[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Wednesday, September 15th, 2004|
Months Later ...
Wow. I can't believe it's been five months since I've written. Talk about hectic. Now that the wedding is over, I can actually breathe easier than i've been able to in months. Yes, I said what you think I said! I'm MARRIED!
The wedding was beautiful. My mom was horrible the whole time, but the actual ceremony was great. It was the only part of the entire shebang that she didn't have anything to do with and it was the part of the whole thing that turned out the best. I was trying not to cry ... but when I walked in the door of the country club, I saw Nathan and my brothers standing up at the front waiting for me and Nathan and my little brother started crying. Now, I knew that Nathan would cry because he is such a sentamentalist, but my little brother is such a "guy's guy" I never thought he'd even tear up. When I saw him crying, that was the end of it for me. At that moment it sort of hit me that this day was the ending of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another. Now, don't get me wrong, I could not be happier with the decision I made to marry Nathan, but just at that moment I saw in my head a collage of my brothers and me growing up together. It hit me that we're all grown up, and we're all in relationships that will more than likely last a lifetime. I can only imagine what was going on in my mothers head.
Nathan and I are now searching for a house here in Kansas City. We've been faithfully looking at a whole bunch of houses, but we just can't find that special one that we want. I know that it will come our way at the right time, but I really want that right time to be now! I'm sick of looking at houses and I would really like to find the perfect one. The realtor is beng very frustrating also. I called her about a house I wanted to look at last week and she told me "Oh, you don't want that one ... it's going to auction." Sooooo ... she calls me this morning and tells me about the perfect house for us, tells me the MLS number and where the house is and I say, "Isn't that the house I told you I wanted to look at last week?" You know realtors, they have an excuse for everything. And it's nothing but frustrating for Nathan and me.
Two weeks before I left for my wedding, I hired two new girls to work for me. One I could not be more pleased with. She is so great about doing her job and doing it well and I am just thrilled with her work ethic and the way she handles herself. The other girl is a completely different story.
The week I came back after the wedding, my boss and I decided to change the schedule to suit the amount of work we have coming in. I hired this girl to work part time for me. While I was gone we told her she could have full time hours, knowing fully that when I came back she would go back down to part time hours because we just don't have the work for three full time people. As soon as I passed out the new schedule, she started throwing a fit. She started crying and not talking to anyone. Then she went downstairs to talk to MY boss and to tell him that if anyone's hours should be cut, it should be mine because all I do is sit at my computer and talk on my phone all day long. So, after she's done throwing her fit my boss calls me to come see him. He tells me what was said and tells me to really watch my back around this girl because he gets a very bad feeling from her. When I came back to my office, (where she also works) I was so mad I couldn't even talk to anyone. I didn't feel like that was the best time to confront her. I decided to wait a day and let myself calm down before I said anything.
So as the day progressed, I wouldn't speak to her or even look at her. She finally broke down right before the end of the day and asked to speak to me in private. I had to keep telling myself to calm down and handle the situation like a professional. She asked me why I was acting so differently towards her that day, like she had no idea why I was upset. Basically, I told her that I knew what was said while she was downstairs, and I was extremely upset about it. I told her that I got the feeling from her that she is trying to do everything she can to get me out of my job so she can slip right into it after I'm gone. That I do not trust her at all and I don't respect her for skipping a rung on the ladder of her superiors. She started crying again and told me she was just so upset that her hours had been cut that she lashed out. She didn't think she deserved to go back to part time hours and she really couldn't afford it. That made me even more pissed off. She knew that she had been hired to work part time but now that wasn't good enough.
I really don't have a reason to fire this girl, other than the fact that she has shown an extremely bad set of morals and her ethics are way off from what I am looking for in an employee. I think I'm just going to have to wait it out and wait for her to make a fabulous mistake and jump on the opportunity. I hope it happens soon because just looking at her makes me sick. Everytime I hear her voice I want to vomit.
Okay, well I think that's enough for now ... I have some things to get done. Write soon.
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Matchbox 20
|Wednesday, April 28th, 2004|
I don't get it.
I just don't get it. It doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense to me. Why is it when I finally find something that makes me happier than I've ever been, my past comes to a screaming halt right next to my future? Two times it has done this in the past week. Is some greater force testing my strength? I know a year ago I would not have been able to take the stress and the temptation, but now I can honestly say that I am not in the least bit tempted to turn my life around and live in the past. Only the future lies in front of me, and I couldn't be more excited about it. This man is the only thing in my life that makes any sense anymore and I couldn't have picked a better person to spend my life with. I never knew what love was until I met him. All you have to do is say his name and I get this incredible surge of energy and this amazing sense of warmth, and comfort, and belonging and it's almost overwhelming. Nathan. That's all it takes. I am completly infatuated. Past ... goodbye and good ridiance. Future ... hello, I CAN'T WAIT!
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: No Music. Television. Some Stupid Show.
|Monday, April 19th, 2004|
Finally, life kicks in....
I cannot even express how excited I am! I'm engaged! Sure it's been a month since it happened, but we just now started on all the wedding plans. Man, that seems so wierd to say. Wedding plans. I never thought I'd have those.
I got my dress this weekend ... and it's absolutely phenomenal. We found the perfect place for the ceremony and the reception and it's somewhere I'd never even have thought to look; a golf course. It is so beautiful and it's got the country club atmosphere that my mother is striving for, so everyone's happy.
I am a little worried though. My honey and I bought a car, but he works as a long term temporary employee for Kawasaki, and the loan company doesn't like the term "temporary." We've been driving this car for 2 weeks now, and they are just now telling us that the fact that he is a temporary employee is going to hurt us. We may not get the finalized loan now. Which I think is so tacky b/c we've been driving this thing for two weeks now, we traded my jeep in and we're both somehwhat attached to this new car now. It gets excellent gas mileage which is such a major plus because we live 100 miles apart.
That's another thing. I cannot wait to move to his house. Well, our house now. It's so shabby and run down right now and all of his ex's stuff is still there because he was nice and let her use it as a storage shed since it's not liveable yet. I wish she would just let go of her childish thinking and realize that he isn't going to take her back. I've got him now and he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Like for the next 50 years or so. So I wish she would come get her shit ... which is all toys. Seriously toys. Like My Little Pony's, Pound Ponies, a horse with a broomstick attached to it so she could ride it around the house, a Barbie castle, Care Bears, that sort of thing. I wonder if this girl had some major issues. What I really wonder is why he didn't see the wierdness. I mean what 22 year old woman has toys? I know I don't. Oh well. I just have to figure out how to get all her shit out of our house without pissing her off to the point of trying to be stupid towards me or Nathan.
I'm so excited about getting married! Ecspecially to him. He is the most amazing person I have ever met and I can't believe how much I love him. I didn't think you could love someone this much. That's how I knew that he was the perfect person for me. When I thought of not being with him, it was almost hard to breathe. Then when we started talking about getting engaged I always had butterflies in my stomach. The he actually asked me and my world felt like it tipped over. It was the coolest feeling I've ever had. And the night he gave me my ring ... another monumental moment. It wasn't romantic at all. It was actually kind of funny. He rolls over in bed, puts the ring on my finger and says "Here. Will you marry me?" I just started laughing. But the ring is beautiful. Its very old ... an antique, or vintage if you will, and has my favorite design incorporated into the setting. A four leaf clover. I tell you what, that man knows me almost better than I know myself.
The only thing is ... this trying to plan a wedding with my mother's opinion and his opinion and my opinion all incorporated into one opinion is damn near impossible. He thinks this shoud be a certain way, and mom thinks it should be this way, and no matter who I agree with, someone's going to get mad at me. And then there are the times when my idea is completely different from both of their's, and then it's a real mess. And the bridesmaids dresses are stressing me like you wouldn't believe. I wanted to originally go with a light (seamist) green, but I can't find anything affordable in that color. I feel bad asking my girls to buy a $150 dress that they will only wear one time and never again. I had a hard time buying my dress, which was a significant amout of money, because I know it will never be worn again. Anyway .. I decided to tell the girls that they can wear whatever dress they want to, but it just has to be floor length and black. I think I'll have the guys wear red vests and ties. I want the colors to be black, ivory, and blood red. Like mom says so vehemently, "it will be so dramatic." It's going to look so great, I can't wait.
Well, I've gone on enough about my wedding and how excited I am and everything else, so I'll stop writing for now, and write more when I can think of more senseless things to talk about.
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Country