuichi.
TV Shows - Buffy, Stargate SG-1, Golden Girls.
Movies - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Cats & Dogs,
Album - X: Blue Blood.
Book - Too many to list.
Anime - Weiss Kreuz, Shoujo Kakumei Utena, Slayers, Megami Kouhosei.
Desire - Taiji. A fast car. Guitars.  

+about the layout+

Hayashi Yoshiki. God to some, Devil to others. Isn't he simply divine? :D
Two days of work editing all the scratches, uglies and evil scary anorexic women out of this loverly picture.
Brushes by http://annikavonholdt.com. Great stuff there, go look! LOOK DAMMIT!!! *chases you with a stick*
 

+other+

Your God :D
Megadeth! \m/
Theban Mapping Project


 

Saturday, April 19th, 2003

Time:12:05 pm.
Mood:bouncy.
Music:Tono purring..
I should marry Takuro!
Which Glay member should I marry?


Duuuuuuuuuh. >:3

*runs off to make new layout and work on fanfic archive*
kiss me deadly.

Thursday, March 27th, 2003

Subject:an ode to no one.
Time:11:05 am.
Mood:murderous..
Music:X Japan : Silent Jealousy.
I'm not cutting this so deal.

What the fuck is your problem?
I'm so sick of you fucking pity parties on lj...sick of how you make me feel...sick of it all.
Now if you wanna be a coward and kill yourself, be my guest. I've had it.
I'm not gonna be there to listen to you whine about how horrible your life is cos no one loves you. You know why no one loves you? Cos you make them feel worthless. You try and throw that blame on me. And you just look stupid.
You should be jealous of aru_chan. Why? Cos she treats me with respect. She cares. She doesn't lie to me. She doesn't guilt me and make me feel bad. And, SHE LOVES ME.
I feel like I was only staying with you cos you'd kill yourself if I didn't. You get upset if I don't agree with you on things. You make me feel stupid if I don't know something you're talking about.
You act like you're the only person on the planet that has problems, yet you don't want to do anything to correct them. You'd rather sit there and go, "Oh my life sucks so bad, I'm gonna kill myself."
There's no way you were in a mental hospital for three days. They keep you for a minimum of three WEEKS for attempted suicide. I don't believe you about anything.
You're such a child. If everything doesn't go your way, you get all pissy and mad and say stupid things.
I try and tell you the truth, finally let you hear my side of everything, and you run away. Fucking coward. Come back and get what you've paid for.
I'm just waiting...waiting for your stupid friends to gang up on me cos you've manipulated them to do so.
You won't make me feel guilty any more.
Fuck off. Leave me alone.
I'm sorry I ever said anything to you.
I'm sorry you're such a psychotic bitch.
you know your worth when your enemies praise your architecture of aggression.
kiss me deadly.

Monday, March 24th, 2003

Time:5:32 am.
Mood:hungry.
beware. )
kiss me deadly.

Subject:eee...
Time:5:00 am.
Mood:squishy.
Duuuuuuur... *giggle* )
kiss me deadly.

Saturday, March 22nd, 2003

Subject:Anubis is eebil! ;_;
Time:11:42 am.
Mood:sad.
Stargate was sooooo saaaaaaaaad!!
Skaara...the Abydonians...Yu's forces... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
But, Daniel's back. That's a good thing...but nuu seeing him till June. ><
But he will be here. And we'll see the season premiere together. *^^*
kiss me deadly.

Friday, March 21st, 2003

Subject:Bleed ~kurobara no melody~
Time:7:44 pm.
Mood:lonely.
I don't sound the same
The same as I used to be
Everyone sees it
It's not as easy to hide it
As it used to be.

I can see
The pain in your eyes
You can't take it
And I can't stop it
Nor can you.

Turn away
Like so many before you
Turn away
Don't look me in the eye
Turn away
Save yourself.

Dry your tears
Save them for something worthy
Go on and hate me
Like I want you to
See if I care.

Cracked lips
Burning from my tears
I cry in the night
I can feel your anger
My fault again.

Turn away
Like so many before you
Turn away
Don't look me in the eye
Turn away
Save yourself.

Tell me why
I can't let you go
I can't see myself without you
Can you make it right
Or will you destroy me?

Thorns
Wrapped around my heart
Let me love
Let me bleed
Bleed...
kiss me deadly.

Subject:waiting...
Time:8:25 am.
Mood:creative.
The server's moving, so some (err, all) my images won't work till I get the ok to upload on the new server. Grrr.
A friend of mine is being annoyed by some stupid guy. I wanna poke him till he cries.
I started writing again. Don't read what's behind the link if:
1. You think every GLAY fic needs to be sunshine, rainbows and happy shit.
2. You are squeamish.
3. You can't handle someone venting as much anger as this shows.
4. You can't handle death.
The End of the Innocence )
Grar...it's like, 8:30pm all ready... O_o
I wanna get all cuddly with him. ;_; Ish icky outside and I wanna huuuuuuug. And some cocoa. And some cookies.
kiss me deadly.

Thursday, March 20th, 2003

Subject:I wanna bite someone's fucking head off.
Time:3:39 pm.
Mood:irate.
Why does someone who says they HATE Taku suddenly start singing his praises???
kiss me deadly.

Subject:life is cruel. life is a bitch. life is real. so real.
Time:1:45 pm.
Great. Now I notice I was supposed to sign my MIDDLE name on the stupid pink slips. I already fucked it up, and now he's gonna have a fucking coronary, cos Mum's gonna tell him I fucked it up. (Yes I'm still rattling on about my stupid git of a father.)
I still don't know why I'm stilll afraid of him. Old habits die hard, I guess. I don't know if he even wants a good relationship with his kids. I mean, my half brother hasn't talked to him in like, twelve years.

I hate snoring. I really do. I hope he doesn't snore. Or he'll be sleeping on the couch. Heh.

It's all overcast again. I love it. The sun hurts. Burrrrrrrrns us preciousssss, yessssss...

No matter how badly I feel, or how miserable I am, he cheers me up. Just the mere thought of him.... *sigh* I'm just in love. *^^* With a big doof. A doof who's obssessed with farts. XD Fartbooooooooooy.
Seriously though. I'm crazy about him. I don't feel anything negative when he's in my thoughts. Only good fluffy things. Like walks on the beach, cuddling in bed, ice cream and kittens good. Eeee kitties!! *kureiji dansu* Now his sillyness has taken over my head. X3

And, after the server moves, I'm gonna start a little project. For Taku's birthday. And fatty's. Send Teru some Twinkies!!
kiss me deadly.

Time:12:26 pm.
Mood:aggravated.
First, the beautiful. http://www.takuro-no-war.jp/
Next. I'm about to blow.
He called.
After TWO MONTHS.
He had that fucking tone again, asking me why I haven't called my mother.
She called me last week you dumb fuck, and she told me to call every other week. What's so hard to understand about that???
Apparently, if you're him, EVERY FUCKING PART.
I can't stand him some times. I mean, I haven't said a word to him since he dropped me off at the airport. I don't know if I want to talk to him any more. There's so many things that need to be said and probably won't be said, just cos I'm scared of him.
He always finds something to complain about. Something I've done, probably unintentionally. But it always ends up with him screaming and me crying.
Fuck. I can't stand him.
1 kiss x kiss me deadly.

Time:10:38 am.
Mood:worried.
The second letter is sent.
Now I have to wait. And waiting is so hard for me.
I love that man so much.
kiss me deadly.

Wednesday, March 19th, 2003

Time:1:53 pm.
Takuro the Whore!! :D )

Yes this is the same thing from my lj. He looks fantastic. And I hope that isn't a real tattoo. X_x

And yes. Layout coming soon. I'm just really really lazy. u.u;;;
4 kisses x kiss me deadly.

Monday, March 17th, 2003

Subject:it's 6:30 am...do you know where your butt is?
Time:8:25 pm.
Mood:annoyingly hyper.
Um...no. XD
I'm way too hyper. Seriously.
Played the new Trogdor game on homestarrunner.com. Trogdooooooooooor!! XD
Toshi: AND THE TROGDOR COMES IN THE NIIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiIIIIIIGHT!!
Thank you.
Toshi: YOU'RE WELCOME!!
O_o
I drew Hisashi naked again. I love drawing him!! He's so beautiful I just want to keep drawing him and drawing him...whee. Twiiiiiiiig.
behold his majesty )
I have a lot of requests for Jiro porn... and I feel so wrong for drawing him. He makes me feel like a pedophile.

*mood changes*

As each night passes, the more I love you. Does time make my feelings for you stronger? Do you feel it too?
The day we meet draws nearer and I grow more and more impatient. I want to see you so badly I can taste it.
Promise me one thing. Stay with me. Don't leave me when morning breaks.
I love you. More than anything.
I want you to know that.
Nothing can change this feeling in my heart.


*sigh* I've gone on three years loving him...and he's finally noticed...and he's coming to me.

*another mood change*

I'll post The End of the Innocence later. I need to finish a very brutal scene and hope to the gods Teru never gets his hands on it...or he will crush me with that huge ass of his. Come on fatty! Bring it awn bizznach!

fhqwhgads
kiss me deadly.