|
|
Saturday, November 1st, 2008
| |
12:49 am
|
I think a lot.
Most of the time, I think too much.
I can't let go of things easily at all. They haunt me. They nag at me. They eat away at me.
No one understands.
I don't allow myself to feel the things I need to in order to get past them. How can I expect anyone else to understand what's going on in my fucked up head, when I don't even understand it myself? I can't. They can't. We just can't.
...and I don't know how to stop that.
Today was not a good day - not a good day at all. Today was one of those "thinking way too goddamn much" days.
I caved.
After over 10 months, I fucking caved. It couldn't have been more than 5 minutes that completely erased my previous victory. It was inevitable. It always is. 10 months, 2 years, 4 days, 3 weeks, it doesn't matter - it always comes back. It is, and probably always will be, a part of who I am.
I feel like I'm loosing control of myself all over again and this time, I think I may not ever get it back.
current mood: depressed
|
|
|
| Saturday, December 1st, 2007
| |
12:57 am
|
|
goddammit. i am so fucking weak.
|
|
|
| Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
| |
12:25 pm
|
I'm at work. I just took the scissors in the bathroom and cut three times on my hip. I was doing so good.
current music: Sia - Breathe Me
|
|
|
| Saturday, April 21st, 2007
| |
3:34 am
|
It's such a vicious, fucking cycle.
No one knows. A few used to, but they think I stopped. I did....for about 2 and a half years. I thought that after that long I would be in the clear, but now it has started back up.
I FUCKING HATE IT
and I don't understand why I can't just control myself like a normal person. God dammit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|