quiEtLy lOsing cOntrOL's Blurty

Subject:	i break in two over you...still...
Time:	10:48 pm.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	meredith brooks :: what would happen if we kissssed.

what would happen if we kissed?

i texted mike last night. cuz im a loser. just a quick message. *tulip-when are we going to jeckyl and hydes? i like really need to laugh. -kelson*...i was afraid he wouldnt answer. but he did. he said when wrestling's over, we'll go. no we wont. but it was nice that he didnt just ignore me. like he did in health today. but i ignored him too. we're fucking gay.

would your tongue slip past my lips?

i haven't talked to katie. i hope everything is okay. =( i want to call her, but if they're back together then she might not want to talk to me or something. i duno. it's weird not hanging out with her cuz we were like butt buddies for a weekish. i do that to people though. I CANT KEEP FRIENDS CLOSE.

would you run away? would you stay?

i would love to randomly kiss someone. i would love to meet a new boy. i dont really talk to boys. the ones i talk to aren't really interested in girls. thats a shame. THIS IS WHY I AM ALONE AND SEXLESS. not that i dont have a sex. i just dont have any sex. haha.

or would I melt into you?

i dont want to go to my prom. i dont have a date. i wont have a date. i really dont want to go alone, cuz my junior prom and my senior semi=alone. arg. i dont talk to boys! i need to start doing that. fresh meat. or something. =(

mouth to mouth. lust to lust. spontaneously combust

oh well. ive been trying to run every night. i get out of breath easily! but i can feel it in my legs. my gut is still HUGE. ahhhhhh. i hate winter! target has cute bathing suits! i want to buy one for disney but im too fat now. =(

but what would happen if we kissed?

xx

[nothing happened]

Subject:	looking back on yesterday...all my problems seemed so farrrr awayyy
Time:	5:49 pm.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	fata :: i break in two over you.

okay i found this on my old old old homepage from like sophmore year. its crazy. it was before i was really friends with jimmy or hutch. PEEB=Jimmy though! it was what mike and i called him. PB=picture boy. he used to always look at peoples pictures. =( this is kind of sad.

cait! haul ass to keyboarding! lmao lunch food-i took ur pringles! omg! hes so hot! ah jake! lol fell in love with the boy at the punk show! blink182 kicks major ass! u can marry them but can i sleep with them first? lmao i miss u!

ALYsSa! cheese is so much better than drill! EL CHEESO! damn lollipops! haha omg yeah lets bitch at each other then win and love each otther! BEST DAMN DRILL TEAM AROUND! bUs ridEs-celine dion..help ! o my its lite fm! ahh! can we play some good music? my ears are bleeding! wow first day back and were fighting again! wow big surprise! dammit! damn florida and its happiness! it made me burn! damn that blizzard beach! damn damn damn! bAnd banquet-our dances! eMinEm suCkS. ThiS soNG suckS sO muCH..iT shOULdnT bE plAy, i really hate this song turn this god damn song off *to the tune of its getting hot in here!* LmaO wHen iM a sEnioR, cheese will STILL be better!

MiKe AXEL TULIP!: *bFF!* ahH! CoOkIe MoNStEr is AwEsOmE-yeT hE nEvER aCTuaLLy eatS-sO iS oRaNGe sODA...ahh its the scumbag(elvis wannabe) ...pretzels...orange soda is my world.. .PiZza CrUsT! nOo they threw it out! yeAhhhh i HoOkuP wiTh 18YER oLdS..nice glasses..yeah make fun of me some more... six flags memories-watch me dance, WERE MOVING! why wouldnt anyone want this glove? its a nice glove! LMaO!that black shit was not from my pants! LuNcH- 2yEaRs! why dont u take him to the homecoming dance? shut the fuck up ...hes so black...ur so gay...her boobs are so big...hehe i lOve u BuT iM noT iN LoVe wITh U..."so he did and i was like finally!" lmao teLL heRr! aW mIkeYs bLusHiNgG! DeEj aNd PB! aH! we could so take them... all i can say is florida! i kno why u want that picture! "i give it til 9th period for the world to know" U PISSd ON URSELF! *maTt lLiArD diED!nOo! thaT mOViE sUckED*

AntHoNy-uhm hi..lol eww nightmare sex-the giraffe and the midget! BLAH eh.eh?eh! i eh u 2 death <3 mexican cowboy! chRis/cRaIg, josie! late nite tv! asliehuytr8t! heh ur friend scares me...its all good! i sware im gonna thro my shoe at tHE miDgEt! iLL bE uR GaY dAncIng fAirY! harry potter! lOl lOOk hEs in thE mOviE! the scumbag! ahH ur harry im that chick...! lol ha KB Toys! sCarY doLls/SinGiNG beArS/knockIng ThinGs oVeR! fLufFy! u and dan...:) jus kidding iM worTh $1! gO tAkE tHe doLlaR n bY uRsElF a BlaCk GiRlFriEnd THeN :( ghetto gerl! ah i LuV u! fIrSt RoW=neCK PaiNS! hAlF a doLlaR biLL..hEh i HAtE u cuz U mEt BLink :( yoUr A mOrOn-i MEAn That in a GooD wAY..YoUr HOtTER anD i LuV u moRe heHE MonKeY n FisH fOReVer.. thE GuM gaMe! haRry PoTteR aGAiN~oLd guY wAtChiNg uS! aH! wiLLy woNka-ViOLET! guMm! uR nOSe smELls goOD..LeMme SmeLL iT aGaIn! ;) >ah!< in k-b! aw! "go to town" lmaO! stop moking me! gimme my gum back! u cant unless u give it back! lmao U FELL OFF THE BED! holy shit that was hilarious..! *socks!* lmao >six months n i luv u!< our sex convos at amc~plus who throws a beer can at people? with u my dear its always an adventure! *yoUr nOiSeS* sPaSmS whEN uR sLeePinG! i was not doing that on the train! my head was jus down! a freak? ohh asleep! heh 2473 hours in NYC..pop disaster tour was amazing..puTTinG thINGs in mIkes mouTh..the kid with no name...! slEeP-OvEr, 2 hours til u gotta go! 5 am! uNdEr ThE sTePs oNCe aGain! hOrny-nEsS, what? ghEttO gERL iS GULLABLE! druNk..i LUv U!

mY bAnD/DriLL tEAm BuDDiES! xoxo
FlOrIdA RoOmIeS! vanity, lauren, steph n kel... we had fun! remember when i almost lost it! oMg cant someone else push her? lol lauren i had to push the fake cripple like all day! lmao sex bugs! ah working out in the hotel room (while me n steph watched!) deodarant, anyone? locked out of the room! ah why us!! roller skating for hours was awesome but the blisters sucked! laughing into the nite (room 7608-stop laughing so loud!) lauren has officially lost it! toe necklaces! sunburn! vans cool laugh-mUhAhAhA...big eyes! with running mascara! i slept with steph most of the time ;) hah vanity chilled in her towel the whole time! .pool fun! steph-splitting the lunches n dinners! we made some money! hot dogs=yumm! lauren get ur hands out of ur ass! steph, wheres ur wallet? lmao! vanity-damn people calling home..dont tell about what u wore! ahh and those damn rides hurt! shes shaky! DINOSAUR was the shit! 3 times, what?! lol french toast for breakfast n chickn fingers for lunch! jamie steals hotel memorabilia! oh no its time to go =( oMg i just want to sleep! can we jus go home-i want to get off this plane!! i cant take it anymore! lol lauren the busride to the airport-erics drumming whoa! i fell asleep on some kid n i dont even kno his name! im not gonna 4get that trip...we need a roomie reunion or something! i luv u gerls ur great!
practice starts! me and lauren-cross cross cross down! whoa yea we cant do this! alyssa-its too god damn happY! was that ant?
another banquet gone by..two more girls n were done! =( anyway this one was quite interesting n fun..from those of us who dont know how to match or stop whining to those of us who need to wear bras to those of us who are sticky n sweaty from dancing....great fun times! dancing! kATIe gUhL n mE wAiting forever to PEE! swEatIng...our "i wanna l-l-lick u from ur head to ur toes dance" (alyssa n cassie) thE whole i cant perculate thing (amanda) laurens getting hot n wants to take off her clothes! dancing witTH pRo! geTTing butter thrown at me from steph (she was trying to hit jamie!) jamie handing out free ice! *iT juS FLEW!* "shuT thE fuCK uP..EVERYONE!" mY haIR-i did it myself! it was all spikeY! stEph-theres a leaf in my boob! yes there has been othr things there too! mAny PiCtuReS, LAuGHS, a FeW TeARs, it all adds up to fun memories that wont be forgotten! ...how many more days til band camp?

aw. i miss those days. i went thru old crap of my own. it made me cry. notes and shit. 2 very nice cards from mike. :*( they made me cry even harder. ahhh.

i need summer. i need to go to the beaccccch.

ahhh

[nothing happened]

Subject:	im not afraid to put the gun in my hand...just afraid itll hurt like hell
Time:	9:43 pm.
Mood:	fat fat faaaat.
Music:	jack off jill :: fear of dying.

im no longer angry. im actually quite happy.

note to self, though. stop smoking, and maybe you could run longer than 10 minutes on the treadmill, fatass.

jimmy and i went to nyc monday. we were just walking around and he asked me where that place was. i was confused to which place he was talking about. he meant rockefeller center. =) i got to ice skate at rockefeller center! i've been wanting to do that since i was like 8 years old. it was so awesome. we had hot chocolate. and then we skated some more, mocking the funny people on the ice. ahh. it was a nice day. a colin+xtina day. we got to be us again. i missed that. i think he did too.

tovish+1 went to fezziwigs monday night. it was a little awkward, but nice. after a month of not seeing everyone together, it was cool. if you closed your ears and suppressed some of the awkwardness and added a few more joint laughs, you would have us in old times. =( its still good that we're all pretty much talking. hutch is trying to make us jealous or seomthing? but its not working. and i feel bad. ha.

my heart hurts. maybe im having a heart attack.

if ive learned anything in this past month about relationships/friendships, its people need a break. sometimes that is the best way to realize how much someone means to you. i have to make a list of things ive learned vs my experiences throughout high school.

i am fat. and i must never eat again. but of course ill eat and eat and eat.

ahhh.

xx

[nothing happened]

Subject:	im not afraid to put the gun in my hand...just afraid itll hurt like hell
Time:	9:43 pm.
Mood:	fat fat faaaat.
Music:	jack off jill :: fear of dying.

[nothing happened]

Subject:	org
Time:	3:10 pm.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	incubus :: made for tv movie.

i got tix to see blink182 + no douBt. happy heart day to me.

orG oRg OrG

i think i'm taking jimmy with me. i was going to get 3 tix, but they were so expensive. if for some reason he hates me and doesnt want to go with me, ill bring alyssa, if she's allowed to go.

i also would love to go to skate and surf all three days. 3-day passes are like $85, so maybe my next next paycheck will go towards them. unless someone wants to get them for me for easter.

i've been chillin' with katie a lot. its nice. i miss alyssa though. we'll probly do something anti-love tonite! wooo. i havent hung out with jimmy in over a week and its making me kind of sad. i duno why. i guess i just got used to being up each others butts all the time. maybe it was like too good to be true. im not like mad at him and i dont think hes mad at me. its just another change in friendships that i seem to be going thru a lot lately. oh well. this is me you're talking about. and it's about time i got left behind. =)

i got a tattooo i got a tattooo. i can't get over that. its really small. and just plain. but its going to be on my back for the rest of my life. i'm thinking (already) of adding two more stars to it in the future. probably not for a while though. meh.

going to go pretend its summmmmmmmmmmer.

[nothing happened]

Subject:	wrap me up in your smile... :(
Time:	2:13 pm.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	weezer :: smile.

my whole idea of *love* is now tainted. if someone great can do something so shitty to someone else who=great, what good is it for the rest of us? there is like no hope at all. :(

i just want to go away. get away. run away. fly away. be away. and not for any reason, except to be happy. i'm happier when i'm away. i run away. i am joey potter. i watched the last episode of dawsons creek like 3 times last night. i needed to cry. and i cried. so much. my favorite part is when jen tells jack to make sure her baby, amy, belongs somewhere, because she felt she never did. and jack tells her that she belongs to him; that jen is and always will be his soulmate.

barf.

i want a soulmate. i want a dawson. too late now. i want a jack. i want a pacey the most though. a guy who needs you, who feels happiest when you are around.

but love is tainted. love is stupid. i wish i was in love though. i wish i knew what love was.

i wish i would stop babbling.

my heart for katie. i duno how, but she's gonna get through this. no matter how many times she is shit on, she comes out on top, and this will be no different. it wil make her strong and she'll survive.

want to lose weight? have your heart broken.

[nothing happened]

Subject:	"i have 2 friends. kelly + gunthro." -jimmmy
Time:	5:53 pm.
Mood:	sick.
Music:	britney spears :: toxic.

i feel sick. blah. i hate being sick. my fucking throat hurts AGAiN! i feel like i just got over it hurting. my voice is all retarded. hi, i'm a man.

jimmy sat faaaaaaar away from me today. he hates me. jk. he doesnt want to be sick for his county meet thing tomorrow. i understand. i felt bad. i tried not too breathe too much in human phys. :( and katie and i didnt stalk him after 7th cuz i didnt want him to catch my germies anymore.

cait told katie to not listen to a thing i say, because i am the one with the problem towards her. actually, cait, i am not. i dont give a flying fuck anymore. i sent her a valentine carnation. maybe that will help. who the fuck cares though. i'm too tired/sick/sad to deal with any of my fucking problems. i'll just bury them and they'll come back to bite me in the ass. katie told her that i dont sit there and talk about her, that we talk about other stuff, which is true. katie + i want to go back to key largo. ahhh. it was so peaceful and warm there.

i am so fucking fat. but since my chest has been hurting, i'm afraid to take dps. i dont want my heart to explode.

yay. it's almost valentine's day and i'm single as fuck.

i also only have like 3 friends. this is neat. :(

gaaaaah. it's almost 6. time for bed. and the sad part is, i'm not even kidding. i want to be healthy and happy soooooon!!!!!!!

[nothing happened]

Subject:	52 asprin. tow truck driver. i wanna spoon. or knife?
Time:	9:40 pm.
Mood:	sad.
Music:	bonnie raitt :: i cant make you love me.

i got into college, everyone. west chester. in pennsylvania. so i'm out of here for sure next year. i still didn't apply to monmouth or stockton. i duno if i want to. west chester is far enough away but not too far and i duno. i want to go to school with jimmy or lyss, but i dont want to be a burden to either one of them.

i talked to katie today. i love her and miss her and we need to hang out cuz we just laugh over the oddest things. i fucking do not know what i would do without her. <3

we had this assembly today and i learned it takes 52 asprin to kill yourself. how many bottles do you think that would be? and how long do you think it would take? and would it hurt? it would be the pussy way out. i duno.

here are my thoughts. random. i would do it, i would. i can't see myself past college and that scares the fuck out of me. i cant see myself with a job, or a career plan or anything. i cant see myself married, or dating or even being happy. i can't see myself with kids. i cant see any of that. i mean, i could see myself doing certain things, but not any of that. i just want to go for one year of college and then yeah.

you know what i want? a perfect day. and i'm not even sure what a perfect day would entail. i would just know it in my heart. i would just be happy. truly happy. and then i want to put on my cutest matching pajamas. fuck that. i'd put on my big aero sweats and a t-shirt and climb into my bed and curl up under my hula dancing comforter. but before i got into bed, i would tell my mom and dad and brother and grandma how much i love them. i'd put the names on the proper letters and then, then i would get into bed fall fast asleep, with a big smile on my face. and that would be it. happy + done. sweet sleep. sleeping sweet. love you and goodbye. no pain.

i am fucked up. :(

[nothing happened]

Subject:	where are we gonna put the kid?
Time:	12:57 pm.

YOU

{x} what's your full name? kellllly annn elizabetth beeeeeeeFel
{x} what are your nicknames? kelbee, kell, beeeetel, xtina, blaaaank
{x} when is your birthday? october 4th
{x} how tall are you? 5'10ish
{x} what color are your eyes? BluiSh gReeNisH graYisH
{x} where were you born? trenton new jersey
{x} piercing? i heart this question. here i go. LEFT EAR: 2 cartilage, 3 lobes. RIGHT EAR: 4 lobes, 1 in tragus + belly button. woooooohooo. its addicting!
{x} tattoos? sooon sooon.
{x} what size shoe are you? 10
{x} have you ever been arrested? nOpe.
{x} who's your role model? my grandma
{x} do you have any pets? nOpE
{x} what are their names? nope
{x} do you have any siblings? yeh
{x} name(s)? bobbbbbby
{x} nationality(s)? irish, polish, AMERICAN INDIAN!
{x} what is your astrological sign? libraaaa
{x} who is your best friend? pOOdlE (its u+me always), lyssbabe (KS), my wings...and tovish. i think? ha

PEFERENCES

{x} pierce your nose or tongue? tongue
{x} be serious or be funny? funny
{x} whole or skim milk? ewww milk
{x} single or taken? take meeeeeeeee
{x} simple or complicated? complicated. adds excitement
{x} flowers or angels? angels. flowers smell like peeeeepeeee
{x} grey or gray? graey
{x} read or write? bOth
{x} color or black-and-white photos? black and white
{x} sunrise or sunset? sunrise over the beach. :)
{x} m&m's or skittles? skittttles. but when you chew too much, your jaw hurts. ha
{x} stay up late or wake up late? stay up late and wake up late
{x} tv or radio? cd player. i hate the radio
{x} is it pop or soda? soda
{x} x or o in tic-tac-toe? X
{x} eat an apple or an orange? orange
{x} what came first the chicken or the egg? ahhhhhh
{x} hot or cold? hOt
{x} dead or alive? dead. but only on the inside
{x} tall members of the opposite sex or short? taLL
{x} sun or moon? mOOn
{x} left or right? right
{x} high or drunk? drunk
{x} green beans or carrots? carrrrrots....uncooked.
{x} low fat or fat free? bleeeeeh. yaaaaaay for fat
{x} what is your biggest fear in the world? dying alone. eh
{x} kids or no kids? no kids
{x} half empty or half full? half empty
{x} mustard or ketchup? ketchup..love it!
{x} hard cover books or soft cover books? HARD...like the tacos!!!
{x} newspaper or magazine? magazine
{x} wonder or amazement? amazement
{x} red car or white car? black. :)
{x} happy and poor or sad and rich? sad+rich. i'm already sad. i might as well be rich!
{x} singing or dancing? dancing. wooooo
{x} hugging or kissing? KiSSSSiNG
{x} corduroy or plaid? corduroy
{x} happy or sad? saaaaaaad. happy is overrated!
{x} purple or green? greeeen
{x} chocolate milk or hot chocolate? choc.milk
{x} marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? sweeet combo of the two.
{x} sweet or sour? sour
{x} root beer or dr. pepper? dr pepper...
{x} sappy/action/comedy/horror? hOrrOr
{x} ocean or pool? ocean
{x} cooler ranch or nacho cheese? cooler ranch
{x} shine or rain? rain
{x} winter/summer/fall/spring? summmmmmmer
{x} eyes open or closed? clOsed
{x} fly or breathe under water? breathe under water
{x} bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed
{x} chewing gum or hard candy? gummm
{x} motor boat or sailboat? either way, i'm on the water
{x} lights on or off? offff
{x} chicken or fish? chicken

FAVORiTE

{x} number? 13
{x} holiday? summmmmmmmmmmer. its a damn holiday
{x} radio station? 96.5. except not.
{x} place? jimmy's bed. haha
{x} flower? flowers smelll like peeepeee
{x} scent? curve
{x} if you could be anywhere, where would you be? at the fucking beach.

CURRENT

{x} current clothes: sweatpants + swim sweatshirt. hi skank
{x} current mood: hOrn-nay, lOneLy, slightly saD.
{x} current taste: popsicleeeeeezzzzz
{x} current annoyance: uhhhh duno
{x} current smell: mny feeeeeeet. yummmm
{x} current thing you ought to be doing: sleeping
{x} current desktop picture: blank.
{x} current worry: do i have bio homework
{x} current sound: real world. woooot
{x} current fav food: chicken fingahhhs
{x} current fav shoes: AE shOes...my uggs.
{x} current fav TV show: real world. realworld/road rules challange.
{x} current fav movie: cruel intentions. org. best movie ever.

LAST PERSON

{x} you touched in a sexy way? your mom
x} you talked to? jimmmay
{x} you hugged? duno
{x} you instant messaged? marg
{x} you kissed? soooooooooooooo long ago
{x} you yelled at? my brother
{x} you laughed with? annnnna

HAVE YOU / ARE YOU / DO YOU

{x} considered being a hooker? yes
{x} split personalities? yes...no...yes shutup...no!! hah. jk.
{x} obsessive? no
{x} panic? eh
{x} anxiety? yeah.
{x} depressed? yepp
{x} open-minded? yes
{x} interesting? nope
{x} hungry? nope
{x} friendly? eh
{x} smart? used to be
{x} moody? yeah
{x} childish? i have my moments
{x} independent? eh
{x} hard working? when i want to be
{x} organized? nOt really
{x} healthy? nOoO
{x} shy? yes
{x} difficult? yes! i like that in me though. haha
{x} attractive? nope. :(
{x} bored easily? yesm
{x} thirsty? not reallly
{x} responsible? yeah w/ some things
{x} sad? yeah
{x} happy? ha. what's that
{x} talkative? yes
{x} different? yeah, just like everyone else
{x} unique? same as ^^^
{x} lonely? yepp
{x} colored youdr hair? yepp
{x} have a boyfriend? nope
{x} own a webcam? nope
{x} ever get off the computer? yeah
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE YOU EVER..?

{x} fallen for your best friend? yeah. :( burnt twice because of it. yaaaaaay.
{x} been rejected? all the time. lol
{x} been in love? yesm
{x} used someone? yesm. but then i ended up falling and getting more hurt than was worth it.
{x} been used? yeah. i had 2 "friends with benefits" relationships. tis all good
{x} done something you regret? meh
{x} long or short hair? shagggy hizair
{x} dark or blond hair? darrrrrrrrk
{x} tall or short? taaaaalllll
{x} dark or light eyes? light
{x} hat or no hat? hats make boys look hotttttter
{x} pierced or no? pierced a little

DATiNG QUESTiONS

{x} do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? nope
{x} describe a perfect date: PERFECT IS BORiNG! :)
{x} how will it end? in your mom's bed ;)
{x} describe love in your own words: hmmm. butterflies. its all about the butterflies.
{X}Do you have a crush? no. oh wait i do, but i wont tell you. *giggle giggle*. just kidding. i really dont have one.
{X}Who? ______________ your name here slut.

[nothing happened]

Subject:	yer as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
Time:	9:36 pm.
Mood:	horny.
Music:	brand new :: seventy times seven.

bob woke me up @ 7:15 to take him to school...at 7:15. yeah let me jump up and drive. i did though. tis all good. came back home and slept til 12. wooo. jimmy called and picked me up and we went to blockbuster. got some flicks and went back to his house to eat ice cream and shit. lol. it was fun. my mom called and made me come home, which meant jimmy had to drive in this shit. :( i should've driven myself. i felt super bad. i sorry i sorry i sorry.

i hate snow.

i wanna get crunked the fuck up. soon.

i did a survey. weeeeeeeeeee. it's random and i don't fit into anything. meh.

-generic teenager stereotype-
DO DRiNK ALCOHOL? on occasion
DO YOU PARTY A LOT: nOpe. i'm a waste of a teenager
DRUGS FOR RECREATiONAL PURPOSES? nO entireLy
HOW OFTEN DO YOU SAY *LiKE* iN AN HOUR: nOt often
DO YOU SKiP CLASSES: no
CASUAL SEX? how i wish
DO YOU STEAL: nope
iNAPPROPRiATE CLOTHiNG?: noPe
DROOL OVER CELEBS: xtinaaaa
WATCH A LOT OF TV: nOpe
WATCH THE NEWS: too depressing
CARE ABOUT WORLDiSSUES?: neh
READ BOOKS OFTEN?: yes
FAiLiNG A LOT OF CLASSES: nah
SPEND A LOT OF TiME W/FRiENDS: yeah the same like 3
DO YOU SMOKE: yes. :(
HANG OUTS- MALLS, 7ELEVENS: malls. omg malls.
OFTEN HAVE CRUSHES: not in a while.
DO YOU CUSS A LOT: yeah
ARE YOU DESPERATE TO FiT iN: nope. i'm content with being me
iNTELLiGENT?: at times

-the goth stereotype-
BLACK LiPSTiCK: nopE
BLACK EYELiNER: yeah
BLACK EYESHADOW: eh
TRENCHCOATS: no
BLACK BOOTS: own em, dont wear em
FiSHNETS: yeah. colin wears them more though
BLACK NAiLS: i dont really paint my nails
CiGS: yeahh
HEAVY METAL: nope
MANSON: no
KiTTiE: no
CRADLE OF FiLTH: no
CONSTANT FROWN & PERPETUAL ANGST: oh for sure
LiKE BEiNG A FUN PERSON: meh
Intellectual: nope
ATHEiST: neh
HORRiBLE HOMELiFE: nope
HOPELESSLY DEPRESSED: yeah what can i say
SUiCiDAL: to an extent
SELF MUTiLATiON: taking it up as a hobby

-the punk stereotype-
PLAiD: not realllly
BiG BLACK BOOTS: own em, dont wear them...
MOHAWK: not on me
PiERCiNGS: my ears are super pierced. yay i'm punk. =(
LOUD/CONFiDENT/OPiNiONATED: at times.
WiLD HAiR COLORS: blaaaaaaaaaaaaack. isnt wild though
NOFX: neh
RANCiD: neh
WELL VERSED ON POLiTiCALSCANDALS/OUTRAGES: noPe

-the jock stereotype-
WHATS YOUR IQ: hiigher than you'd expect
WATCH A LOT OF SPORTS: noPe
PLAY A LOT OF SPORTS: noPe
TALK ABOUT SPORTS: all the time...
DO YOU DO ANYTHiNG BESiDES THiNK ABOUT SPORTS: everything but
ARE YOU ARROGANT: nope
ARE YOU A MALE OR FEMALE WHORE: i wish
HOMOPHOBiC?: nope
TEASE OTHER PPL TO SEEM CONFiDENT: no
BOOBS: i've got them...
PARTiES: yaaaaaaaaay
DROPPiNG OUT OF HS AND FLiPPiNG BURGERS: no way. unless it was in a hot place, like florida

-the girl stereotype-
SPEND A LOT OF TiME ON APPEARANCE: no fucking way
BEEN ON A DiET?: yeah
HOW MUCH DiD YOU LOSE: didnt count the pounds, only what i looked like
WAS It MORE LiKE AN EATiNG DiSORDER: yepp
MAKE YOURSELF THROW UP: i cant
MAKE UP: on occasion
LOW CUT SHiRTS: eh not often
HOW BiG ARE YOU BOOBS[CUPSiZE]: 36c. not that big.
DO YOU FLiP YOUR HAiR A LOT: lmao!!! to go to nyc? jk. no never.
GiGGLE A LOT: laugh, not giggle
DEAL W/ BOYS: no. boys are yuccccccccky. i duno how to find boys.
THONGS: yesm
PRETTY BRAS: guilty pleasure
COSMO, SEVENTEEN: no thanks
WEAKERSEX: no
FEMiNiST?: no
BRAD PiTT=HOT?: no
SHAVE YOUR LEGS: eh. i try. it's winter though
EMOTiONAL: super

wow that was fun. not. :)

i want to be on real world. i'm messed up and twisted. it would be neat to expose my inner-fucked up self to the entire world. wwwoooooooo.

blah. i wish i had a boyfriend. :(

xx

[nothing happened]

Subject:	you learn what you live with
Time:	1:49 pm.
Mood:	shocked.
Music:	early november :: i wana hear you sad.

hmm. yesterday was good til i came home again. i left around 3 and went to freehold with jimmy and alex. we went to ac moore to get shit for his colin wall. ended up back at jim's to make the colin wall, and for me and alex to lay on his bed.

my life consists of shopping and laying on jimmy's bed.

alex took me home. i came in and got yelled at by everyone. all i wanted to do was check my mail to see if katie wrote me back. first, bobby whined that i would be downstairs while he was watching tv. it was 12! what are you watching, bob, porn? all i had to do was check my mail. then my dad yelled at me because i came in and started problems. then my mom yelled at me because i made my dad yell. it was great.

my mom came in my room later to talk. i feel bad. really bad. i'm turning into the 'bad kid'. :( i was always the good one. i duno.

it was too much for me. it felt surreal. why the fuck was everyone yelling at me? and they wonder why i always go out and if i'm home, i'm locked up in my room. i wanted to leave. i got my purse and my phone but my mom stopped me. i'm too much of a pussy anyway.

i texted jimmy to ask him if could live in his closet. if i did actually leave, i would've went there. i feel bad. i'm a burden to him. i always go to him first to cry. i have to stop that. i'm far too clingy and needy and that's annoying. this is why i have no friends. i get close then i whine and complain. ahhhh. i suck.

i havent talked to cait in like 3 days. oh well. i'm not putting extra effort out. she's mad at me yet she won't tell me. i don't need that shizell right now.

blank.

[nothing happened]