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i got into college, everyone. west chester. in pennsylvania. so i'm out of here for sure next year. i still didn't apply to monmouth or stockton. i duno if i want to. west chester is far enough away but not too far and i duno. i want to go to school with jimmy or lyss, but i dont want to be a burden to either one of them. i talked to katie today. i love her and miss her and we need to hang out cuz we just laugh over the oddest things. i fucking do not know what i would do without her. <3 we had this assembly today and i learned it takes 52 asprin to kill yourself. how many bottles do you think that would be? and how long do you think it would take? and would it hurt? it would be the pussy way out. i duno. here are my thoughts. random. i would do it, i would. i can't see myself past college and that scares the fuck out of me. i cant see myself with a job, or a career plan or anything. i cant see myself married, or dating or even being happy. i can't see myself with kids. i cant see any of that. i mean, i could see myself doing certain things, but not any of that. i just want to go for one year of college and then yeah. you know what i want? a perfect day. and i'm not even sure what a perfect day would entail. i would just know it in my heart. i would just be happy. truly happy. and then i want to put on my cutest matching pajamas. fuck that. i'd put on my big aero sweats and a t-shirt and climb into my bed and curl up under my hula dancing comforter. but before i got into bed, i would tell my mom and dad and brother and grandma how much i love them. i'd put the names on the proper letters and then, then i would get into bed fall fast asleep, with a big smile on my face. and that would be it. happy + done. sweet sleep. sleeping sweet. love you and goodbye. no pain. i am fucked up. :( |
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sad.