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Sunday, March 20th, 2005
8:41 pm - I mean where do I freakin' start...
These past few couple of days have been fuckin' wild... crazy.. out of mymind.. I'd have to say the best days of my Sophomore year... I truly mean it... these days I'd say were one of the happiest days of my life.

So I already mentioned how I saw Tegan and Sara, Pedro the Lion and American Analog Set on Thursday for free... and they were really great... but that was ONLY THE BEGINNING...

Let me say I am convinced NEVER EVER to buy a wrist band. I will never make myself pay that much for an event where all the treasures are free. It took much research, I'm grateful for several informers and especially to one webmaster to a particular site (a site that gives info on free out of this world Austin events all year round contact me and I'll give you the link) who I am very grateful to for emailing a word document full of pages of FREE shows to choose from.

I'm going to try to write this the most readable way I can think of so this entree won't look like one major entree... but believe me everybody (most especially you my unborn grandchildren) it is so worth reading....
Out of all the days this one could be argues as the best. It was utterly perfect not a single thing went wrong. First the day started off warm... warm enough for me to wear my new khaki flowy skirt that makes me happy... this day was just so incredible... let me just start...

We (Annette, Mari and I) started off out day with... a FREE *hush hush* (thanks Erin & Jen:) show in a Starbucks parking lot with... John Legend yeah... so fuckin rad... I was dancing like crazy to his R&B sounds... ooo damn he was good. He put on an awesome show, his quote, "I'm gonna pretend this show ain't free and like you all payed 50 bucks to be here!!" And DAMN! He has greatttt skin....smooth voicce... plus did I mention we got free Starbucks... hehe

Next we took off and ate at Vinny's on Barton Springs which was new for me and which I loved!! I'd recommend it to anyone! Damn I love new food.

After that we took off to Red's Scoot Inn for yet again another FREE show... this time I kept to see APOLLO SUNSHINE. I saw these guys once and they put this awesome live show, I knew they wouldn't dissapoint me. to explain the experience I feel I have to explain the environment this was took place in. Red's Scoot Inn is this bar hidden on the east side of Austin... yeah East of I-35... and this place was wayy cool... this was a total one of a kind Austin experience... the shows took place outside and it looked like someone's backyard. They had a tiny stage with christmas lights thrown around with a lot of picnic tables... Well Apollo Sunshine came on and thier equipment kept breaking... but they hold on and play a couple of cover songs... and not let equipment problems from playing thier best... on their first song... I go crazy and is the first to dance and they loook at me and the guitarist winks at me hehe it was rad... pretty soon a lot of people are dancing... and I get this great feeling like "Yes I'm in Austin and this is why!" I found out by that Know It aLL site that Red's Scoot Inn was the place to be for SXSW and webmaster guy even quoted about this particluar show:

In the middle of Apollo Sunshine's set last night at Red's Scoot Inn, while the crowd and the band are all freaking out and dancing around, and I was standing there eating my fifteenth taco of the night, a friend leans over and says "any party in Austin where people dance is a miracle, usually the crowds are too far up their own ass to bother."

Damn that show was awesome... it even made Mari's night when they played a cover of "Psycho Killer" that she's had in her head for weeks... Annette's face had this pure amazement look the whole show... and by thed of the show they even got Mari to gush.. ooo and when they played "I was on the moon" heart is beating just rapidly talking about it... but the night had to go on... and we were quite done yet... come on when I plan the best day of my life it's gonna be the best day of my life...

We then take off to Hyde Park Theatre on Guadalupe and catch the ending to a.... SLAM POETRY show. Ha everyone knows how much I love slam poetry and how it drives me insane with happiness!! But unfortunately this was not free it was $3.50!! haha but the real treasure of this show was Chicano HBO DEF Slam Poet Joaquin Zihuatanejo. Damn did I mention this show was only $3.50! He is fuckin' amazing...he blew me away!! Once again this guy is fuckin' amazing!! I think everyone I know deserves to hear his words at least once in thier lives!! The badass part was that I got his card and talked to him about coming to speak at St.Ed's which would be kick ass!!

So after John Legend, Great Food, Apollo Sunshine and an out of this experience with a Slam Poet all for under 10 bucks! All I could do was smiiiiillllllleee.... talk about happiness.... the night finally ended drinkin' with Jen, Erin, Crystal, Tara and Mari... That's what I call an absolute perfect day.
Ya know when things are good they are great. Saturday comes and Mari and I take off downtown for the show of a lifetime... A once in lifetime show... how do I even begin to describe this show...

60 piece orchestra...jazz/hip-hop orchestra... which includes... dj's, mc's, strings, horns, even a guy playing a mouth harp!! Everything.. bass guitars, turntables, violins... the band was called DAKAH and this event even included Rahzel from the Roots! And a band claled Breakstra Cameras were everywhere.. professional cameras...never seen something like this... did I mention this show was FREE!!

Geez how do I describe in words the importance and this rare experience to my future grandhildren?! First of all this band RARELY tours. They are based in LA. They are too big to travel... it'd be to expensive.. so to see them ANYWHERE OUTSIDE CALIFORNIA IS RARE but this company Scion sponsored the whole band to come to Austin especially for SXSW.

This was an RSVP show only. And I was lucky enough to find out a couple of weeks ago because of that special site. The crowd was insane... since this show really didn't have much advertising... these were people who knew what a great experience this show was. I cannot explain the show. I have never seen anything like it. It was so fuckin' rad... I was dancing and the whole time I knew my mouth was open because I couldn't believe how awesome the show was... did I mention Saul Williams even came out of no where as a surprise and said a poem as violins played in the background... shit I really do feel like I physically hurt everyone I didn't tell about this once In a life experience.... that was FREE!

After that Mari and I ended our day with a FREE show at emo's from Rufio... where I happened to run into...Kenny!! Yeah "the one that gotta away because long distance sucks" yeah the one I have a million entrees about. It was so weird. I gave him a huge hug and he told me he had been thinking about me just 5 minutes before there since that is the place we met. I told him he should move to Austin already. He said we should catch up and I gave him my new number since he only had my old doyle dorm #... he cut his hair not the spiky way I love it but short... I'll admit he looked cute... :)
So I didn't go to any shows Sunday... way to pooped but it was such a beautiful day my roomates and I went to HEB and grabbed cheeses, crackers, fried chicken, strawberries and cigars and went to the Zilker park and had an awesome day.

The water was really cold... but not like I did it (this time ;) but did you know it's perfectly legal to swim topless. They don't allow food or smoking but they do allow that. Crazy right?

Zilker was so much fun! We decided to make a routine out of it!

So that was the end of my awesome Spring Break. I really don't think it could've been any better. I took sooo many pictures!! After this amazing experience I am now convinced that I shall NEVER pay over $100 for a wristband that would keep me from the awesome hidden treasures that really represent what SXSW really is and what it should be. Did I mention I spent zero amount of time in lines? I am now convined that I NEVER want to spend spring break anywhere else but AUSTIN, TEXAS. Now I fully understand why they call it the music capital of the world.


current mood: indescribable
current music: Tegan and Sara "Walking With a Ghost"

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Friday, March 18th, 2005
4:21 am - SPRING BREAK
So my 2005 Spophomore Year Spring Break is almost over... and to my surprise so far it has actually been great. :) Really great. Despite thinking and planning practically for the past 6 months that it was going to be spent with a different crowd... I am convinced things happen for a reason. :)

Music Music Music: Old 97s, Gourds, Pedro the Lion, Tegan and Sara and American Analog Set and a day full of shows tommorow. I danced my booty off to the Gourds and Old 97's super great show... great crowd... damn it feels so good to see live music... did I mention all except Old 97's and Gourds were free?

Shopping Shopping Shopping I stayed with my sister in SA Sunday through Tuesday and she is the sweetest, bestest oldest sister in the world. She treated me like a princess, feeding me and even taking me shopping... drastically updating my spring wardrobe... too bad it's been cold this week so I haven't or won't be able to wear the cute skirts... I live in Texas for a reason!! It should be HOT!!

Party Party Party Happy Birthday Mari! Well belated BD it was Wednesday! Her cousins came in and we had a few people over. Quite fun. I don't remember much but seemed like elvis partied a little to hard as well he had several bottle caps in his tank.

Dancing Dancing Dancing Right now I just came back from hanging out with Erin, Jen and Mike D. we got a little tipsy(ok maybe I got more than a little tipsy) and we went to a club... Paradox...haha I know ghetto... but it was kick ass... we danced all night and just ignored all the creepy guys around us... It was so much fun... and it was a great workout... we danced like 3 hours straight! We ended the night at Denny's where Mike D treated he's great!

Food Food Food Food has been a major subject lately... my sister took me to a delicious Chinese buffet in SA... I finally visited Threadgills off Riverside I took Mari to celebrate her BD... it is amazing... it's huge inside I don't know why I never went before... I had chicken and dumplings... so so so good. Oh and HEB had a sale on Kellogg cereals I stocked up... mmmmm cereal!!

Movies Movies Movies I got a movie pass form Blockbuster and spent Tuesday night and part of Wednesday watching movies. Ahhh it felt great. I was actually alone... which happens once a year. I picked movies that I always want to rent when I'm with other people but they've either seen them or rather watch somehting else. My selections: Requiem For a Dream, Virgin Suicides, I Am Sam, Down to You, Virgin, 200 cigarettes AND wAYNE'S wORLD 2. :)

Boys Boys Boys Ok so this section isn't as filled as it could be but I do have an official make out buddy... which isn't so bad... kills time until I meet the man of my dreams or until Adam Sandler dumps the bitch he is with and comes for me... haha jk

So I'm waking up tommorow, starting the weekend, last 3 days of the week... who knows what will happen?!


current mood: accomplished

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Thursday, March 10th, 2005
11:24 pm - Notes for the week:
Spring Break is next week yay!!

Old 97s are on Sunday!! more yays!

Midterms are a bitch... my math one is tommorow...ehhh

I need to redo my Americna Dillemas paper

I don't know if I wanna go home next week but for sure I am during Easter.

Stupid St.Mary's had to have thier spring break this week so Andy can't come next. :(

Attention Deficit Disorder... that's me.

I hope I get the Human Resource Internship... I applied this week.

Hank burned me a Mars Volta CD it's awesome.

Marcus looks cute everyday in class... he's such a dork... he just tears me apart...:)

I took a nap outisde on the lawn at campus.. aww it was so nice...

I still have to do paper due tommorow for my Chicano Lit. class.

My roomate Liz left today for the Bahamas.

My roomates Mari's birthday is next week yay!

Last week me and her wnet tot his cool toy shop and she went crayz over a lot of cool things they had... so me and Liz went back and got her everything she had said she wanted... handcuffs, toy keychain gun, devil characters, india God finger puppets, drum sticks etc... lots of cool things... only cool people have :)

Some girl signed up for the vacancy we have in our apartment we have to find a way to tell her we have it for someone else... but that's so mean... so it'll be hard...

I've been really happy lately my life is going back to normal...

I'm so excited for SXSW.. I found tons of free shows thanks to some webmaster off a cool site who emailed them to me.

the Cribs are only playing at 21+ clubs :(

I went to a school assemble that had a speaker who talked about sexual harrasment and other things and it was titled "Can I Kiss You" it was really cute. He was a fabulous speaker. He made a big deal about why people don't ask "Can I kiss you" before they kiss someone... how much respect it gives someone... and such... but he explained it a lot better... it made me think of the time taht it was so cute when Marcus asked me that... hmmm.... anyways it was a good show and me and my roomate Liz got shirts.

Well I have to get to bed... work/midterm/paper tommorow...ehhh


current mood: cranky

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Sunday, March 6th, 2005
3:41 pm - Religion
WEll I'm trying to chnage a lot of things from last semester... I really don't know who I wa slast semester.. I was so ...down... I lost who I was.

Lately I have really been taking crae of myself. More sleep... not drinking as much... I've quit "relaxing"(1 week so far lets see if I can do it). I really feel a lot better but besides my help I realized how bad I need to shape up my spirituality. How important your spirit is to your overall body.

Mind, Body,Spirit.

I'm getting down the body improvement part but I think before I can improve the mind I need to improve the spirit.

I actually woke up early this morning and went to Mass. Whoa I didn't go once last semester. I forgot how good it felt to go. How it feels to think about everything I did bad and to know it can be forgiven ot to be surrounded by music nad know there is hope. I think that was the strongest to be aware that there is hope. I've been to stuck in my little world lately thinking there is no hope.

There has been research that people who pray their helath is more likely to improve. People have had theories that it happens because prayer is sort of hope. And that is positive and it helps the mind which affects the body. I think thats true. When you pray you cna't get negative but only hope for the best.

I realized how much religion really affected my life. I was confused for awhile about God and the bible for awhile. But I realized I can still be confused but its that faith that I need. That faith that there is hope out there.

I realized how much it help to sit there in church and think about everything and realize that things will eventually get better. To sit there and reach out for help and knowing that for some reason you are going through what ever you are going through and you will get over it.

So in conclusion I'm going to try to pray more and go to church more because it is a necessary component to making me feel better. :)


current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, February 27th, 2005
7:03 pm - My LOVEly weekend
First I'll start with Paul:

Ok Paul... really really sweet.

Friday I decided I didn't like Adam and decided I didn't want to go out with him. So Paul asks me if would go get something to eat with him. I thought it would be a good oppurtunity to get to know him without the whole gang around.

And he was unbelievable. He came to pick me up and surprised me with these beautiful purple flowers. Everyone knows I love flowers. :) The night was good. He took me out to dinner at this cool chines restaurant down south and later we went to see the movie Hitch...

Hitxh was great. Will Smith..mmm... I love Will Smith since 6th grade. :P hehe. Well the movie is about people who mess up a lot on dates and Will Smith helps them... I liked it.

He was really the swet the whole night and it felt good to have someone be sweet like that.. he gave me compliments and was a sweetie all night... He can do no harm I can't ever see him be mean...

But I just didn't feel anything. We didn't click... sure we could talk but all I wanted was a guy I couldn't really talk to... I just didn't know if I liked him

Well he asked me what I was doing the next day and I tell him I'm going to an art exhibit for extra credit with a friend from class...

On to next entree....

current mood: confused

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Friday, February 25th, 2005
1:20 pm - Hmmm...
Ok so Paul came over last night along with a lot of friends but I was swamped with work! I mean swamped! But he was really really nice and saw how stressed out I was and helped a lot!

It was night time and I was at the ACAD computer lab and he picked me up and I had a group project due today so he helps get some measurements I needed and then he practically does the whole assigment... ok he does the whole assignment but I told him not to but he did it... he likes math... but isn't that so sweet??!!! So while he did math I worked on a paper. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't helped me!

So he's beginning to be really really sweet... which is kind of scary to me.

Random possibility:

I was thinking that maybe I fall for guys that are mean to me or don't like me rather than with guys who do like me and are nice because I would rather get hurt then hurt someone.... be treated mean then treat someone mean. I honestly think so... just thinking of hurting someone instantly makes me wanna throw up... I get nauseasated. That's why when a guy starts being really nice to me and starts to like me I back off because I start to think about the possibility of me not liking him and then me telling him... ech that would make me a bad person, a mean person and I would put someone in a position I've been in many times....

Could that idea be right??? Could that really be me??



current mood: thankful

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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
10:28 am - Awww roomates and company!!
Did I ever mention I have the best roomates?? 'Cause I do. :)

My roomate Liz decided we should get things that would cheer us up. So that meant a shopping spree at the ol' school bookstore. Pretty awesome she is so sweet to me. We nought post its of every kind...the tabby ones, little ones, big ones, STAR ones and a cute book with a girl that looks like me that come with 2 dif. kinds of post its and a pen. We also bought scented markers, dry erase boards with tac boards for our all of our doors. So cute.. St. Ed's notebooks, binders you name it. ooo and Liz bought these cute Lizard magnets in blue, green, pink and yellow they are so cute!! Don't even get me started about our shopping spree at The Quick Dip!! Oh man...

So Liz cheered me up and then later when we get home Maui arrives with a tray of free food she brought from a guest lecture. I'm mean tons of food crispy chicken and egg rollls. So so so good.

Yesterday was a good one even though it started out ruff... my classes were cool not to bad I made an A on Math Group Project it was cool except I have another one due Friday I haven't worked on to much but I'll get it together.

So so so weird right when I say I'm not going to focus on guys... a new interest comes. But the thing that makes this one stands out is he is genuinely nice. Not player nice or nice where he's the type of guy who will say what you want to hear... but a nice guy. :) He came over last night. He treats me extremely well... it's so weird. The girls would tell me that supposedly he had a crush on me but I never really talked with him... but he's really cool... but it might be too soon... and he's nice... what I need but what I usually don't fall for... but who knows I wanna change that so bad so maybe I will.... and I can

Yeah we had a lot of people over including him.. Austin, Bill, Danny, Nick, Alex it was fun... it's always good to have enjoyable company around.

Well I'm off to do work... ehhhh


current mood: hopeful
current music: Amazing Pilots 'Price of Winter"

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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
12:28 am - I needed this.
So I did it.
It's done.
I feel like shit.
I needed him to do it and he did.
I needed to hear it and I did.
I needed to confirm that he was like every other guy.
The one guy I thought was different from the rest.
The one guy that would prove all my assumptions about the opposite sex wrong.
He never said he wanted to be with me.
I knew that line would come, being stuck in the middle for so long... you tend to wait for that line to come.
I'm pretty positive now he used me.
I'm depressed.
I'm depressed because I have no faith in guys.
I really honestly think good guys don't exist.
They can't.
It's impossible.
He didn't care.
Actions speak louder than words.
Did I waste 5 months?
Am I going to keep putting myself in this pattern with guys.
He was a different type of jerk though.
He tried to be nice about it.
He didn't lead me on and do or say anything especially nice to keep me around.
I strung around on my own thinking he was different.
I'm naive.
I'll admit I'm stupid.
He was using me.
He was having me string along when he was selfish with his own feelings not caring about mine.
He didn't like me.
It feels like one big lie.
Damn I've said that before.
I know I didn't love him but why was I so attached?
I think it was because I had this idea he was different.
I didn't wnat to lose that.
I have no faith in guys.
I think that all the negative things I will ever say about him
Will never amount to half of the good things I've said
I thought he was amazing
He's such a jerk
I've cried to much.
I just wanted to be appreciated.
I just wanted to be happy.
I was taken for granted.
I have to remind myself
It only gets better.
I've been treated like trash.
I really needed this.
I really needed to talk to him.
I never want to see him again.
I'll only see a jerk.
Someone who used me.
But who'll never admit it.
And least the last one admitted it.
I can't believe it took all of this to happen
All of this to happen
For me to finally realize
I don't need him in my life
And that he was using me
And that he is just like every other guy
But now that I know he never liked me
It kind of relieves a lot of things
Now when I look back in situations
I can excuse them and say
Well he never liked me anyway
Which leads me to question
Am i likeable?
Am I worthless?
It kinda feels like I'm alone in this world
And the world keeps spinning
Like I can't trust anyone
It figures the one guy I trust
After I believe I can't trust anymore
Just my luck
It was all my fault
My feelings
Damn it sucks to say
He didn't care about me
He didn't like me
When I cared about him so much
When I liked him so much
I'm allowing myself to be depressed this one night
To type this all tonight
Ha the 23rd, figures,
Because tommorow is a new day
And I'm not going to waste anymore time like this
Thinking this
This is just a rant I have to do to finalize evrything
I have to finalize
I needed this
I needed to do this
To look back and realize
That I can get like this
That liking a guy can do this
That trusting a guy with my heart
Can do this,
But most importanly
To look back and realize
I can get out of this
Things will change
This will just become another entree
He will become just another guy.
Like I once said
Times Change
People Change
Feelings Change
It holds true today
I needed this.


current mood: depressed
current music: Music... don't get me started

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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
4:32 pm - If you're not into music I'm not into you...
Yeah a couple of situations these past weeks have made me realize a lot more about myself...

I finally realized that music is terribly important and now that I look back on guys I've met or pursued it all depended on how much they liked music and if they are open to all kinds old and new.

Music makes me extremely happy. I can not even describe the feeling I get form shows, hearing new bands, finding a new song I love hearing a band I likes new or old music. It drives me crazy!!!!

Yeah I look back at the guys that I didn't like back or didn't put much effort in were the guys that had a narrow taste in music. That only listened to R&B or blew off country altogether or who weren't interested in new band or sounds.

So it makes sense that when I'm around a guy fully immersed in music I feel great about and around them. I love to be introduced to new music, so if I start talking to a guy and he has a good amount of knowledge about music and isn't to snobby about it he'll make me melt.

Ya' notice how I say he if isn't to snobby about it? Yeah I like guys who are into music and you'd think being in Austin I would find a lot of guys in music but I've found a lot that have this attitude "Yeah I listen to this kind of music but I won't say too much about them 'cause it'll be a big mess and I won't be cool anymore if a lot of people find out about them and start listening to them." Ehh those guys are pathetic.

How can you keep yourself from teling other people about a good band or a catchy tune. Lately I've been back to my old ways and been spending a whole lot of time listening to all kind of music. It's weird 'cause when I used to do it.. it was punk bands.. but now its cool 'cause I'm listening to a lot of stuff and when I hear something I like I tell everyone I see that day and I blast it for my roomates!!

The guys that really take my breath away are the guys that say "hey I just heard this band and you have to hear them, they are from so and so and they have a great sound!" or "I've been listening to this band for awhile give them a try." or "Hey this crazy band is coming to town that has a different sound that we have to go to!!"

They could invite me to any show and I would be willing to go because that's how happy music makes me feel, any kind will get my heart pumping!


Now that I think about it... I did have that. Oh shit. I didn't realize what this entree would lead to. I used to have that last spring... I miss that... Damn it's funny how things change... it's funny how the stuff that makes you so happy... people that make you happy... can disappear. It's funny... when you stop doing things that make you going to shows...not sharing those chats about music... that they can make you so unhappy around that person. It's funny how your connection with people can change and you lose all that.

Noo noo... I'm over that. I'm going to find someone who will love music and love going to shows. Oh and most importantly compromise. And all that will make me happy. Because being happy is the only thing I want right now.

So now that I've realized how much music truly makes me happpy and now I see how it explainw hy I've been in such a FABULOUS mood and why last semester I was quite depressed. I'm going to put music above everything else, even if that means going to a lot of cheap shows. I'm definetly going to start sacrifing stuff for money for shows even if that means alcohol and other things... music is so much more worth it!! I have really missed out this school year. I've only gone to ACL. Yeah that is it. Compared to 20 shows and over 40 bands last school year.

I'm definetly jumping back into Austin and experience everything it has to offer. Helllo I'M IN AUSTIN. This is not a city where you sit at home. This is not a city where you watch music on TV but you where you stand in a club and feel the music. From now on I'll only watch movies on days the weather is bad, days I'm sick, at the movie theatre and during the day. From now on Night time will only be spent studying, listening to music, sleeeping, partying to music, messing around to music or at a show!!!!!!

If anyone has an idea for a show I'm there. :)


current mood: awake
current music: Amazing Pilots "The Price of Winter"

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Monday, February 21st, 2005
1:26 pm - This week is going to be crazy!!
All my teachers decided to give so much work this week it is ridiculous!!
Look what my week is like!!

Math Homework (Done!!)
Whole book is to be read for Chicano/a Lit. (Done!!)

Communication Theory Exam
American Dilemmas Exam
American Dilemmas Writing Assignment on Social Security Due

Work on Math Group Project
A shit load of Math problems due

Huge American Dilemmas Paper Due (6 pages)

Math Homework due
Math Group Project Due
Chicano/a Lit paper due

And somewhere I ahve to find time to work on my Communication Exemplar and Extra cRedit for Chicano/a Lit!! Argggghhhhhh I'm going to go insane!! Don't count on seeing or hearing from me!

Oh and SXSW tickets go on sale Thursday!! $110 I only have 60 now... I need to find a way!!


current mood: rushed

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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
6:35 pm - 2005 St.Ed's Homecoming!
The ball was a blast!! I had tons of un I arrived with my roomates Mari and Liz and then Josh and Marie.

We danced all night!! I love these Homecomings because everyone dances!! The first dance started and everyone got up!!

My roomate Liz and I did some fabulous dance moves especially to "I Swear" oh yeah.

The fish was ok but it needed sauce. But the cheesecake was fabulous!!

I took tons of pictures!

I saw Mariana and Megan we danced a bunch!!

At the end of the night we ended up at a after party which was cool 'cause it was alot of SEU people I hardly ever hang out with that I see on campus it was cool to see them in a different evironment.


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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
5:59 pm - my roomates! :)
So more than likely I'm 97% I'll be staying on campus at the same apartment with the same roomates well at least 2 of them.

I really like my roomates. Especially these past few couple of weeks have been a blast. :0

Reasons I decided to stay with my roomates:

1. We all get along because we are laid back and don't make things a big deal.

2. We together for the most part aren't dirty.

3. We have outside lives, outside friends so we aren't spending 100% of our time together or at the apartment.'

4. We share!!

5. We stay in our lives and don't get to much into each others.

6. Those important reason I like living with my roomates is we have never had major disagreements or reasons to be mad each other which means no drama for the most part if we have a problem we talk it out. :)

I really think I was blessed with such great roomates I hear other people complain and I'm glad that I have such easy going roomates. :)

So those are my reasons, I'm gonna stay.

And even though Clair at sometimes can be rude that's is just her character. In my opinion I think she is cool enough to live with for 3 months.


current mood: mellow
current music: Annie "Chewing Gum"

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Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
5:34 pm - Valentine's Day
Well Valentine's day was a lot of fun even though my official Valentine's Day due to schedule constraints isn't until tommorow. Mor eon that later. ; )

At midnight my roomates and I sat around and talked about how much guys sucked. We got pretty intense and ended the night eating pancakes at IHOP @ 2am with the club crowd. I must note though I think the intensity of our conversations was probably due since we had been "relaxing" prior to and those anger thoughts soon left lol.

Later on in the morning my sister surprised me and took me out to Magnlolia Cafe and I ate some yummy French Toast for breakfast. It was great.

My parents told me "We haven't had time to send you your Valentine's but we'll send it." Great the few couple Valentine's I depend on and they forget. I promise this year my parents have been "Lydia Whoo??" My mom hasn't even sent me cookies once!! Sighhh that's what happens when you move and your parents get used to you gone, last year was just another story

Did I mention I bought the book "He's Just Not Into You." I recommend it for any girl. It's great. It's common sense but stuff a girl never wants to realize.

It has been beautiful outside these past couple of days...ahhh. I love going outside knowing I won't need a sweater but damn this cold front and rain that is coming in.

I need to go to HEB...

Off to do homework...


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Monday, February 14th, 2005
9:44 am - Why do things have to change???
Ok so change is hard to deal with. I miss somebody so much but to be honest I think I miss the old person he used to be. It's so hard to accept the fact that some things will never be the same. Relationships with some people will never be the same. SO here I am missing him but I know deep down that I'm not missing the person he is today but the guy he was yesterday and I'm afraid if I go back to him now..I'd be dissapointed.

I met a guy this weekend, not a prospective guy but a new perspective. We spent our time talking about relationships and how the ending sucks because you know they have to end because you're not happy and the other person isn't happy. But you stay with that person because there is a hidden desire and hope that things will go back to how were things at the beginning. Damn I need to wake up and realize everything wasn't cake and pie towards the end and things needed to end, much was done to try to get it to work out but was hopeless.

It's crazy the stuff one will do or put themselevs through when they are attached to someone.

There is a show this weekend...the old person I knew would've been like, "That sounds cool to go to maybe we can", (or could I be lying to myself and just saying he would say that? I'm a mess). The new person would think about me first think if it is worth even doing it. Damn I was so tempted to use a show as a way to get back to our old ways. Use a show to remember the good times but that try didn't work out to well and I need to realize things are changing for good this time.

I know it is my fault that I messed up a lot of things. I messed up the friendship. I made things complicated.

It's so hard because I'm going to have to start going out to shows and new things with new people and realize that it is not going to be the same. That it is going to take time before I can connect with someone so well again. But who know maybe I'll get abck to my old self and become the person I used to be with new friends.

That there is going to be time before I stop missing this person.

Maybe it won't be so bad. Towards the end the positive things faded and mroe negative things started flowing I just need to keep pushing those negative memories that include negative dialogue and negative images to the front of my mind and keep him out of my mind. But its funny, ya know, 'cause their could be 10 negative memories to 1 positive memory and the positive memory will rule out. To be honest though I think I've been over exaggeratiing the positve like they were so goood when they were actually normal things.

I need to remember he is more than likely with someone new. So while I'm here doing whatever you call it here he's out not even rememberig me.

I've become pathetic.


current mood: gloomy
current music: Iron and Wine

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Sunday, February 13th, 2005
7:40 pm

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1:51 pm - Weekend
Well the weekend's almost over and it's been pretty great.

Party over the weeknd Friday... met some interesting people....had some crazy times. I made some cool friends. Did I ever mention how sweet MAtt and Laura are??? :)


Saturday I actually relaxed and slept a lot. Erin came oer and I amde some lemon pepper fish, roasted potatoes and some asparagus... I was so proud ad it actaully came out pretty good. Ia ctually felt good I had saved money from eating out and made this meal... it was so good.

It feels so freakin' good outside... ahhhh.. I have all my windows open


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Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
12:36 pm - SO life has been a bit crazed
I bought the book "He's Just Not Into You." lol It's actually really positive.

Been hanging out with the girls a lot they are tons of fun.

I am jammed with work no kidding.

This schedule is crazy I wanna stay up all night tonight since I don't have class until 12:30 tommorow but it's kind've hard since I've been up and about since 8 this morning. I need a strong power nap.

Ash Wednesday is today and we still have class! Isn't that crazy!

I went to the study abroad fair and got tons of books about programs in different places. At this one booth though the pen was busted and I got ink on my hand ugh.

My dad says he just needs to put CV joints and new tires on my car and it will be ready to come. I just need to find a way to get it. I need to go get a new license since I lost mine before then.

Anyone know how to fill out that income tax crap? I have mine, supposedly mine isn't to complicated so I don't want to go pay H&R Block a ton of money. So anyone with basic knowledge please help. :)

It is still cold out kind've rainy. It left for a couple of days and know it is back.

I have an Exam in Math for Liberal Arts Friday. Shouldn't be to bad well at least I hope not.

Eh I have a paper due Friday I really should get started on it. I really should've gotten more sleep last night I'm so tired. Work was a blah memory for me this morning my boss wasn't there so I kept to do Math homework I wasn't planning to turn in but because of that it was turned in.

I watched "She's All That" last night. It brought back some good feelings. Those warm innocent ones that you get when you first like someone and that person can do no harm. I think it's because they fill the movie with a lot of sweet liners. The script is actually done well for a teenie movie. Most scripts suck, I think that is why this one came out better than most, like that "Whatever it Takes" sucked.. "Drive Me Crazy"...sucked. Those had cheesy lines that were pushed. "She's All That" flows well... maybe 'cause it is also Freddy.... hmmm

Today was a slam poetry event I really wanted to go to with a friend. I guess it will have to be post poned I just have to much work. Maybe next time even though I really needed something like that... it lifts my moods for days.

This week seems a bit blank. If I could go home I would. But then again Friday will come and that will be another story.

I've been a lot more positive lately. It's like my gears are turning.

The girls are really great, they always seem to put a smile on my face and they make me feel good about myself. :)

Well I gotta go try to get this ink off my hands and get read for my next class.


current mood: sleepy

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Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
12:40 am
I've been waiting for a good day . I've been holding back long enough. I've been hurting to tell you some things. It's not the falling of the temperature that's making all our bones run cold, it's the breeze you make, the presence felt when you're around me and it feels like I'm at an all-time low. Slightly bruised and broken from our head on collision. I've never seen this side of you, another tragic case of feeling bruised and broken.

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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
7:46 pm

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Friday, February 4th, 2005
12:41 pm - Repeating Pattern
You ever realize that you repeat a common pattern in either social or romantic relationships?

A pattern with different people or even a pattern with only one person?

Should you try to change the pattern?

Or could the pattern actually be a good thing and just be keeping life more interesting?

If you're okay with the pattern should it be a big thing if other people comment on the pattern negatively?

Can a pattern be a bad thing?

Can a pattern be a good thing?

How do decide when the pattern should stop?


current mood: curious

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