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Sunday, March 27th, 2005
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4:28a
Taken from a couple of my favorite people.
Ask me 4 questions. Any 4, no matter how personal, dirty, private, or absurd. I have to answer them honestly, because otherwise I'll be struck down by lightning or be attacked by a herd of purple buffalo.
In turn, you have to post this message in your own journal, and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you. The penalty for noncompliance remains the same: lightning strike or purple buffalo.
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1:12p
Three hours of sleep and I'm rather chipper.
Kristin and I accidentally saw the sun this morning. We were still on the phone. A little after five, I became sleepy and calm. She was paging through my old journal entries, giggling at things that have become ironic since we've been dating. I wish I could save moments like that forever. I love being content and relaxed and tired and in love. It's even nicer when we're in person.
My little sister won the Easter egg hunt for the first time. She won dishonestly, but she won. After she realized that she'd possibly only won because she had cheated, her entire face fell. She almost started crying.
Mmm. It's Easter.
I found a letter the other day that I'd begun to write. Dear God, it said. Before I get to what I want to say, let's just get one thing straight. A paragraph later, I added, I don't think I'm as respectful as I need to be. I just said, 'Let's get one thing straight,' to God, for example.
I am tempted to finish the letter. Well, to rewrite it, more like. I have no idea what I was trying to say in the previous one. I never did get to my point. I trailed off after the second paragraph. What do I have to say to God?
Oh, I know: Do you think you could tell 'your people' to back off? They're making me feel a bit uncomfortable. Can you explain this whole Bible thing to me? I don't understand. Sure, it's a wonderful book - but is it really meant to be taken so literally?
And how about this one: Promise me, God, that you love me. Just between us, I'd never doubt you. Other people get in the way, as much as I wish I wouldn't let them. I want to be good, so good. Not only to you, but to everyone. I don't want to waver in my faith.
Could I say:
No, never mind. I don't have anything to say, really. Sometimes I am not good as I would like to be. I would like to have more patience, to be less sensitive. I would like to be able to take myself out of the situation more often, to be able to say, This has nothing to do with me, and remove any feelings I might have before acting.
That's something I can work on. Actually, it's something I work on constantly. I've been doing a lot of breathing exercises lately, when I feel like crying. I make myself sit very still and force myself to breathe peacefully. The desolate feelings tend to dissipate then. It's a beautiful feeling.
If it's not obvious, I've been feeling wonderfully the past few days. Most of my energy has returned after being sapped from me the past two months. It's like being reborn. And it's Easter.
Coincidence? Hallelujah.
current mood: calm
current music: Telescope Eyes -- Eisley (comment on this)
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1:44p
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