20th May 2004

4:55am: Oh my God
At 5 o'clock last night, my grandma called me telling me news I was not expecting. She told me that someone that I knew pretty well killed himself yesterday morning. The news hit me really hard. I'm still in tears about it and I don't think I'll ever be the same after this experience. He was in the grade below me so he was friends with a lot of my good friends. I'm not sure how I'm going to talk to them. It's going to be a really really really rough week and weekend. He and my friends are supposed to graduate this weekend which makes things even worse.
This morning already, my mom told me the story of how he did it. His sister watched the whole thing. His sister was in my class and I can not imagine how she is taking this. Just thinking about her watching it makes me cry a lot. God! I really can not believe this happened. I think everyone is in shock. He is not the kid you would think would do something like this at all.
I don't feel like saying much else right now. I have to get to work... he worked where I work too which means this is going to be a very very hard day at work.

Will post more later.
Current Mood: nauseated
2:10pm: Work was hard
As expected... work was really hard today. Walking in and not seeing his graduation stuff up anymore was when I knew it was real. And then Amy came in... she had been to see his sister and she couldn't even tell us what Lisa was going through because words can not express. Amy was bawling and with good reason. Needless to say, it was a rough day to take in... but at the same time, the world continued and things had to keep going. But I thought about it all day.

Thank you to all my friends for supporting me but I don't want to cry to you about it because the pain I feel is not even .000000001% of the pain his family and friends are going through right now. It would be completely selfish of me to ask you guys to sit down and talk with me and feel sorry for me. I do want to talk about it but that's it... talk about it. I don't want the hugs and stuff because in a week, I'll be ok, but his family and friends will never forget.... ever. They will feel the same about of pain as they do today in 20...30...50 years. So thank you to everyone for caring about me... I'll be fine. The tears come and go but only because I keep thinking about how I remember him last year and just running through my head what his sister must have experienced.

Work was hard... but graduation is going to be harder. PLEASE pray for the Rice family and all of their friends. Prayers aren't even close to enough but I know that God can heal them.. with time.
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