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mood |
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Can't even begin to identify. |
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I dunno what it is...I don't think it's anyone. But Corinne seems to think that if I keep bottling things up and I don't tell anyone anything, I'll get all depressed and stuff and have to go see a psychiatrist and all that..it's not going to happen. Just because I don't tell her every little detail of my life and how I feel doesn't mean I'm depressed or anything. Sure, maybe a bit low sometimes, but it's nothing I can't handle. I know, typical of someone who's about to go off the deep end, but I'm just a normal teen age girl. Nothing is wrong with me. She also says that if I keep bottling things up I'll end up writing more maniacly depressive letters, like the one and crying and all that. But there's nothing wrong with that. That's the way I outlet for my feelings. Maybe she does it different, I wouldn't know. I don't make it my hbusiness to know everything about her, she shouldn't do the same thing to me. It's not like I need her to watch over my every move. I haven't done anything, I've never conytemplated suicide...well maybe I can't exactly say that, because I've thought about it and how maybe it would work, but I never seriously thought about going through with it or anything. Im just a normal teenager, there's nothing wrong, nothing at all. This isn't like a thing you write of someone who's got some serious problems, just the trials and tribulations of a teenage girl. Whoop di doo. Nothing special about me, nothing at all. I'm not even especially good at anything. Okay, so mabe I can write a poem that's ot especially crappy, but it's not like I'm some special prodigy or anything. I can't even maintain straight A's, much less anything else...I'm so afraid I failed science, which is a real possiblility right now. I didn't turn in that project and I think it's a huge part of my grade..if I get a 0 on that, I might end up with a D on that. But If I do that, if I even get a c, I'm done. i can't even go to church which is stupid because I think that's really helping. Before then, I was a real brat, I never did anything. I'm not a real turn around case, but I'm not as bad as I was before. And now they might take that away..I can't even think what would happen...I seriously think I really would go off the deep end. I mean, going to that church means a lot to me. Before hand I was this shy little girl in a shell, and even though I'm not to much better, I've improved and going to that church is what has changed me. I'm not so shy, and I've retreated from my shell. I don't usually get on with people I don't know that well, but sometimes it just sort of clicks, you know? Well, I think I have to go, even though I think I could sit ere all night and just type what I'm feeling. Because I'm feeling so much. weven though I don't want to, I want to be cold and unfeeling, like I don't need anyone. But I do. I really do. And there's nothing I can do about it.
Hugs and antidepressants, ~Bree~ AKA, Tiger Lily
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