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Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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2:16a - Stripped as you are.
Amazing how I can talk to her all day long: hours on the phone, hours online. Reading to each other, laughing at our weirdness. Taking quizzes and sending her clips of me dancing. Amazing how then we want more. More hours on the phone, reluctance to say goodnight even in the wee hours.
Such a strange, wonderful thing.
[ETA: This song is almost as strange and wonderful. I can't take it off repeat.]
current mood: enchanted
current music: Turn Me On -- Ida (comment on this)
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6:24p
What an uncomfortable day.
Woke up smelling like blood. I've smelled like blood all week, but now my period is over. I didn't want to wash. I wanted to keep the smell. It'll be a month before I feel this way again. Like I have a purpose.
But having greasy hair feels really disgusting, eventually. I did wash. So now I don't smell like blood. And I'm kind of sad, but I guess it's all right.
My dad never called today. I haven't heard from him from Wednesday. I wonder if he's mad at me. On Wednesday, I went to his apartment. He wanted me to stay the night, but I'm not ready for that yet. He fell asleep while I was on his computer. I left a note and snuck home.
But even if he was mad, he would have cooled off by now. We usually have a meal together on Sundays. If he doesn't want to see me, he calls to say so.
I haven't even gotten an e-mail. I wonder if I should contact him. That would be breaking the routine. I don't want to break it. I'll give him a few more days.
My tutor dropped off some worksheets for me. Her name is Kelly. She's more helpful than I thought she would be. She doesn't really work with me. I do all the reading on my own. She said to call if I need her. But she's a good resource because she has better contacts with the school than I do.
current mood: lethargic
current music: Marrow -- Ani Difranco (comment on this)
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7:32p
I've been awake for four hours after sleeping for fourteen.
Why is it that I only want to go back to bed?
current mood: sad
current music: Marrow -- Ani Difranco (3 comments |comment on this)
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