||burn : usher
this is my new journal. i guess this entry should be an introduction on my life, right? well, to start off, my name is kristyn, i'm 15, a freshmen in highschool, and am a CALIGIRL. i love to dance, dirtbike, surf, drink, party, and shop. i just got out of a great relationship with nothing but a broken heart, and am trying to recoup. i have some of the greatest friends, and so far highschool has been awesome. although it's almost over, freshmen yr. was great. i had a lot of firsts, and i don't regret any of them whatsoever.
i have a normal family life, i guess. i have a mom (jill) she is honestly nothing but wonderful, we have our fights but we always end up closer afterwards, stepdad (jeff) he's been my dad since i was 2 and we're closer than ever, and a brother (cameron, 13) we weren't close for a long time, i guess you could say we have a love/hate relationship, but now that he's gotten a little older, it's been a lot better. I also have a dad (gerard), stepmom (brenda), & 2 half brothers (dominic, 5/nathan, 2) i couldn't tell you anything interesting about them, because i rarely ever see them. one of the reasons is because i don't like my stepom, to rationalize how much i loathe her, i wouldn't cry if she died [and that's just sad]. but i love my dad & brothers unconditionally.
i have a lot of friends that i'm really close to, but here are some of them that mean the most to me.
kristen- we've been best friends since 4th gr. [she is my best friend]
jenna- we've only known eachother since 6th gr., but ever since hs, we've been super tight
amber- i've known her since 7th gr. and she's so funny we have compatible personalities
briggite- we've been through a lot of drama, but always stuck together ever since 6th gr.
brett- he is my closest guy friend, nothing is going to happen between us, i can't see myself being with him, there's no connection, but somehow we've stayed best friends thru all the drama.
aly- she's one of my close friends, although we don't really hang out, we're always there for eachother. i've known her since 3rd gr.
some of my other close friends: ashley, britty g, jeremy, courtney, natalie, nicole, mikey, shannon, alaina, collin, jett, alisha, caleb, corey, lauren, emily, matt, zach, i've named them so you aren't completely clueless when i bring up these people.
oh lord, he is the only guy that i've ever fell in love with. honestly, i still love him, even though he's put me through this. to start you off, my best friend kristen was with this guy mitch for about 4 months, and after the 4 mo. they broke up [mutually] because things simply weren't working out. [this all happened from july-nov '03] well, in january this yr., i was at my friend jett's house, and this guy kenny and mitch came over. well, we all clicked because we all ride, and so we decided to go riding the following day and ended up spending everyday of january hanging out, which was awesome, because truthfully, i was just sick of all of my girl friends. eventually, me and kenny started seeing eachother because i heard that he had a thing for me and i ended up kissing him a few times, but over time i began to fall for mitch. kenny wasn't a bad guy, he was just hard headed. he was controlling, and manipulative and i began to feel uncomfortable around him [he was 17, and was no longer a virgin]. it made me feel nervous, i guess. so i started hanging out with mitch a little more each day. then it became an everyday thing. i would always be with him, somwhere, whether it be at his house... wherever! he invited me to havasu [a lake - 6 hrs. away] and i stayed the weekend with him and his family. and i DID feel comforatable. his family loves me and it was never awkward in any situation. by that time he told me he liked me MORE than a friend and not to worry about what kenny thought, and that he would always be there for me. i would cry, because of the way kenny treated me, and mitch would hold me, and tell me everything would be okay. i finally realized that i loved this person, i only knew him for 3 mo., it doesn't mean that i was in love him, but in my heart i loved mitch, and his family. well when mitch told me he liked me, i didn't really respond to him for awhile, of course we hung out, went to the movies, but nothing happened between us. i didn't want to ruin our friendship, and most importantly i didn't want to ruin mine and kristen's friendship. i talked to kristen, she told me she didn't mind if i hooked up with mitch, but i didn't care. i wasn't going to risk it. so 2 mo. had past [it was april] and mitch didn't really put much effort into spending time with me, which broke my heart. we rarely talked and when we did we'd get into a fight. and everything went downhill from then on. we would talk less and less. how could this be happening when he told me how important i was to him, and that i was the sweetest girl he had ever met? i kept telling myself everything would be okay, but everything wasn't okay. he was spending almost everyday with kenny, and of course kenny hated me after all of this, so why wouldn't he convince mitch that i wasn't worth it? well, i was talking to brett during all of this and he told me mitch never talks about me, he only talks about this girl lacey. i literally cryed every night for 3 wks. yeah, i know we weren't together, but i thought that someday after time, we could have a wonderful relationship. i wanted him to take my virginity. not any time soon, but he was the one. well, by the beginning of may i found out he lost his virginity to this girl kaitlynn. kaitlynn also gave head to 3 other guys that night. what was he thinking? i found out he was seeing lacey at that time, and she told him that it was over, which made me feel a lot better, but in the back of my mind, how could he do this to me. i knew a great person and he's turned into something horrible. well his birthday was on may 21st, last friday [it was his 16th bday]. he got the truck that he was dying for. i didn't say anything to him at school that day, but i did put a bday card in his mailbox that night before. and he called me afterschool to say thanks but i wasn't home. so i called back and his dad answered. he answered with a suprise, he said 'kristyn, is that you?" i said yeah and began to cry. i knew he could tell. he told me he missed my pretty little face, and that everyday he asked mitch where i was & mitch would immediately change the subject. he told me how important i was in mitch's and his own life, and that he's afraid that when mitch realizes how good he has it, it will be too late. i only wish mitch thought that way. well i talked to mitch for about 5 minutes. that following wed. [which was 2 days ago] i waved and smiled, and all i received was a look in confusion. he didn't smile nor wave. i don't know what went wrong. he told brett that he wasn't going to sit around and wait for me. which hurts because if he truly liked me that much, he would have waited. i don't know what is waiting for me in the future, but whatever it is, i hope it's him, and if it's not, it really wasn't meant. who's to say what love is? i guess the closest thing i can think of is that it's a feeling you get. i get that feeling when i'm with, and without mitch.
wow, now that i got all of that out, i feel a lot better. that's one of the reasons i started this blurty. i'll be continuing to update this weekly, for myself, to keep track of my life.