do you ever wish you didnt exist? today i am...first off i had a huge spanish assignment due that i didnt do because i forgot about it. then that very same period i took a test which i bombed...despite it being level 1 spanish...when i had had up to level 3 already. so thats makin me feel just so peachy. i was like why am i so god damned stupid that i cant remember 2 of the most common spanish words' conjucation then i get home and had to cut the lawn which let me vent some frustrations...then my mom gets home and all hell breaks loose in my head....i was trying to get my hw done and she comes in to ask me to explain where to send my brothers taxes...which was fine...then i picked up his form....and on the very form was the EXACT GOD DAMNED ADDRESS where it was supposed to be sent so i point that out to them...then shes like can u show dave i point it out for a second time...i go to leave (the taxes are on my basement floor the hard as hell lineolium on top of just as hard concrete) and she goes show dave where to send it...im like do i have to do his damn taxes too? im just so stuck in a loop at my moms house of pure hell...she goes through all my shit...half of my mail...no all of my mail goes to my dad(his name is also Danile C. Fiorella) so im always late with bills...it fucking sucks sooooo bad....i hate my moms lack of any and all inteligence or common sense...and whats worse is that im always polite to her and she gives me no respect and treats me like one of her special ed students...im like right now i have a higher gpa than she ever did(3.8 which im very very proud of)...i really need drumline back...im off 3 days and im already fighting with my mom...i think im gonna try and spend the summer at my dads...sorry all the bluebell kids that are here that actually want to hang out with me oh wait they dont exist but then again there arent any ambler kids that do either...sometimes i wish i were dead

Date:	2004-10-16 00:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy

i dont like myself any more

Date:	2004-06-12 00:43
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

ok well this journal is for me to vent w/o offending ne1 w/ it...b/c no one knows about it. & if they find it & get offended then oh well...

so yea tonight/today was a lot of fun til i got home...but ill start w/ the good. spent almost all day w/ teej. cause she leaves for new mexico 2morrow morn. god im gonna miss her. its only 2 weeks but still...
god y cant i just over look what just happened a lil bit today...& just see my time w/ tj.
ok well i came home & my one really really really good friends journal was very upsetting...she knows i luv her. shes one of my best friends if not best friend. what id do w/o her is...prolly stop breathing. & i come home to my brother being high...i really dont know what to do... he had a pipe out & i was like great... not my little brother. i really wish i didnt fuck stuff up so much. this is twice in the past 2 days that ive cried. its just so dissapointing. i care about my brother so much...i wish i was a better role model. i wish i oculd have been there for him more often