chronicles from the 51st floor's journal

> my life lately
> days in the life of lynn
> people i stalk
> me in a nutshell
> past 10 musings

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013
12:49 am - i resign.
today i did a draft of a resignation letter. i cited the reasons why i couldn't work with the current set up i was in -

1. micro manager of a boss
2. being pushed down one level by new boss, instead of her rising one level (this is a big problem when you and your boss start out as peers)
3. cfo and country controllers lacking consistency and integrity
4. not being listened to. i've been pitching the same story and lo and behold, they listen if someone else says it
5. my team not being allowed to grow at all, because i have to wait for other teams to catch up. now taht they're slowly catching up, they're leaving out my team.
6. non-accountability of other teams. i always seem to be caught up in screw ups that are not my doing. and people are not owning up to their part of the blame.
7. performance management is not something that is practiced by this company. they do not walk the talk. i've been working with people who would have been fired in my previous company and they seem to be the ones that have sthe staying power.

well... i just had to document that. in case i need to submit it for real.

all those reasons, negated by just one tiny name. zach. i need to wait for a little while longer before i proceed with my plans. i need a lot of patience, happiness, deadma powers and ability to swallow pride easily in the next couple of months. 12 more weeks baby zach, and ML starts, and we can plan a new course in life.

(taste me)

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013
8:33 pm - rain

as surely as day comes after night, i get so happy when it rains.

i used to associate rain with no classes, going home early, time to pass by other places i wouldnt normally have time for, travelling and bumping into people, staying home curled up with a good book, nice comfy weather.

but now it's as simple as being able to stay cool to give time for me and the little one growing inside my belly to just chill, relax, and dream about what the future can bring.

the future is full of uncertainties. but what i'm certain about is my birthday and Christmas towards the end of this year is going to be so different from all the 33 other birthdays and Christmases i've had.

sleep well baby zach...

(taste me)

Sunday, May 26th, 2013
4:03 pm
Somedays you just wish for something simple like a date, to hold hands, to watch a movie together.

Somedays, you wish for a miracle, like bringing back the past or fast forwarding to the future.

Nothing more depressing than wishing for something so simple and knowing it will take a miracle to come true

(taste me)

Saturday, May 25th, 2013
7:31 pm
I've been feeling him move more often. I guess that's good.

(taste me)

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013
12:00 pm - lazy day

another day missing him. worrying about who's taking care of him while he's sick. looking for ways we can meet again. looking at flights, vacation places.

last night things got emotional as i admitted to needing you.

we need you

(taste me)

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012
6:37 pm

there's something sad when your only option is to leave because you know you will get hurt

(taste me)

Sunday, November 25th, 2012
11:28 am - Of love letters and China

5 days before I turn 33.

Allow me to go all out emo and just say this-

I really wish things could have worked out differently. I wish we had a different ending than... this.

I'm too old to be pining for things I can't bring back. Too old to think that I have the luxury of stepping back from the verge of falling (and gambling) in love once again. Sticking to the familiar just because I dont want to get disappointed again is not a sustainable option. I need to live again. Trust, love and take a chance again.

Even if it means getting hurt again.

(taste me)

Thursday, September 27th, 2012
4:10 pm
Even in my dreams you push me away...

My dreams are not any better than my waking reality... I'm about to do the unthinkable and there's nothing holding me back. Not even dreamsand memories of open arms.

(2 ,123 patrons satisfied  taste me)

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
2:11 pm
i wish that things dont have to change.

That people i love are still alive. And that love is really just waiting for me when I get home.

I dont like living in regrets. But there are just so many things, places and people I'm missing. Someday I'd have to make a choice. To move forward or get lost in the middle of memories.

(taste me)

Saturday, August 18th, 2012
10:59 pm

someday i hope we can get to do the normal stuff without having to always move heaven and earth just to be together.

someday i hope that waking up next to you will be part of my normal mornings.

someday i hope i'll feel that i'm enough for you.

someday i hope that love will arrive at my doorstep without having to ask nor fight for it.

(taste me)

> past 10 musings
> top of page