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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Lex, The Gloomcookie's Blurty:
| Thursday, May 27th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:12 pm | Oy Can anything ever be simple? I love "subtle" insults, don't you? I need a life... Current Mood:  grumpyCurrent Music: Trading Spaces in the Background | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:28 pm | Another Random Update
From Go-Quiz.com Yeah... I really do feel like that sometimes... Things have been going pretty OK lately... Not great, but pretty OK. They would be better, I'm sure, but I feel so sick right now. Thus, I am off to collapse on the couch. Maybe I'll die there. Current Mood:  nauseatedCurrent Music: Nothing really... How 'bout that? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Friday, April 30th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:50 pm | I Have Returned 1.Go into your LJ's archives. 2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to). 3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to). 4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions "Oh, and this would have been updated a few days ago, except Blurty was being disagreeable with me." I just felt this one might need an update. Sometimes I hate myself. And I am not sure why. I need help. Current Mood: sickCurrent Music: Josh Groban: "You Raise Me Up" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:16 pm | Benedict Arnold, I Hail to Thee So, I have finally made the switch over to Livejournal. I might still post here occassionally, but my main place shall now be http://www.livejournal.com/users/five4silver/ So thanks for the memories, Blurty. You were (usually) good to me. Adieu, adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow... Current Mood:  okayCurrent Music: Dar Williams: "The Beauty of the Rain" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, April 18th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:18 pm | How It Falls I spent some time with my former suitemates talking and chilling and drawing a picture to give myself some release and it wasn't until I left that I realized it wasn't just cloudy out, but the rain that had been promised had at last arrived. This is the perfect kind of weather: Warm and rainy. I could think of a number of things that I could do/I wish I could do on this kind of wonderful day, but instead I must go to my Psi Chi induction ceremony. I know it'll be nice, it's a chance to get all cutely dressed up and get off-campus and have some real food, but I really don't care. I'd rather stay here and talk with friends, color in the drawing I finished over in my former suities' room and draw another, as well as finish a crappy poem that I started a few days ago. I'd rather do the aforementioned Thing I Could Think of to Do/I Wish I Could Do, but alas, an induction it is. C'ete la vie. It might end up to be all right and for the better, because this way it'll keep me distracted, rather than thinking as I would were I pursuing my artistic endeavors. But maybe it is true what has been said and the beauty of the rain is how it falls. I guess we shall see, won't we? Current Mood:  discontentCurrent Music: Dar Williams: "The Beauty of the Rain" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:44 am | This is Really Random, Just to Warn You... It is almost three and I want to go to bed. My roomie has company in the suite with the TV on, which shares a nice thin wall with our room. Also she has left her fucking ancient computer on (like seriously, this thing is some junky model from like 1996 or something), and it hums and whirs and clunks like the gears in some old machine - and I cannot turn it off, and that'd be just plain rude anyway. Can't she fucking flirt with one of her many suitors (nearly all of whom have girlfriends already) at semi-normal hours? If she thinks this guy is spending the night, she has another thing coming - even if it is just sleep, she and her guests always keep me up. I am so looking forward to having my own room fall semester. I still feel so ill, and tired. I am really just writing this because I am bored and need a time-filler. I have ideas of stuff to draw and to write, but I feel so sick it's distracting me. Actually, to be honest, at this point I can't even tell if it's nausea or hunger, but it's too close for me to really be too willing to take any sort of risk. One of the last things he said to me before we walked off our respective ways was a request for a favor: That I try and have fun, enjoy myself tonight. I don't know that I really tried at that, but a lot of that was due to the nausea that is still overpowering me and not allowing me to do anything more than climb 2 flights of stairs. Around 1-ish or so I did just that to see my friend, only to find he was to busy with his other friends to really pay me much mind; could have used, if not a bitchfest, at the very least a hug. Really need a hug... Dude, I can't have any sort of luck today with this gender! OK, not true but I am just like "Enh" at this point. He made a joke and I couldn't even smirk at it. He even commented on it. Maybe it was because of what the joke was at. When I was in my deepest of dark days, I hated feeling the way that I felt, but at the same time the fact that I could feel and sense that enormous pain was enough to remind me that no matter how dead I felt on the inside, I truly was alive, still after all that torment. That's one of my signs to myself that I have been falling too deep, when to cry, or to finally feel the strength to come to a friend and open myself up, feels like such a relief - it is so painful, but it reminds me I am alive. Catharsis can hurt, but it can be so tragically beautiful. Am I the only one? My roomie has now returned to the room and is regaling me with her advneture with the cute boy who has a girlfriend. Despite the whole messing around behind backs, which is not cool in the least, it sounds terribly sweet and romantic. A late night at the park, on the swings, walking, looking down at the park from a hill... Cute fun-ness. But this is also my bedtime cue. At this point I don't ven make any sense aymore, not that I really was making much earlier, thoughts tangentially linked to eachother. It is now time to attempt to sleep... Later gators. Current Mood: sickCurrent Music: Rosie Thomas "Bicycle Tricycle" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Saturday, April 17th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:26 pm | "I'm off to some kind of start..." This first part is sort of an addendum to that last post. I mentioned 2 songs that were reminding me of a situation. Not all of it, by any means - especially because of the very different dynamics of the characters in those songs. Here is a brief clip at the little portions of those songs that remind me (they are not all entirely dead-on-balls accurate, and just looking at these portions greatly skews the true meaning of the songs, I will surely grant. But here is some of what has been running through my head): ~Stay With Me~ Witch: …What have I been to you? What would you have me be - Handsome like a prince? But I am old, I am ugly, I embarrass you. Rapunzel: No! Witch: You are ashamed of me. Rapunzel: No! Witch: You are ashamed. You don’t understand. Rapunzel (spoken): It was lonesome atop that tower. Witch: I was not company enough? Rapunzel: …I wish to see the world. Witch (sung): Don’t you know what’s out there in the world…? Stay with me. Princes wait there in the world, it’s true. Princes, yes - but wolves and humans too... Who of they could love you more than I? What have they that I cannot supply? Stay with me… ~Lament~ Witch: This is the world I meant. Couldn’t you listen…? Now you know what’s out there in the world. No one can prepare you for the world - Even I. How could I, who loved you as you were, How could I have shielded you from her - Or them...? I've surely made myself look even crazier than I fucking feel already. I would also add that I've surely bored any reader out there, but I doubt any exists anymore, though maybe I am incorrect in that. Oh, and as another addendum to the last post, the little mod icon thingymawhatsitsmajiggermawhoositschamac Also that thingymawhatsitsmajiggermawhoositschamac And now let us move away from the addendum and on to the real reason we are here: Last night was all about youthful indiscretion and I got incredibly drunk. I was surprised to awaken fairly early and without much of a hangover. Bonus. Today I finally got an industrial and let myself get overcharged for it. I knew the price was too much, I didn't really care because I really wanted one. No more spending for Lex this month. Today was great. It truly was, for the most part, save for that lingering little voice in the back of my head reminding me of what had to be said. And after a wonderful, wonderful, great and marvelous day, said it was. I could go on about that, but I'm going to leave it at that for right now. It has been said, and now it's out there. All of this is. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but it is what it is and I need to figure out a way to make the best of certain situations. I don't really know how I feel about it either, mainly because, well, I never really wanted it to happen in the first place. But it had to. Not only that, but maybe I expected some sort of reply that was very different from the one I received. But that's really part of it, I guess. I needed to say it so that maybe, with time, I won't have those ridiculously foolish expectations anymore. As I walked back to my place, my newly pierced industrial was searing with blazing pain, my salty tears were drying on my cheeks from the wind, which made me shiver from beneath my flimsy hoodie, my nose was stuffy, and my lips were quivering, yet taut, determined to keep any more tears that might be trying to slip out at bay. For the second time ever in my life, I was ill from being so emotionally distraught. When I could again, I slowly crept back to my place. I slipped into the door, not announcing my arrival to my suitemate or roommate with greetings or pleasantries or jokes. No details of my revels from last night, no details of the adventure that had been the day, no showing off of the brand new body mod. No mention of what had been said. Instead I have been here, silent, still feeling sick and uneasy, and hoping desperately that no one asks. I'm sick and tired of tears. I'm sick and tired of second guessing, and I'm sick and tired of a lot of things that I thought I should enjoy. I'm sick and I'm tired. Period. I am reminded of a line from Loreena McKennitt's rendition of a Tennyson poem: "...'I am half sick of shadows' said the Lady of Shalott..." This seems all so very melodramatic written down, typed down for all the voyeuristic peering eyes who wish to see, but I really don't care. I'm not even sure if I care that this is online anymore since it's clearly obvious that nobody's fucking reading this at all. I don't really care. I don't care. I don't. And maybe, in the realm of this issue, if I keep telling myself over and over that I don't care - maybe eventually I'll start to believe it. Current Mood: sickCurrent Music: Empty, hollow nothingness... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Friday, April 16th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:20 pm | What's Out There in the World: Messes Before Your Feet The 2 songs mentioned below have been circling through my head since yesterday, or maybe even the day before. I feel like there are some lines that apply to some certain messes in my life that I hope maybe I can not necessarily clean up right away (since these messes - or maybe it really is just One Big Mess - are not so easily defeated and require a long hard slog at scrubbing and brushing and scouring just to be able to say, "OK, let's go on now to the next thing"), but at least add some sort of cleaning agent to help speed the process along. I never have been good at dealing with these kinds of messes, and this one is a doozy, so I need to do all that I can to help along the process. And oh, if it really was so easy to do as to just add some Ajax and it would be easier! I am currently skipping my 2nd class today, but I shall be attending the 3rd, I promise. Tonight I shall be going across the river to see an old friend, and we shall have a girly night and I shall hopefully get at the very least tipsy, but preferably pretty-well-gone. I am no big drinker by any means whatsoever, so a) it won't take too long, b) I don't really feel all that bad about it. When I am uber stressed out, I need to consciously make a really bad decision, and in this case this shall be it. I shall be paying for it later, but... Yeah... I'll be paying for a lot of things later... On the happy side (along with seeing an old friend across the river - that is happy too), last night I was with Kira until around 1 AM, eating Chinese food and watching Margaret Cho (she is my fucking hero, I love her) and a delightfully cheeseball chick-flick - I think Kira said it was "What a Girl Wants." It was despicably predictable, and yet we were all (she, I, and her suitemate) on edge, like, "oh my God, is she really gonna do that?!" It was a lovely estrogen-enriched night on a day when you could use the sort of smiles that only fatty foods and corny fluff while gossipping about exes and cuties can bring. On a somewhat unusual, but very much a happy note, at 2:30 this morning I was awakened (well, more roused than awakened since I wasn't entirely asleep) by my cell ringing. I groggily reached for it and saw it was Bob Evil, a dear old friend I don't see nearly often enough - mainly because he no longer lives in the same state. When I picked up, it was nothing but static. I hung up, and, after I had silenced my phone so as not to wake the roomie again, he called back. I let the voicemail pick it up, but I left the room and listened to it out in the suite. Again just static. I called him to find out what the fuck was up at 2:30 in the morning (well, 12:30 for him) that he was calling - I was thinking either some emergency or maybe he was just horrifically trashed. Turned out he had just forgotten to lock his keypad while it was in his pocket and he accidentally dialed my number, but we had a nice conversation for about 45 min. It's always such a lovely reassurance that someone, no matter how far away, is there to listen to you as you relate your feelings about the messes that have been laid before your feet by both yourself and those you care for. It's funny, there were times in the conversation where his intonation - not so much his voice, but definitely his intonations - sounded almost just like another someone who is really only just a busride away, but it feels at times that it may as well be two time-zones apart. When I finally climbed back into bed around 3:30-ish or so, I had lovely dreams about people I cared for - and that they cared for me in the same way I did for them. Bob Evil was among them, and we laughed and hung out and spilled our guts to eachother like we did what seems like so many years ago. I saw friends of friends who I don't really know all that well but I get along with, and I was consciously making a bad decision of buying some sort of herbal cigarette that smelled like incense (and I do not smoke). I saw co-workers and black lights and neon lights and flashing lights and tattoos and body jewelry. But the most prominent theme I saw throughout was that I saw happiness, the sort of pure unadultered joy that very few things in life can bring, an elation most of us probably remember best from childhood, when even just the simplest thing brought such unbridled glee. When my alarm rang this morning I turned it off without thinking and stayed curled up in bed, snuggled under the warm covers and nuzzled up to my body pillow. Maybe it wasn't conscious, but I think part of me wanted to linger in that dream world, far from all the messes before me, and just share in that pure and simple happiness for just a bit longer. Upon fully regaining consciousness memory of the dream starts to fade, but the memory of the elation lingers. If only the children's verse held true, and life was but a dream. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Into the Woods: "Stay with Me" and "Lament" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuesday, April 13th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:23 pm | Just Oy. OK, so why does every Goddamned thing have to be a motherfucking ordeal in my family? I swear to God. Christ al-fucking-mighty, and then they wonder why I get so fucked up and spastic. Je-sus!!! Yeah, that's really it. I am just plain fucking irked about shit. Grr... Current Mood:  aggravatedCurrent Music: Dar Williams' "The Beauty of the Rain," semi-calming, but... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, April 11th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:57 pm | "I Have My Ups and I Have My Downs" Again Take My Uterus, Please... Oh the many joys of being female. Cramps are decimating my body. Whee... *ANYWAY*, Happy Rebirth-Day, Jesus to all you Christians, and Happy Last Few Days of Pesoch to all you Jews, Happy Salat Amal to all you Muslims, and Not-So-Happy Today-Makes-Two-Months-After-Some-Seriou Anyway, on *MUCH* happier notes, I have finally seen "Return of the King," Evil Jen shall be coming in about 2 weeks for an LGBT Conference Thingy, I shall be seeing Josh Groban in concert in a week or so, and I think next Sunday (if not it's the Sunday after) is the Psi Chi Induction - and I have been made Historian, not to mention Treasurer of the brand spankin' new Pagan Society. See, sometimes I can recognize that Life ain't always so bad. Anyway, I must go lie back down and do some readings before my body gets any angrier with me for not being curled up in a little fetal position. My ovaries are waging a war against me and they are winning. Pray for me, friends; I may become lost in the carnage... Current Mood: uncomfortableCurrent Music: Emm Gryner: "Southern Dreamer" in my head | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sunday, March 28th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:50 pm | La La, I am Bored...  You are an Angel!Your job is to protect the people and you are good at it.You hate everything evil and you would do whatever it takes to destroy it. Which mythical creature are you?(with pics!) brought to you by Quizilla Cute, but I would have liked Elf or Mermaid ^.^ My shoulder feels like it's been dislocated from sleeping on it funny. How pleasant, ne? Sometimes life is confusing, wouldn't you say? Current Mood: soreCurrent Music: Joni Mitchell: "Blue" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thursday, March 25th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:41 pm | More Boring Shit  Classic rock! Without you the other genres wouldn't exist! You are the raw and original sound of rock! Other genres may try to imitate your rawness, but they can never be like you! What genre of rock are you? brought to you by Quizilla I remember when I had a life... Man, those were the days... Current Mood: lazyCurrent Music: Bella Morte: "Relics" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wednesday, March 24th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:21 pm | Just Some More Crap For You  You represent... naivete. So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at times, but it's only because you're not sure how to act. You give off that "I need to be protected vibe." Remember that not all people are good. Being too trusting will get you easily hurt. What feeling do you represent? brought to you by Quizilla Yeah, that seems unfortunately accurate, though there were other results that I thought also fit.
I took that once quite some time ago, and I thought I would take it again. It actually seems fairly similar to last time. Interesting. I feel like I'm sick both inside and out. I can't sleep enough and I just feel shaky, unstable, or just plain *weird,* maybe that's the best thing to call it. I feel both needy and unneeded, wanted and unwanted. It's a very strange paradox, and it's been bothering me a lot. I feel I've been reaching out - maybe too much, granted - only to have my hand slapped away. Isn't that what most people want, a hand to hold in the difficult times? But then, when was the one doing the slapping like most people...? I'm out... Later gators... Current Mood: crappyCurrent Music: Josh Groban: "Per Te" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wednesday, March 17th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:56 pm | I am a Useless Human Being. Whee. I am skipping class for this. I just have no energy whatsoever. I'm not even sure if I really care all that much anymore... So yeah, here is stuff no one cares about:  take the nerd test. and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia.   Peace. You Truly Desire Peace. Just relaxing somewhere calm with a light breeze against your cheecks is our ideal of pefect. You don't like to start fights, but instead, end them without using violence. PLEASE RATE | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Monday, March 15th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:43 pm | "...And I'm Failing All the Time..." Beware the Ides of March, they say, and sometimes I agree. This is one of those years. I thought I could handle it, but I stayed for maybe 5 minutes before I just *had* to leave. Just too many reminders of things I can't do or have or enjoy anymore, too many things to make me paranoid or to make me feel just weird where once I felt welcome. I felt myself tearing up before I tore myself away - not in the eyes, but that feeling you get in your throat when you're holding your emotions back. Have not cried yet, so that's good at least. I know this is vague, but I really can't clarify right now. It's been an emotionally exhausting weekend and it has carried into today, these Ides. That's really all I care to say right now. Later gators. Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: Emm Gryner: "The End" Acoustic | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Friday, March 12th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:47 am | I Got Bored, Here is Uselessness The sad thing is, a lot of that is surprisingly close to reality. Never thought I'd be a Gryffindor, but getting Prof. Binns to remember my name? Damn! Evil Jen: Bad Goth poetry! Roffle! Best... ship name... ever... Not entirely true, but it amused me...  You are the envision of nothingness. You are a grey angel. Your wings are invisible, and as plain as your soul, which has been stripped bare of all emotions and feelings. But because of this, you are ruthless, strong, and can't be out willed. You are always silent. Barely any words escape your lips. You are in a complete world of your own, no-one gets in. And that's the way that you like it. You have been aorund since the beginning of the world, so you have seen all. You know all. And there is no being wiser that you. You are a god in your own eight. But choose not to be. You have even experienced death many times before. You have suffered, and felt joy. But you habe disregarded such emotions. So know you are blank. Watching over the world. Waiting for it to fade away. Waiting for your chance to fade away... What Type Of Angel Have You Become? brought to you by Quizilla Interesting... I am far too easily amused by these things... Later, gators Current Mood:  blankCurrent Music: Moulin Rouge: "El Tango de Roxanne" in my head | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thursday, March 11th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:33 am | "...I Gotta Keep My Good Composure and Swallow Everything I Wanna Say..." During the daylight hours I was listening to Emm Gryner's "Acid" and I realized how appropriate it was just a few short weeks ago... Almost all of the lyrics. Change a few of them, perhaps, but not too many. Just a few short weeks ago it was terribly appropriate. It has been a month exactly. Exactly a month. It doesn't seem like that long ago, but then again, the flurries of February flitter away so fast, even in Leap Year. And yes, I do realize that was alliteration, it just kind of came out like that. Sorry, guys. There are moments, like the one the other night with Evil Jen, that I feel all warm and squishy inside. There are times, like last night, when I feel like I truly helped someone when they needed it - even when I felt like I needed help for a problem that was surprisingly similar in a few ways. There are times that things almost feel *normal,* like the way they *used* to be. But they're not. And I know it. We all know it. There are those lovely, sun-touched moments, yes, those moments I feel kissed by Fate for something kind to have happened. But mainly, I feel a tension in my shoulders, an exhaustion that has not been relieved, a stress that is pounding in my chest - but more importantly, I just feel alone, and in several lights. The past few days I feel like I have given of myself to a few people who did need it. The main two that come into mind are ones who have hurt me - one more recently and in a way I have not been hurt before, but nonetheless, people who have hurt me... And I have tried to help them. Not because I forgive them necessarily - at least one of them I know I most definitely have not forgiven or gotten over it - but because it felt like the right thing to do. The natural thing to do. To help people who needed it. Even though they hurt me, they are still dear to my heart, and I don't like to see them in pain or distress. I may not be able to do everything - or anything - but I would not want it to be said of me that I didn't at least try to comfort those for whom I care who needed it most. It makes me laugh... One of them really hurt me in a way I have never been hurt before, and I am still licking the wounds even now... And it was I who was trying to make that person feel better. Why do I do this? I wish I knew the answer. Don't get me wrong, it feels good, it feels right... But at the same time it is frustrating to give and give... and then when you reach out - sometimes to the very people you just aided - you find you are only blindly groping in the dark, only every now and then to find a helping hand to guide you along the unlit path for a ways. I know people are out there. Evil Jen is one. There are more. I know it. It's just... What happens when I give myself to people, and give myself away, and give and give... What will I have left? Part of me hopes that these acts will remind these people that I am here, and that though I am by no means a saint, a queen, or anything really particularly grand - that I am there for them, and sometimes that's the most important thing a person can have. You don't miss it till you don't have it. I know this is an extraordinarily depressing, melancholy, bitchy, whiny, shoot-yourself-and-die entry, but oh well. I am so sleep deprived and stressed out I really do not give a crap anymore. It's not like anyone is even really reading this. Later, gators. Current Mood: moroseCurrent Music: Tori Amos' "Me and a Gun" in my head. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wednesday, March 10th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:48 pm | "I Live in a Giant Bucket." Random quizzies por vu:  You are a Khaos angel. You are different from all the rest. You are a special breed of angel, prone to suffer in the world that you are in now. No matter how much you try to believe that your not special, you are. There is alot that you want to do in this world. Khaos angels are very dramatic, we tend to have the ability to cheer people up no matter what the mood, and hold in your emotions. You should be proud, Khaos angels are very rare to find in this world of ours... What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics ) brought to you by Quizilla I took that one a while ago. I dunno how true it is. *le shrug*  You're a ladybug. Quite the average bug. A lot of people like you, cause you're so nice and harmless! What Type Of Insect Are You? (With Pics In Results) brought to you by Quizilla Yay, I *love* ladybugs! They are all cuteness and such. But average bugs? Boo. Flies are average bugs. So are ants. Boo.  The head blob! Think hard enough and there you are! HOY-YOOOOO! which rejected character are you? brought to you by Quizilla HAHAHA, best cartoon ever in the world. It's on DVD now, and if it had more stuff on the DVD than just a 9 or 10 minute movie, like the other Bitter Films, I would buy it. The head blob though? Interesting. Better than the bleeding anus cloud though, LOL. Anyway, I am just bored and glad that i am done with my three midterms, so rather than actually studying for my last one on Tuesday or getting ahead, I am sitting here typing like a nerd. Huzzah. That is all. Later, gators. Current Mood: exhaustedCurrent Music: String Quartet Tribute: "Better Man" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:05 pm | Bored, Bored, Bored... Yeah, I'm writing this at work. No work to do, except study for one of my THREE MIDTERMS TOMORROW! Oy! Blah! I am just bored and tired of studying so I am posting. Earlier I was text messaging people while I was making copies - I think 3 people in all. No replies though. Boo. Yeah, nothing special to share really. Just thought you might get amused that I am currently getting paid to post on Blurty. w00t! Anyway, yeah, I really should go study. Whee. Later, gators. Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: Orchestra Rehearsal - Bizet's L'Arlesienne Suite | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:02 am | Good Things Come in Evil Packages So, as some of you may know, I have been pretty well tweaking out since January - or I guess even a little in December. And just whenever things seemed like they were on the up and up something else happened to dash my hopes again, and every let-down or heartbreak was just worse and worse - or just added on top of all of it to the point where it seems like, "well shit, someone may as well just *die* so *everything* possible can go wrong!" I have, in my own way, tried to reach out to people, but either I have tried to hold back too much, or I guess I've done it in such a way that appeared like I was just complaining, or people have just seemed not too concerned. Since this has been going on some time, I have felt on the brink of just losing it completely - I already did some things that I really should not have, and I have been beyond sorely tempted to do them again, or worse. Around 1AM I totally spazzed out on Evil Jen, spilling my guts pretty much comletely about just about everything. She listened, and she showed concern, and she made me feel like I wasn't just being an overreactive spaz over the shit Life has been throwing at me lately. It was a nice reminder that people really do care and I'm not in all this alone. I can't wait for you to come here in April, sweetie. You truly are missed. You rock my world, Evil Jen - I Less Than 3 You! Current Mood: exhaustedCurrent Music: Joydrop - "I Sometimes Wanna Die" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||