..Dreamer..'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | - Someday we'll know - ]
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new quote [20 Aug 2003|10:56pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Loves written in the stars ]

hey havent written in awhile.all i have for now is a quote i'll write again later.
-Some things are meant to happen. Some things are bound to be. Love has a way of making doubting hearts believe. Sometimes in spite of difference, sometimes against all odds, some things are meant to happen. It's written in the stars...-

1 .dream. .colors.

There must really be a God. [13 Jul 2003|10:05pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | This magic moment ]

This weekend was awesome. I'll have to tell you all about it =)
Well, Friday Uter ... of ALL people called my house. He's nice and all, but he stalks me! lol He's cool to talk to and everything, but I dont like him like that. Around 2-3ish Rachel came over. We played Kingdom Hearts/FFX and I got into the music and danced. haha Then Anna came. We all had some fun that day. Played that Who wants to be a Millionaire game.. yeah, we got FAR!

Friday night, we thought Rachel was sleeping. Me and Anna couldnt sleep.. so we started to roll over each other, laughing histerically. We talked and talked until 3.. then I realized I had to get up at 8 for Corps.

My saturday was ruined by 8 hours of corps/colorguard. We learned drill, got in the hot sun, THEN had to march in the pouring rain until we saw lightning. We were in the van with 6 serra people, 3 or 4 instructors and a kid from dice. They made fun of me because I got 'candy'... looong story. lol ... Cookies will have to do then. God, people at corps are so perverted.

Saturday evening we went up camp. Met up with Janel and HAD to see Chad. We went to the dance and met Scott.. cute, blonde, blue eyes. We also ran after a SUV of 3 guys with me screaming "STOPPPP!!" then Janel finds out she knows them.. Pat, Brandon and ?. They were gonna come down to prim with us later that evening and so was Scott.. who was approached by us and then in the end us saying we wanted to have a make out party with him -- all of us getting a turn LOL. him and (I 4get the kids name) were supposed to come down also. Turns out we end up finding Pat, Brandon and ? and Pat is like.. looking for nothing.. we think he was high LOL.. also, Scott.. blew us off.

Sunday was nice. Woke up at 10:30. Didnt go to church.. lol DARN. Anyway, we walked around, saw Scott.. with 2 VERRRY UGLY girls lol and he said he wasnt 'allowed' to come down. WHAT A DORK! lol he's a dumb blonde.. anywhooo.. We met Jamie today, he's nice lol. Janel had to leave early =( When Jamie got off work, we hung out with him and looked at trailers. Anna and Jamie in the closet!! LOL Anyway, I listen to my voicemail at like 6:30p and Its Dom. He's like "Hey Sharissa, Its Dom. we're uh, at Scottyland(my camper) then you hear Jared.. "Hey, its Jared, wow, we're really stupid (lol) and he's like.. its 7:15.. in the morning.. and if you get this, call my cell (etc. etc.)" Then we called after we got the message.. HOURS later.. and he's like yeah, we left at 12:30 (midnight) and we drove for 7 hours lookin for it. They called, slept a bit in their car, walked around and then went home a few hours later. We felt SOOOO bad!!! They came all that way because they wanted to see us!! So.. to pay them back, we're baking them cookies.. they're very excited =)

So all in all, this weekend ended very nice. I thought for sure he didnt like me, but I guess that proves that he does.. if he drives 7 hours to see me. There must really be a God.

3 .dream. .colors.

Take a bubble bath in your bathingsuit.. [30 Jun 2003|07:48pm]
[ mood | productive ]
[ music | Stay with me - Finch ]

Today was a fun event all in itself. Anna came over and we were gonna make Adam his birthday present. We thought of a collage, but then figured out it would turn out too.. girly.

We stopped looking and we went outside to go swimming. Took the pool cover off, and started to get in. It was freezing! Soo.. we went upstairs, turned on the hot water and took a shower thinking that would maybe help. Well, It DIDNT

We quit on the swimming idea. Then we went upstairs and decided to swim in my tub. It was a good idea, but instead we decided to make a bubble bath. I took my radio and put it in the bathroom and we listened to some music. It was fun. We were bored, so then we decided to wash each others hair. It was actually fun! We did it another time, but we were making mohawks with our hair.. funnny!

After we noticed we were in the tub for over an hour and a half, we decided to get out. If you're plans never work, and your with a friend, take a bubble bath in your bathingsuits..


heaven right in the palm of your hands [25 Jun 2003|10:09pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | letters to you-Finch ]

Today was an event itself. Even last night was grand! Last night, I had a guy named Adam Rokicki call. He is sooo nice and soo sweet! We talked on the phone for awhile. He's sooo easy to talk to! I was already interested before we met.

Today, we decided to all meet at the mall so I could finally meet him. He's is ADORABLE. He is taller than me.. by at least 5 inches.. he's tan, brown hair.. (gelled) umm.. his eyes are beautiful! They match him perfectly. They're like a hazel, green color. Bright beautiful eyes ... to die for. His teeth are so unbelievably white, I want him to never stop smiling. Gosh, this kid is to die for.

I'm hoping things will work out the way Im planning.. I hope Adam likes me the same as I like him. This is getting me off that one person I've been wanting back for awhile. I mean Adam is beautiful, easy to talk to, such a sweet person. why pass the chance up? I know me and the one guy wont get back together. Sure we talk now, and that's awesome. But I mean, this guy, Im already falling for him. His looks and personality. He's just.. beautiful. I love everything about him. He actually talks to me, and listens to me, and he talks too.. I dont have to do all the talking. Its great! He lives.. the most 5 minutes away from me. Sure it would be nice to have that one guy back.. but why pass up this wonderful chance to have heaven right in the palm of your hands...

1 .dream. .colors.

wanting, wishing, thinking.. [24 Jun 2003|10:15pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Exgirlfriend-No Doubt ]

A friend of mine wrote this... and I feel exactly the same way as her..

Have you ever been so afraid to let someone in to your life b/c of what might happen, but then you eventually let your guard down and had to just hope that they wouldnt hurt you? Because you can't just ignore what you are feeling and you have to believe that everything will eventually be ok. I used to be scared to let anyone into my life b/c I didnt want to be hurt and then when I did let my guard down I ended up hurt anyways. I guess love just does that though, it comes when you least expect it and leaves when you most need it. You cant take anyone for granted though b/c you never know when they will be gone and then I assure you that you will regret some thing that you did. And then when they are gone you are hurt, and not just physically, you can actually feel your heart breaking. I think its the worst feeling ever and Im not sure you ever completely forget what happened. Its weird though how it happens, falling in love. B/c everyone says you cant when you are young, that its just infatuation or something like that. I know that they r wrong though, love doesnt come about with a certain age and its not something you are sure of right away. It takes time and when it comes you know. Just dont be afraid of it when it does come or you may lose it. Dont let other ppl influence how you feel because they dont matter. All that matters is you and how you feel. As long as you are true to yourself and dont doubt how you feel everything works out fine. Even in the end I dont think you could regret what had happened. And the sad thing is that no matter how much you are hurt or how much you pretend to not care, you know that in a second you would do it over again, that you would take him back in an instant and risk getting hurt again. But sometimes you must also realize when its time to move on and say goodbye. It doesnt mean you're giving up just relaizing what has happened and choosing to be stronger b/c of it. Sometimes you need to believe in fate and that things happen for a reason, you need to believe that you have a soul mate out there and you will find him someday. But most of all you need to believe that if you are meant to be together you will find your way back to each other someday...

1 .dream. .colors.

The Simplest Thing [22 Jun 2003|10:25pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | What it is to burn - Finch ]

Taken from my FreeOpenDiary * Journal Entry [1/22/03]
Did you ever close your eyes and just listen to whats around you? Or when you're with someone you love, closing your eyes, listening to their heartbeat, listening to their every breath. Sometimes, things can be so beautiful. The smallest things count the most to me.
Did you ever stop and think of how lucky you are, even though at times it doesn't feel like it? Did you ever sit and think "I want to go somewhere, where I can just gaze into the stars, and let all my troubles leave me"?Sometimes its a good thing to stop and think. Think of anything and everything imaginable.

No matter how unlucky you feel or how much you don't feel like you're wanted on the earth, someone out there, people out there LOVE you, and no matter how much you feel unlucky, there is luck out there, waiting just for you. You may always be the last one to be pleased, and you always please everyone before yourself, thats why people love you. They love you for who you are, not just your looks, but your insides, your soul. I think everyone out there has a soul mate, and they're destined to be together. Maybe they won't meet them here on earth, maybe they'll meet in heaven, maybe in another lifetime. I believe everyone has a special someone out there, waiting to be together, to be two souls and one thought, two hearts and one pulse.

Maybe I think too much, maybe I want everyone to be happy, maybe I just want to let my spirit free. I just want to love.


Silence is golden this time [20 Jun 2003|09:00pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | A whisper - coldplay ]

There's not much I can do. Questions still hang over me. All I have to do is face them bravely. I want to break the rules for once. I want to be convincing and make others follow me. I want to be heard. Everyone has magic, dont covet someone elses magic. Let the events take me where they will.

Im sure that makes no sense to anyone, but I dont expect anyone to understand it. I grew up on Disney movies. Dreams, wishes, love, princes. None of it is true. I grew up believing if you wish on a star, your wish will come true. Occasionally I wish on stars, occasionally I sing a love song. I will find my prince charming one day. The thing is, where would I be without disney movies? Would I feel so strongly about love, how I dream so much and wish on every bright star I see.. hoping my wish will come true.

Sometimes I wish I were like Belle. She fell in love with a beast. She was able to fall in love with his insides, his heart, his soul. She looked past his looks. In the end, he turned out as a prince. Sometimes I wish I were Jasmine, being able to fly on a magic carpet.. not caring that Alladin was a "street rat". I even wish I were Tinkerbell, so I could fly.. and be a little fairy.

Without Disney movies, I wouldnt have an imagination. I wouldnt want to explore new horizons. I wouldnt be the person I am today. But it made me grow up thinking that if I wish hard enough, anything can come true. But wishing solves nothing. My heart is on my sleeve. Maybe silence is golden this time..

3 .dream. .colors.

I want forever [17 Jun 2003|10:22pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve ]

Have you ever been in love? Some say it is great, but its horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. You would do anything for that person. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. That person can take advantage of your love and you end up heartbroken and hurt.

It opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside your thoughts and feelings and mess you up. You build up this whole armor, for years, then one person, no different from any other person, wanders into your
life. You give them a piece of you, your heart.They don't ask for it, but you give it anyway. They do something simple one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you, makes you feel like you're on air. The truth of the matter is you're not really in love, you're totally infatuated, to the climax. Once this 'love' gets inside and fills you, in the end it tears you up and leaves you crying in the darkness, so even a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working it's way into your heart.. or like someone is grabbing a tight hold onto your heart, not letting you breathe because you are so upset and hurt that it takes you by surprise. Yes, It hurts.

It hurts Not just in the imagination, Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets inside of you and rips you apart. Sometimes I just.. I hate love. It keeps you up at night, cant sleep, all you can think about is what happened, and what was done. Its over and done with but the heartache lives on inside. Love bites until you find the forever love. I want that forever love now, soon. I just want love. I want forever.

1 .dream. .colors.

[13 Jun 2003|05:32pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Too beautiful 4 words ]

Well, this is my last journal entry 4 this week, I'll be in Summerset, PA for the weekend with Rachel. We're gonna have lots of fun -- watching movies, looking at the HOTTIES!-- etc. etc. So I thought I'd leave you all with a bunch of quizzes I took today! Havin a great weekend, woohoo. Sorry I couldnt write you an entry to make ya think [Hilla] but I will when i come back =)
I'm Annette
Which Reese Witherspoon are you? Find out!

Rose McGowan
You charming girl, you're Rose McGowan.

What sexy girl are you

I'm Amanda
Which Sarah Michelle Gellar are you? Find out!

Which Cruel Intentions Character Are You?

Brought to you by Faytrial

1 .dream. .colors.

When the wind is warm and crickets sing.. [12 Jun 2003|07:26pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Where is the love - Justin T ]

I see you sitting there so close to me, and I get a constant reminder that I can't have you. When I try to talk to you, I know that I will never again be able to hold you. When I see you with her, I am reminded of how lucky she is, and I hope she knows that.

Right now I know that I should get over him, but I just can't. My life still lingers over every drop of love he has ever given me. Even though I may not have always seen that love, I know it was there.

Like a fool I let go of something so special to me, something I never knew I needed until now. I had him.

Now as every tear I cry, I watch him as we slip further and further apart from each other. Its my fault I let him make me cry, that Im dealing with this.

But if this is love, I'd do it all over again, knowing what would happen.

Sometimes I just wish you knew what you're putting me through, then maybe you would think twice about walking past me without even a glance in my direction. Sometimes I feel there's a hole inside of me or an emptiness that seems to burn sometimes. I have a dream of being whole again one day, not going to bed each and every night wanting.

Still sometimes when the wind is warm or I hear the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me, and I want to be seen. All I want is for you to want me like you used to.
Am I pathetic and going crazy? ... yeah, Im goin crazy.


It's sad.. [11 Jun 2003|09:16pm]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | Marvin Gaye - Lets get it on ]

As I watch you walk away from me, I can see the fire in your eyes and I can hear the laughter in your heart, your voice as you watch my heart break into pieces. Im frozen.

I cant tell you how I wish you would just leave my life forever, and I cant tell you how much I hope she hurts you. So instead I tell you I love you, hoping that the fire in your eyes will die down, and you turn around and unbreak my heart.

But I realize that wishes often dont come true and hearts are more often broken, than not broken. I stand there and watch you walk away.

All I ever wanted was to make you happy. I can only do that now by stepping aside. I just have a favor to ask of you, please remember me.

There are alot of sad things in life, one sad thing is when watching someone walk away after they leave you. Watching the distance between your bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space and silence.

Its sad because at one time you loved each other, you had the "I love you's" and the little kisses. You talked everyday, there was no space and no silence. If there were silence, it was a good silence, the pleasant silence that you occasionally love. There was no space at all.. he filled my heart and I filled his. Its sad to have something so precious go away. Its sad when you still love him, and he doesnt even give you a second look. Its sad to see the "I love you's" go.

2 .dream. .colors.

Just another Survey [11 Jun 2003|08:51pm]
[taken from Hilla]

name: Sharissa/Rissa
DOB: April 15 [Aries]
location: USA - PA
hair: red
eyes: brown
describe yourself in 5 words: outgoing/hopeless romantic/a bit shy/nice/short
prep/goth/ghetto/punk: Im Sharissa.. I dont have a category.
dressing style: jeans, t-shirt, tank, whatever
martial status: single
occupation: student/colorguard
skills: clutz/relationship helper/spinning riffle*sabre/keepin busy

::: favs :::

perfume: curve,divine,love spell,sweet pea, happy, lucky u
place: in a field lookin at the starz.. its great! and umm.. anywhere with friends.
color: RED!
food: chicken
music: oh, TONS
4 people: Rach.Anna.Amanda.Charity
mom or dad: idk.. mom? dad? -- both i guess
disney character: Ariel, Tinkerbell,Nemo
store: Rave,Kohls,Kaufmanns,Pennies,Express -- etc.
brand: Hmm.. Hurley,O Neil, Roxy, Tommy - ALOT!
designer: ah, no favorites.
drink: Dr. Peper, water
flower: roses,daisies, lilacs
show: Tons!
movie: Hmm.. Finding Nemo,A Walk 2 remember,9 months--and more

::: do you :::

get very mad: yeah, I can!
smoke: no
drink: not too much
drugs: no
like crowds: eh
write: yes
fight: no, not alot. like verbal fights, thats all.
burp: yeah lol

::: are you ::::

funny: I guess
caring: yes
understanding: yes
stupid: sometimes
dorky: yeah, at times
intellect: sure, idk!
bored: often yes
sexy: Oh yeah, Im sexxi lol
cool: You know it! ;-)
creepy: noo
loud: haha yes very!
quiet: yeah, I can be very quiet.
hyper: yes
calm: yes
bitch: if I have to be
intimidating: maybe?
jealous: yes, ohh yes.

::: describe your :::

house: normal or.. ghetto
room: baby-ish -- needs a paint job!
bed: normal
wardrobe: MESSY
shampoo: Pantene pro-v [smooth 'n sleek]
body soap: curve, dove
mouse pad: gateway [gay, yes.]

::: how many :::

times have u kissed: alot
boyfriends: 6 or 7
guys u kissed: 3 or 4
ppl u said "i love u" to: ...1
piercings, where: 4 - ears
tattoos, where: no tattoos
cds: A TON!
crushes: hmm.. a few.

:::Last words:::

Im an ANGEL - honest
2 .dream. .colors.

Dear Boy.. [09 Jun 2003|10:29pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Baby, I love you - the Ronettes ]

I do not know who you are, or where or when we will meet, but I do hope it is soon.

I pray that when we meet and fall in love, you will love me for me, and not hope for someone who is thinner or prettier. I hope you won't compare me to girls who may have brighter smiles. I hope that you will make me laugh, take care of me if I get sick, and be trustworthy.

I hope you will remember that I prefer daisies to roses, and that my favorite color changes with my mood. Please know that my eyes aren't green or grey, they're brown, with flecks of green.

Please know that I might be too shy to kiss you first, but please don't be afraid to kiss me. I won't slap you or push you away. I'm sure your kisses will be perfect. When we go on a date, please don't stress about where to take me; what's important is that I'll be with you.

If I cry, please know it isn't because of you, just hold me close and I'll heal quickly. And, if it is because of you, I'll heal just the same.

And if we decide to break up, please understand that I may be bitter, but I'd like to be your friend if you'll let me. I promise to remember that you have feelings too, even though you'll never admit it, and when you are ready we'll have a friendship.

Please tell me if anything I do bothers you, or if something just doesn't sit right. I would like you to always be honest with me. If I have a bad day, I hope you will shower me with confidence and smiles.
I hope you don't think that I'm asking too much of you. I hope you understand that I'm a little bit nervous and very scared. I wish I could tell you how or when we will meet, and if we will be in love forever. Every relationship is a new game of cards, and ...(sigh)...I've never been good at cards. But I will try my best to be kind and love you dearly for all that you are, without expecting too much from you. Thank you for listening; this is all that I ask.

Yours always,


..Smile of satisfaction.. [08 Jun 2003|07:45pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | "These are the Days" - Van Morrison ]

I've been thinking about the future lately. I've been planning my future. I'd like to get married and have 2,maybe even 3 children. Doesnt matter what they are, Im just hoping for at least 1 girl and 1 boy.

When me and my husband get a house together and have our first child.. I dreamed that one day, when the baby is home and settled in.. maybe a few months old. The baby will cry a night, and we both wake up. I start to get up but then he kisses me gently on the forehead and says "I'll take care of him".

He goes into the baby's room and picks him up. He takes the baby into the living room, turn on the song "These are the days" - Van Morrison and stands infront of the bay window and slowly dances the baby to sleep. I hear the songs instrumental intro and walk around the corner to see my husband and baby dancing beneath the dim lighting. I see him with the baby and I have a smile of satisfaction on my face.

My husband kisses the sleepy baby on the head and looks up to see me with a smile on my face. He then says "sorry to wake you, music is calming him". I walk over and kiss him on the cheek and join them and the baby slowly drifts off to sleep. I kiss the baby on the head as he falls asleep and hold my husband and my baby close to me, knowing they are my life. We stand there embracing each other, with our baby in our hands as we both have that smile of satisfaction on our faces thinking these really are the days.

Thats how I want to live. Before I die, I want that smile of satisfaction placed on my face. I want to live my life fully, with a great husband and beautiful children. I want to dance my children to sleep with "These are the Days" with my husband and that smile on my face.

2 .dream. .colors.

You saved me, my earth angel [02 Jun 2003|08:44pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Please remember - Leann Rhimes ]

I always finding myself thinking of you. I just wish I could forget, or maybe never even have met you. I just wish I could keep you out of my head, my heart, my dreams. Erase you from everything. I just dont want to care anymore, but how can I not care?

I have so many questions I wish that could be answered. All I want are answers. I dont know why, but I dont want to forget, I want to hold my false hope and keep it all alive.

Sure everyone has a "Mr. Right" but I was hoping you were mine. Maybe you are? Am I stupid to think this way? I dont understand this, nor do i want to. I was afraid to fall in love, but I did. You swept me off of my feet, I was in heaven. I fell for you.

Then everything was taken away from me. For one little mistake, maybe not little, but it wasnt even my fault. I was assulted, I didnt want to tell anyone, but I told you and some close friends. I felt if I didnt tell you, I wouldnt be truthful.

I sit here and wonder what it would be like still being with you. Or what if something happened differently. I sit and think, would you still be here with me? Or would you still run to her? Would my life be as it is now or would it be so much happier and easier with you by my side again? I just dont want to feel regret anymore.

When I see you, I try to look away, I try to pretend not to see you or feel the feelings I have for you. When I hear your name I get butterflies in the pit of my stomache. I have a smile and a tear on my face when I remember all the good times we've had. It gives me away. In my heart, I still care for you. Its insane. I still care for you after all that happened. Maybe I am insane, or I am going insane.

I dont make sense to myself anymore.. and I've never made sense to anyone but you. You were the one who understood me. I trusted you and told you all I had in my heart, soul and mind. You were my everything. I felt the need for once to be on this earth. I thought you were my angel. You were sent to me from God before it was too late. You were here to save me. My angel on earth, my earth angel.

1 .dream. .colors.

Until next time, Brandon [28 May 2003|10:15pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Someday we'll know ]

Today was a day of splendor. I saw Brandon for the first time in 8 years. Last thing I heard was he might not live. He was at my Gramma's today. I remember him when he was 16. The image is so different than what he is now. He's so grown up. The whole 6'2'' of him, so different yet so familiar. This is the kid I once refered to as my 'older brother' since he was with me everyday when I was little.

As we all know, he was in HUGE catastrophe on his birthday. Happy 24th. Well, he looks so good now, just a little bit of pain I can see in his eyes. His side of his face is swollen and his eye is messed up, but he's doing much better.

I walk into the kitchen and I smell the sweet fragrance of flowers. To my surprize, Brandon was standing there, cheery and fine. I could still see the pain in his eyes. Like an open window, I could see right through it all. Here he is, 24 and I am 15. We look at each other in amazement at how much both of us grew. I ran to him and we embraced each other with a huge hug that could've lasted forever. It was soo relieving to see him, alive and awake.

I spent about an hour with him, sort of catching up. He is still the Brandon I knew 8 years ago, only bigger. Our parents quit talking 8 years ago, and it was sad for the both of us. My mom and her sister quit talking, over a stupid fight that led to court. Today, Brandon told his mom how much he misses us, and wants to be a part of our lives again. He also asked why his dad has to be the way he is. But my dad is also stubborn.

It made me feel so good that Brandon wants to be a part of my life again. We talked and talked, and could've talked forever, but then came the time when he had to go home and rest to get well. Unfortuately, he doesn't really remember much about the night of the scene. But, he says he will never go anywhere alone again.

The time he had to leave came along, and neither one of us wanted to leave. One last embrace until I see him again. Holding him, hugging him could've lasted forever. He was my 'older brother'. The one I wish I had. I was his baby sister.. to look out for. I also was the sister he never had. He was supposed to be there for me while I was growing up, and I the same. But we never got the chance to grow up together. We never got the chance to be a happy family.

I could've hugged him forever. I probably wont see him for another 8 years or so, but hopefully at my graduation. If only we could've been able to grow up together, happy and proud. But instead we grew up hoping to remember one another, wanting to be a part of each others lives. Until next time, I have a new image in my mind of my long lost 'brother', Brandon.

2 .dream. .colors.

Tres Fun Weekend [25 May 2003|10:22pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | If you believe ]

This weekend was fun! Friday afterschool I went to Rachie's house. We got on the puter and we were our bad little selves. It was tres fun.

Saturday we went to a MVE guard 'practice.' Learned some stuff, sat around, listenened to a girl named Lana talk about how she's sooo excited to be Dice's guard captain next year. Woop-dee-doo. After hearing it 500,000,000 times in an HOUR I wanted to smack her upside the head! GAH!

Saturday night we were messin with a person's profile, and other things. That also was tres fun. We really are evil! It was great though. Feel soo much more relieved after doing that. HAHA We were online and planned Rachel's wedding [www.theknot.com] We also watched "A walk to remember", "The Ring" (Almost scared myself to death watchin that movie!) Well, during the movie I was jumping at EVERY part.. Im not really a scary movie type of person, but I really wanted to see it. Overall it was a good movie.. After I watched it, I was too scared to go upstairs to go to the bathroom lol and on my way there, Rachel scared me. THANKS RACH!

Sunday we slept in, ALOT. We also watched "Scary Movie 2" and a few other movies. We started my webpage on aol hometown and we fixed my AOLprofile. Fun times there. I got Rach back 4 scarin me ;-)

All in all -- GREAT time at Rachels! HAHA Good times good times.

2 .dream. .colors.

...Let me light my candle in the wind [22 May 2003|10:30pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers ]

There's something about the look in your eyes, Something I noticed when the light was just right, It reminded me twice that I was alive, And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight...

One thing I hate is that now Im always sick of hearing 'sappy' love songs on the radio. They make you so depressed, expecially when you listen closely to the words. They have so much meaning and they're always true. It's depressing, in a way. My heart will never escape this torture.In my life we'll always go on. If you would only love me like you used to do. But, my heart will go on.

I guess after you've been heartbroken, or just love-struck a time or two, you don't want to try it again, so you don't love like you used to. Being more careful with those tender words. Time goes by slowly now, like a never ending day. The day seems to drag on and on like an old movie without words. In my eyes you can see that I still care. Do you still see the sparkle?

I want to see fireworks again, I want to feel the love, the feeling of being free and not caring what others think, only that you matter to me. I don't want any pitty, just your love again. Sure, you can put an old memory out of your mind but the heart never forgets. Just let me light my candle in the wind.


Give me the heart of the ocean.. [21 May 2003|10:16pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion ]

Titanic. Sunk on April 15, 1912 at 2:30 in the morning. I was born that day. Out of 2,200 people aboard the ship only around 700 were on boats and saved. More than half died. April 15, 2003 I turned 15 and also it has been 101 years since the boat sank.

I watched that movie once again today. I first got it when it first came out. I used to watch it all the time. At least twice a day. I saw it and just think of all the people who lost their lovers, family and friends. All those people who died. All of those innocent little girls and boys sleeping peacefully in their beds lost in their dreams happily.

I wish I were Rose DeWitt Bukater. I want the heart of the ocean. I want to love again.. love is a gift, and that gift got taken away. Give me the gift of love again. Give me the heart of the ocean.


Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again... [19 May 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Under the sea - The Little Mermaid ]

Today, I was watching old home movies. Me as a baby, my parents 15 years younger, old animals that were once in my life, my house looking totally different from now.

I sit here and think..
When I was little, I thought things so differently. I wanted to be 'grown up' then and there. I used to see things so differently. Maybe different than any other kid I knew.

I used to think as you grew up, when you look in the mirror, you'd be a whole different person. I guess even as a small child, I wasn't too happy with my appearence. So I thought maybe as I grow up, I will change and look like a beautiful girl with long brown hair and blue eyes. I always wanted blue eyes.

I also thought that when you die you don't go to heaven or hell. You die. Then, your soul is overlooking your body lying there. It's under a red light. That was what I used to think what happened when you die.

I guess as you grow older and realize, you still wanna be a little kid again. I feel when I was little, I tried growing up too fast, and now that Im grown up, I wish I would go back to my childhood where nothing mattered.

Back then I didnt have to worry about boys or relationships. I didnt have to worry about family dying because back then I didnt really understand it all. Back then I didnt have to feel pain or heartache. I didnt have to feel desire or 'love'. All I had to do was worry about me, my parents, my little boo-boo's and my teddy bears. Now, I have so much more to worry about, and the worry will grow as I grow.

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again. No worries, no heartache, no pain.


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