My Own Little Corner of the World's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
My Own Little Corner of the World

[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

fickleness is the last thing standing... [17 Aug 2006|10:03pm]
[ mood | cold on a summer day ]
[ music | :( ]

yeah so ...i guess this is the sequel to part I. and sequels are known to be notoriously worse than the original. so these friends....just great people. it's amazing how hard it is to get the full impact of sarcasm when the words are written. makes me not want to ever hang out with them ever again...EVER. makes me want to pull a stunt like the last one did and just say that i never want to talk to them again. because it's getting to me, on a deeper level than they'll ever know. it's really starting to weigh me down and sonner or later, i feel like i'm just gonna hit the bottom. i can't stand it...just letting me say these things to me. whatever happened to my own free will...to telling myself that i won't let others treat me like crap. it all went out the window...i feel like some dog that someone repeatedly kicked to "break it in". all the things they say, all the things they make fun of me for, the fact that i feel insignificant when i'm with them. it's eating me up. it's tearing me apart. all i want to do was change plans a little, that's it. i never meant to get people angry or annoyed. it didn't seem too late to do so and i just wanted to change it. they blamed me because i never confirmed the schedule with them in the first place. they blame me now because i did confirm it and they're forced to change because of me...

i guess i'm not worth changing plans for...i guess i'm not worth the effort.

i would have rather they not change their plans than change and be upset with me...tell me to never do it again
i really am ready to just say i give up. what's the point. do i really want to spend a day with them anyways? be there, knowing they probably all bitched about me when they had to change plans.

post comment

it breaks my heart, it breaks my heart... [17 Aug 2006|10:24am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Regina Spektor - Fidelity ]

so i realize that this entry is long overdue. i am now into the last few weeks of summer vacation and i have yet to report anything good happening. life is rather dull, which is considered common when one lives in the "burbs". i feel like i live in the boonies or the appalachian mountains.

just really annoyed at a lot of things recently. especially "friends". note the usage of the "..." i'm just frustrated by a lot of things. i guess it begins with one friend, (although all friends shall remain undisclosed) just totally refusing to talk to me or anyone else for that matter. and although she claims this is everyone (except for two oh so lucky people) i really feel like she's laying down most of the blame on me because i was the only one to say anything. and that seems like it's always the case. like i'm the one who has to confront her about all these issues WE have all been having with certain people in her life. and so, once she gets mad, she bitches everything out on me. which is not fair. and while everyone else is upset with her too, it's really not fair that i had to be the only one to talk to her. it's not fair that now, it's coming back to haunt me.

what she said, some of it is partially true. and after last night, i can't help hearing it in my ears. how most of friends don't realize how cruel they can be, and how they like to make fun of other people at the expense of their feelings. so i wonder, is this really a friend? i expected to just go out last night, go mini-golfing and have a fun time. it felt like from the moment we got to the place, i became the person to make fun of. and i understand it's all in good humor but it still hurts. and that's why i didn't say anything, because if i did, it would have just made me seem like i took things too seriously. but everything they said, everything they ridiculed me for and bitched at me for, simple things really, it just hurt. and i don't think they ever will realize how much they hurt me. because i would never ever tell them that. they'll never know how much i need them to not say those horrible things to me and just for once, not pick on me because i'm asian or i suck at mini golf or just because of something i said. call me weak, spineless whatever. but it really does hurt when people that you hope would be your friends say the things that are just insensitive. and part of the reason that it's so important for me to have friends who won't tease me is because i can't find that kind of love at home. where am i going to find it? certainly not in my parents. in my dad? who told me that i was the reason he left. in my mom? who's only proud of me when i study and get good grades? why can't they just be proud of who i am, why do i have to do extra?

i wish i could tell that girl, the one who never wants to talk to me again. i wish i could just tell her that i'm sorry about how things happened and how i handled things. and i think i've learned my lesson to never speak on behalf of others. i realize now how much i hurt her and i think i'm starting to see her point of view. i think i'm starting to see that she's right.

post comment

long time coming [20 May 2006|04:46pm]
[ mood | complacent ]
[ music | Wilco - My Darling ]

wow. haven't like updated in a while. like totally ages.

well nothing exciting has happened, that's why. i assume i left off around ring dance time so here we go.

-ring dance-
it was fun and everything. couldn't see very well so that literally diminished about half the fun out of it. right before the dance, my glasses broke. like one of the sides just fell off. i was so pissed. the music wasn't all that great, lots of reggae. but caroline's house was fun and my hair was a big hit.

ummm other than that, it's been raining constantly here. our basement's flooded and i hate this time of year. lots of mosquitoes and whatnot. anyways, the other day, the seniors decided to play the annual senior prank. except it was a prank, it was more of a felony. they slashed all the tires on the school buses and then they cut the wires so that the bus's stop sign wouldn't come out. some of them got arrested. yeah, so this happened last friday and i thought my bus was just late because the old guy was driving it. nope, i waited for about 15 minutes in the rain. uber pissed. just ended up having my mom drive me to school

only did i get to school did i find out about the prank. not funny, seniors. that's just pathetic and also called vandalism. umm they were also planning to Viagra into the condiments at lunch but i guess the administration was one stepped ahead of them because they duct-taped all the salad dressing bottles and then took away the pepper and salt shakers away. so that was a deflated plan.

we had an icecream party in the afternoon for everyone who made honor roll. it was hectic trying to get icecream. had too many sprinkles, got sick.

post comment

just wake up slow [08 Apr 2006|08:15pm]
so most of you have already heard the bad news... i don't feel like talking anymore about it. i'm still really hurt by it. i mean, it was just so sudden and i know i shouldn't dwell on it but i just feel like such a failure. literally, such a failure. everything hurts. i just keep thinking about all the things i did wrong.

*ignore this, i have a feeling this might just be a venting mode thing*

i tried so hard i really did. i did everything they asked me to do. i thought i was making progress. i guess i was wrong. i just can't help thinking about all the other things i was wrong at too. all the other things i made mistakes at. it's like everything just replaying over and over again in my head but each time, it gets worse because i just pick out more mistakes. i don't know. i don't even care about *it* the actual it but the way it just turned out, it makes me feel really bad about myself. like all of a sudden, i really doubt everything i do because what if i fail again. i'm terrified of failure now. i'm absolutely freaked out. i don't want to try again. i don't want to do better and shove it in their faces. i'm so freakin scared that it's going to happen to me again. i just wish someone could tell me exactly what it is that went wrong. no polite talk or anything. at this point, i'm so uncertain about everything that it feels maybe i'm just wrong? you know? like maybe it's just me and that i'm incapable of this. i know it sounds silly and i'm second guessing myself but that's really how i feel. i mean, i just start thinking? why me? this has to mean something. it's coming at a really bad time. i don't know, like i said to britt, anything else goes majorly wrong and i swear to god, i'm going to jump off a bridge. i seriously can't take anymore. i can't handle like anything else. i'll just like go fuckin insane or like have a mental breakdown. i just feel like such a failure.
1 comment|post comment

how to save a life [16 Mar 2006|07:16pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | super tired but listening to The Fray - How to Save a Life ]

use a lifesaver. am listening to that awesome song by the Fray, who i just love, and not just because they are all british and super duper cute. anyways, so lots to catch up on. i totally forgot where we left off.

so my birthday party was a bajillion weeks ago but i still had a lot of fun and so i think it is a necessary thing to talk about. saturday night, me and nelson went to go pick up brittany with my mom. nelson sniffed her and jumped on her and then we all went back to my house. we tried out the "karoake machine" which was wicked wicked (and when i say wicked, i mean freakin' awesome) karoake machine. it had a really really nice sound system, two microphones, a mini tv hooked up already to it, and all kinds of other things. we sang some songs, including, "you're so vain", "i will survive", and god knows what else. we ate some food and then we watched tv and stuff. the usual sleepover girly things.

next day, woke up wicked early because i still had homework to do before the week was done. so that was a bummer. brittany slept for like another three hours. then i sang her "so yesterday" to wake her up. yeah. that was crazy. anyways, so then i had an emotional breakdown, which i really am still upset with my parents about but i just feel like they're never going to change so what's the point? you know what i mean?

we went to flamers to go get all the food. man i felt so bad because my mom kept pushin the guy there, who didn't really speak english all that well. she was kind of rude. then, when we finally did get our orders, she asked for a discount which i really didn't want and it was sorta embarrassing. but that just goes to show you, my parents have no shame. we stopped by oriental house to get the lo mein and waited in the car, watching over my little plates of french fries. we had air them out because when they were stuffed into the styrofoam boxes, they kind of got all soggy. so we had to open all 9 boxes of them, and it was really weird because the car had a FF smell and people driving by could see us like putting the open boxes near the window to keep them nice. also while in the parking lot, we sang really loudly to "you're so vain" which just happened to be playing on the radio. oh it was so funny. people were just staring at us like we were wierd. (which we probably are)

the party was really nice. lots of karoake funness and everyone who came had a good time. and very little leftovers. my favorite song was "taking care of business". i liked britt's no doubt song and gabby and bruce's duet to "save a horse, ride a cowboy" was quite splendid. the petit cheesecakes were a HUGE hit.

saturday, last saturday, i went to go see, My Fair Lady. that was super good. the accents and everything seemed so much realistic, partly because of the new auditorium. if i hadn't been sitting in the front row, i might not have been able to hear everyone though. some people were sorta soft. zak as higgins was really funny and megan did a good job at eliza. and good job to those sexy little chambermaids! and those button-and-feathers streetfolk!

so this saturday, my mommy leaves for china and i get to change my earrings. well that's about it. toodles.

post comment

it's my birthday [24 Feb 2006|06:29am]
yay it's my 16th birthday. i'm so excited. i want to jump up and down right now. up and down and down and up. and eat some shoestring coated french fries.

::wendy doing the happy dance::

and note the time i'm writing this!
2 comments|post comment

a monkey see but then monkey don't [20 Feb 2006|08:34am]
well friends...february vacation has started. and the countdown to my sweet 16 has commenced too. so get your party hats on. well that's not for another 13 days....

so am hoping that i will get that call from hugh so that me and katy can go to the mall and whatnot. (please, without Joel). i am to start drivers ed tommorow. oy. i think i'm going to need a lot of advil. other than that, i've got work right after drivers ed. oy squared.

so pray for me
and my future car
(which my parents so said they were gonna try to get one for me!!!!)

wendy
post comment

i got my ears pierced! [05 Feb 2006|12:39pm]
i think the title is pretty much self-explanatory. it hurt a bit but i'm a big girl!
1 comment|post comment

i've beat the system [24 Jan 2006|08:14am]
i've finally found some sort of website for communication that hasn't been blocked by the school administration. i am right now in our freakin huge new library. well it's not that new since we've had it now for about 3 weeks. (the vandalism has already begun....)

anyways, i'm on the school comp and they totally shut down myspace and all my email websites. which pisses me off since there's not much use for these babies if i can't access my email so i can print out my homework. anyways, i'm supposed to be studying for my french midterm but i think it won't be that bad. "bonjour". was looking at semi shoes and couldn't really find anything. all they had were those prom shoes with the thick heels and i really don't like those because i think they make your feet look butchy. is that the word? but i guess they must make him like that so they're more comfortable to wear. all my other shoes had been totally uncomfortable and i wind up dancing half an hour in them and giving up. so i guess there's a reason to why the shoes look so butchy.

damn i should have brought my invitation to work on. i really should have. i should also study for my gigantic ap history multiple choice midterm but i guess that's not going to happen.

*britt - i swear to god i meant to write "i got a dress" but my stupid cell sent the text before i could finish adding in the "ress". i did not get a D and if i did get a D i'd figure out a way to make it a B.

j'ai fini.
wendy
post comment

the name's cookie [16 Jan 2006|06:49pm]
so i have a dream...

well actually i had a dream and it was really creepy. like there was this cat-gorilla cheetah thing in my yard and it was like looking into our window. and my sister is there, she's looking right back but she's not scared. and it can't get through. it's just there and i'm totally scared. i think i can't bring nelson out because when i go to the side door, it's there too. idk it was wierd. and then, suddenly, the whole scene switches and i'm at the movies. and it's wierd because i'm sitting there, watching this movie (i don't remember exactly, but it had to do with like war). anyways, so this guy i used to like and one of my friends come up and then i'm like, oh hey what are you doing here? so they're like, "we're here to see the movie as a couple" and i get really jealous. i'm like, no way dude. getta outta here. then the scene switches again, and i'm at home. with the "thing" still looking in from the window. my sister is inside the house, looking out at the "thing". then the guy comes in and we start talking and it totally go to more than talking but then all of sudden...i wake up

but what the hell does all that mean?

not feeling too great and it wasn't just the dream. like i'm just so tired. i just feel like there's no me time but there's definitely work time and school time and homework time. i just get so stressed over so many things.

i know it's wierd because as you get older, you're supposed to want to mature, to grow even older. but it's like, i don't want to. i'm scared to get older. i'm scared about what's going to happen to me. if maybe i'll prove my dad right and become a worthless piece of shit who works at mcdonalds. or if i'll never find what i really wanted in life. i just want to be a kid again. just enjoy life simply. no extra stress. just be a kid. i just wish i didn't have to grow up so fast. idk, maybe i'm crazy.
post comment

the name's cookie [16 Jan 2006|06:49pm]
so i have a dream...

well actually i had a dream and it was really creepy. like there was this cat-gorilla cheetah thing in my yard and it was like looking into our window. and my sister is there, she's looking right back but she's not scared. and it can't get through. it's just there and i'm totally scared. i think i can't bring nelson out because when i go to the side door, it's there too. idk it was wierd. and then, suddenly, the whole scene switches and i'm at the movies. and it's wierd because i'm sitting there, watching this movie (i don't remember exactly, but it had to do with like war). anyways, so this guy i used to like and one of my friends come up and then i'm like, oh hey what are you doing here? so they're like, "we're here to see the movie as a couple" and i get really jealous. i'm like, no way dude. getta outta here. then the scene switches again, and i'm at home. with the "thing" still looking in from the window. my sister is inside the house, looking out at the "thing". then the guy comes in and we start talking and it totally go to more than talking but then all of sudden...i wake up

but what the hell does all that mean?

not feeling too great and it wasn't just the dream. like i'm just so tired. i just feel like there's no me time but there's definitely work time and school time and homework time. i just get so stressed over so many things.

i know it's wierd because as you get older, you're supposed to want to mature, to grow even older. but it's like, i don't want to. i'm scared to get older. i'm scared about what's going to happen to me. if maybe i'll prove my dad right and become a worthless piece of shit who works at mcdonalds. or if i'll never find what i really wanted in life. i just want to be a kid again. just enjoy life simply. no extra stress. just be a kid. i just wish i didn't have to grow up so fast. idk, maybe i'm crazy.
post comment

paradoxy all the way! [14 Jan 2006|12:09pm]
can i get a hoo-rah? well don't really need one but okay. just taking a break from doing homework. and extremely worried about my history test grade. i definitely am not sure if i did well or not so i'm like holy crap, please don't let me do like horrible. i'd die. i'm already doing badly in the class and i really need to like bring my grade up. so please please please.

i swear to god, i spent an hour doing cooper's homework. not because the math was hard or even confusing, it was like, because the work was so ridiculously unnecessary but we had to do it.

my question: when am i ever going to use this kind of crap? when i go insane from doing substitution to find the zeroes, i'm going to like scream. like really scream. think carrie kind of crazy where she gets revenge. well back to work.
post comment

if i was a rich girl [06 Jan 2006|12:24pm]
i'd buy some new boots cause the ones i have now are really kind of painful. and if you sing that out, it sort of follows the rhythm of the actual song. oh how i miss just being able to rest my stupid dog nelson wouldn't stop barking last night and so i didn't get a good night's sleep and i'm forgetting what i'm supposed to do but i know that i am getting tired.

really really tired

i want to go to sleep
post comment

wood + string = shoes [05 Jan 2006|12:15pm]
so...went to watch memoirs of a geisha with my pooley on monday. at first, we were like, holy crap, we're not going to make it. for a monday, the traffic on route 9 was pretty bad. like shitty bad. not to mention there were entire families that were just crossing the street randomly. but we like ran into the place, AMC, and the lines were like long too. but then we ran down the hallway with all the entrances into each theatre and we missed the entrance to our movie because we couldn't stop running. no like seriously, we couldn't stop running. we like missed it and we were like 'where the fuck is entrance 1' pooley was freakin out. but we got there just before the movie started. like seriously just before. good luck, i think so. the movie was good, the beginning when sayulie was just a little girl was especially good because it was just so heartwrenching. but everything was really good. i like how all the american soldiers are portrayed as horny bastards. oh. and then i went home and ate spring rolls.

i'd call it a good week so far... bring it on 2006
post comment

new year, old feelings [31 Dec 2005|05:26pm]
i am just so bored. sooo freakin bored. i have nothing to do, i'm stuck at home, with no one talk to. except for my dog and he'd rather eat mash potatoes than talk to me. everyone i know has something to do. especially those who are going to a certain somebody's party. what pisses me off is that i asked that somebody if she was having a party and she said no, but i had to find out from someone else that she was. so happy freakin new years to you. i hope you lie your way through the new years.

as for everyone else, just a regular happy new years to you.

wendy
1 comment|post comment

howdy, american cowboys [28 Dec 2005|04:13pm]
oy vey. i am so bored, both at home and at work. yesterday was my first full-day and i am still shuddering. it was literally like 8 hours of sitting there and typing. but i guess it could be worse.

visited britto the other day down in grafton. miss her, haven't seen her in a long time. she looks not derangedly stalkerish lifetimey. i guess that's a good thing. we ate donuts that tasted like coconut but were really made out of chocolate and counted lollipops. and watched 13 going on 30. and then left wierd but funny messages on people's cells. oh the fun we have.

well that's about it. working next two days. holla.
2 comments|post comment

chrismajiggy is awfully fishy [24 Dec 2005|07:54pm]
so ummm friday was the 1st day where everyone was herded into the new school. and let me tell you, i hate the place. okay first of all, it's the same issue about the hallways being crowded and stuff when the bell rings, it's just worse because i have to walk a longer route with more freshmens right in front of me. i wish you could just kick them aside. the rooms are really dull and bland, very boring and nothing interesting. i miss the "interesting" rooms at the old high school. the new place is so sterile, i almost wanna go, "bllleeeeeh". i miss being able to walk out of the classroom and be at the cafeteria. i missed the "coziness" of our old school. i hate the new place. no kudos for it.

also got some really crappy presents. wait, can't even say i got presents because some people forgot to bring them. i went like all out this year, trying to buy my friends really nice presents because i thought they deserved something nice for having to like put up with me for a year :) but then my friends are like, "woops i forgot your presents" or just gave me really shitty presents. it's not even about the presents. it's the fact that you didn't care enough to put a single thought into your present. you basically took the nearest thing you could find and wrapped it. i mean i understand trying to save money but don't give someone else something really fantastic and then give me like crap. that's just uggghhhhhhrioiwanirehierjh.

idk next year, everyone is seriously getting like nothing. i mean, i'll buy you a cookie and that's what you're getting because i basically got equally crappy things this year. i was so excited to give people their presents because i knew they'd like it but my excitement has been murdered by the fact that no one cared enough to go, oh maybe wendy would like more than just this.

yeah. i hate that. but good thing, i got out of work at 3 on friday. so i worked for like 1/2 an hour and then i went home.
3 comments|post comment

hello world [14 Dec 2005|09:22am]
err so bored. right now. in study. last day we can be in study so i thought i'd say carpe diem, seize the day and do something more interesting than sit there and be like, i'm bored. but that's what i always say. i dread having to go to actual study in the actual class. i hate my study class....so dull.

anyways, so no new updates on the party. i don't think anything's gonna happen. am tres worried. the one thing i have ideas about is possible a pool party as in swimming at the YMCA (lol). it's fun to swim at the Y-M-C-A. okay anyways. well that's one of my ideas but i really wanted a karoake party. and i will. and you wil all sing damn it. that is if you're invited.

went christmas shopping last night. bought so much crap and spent so much money it's not even funny. i was paying at the cash register at target though and this kid who the cashier was like, "do you want to take a plastic bag and suffocate me?" and i was like, "err, maybe another day"

so i'm totally bored again. brit, call me or i'll have my ppl call your ppl.

lol, lata (soooo hungry)
post comment

those were the days [11 Dec 2005|07:31pm]
so i've been calling around about my birthday party and i've come to conclude that it is impossible to have a birthday party outside your own house unless your parents are like uber rich. uggh. so far i'm looking at a party that gonna cost at least $300. i had a budget planned of less than 200 but that was before i included the whole fact that i would have to feed people.

i'm also really annoyed that like people are like, well i'll come to the party but i won't sing. i'm like it's a karaoke party. i think if you're not going to sing, don't come. save me the 15.99 that i'm going to have to pay to cover your ass in order to feed you. i'll invite someone who will sing because this is my birthday party and i say sing, we will all sing.

anyways, so if people aren't going to continue being stupid, i'm possible planning catering w/ desserts and stuff. there's one restaurant that i'm really interested in because they're catering offers smores. and i'm really excited about the karaoke.

well that's about it for now, wendy
1 comment|post comment

tryptophan and tryptomania [26 Nov 2005|04:09pm]
oh what am i doing? i'm watching THS: Mary Kate & Ashley Olson while eating nonpareil petite mint kisses. yeah, tis the life. urgg annoyed though. my credit card was not working today. but my mom did buy me like some new sweaters, very purty, and some other crap, like nice boots and a 1GB memory card for my camera.

well i'll start with the day before thanksgiving. i had to go to work after the rally but it wasn't too bad because i didn't really do much and i was home by 2:00 in the afternoon. i just really wanted to go see HP & Goblet of fire but you know, it's not because i like HP or anything, yeah, that's totally not like it. anyways, so i kinda just rested and did absolutely nothing. which was great.

then thanksgiving day, mom made the turkey. and a lot of other food. i watched tv pretty much all day in bed. i watched a marathon of what not to wear and then watched "where the heart is" which is actually really good for a movie on thanksgiving. oh and i watched anastasia, which i loved as a kid. good times, good times.

"have you heard there's a rumor in st. petersburg, have you heard?"

then, yesterday, my mom and i got up at like 5 o'clock to got out and shop like maniacs. we went to best buy first and it was ass cold outside. i'm serious. i was like freezing outside. but we managed to get some good deals. then today, we went to the mall again and i got two new sweaters and one new shirt. and as we were on our way out of the mall parking complex majig, we kinda got lost (don't know how) and we kept going higher and higher up the spiral. yeah, we hit like the top, where there was like no ceiling and we were like, "crap how the hell do we get out?" we figured it out eventually.

oy vey, wendy
post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]