Sasha's journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> next 20 entries

Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
10:13 pm - Random Surveys cheer me up
-Single? Yes
-Want to be? No
- Your birth date: August 25, 1990
- Your age: 13/14? lol
- Age you act: well depends on who im with but mostly prly 16
- Age you wish you were: 15
- Your height: 5'9
- The color of your eyes: green
- Happy with it? yes i like my eyes
- The color of your hair: Dark brown
- Happy with it?ahh depends on the day hah right now it has blonde highlights
- Left/right/ambidextrous? Right
- Your living arrangement? Mom, Grandparents, Uncle
- Have any pets? Dogs
- What's your job: Swim instrctor ( job starts in 3 days)
- Piercings? Yes, just my ears. For now.
- Tattoos? Nope
- Addictions? yellowcard aim blurty
- Do you speak another language? Spanish
- Have a favourite quote? be yourself b/c those who care dont matter and those who matter dont care
- Do you have a webpage? no

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
- Do you live in the moment? Mostly
- Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Not too much lol
- Do you have any secrets? Only a couple *shh*
- Do you hate yourself? not always
- Do you like your handwriting? NOO
- Do you have any bad habits? Yea
- What is the compliment you get most from people? "You're eyes are pretty" and lately "you have nice lips"
- What's your biggest fear? Being alone and unhappy with who i am
- Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? ha um no?
- Are you a loner? No im really sociable but when im angry ppl stay away
- What are your no. 1 priority in life? To be aaccepting of otheres and understanding and to love myself
- If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Yes but not all of the time
- Are you a daredevil? not so much
- Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Yes
- Are you passive or aggressive? Im aggressive
- Have you got a journal? hm.. i would take it this is a journal so yes
- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Probably my self-image er my body
- How do you vent? Crying (a lot) Writing Friends
- Do you think you are emotionally strong? I dont know? I mean.. I dont kno
- Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? Yea!
- What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? so far? 2 many
- What do you like the most about your body? My eyes er lips hah lol er my hair on days and i like my hands lol?
- And least? My feet er my lack of "booty" lol
- Do you think you are good looking? I dont kno.. i dont think im dreadful to look at er ne thing
- Are you confident? Mostly
- What is the fictional character you're most like? ? i have no idea
- Do people know how you feel? Yes only some
- Are you perceived wrongly? Yea all of the time but mostly i dont care cuz its just ppl i dont kno so y should i
DO YOU...
- Smoke? No
- Do drugs? No
- Read the newspaper? no
- Pray? No
- Go to church? No
- Talk to strangers who IM you? Yes if theyre like older than 17 no or if theyre boring Ugh*

- Sleep with stuffed animals? Nope
- Take walks in the rain? no but ive run in the rain? same thing lol
- Talk to people even though you hate them? Ugh yes
- Drive? No
- Like to drive fast? ..

WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...
- Liked your voice? uhm no
- Hurt yourself? Yes *sighs*
- Been out of the country? tech. yes to the bahamas
- Eaten something that made other people sick? not physically sick but ive eaten sum nasty stuff
- Had sex? No
- Been unfaithful? No
- Been in love? no
- Done drugs? No
- Gone skinny dipping? yes but b4 i had ne thing to show (i was like 8)
- Had a medical emergency? uhm yea stitches?
- Had a surgery? yep ^
- Ran away from home? No
- Played strip poker? No
- Gotten beaten up? no i dont fight lol
- Been on stage? Yes
- Slept outdoors? hmm yes
- Thought about suicide? yea
- Pulled an all-nighter? yep
- Gone one day without food? Yes
- Talked on the phone all night? YES and all the next morning from like (7pm-6am)
- Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first? hmm yes which is weird
- Slept all day? Yes
- Made out with a stranger? no
- Had sex with a stranger? No
- Thought you're going crazy? All the time
- Kissed the same sex? Yes
- Been betrayed? yes
- Broken the law? yeah
- Have you ever killed an animal by accident?define ANIMAL
- On purpose? bugs?
- Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? Yes :( but only like once fer a really good reason
- Stolen anything? no?
- Been on radio/TV? No
- Been in a mosh-pit? no
- Had a nervous breakdown? Uhm yea hasnt everyone
- Considered religious vocation? No

CLOTHES and other fashion
- Current shoe brand? Nike.. Converse my 2 favs lol
- Wear hats? yes
- Judge other people by their clothing? Not judge but sumtimes catagorize?
- Wear make-up? yea
- Favourite place to shop? way too many placed
- Favourite article of clothing? My new blue skirt?
- Are you trendy? umm im original?
- Would you rather wear a uniform to school? No

FRIENDS
- Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yes
- Who is your best friend? Mollie,Menan,and Kelsey
- Who's the one person that knows most about you? hhmm mollie er kelsey

LOVE
- Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? yea a little uncomfortable
- Do you remember your first love? I've never had a true love.
- Still love him/her? ....
- Do you consider love a mistake? No you cant help love
- Turn-on? boys in tight pants.. glasses..
- Turn-off? someone with NO personality haha "playas" being dirty
- First kiss? The sadest and happiest memory Lemar June 18 2004 while at the movie Dodgeball
- If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? Sad for them and id probably think it over and then possibly give them a chance b/c why let a chance slip by right?
- Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Yes
- Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? doubtful
- What is best about the opposite sex? i dont kno?
- What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? hmm also i dont kno
- Do you read porn? no
- What's the last present someone gave to you? why so many hard ?'s idk!
- Are you in love? no
- What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk? Nothing.. i mean id look but thats it.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
- You wanted to kill? probably mollie? lol
- That you laughed at? ping
- That laughed at you? nick
- That turned you on? eddie* but b4 that Lemar
- You went shopping with? my grandma?
- That broke your heart? Lemar
- To disappoint you? Lemar
- To ask you out? Lemar
- To make you cry? Lemar (i see a pattern)
- To brighten up your day? Adam Ping Kelsey
- That you thought about? Mollie I miss her already
- You talked to on the phone? Nick
- You saw? My mom umm but b4 that sarah m kelsey brit kapps and sum other chick
- You lost? as in died.. uhm Pat *unncle*
- You wanted to be? Me
- You told to fuck off? Probably Lemar
- You turned down? hmm Blake haha! and brett

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
- Smiled? In the last hour er so
- Laughed? When i was type'n to Pingy
- Cried? Friday?
- Danced? Last week after I was online fer a while i was bored.. so i danced
- Were sarcastic? Actually its been a few hours
- Kissed someone? June 18
- Talked to an ex? Yesterday (cameron)
- Had a nightmare? its been a while
- Talked on the phone? Like 20 min ago
- Listened to the radio? This afternoon
- Watched TV? Tonight (olympics)
- Went out? ..of the house lol i dont get it lol...
- Were mean? Probably today
- Sang? Right now *drifting* yellowcard
- Saw a movie? a month ago
- Said "I Love You"? Outside the family? About a day ago to mollie
- Missed someone? Umm right now?
- Fought with a family member? not bad in a while
- Had a serious conversation? The day b4 ed left.. thats sick that with my normal friends i dont have real convos lol
- Smoked weed? Never
- Got drunk? Never

current mood: pensive
current music: Drifting *yellowcard*

(comment on this)

6:24 pm - Wort day..
in a long time.. the one thing i wanted out of ne thing in my whole freshman year.. was to be on speech team and like a total spaz I blew it.. I was completely unprepared.. i mean i only made one real mistake and i recovered from it alright but if could have seen all the people there! I mean even Brad didnt make it his freshman year. Im sure Spenser will make it tho. Thats great for him and everything im just so like sickened by the fact that Im not goin to make it and I kno Ill probably cry when the stupid list comes out... altho i might as well cry now.. That is the ONE thing i know that I am good at. I can say anything and everything and think on my feet. I can debate well and I am good with words. This makes me sick. I mean not that I wont try out again next year, but this was the one thing that i knew id be good at this year, the best thing I could do. Now ill still be in suessical (if i make it) and drama club.. and im still a Brain mate but thats not the point. The point is Speech is already my life and i know im good but i choked.(my only hope is my recovery my delivery my confidence and LOGAN!) Ugh* Worst day ever... oh yea uhm i also left my effing folder in the speech room h105? yea well it had all my shiz for Global Issues in it bah..so i guess i must go there and effin get it tom *hope they have it* if they dont thatll suck like none other.. 4th day of school and i already lost my effin foler.. TWICE but first time was no biggie cuz i had that class ugh.. Oh yea and all this stupid math that I never really understood LAST year i have to friggin do it for homework.. i hate slope with intersecting parallel and purpendicular lines? Im supposed to be in excel.. ugh maybe they should switch that to LD. Okay well i feel slightly better that i talked this all off.. but im still so mad about the speech thing. Oh well..

current mood: disappointed
current music: Rough Draft.. wow all i listen to is yellowcard ha

(comment on this)

Monday, August 16th, 2004
10:05 pm - More on today
sry had to go so fast it was time to go shopping *smiles* Anyhow guess what! The whore goes out with LeMar...which is perfectly fine b/c he too is be's a whore but i absolutely hate her more than any 7 ppl in the world combined! Seriously, she must have been uninformed that I am sasha and I am 1000x cooler than she. hmm the ignorance.. haha but thats okay he totally just got the Brittany Piercy thing all over again (sry if youre totally lost) but now i def kno why he gave me that crazy ice cold stare.. it wasnt one of the "i will set you ablaze" looks, those i can handle, it was scarier.. like i hope you rot or freeze to death and then get torn to pieces by vultures haha... oh well.. lol ne how meetin adam tom! yay can you believe we've been plannin to meet for like 3 weeks now and he has lunch with me... amazing isnt it! har... ne how im uber tired i got absolutely zero sleep last night... love you
/misses my friend
get-er-done
sasha

current mood: indifferent
current music: "ridin around that big fat pony" -i have no idea who its by

(comment on this)

6:08 pm - Another day in
our so called "town" Yes thats right... the principal of my school announced to us this morning that we are warriors and wchs is our town and we should love our town and all the ppl in our town.. its crazy i tell you, bc in a way it is kinda our town I mean there are so many ppl that might as well live there.. and almost all of our 3500 students r in an ECA (extra curricular activity lol) which is amazing.. You kno what I really do love my town. Its so freaky, the school is even set up like a freakin town, and the damn building /campus covers enough land to call it its own town hmm im so happy i chose warren over gay ol' Cathedral (no offense if you go there haha) but seriously i have like a TRILLION more opportunities here. OH yea and friday im goin to the meeting for the school musical whoa update mroe later G2G fast buh bye

(comment on this)

Sunday, August 15th, 2004
8:39 pm - Hmm I just got done talking to..
Adam. What a great guy. And hes going to call me WHOA lol breakthru lol.. I could definately see me being great friends with him. He's letting me share his locker, which is major cuz its in the G hallway rite next to my first period.. that makes me happy.. ne how Guess what Im doin on Friday? OKay ill tell you. B4 school IM going to the brain game and then off to school and then to the suessical meeting, from there ill go to the FB game *go warriors* THen to steak n shake and off to saras... whew busy day im so EXCITED lol.. ne how im goin to go now I MISS EDDIE.. just to let you kno haha hell only be gone for 5 more days! yay! lol ne how ttyl buh bye

current mood: excited

(comment on this)

Saturday, August 14th, 2004
10:29 pm - I had a grreat day..
today. I went to Pingys,gottaloveher, and her and potter were making me sad with their sickening love for each other, but it was the CUTEST thing when he kissed her on her forehead.. lets not even talk about the serious bf envy...altho its not even a bf particularly just someone to be like an "emotional support system" as I like to call it.. lol ne how after that i went to the fair with mollie stephen and spenser. It was a lot of fun. We rode the effing trolley a thousand times grr. Made me angry and my butt fell asleep. Hmm so i guess i dont really have that much to post today..i could go into like every detail about the fair but thats not exciting. But i did finally try fried oreos..theyre not bad but id prefer just oreos and milk... Havent talked to kelsey today speakin of oreos, shes hangin with Ochizzle and Alyssa.. and logan? dunno SO tom. I think im goin shoppin with mi padre. He must buy back to school clothes biatch. I was think about how horrible it would be if my mom ever read my blurty. First of all that would be a total violation of trust so I should have the right to be angry with her, but i KNO shed be so mad... but thats silly cuz i dont think she even knows what BLOGS are.. haha.. ne how must go BP'n <3 Sashi

(comment on this)

1:08 am - I know its ridiculous..
the absurd amount of times ive posted today.. but i felt the need to let everyone (haha yea everyone) kno that my poem wasnt about anyone Ive ever mentioned.. hell im not sure that it was about anyone at all i mean it POSSIBLY (shh) couldve been about lemar.. but we wont go into that.. really tho lol i was just in an artsy phartsy mood so i got all creative and shiz for some reason i really like my poems altho i kno they suck, i mean i guess you always like your poems because they hold something true to you but i dont kno i just have like a passion for writing, you kno i have a passion for a lot of things? yea like boys in tight pants (harhar) im jk i mean i do think thats hot but thats not what I meant.. i mean like i have a passion for music, friendship, creative writing, ACTING, singing, politics.. :/ i kno gay right, debate, friends, family, see ... lol? maybe im just a passionate person.. actually i kno I am I mean how could a lil emo kid NOT be right? ::tired:: im so tired.. i got literally 3 1/2 hours of sleep last nite.. damn the internet.. but its not like i wouldve been actually sleeping if id laid down at 11 ne how.. grrr.. 4 and a half hours and i will have been up for 24 hours! that rox! ive only done that a few times ever haha.. i totally discovered how awesome web cams r! bad timing i kno! hardy har.. well ne how im goin to admire my NEWEST Bp pic.. its hawt.. now im def teh secks.. oh right im forth in line 1-teh secks (cough cough) 2-emokay er myspoon 3-emokay er myspoon 4-me! haha im fourth :( oh well lol uhm yea ne how adios buh bye

current mood: horny
current music: i want ur sex

(comment on this)

Friday, August 13th, 2004
8:51 pm - I will be loved?
Beauty queen of only eighteen (14)
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

And She will be loved
And She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

She will be loved (repeated)

Please don't try so hard to say good bye.


Hmm why must i love that song so much this week?

(comment on this)

8:08 pm - hmm...?
When you look into my eyes what do you see?
Are you searching my soul are you looking for me?
Each time that I see you it worsens the pain
Each break in my heart gets cuts with disdain

For a moment in time we existed
You tried your hardest to resist it
One choice we made in apprehension
Resulted in tears, anger, and tension

My feeling of desire has surely faded
But can our friendship not be reinstated
I’ve realized my faults and ask for forgiveness
Although you too were to blame as a problem in this

Perfect I may not be but try is all I’ve done
I will not say I’m sorry again then turn around and run
Let’s grow up and face the fact
Let’s put it behind us; let’s stop the act

current mood: nauseated
current music: outrageous*Britney Spears.. its just whts on

(comment on this)

4:18 pm - Where should I start...
everything has been on man.. okay I'll start with last night. oh goodness well i said some thing i shouldnt have.. i used the a word.. but in a totally platonic way.. grr im an idiot and Eddie told me all these great hot things haha that i didnt kno how to respond to at first and now i feel like such a jerk i mean out of all ppl he told me bc he knew id understand and i totally let him down, honestly i let myself down too.. I mean i didnt mean to act that way but in a way it sort of disappointed me.. and now sadly he is gone and i cant tell him im sry for using the a word and i dont think i was ready to say it altho it seemed right.. and im not like swim fan harhar.. and tell him that i havent changed and nothings different between us... but yea so thats how that is (and i love our convos and his name haha and his zits harhar)

So I started High School today and i think Im going to be sick... first of all there were 5000 kids on the bus this mornin and EVERYONE had to sit 3 to an fing seat which was so horrible and then once that was over We went into school with the big rush of ppl and i was surrounded by strangers..i didnt kno one face out of literally the hundreds swarming around me... all of my friends had h/r in the academy BUT no i had it in the main school with the Upperclassmen damn it... so i go on up there to find that hanna was already there and we went over the whole new kid procedure.. and then it was time for math with Zimny..he was great.. crazy but great..i had that with kelsey p jeremy dylan and hanna... then came language with Paris... and im tired of tellin u who was in my classes... lol.. but then I went to Chem with Bynum OMG he is SO montone.. i kno it has been said like a thousand times but its SO true and wtf a ws over the elements that is SO 8th grade haha! so from there went to orientation to life and careers.. first day and that teacher already hates me.. she said stand up and tell us about ur self so i did and this is what i said.."My name is Sasha Im thirteenim fun sarcastic loud and over opinionated"
it was just the truth and she got mad! well shes a bitch and i can tell we wont get along..on to lunch ... so lunch was an....experience? NEVER eating there agian hah.. that place is an effing zoo ill tell you so that was fun then i had to go back to that whores class... grr and that sucked but oh well... then off to drama..thats gunna be the best i kno it..but today i got lost and LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT! It was a damn epic journey, so i went from the academy to the commons which was the wrong way and by that time i was like o crap i only have 4 min to find this place so i ask this TEACHER where it is and he told me the wrong way but luckily i didnt take his advice and went down the c hall but swear to god my heart stopped when LeMar and I were the only two ppl in the hall way.. I never thought about the fact that I WILL have to see him again and especially looking so good and then it was just lovely when we made eye contact and i BROKE.. I promised i wouldnt look away first but i didnt want him to see the hurt in my eyes.. no one has every made me feel so ugly and so beautiful at the same time.. i mean seriously there is no other words to describe it.. when im around him now i feel worthless but i remember a time when i felt like the hottest chick around lol... and it was great.. but not so much anymore..but w/e he'll get his and end up with samantha (his ex with a baby.not byhimlol) er Britney (his ex whos a stalker) er Jordan..(just a random bitch) so okay ne how I passed him out of breath from running around the halls and looking like a stupid freshman (a hot stupid freshmantho..let me tell u today i was smoke'n) and then i scurried upstairs tothis little hidden hallway and ta-da! there was drama.. so after I went to Global Issues which seems great and Salemi is hilarious and itll all be okay! SO i had my scary as hell moments and my really great moments overall good first day!


current mood: content
current music: Cigarette*yellowcard

(comment on this)

Thursday, August 12th, 2004
6:06 pm - okay i kno two in one day..
isnt cool but i just had to share the rest of my day..so totally danced around my room singing in my skivies (highlite of my week) then Madre took me to target and I got that hot school girl outfit to go with my kick ass chuck taylors..altho now that i see them together i think theyre different colors but thats cool w.e ill just wear the CT's with everything else hah. Ne how then we zipped on over to Panera Bread* and it was awesome.. man i dont think ne one in this house has MADE dinner all summer (damn im not lookin forward to regular days grr) but yea so once again we ate out and it was great. And I really like that it was just me and moms cuz altho i act like a lil bitch sum times i really do like her.. and today apparently my mom called pops cuz she had good news about money er sum shiz like that and while they were on the phone he asked her what size bra i wear! haha eww.. yea i was disturbed by that but its not like hes sum horn dog he just wanted to get me school "supplies" haha but bras now a days r too expensive for large breasted ppl.. i mean goodness i got 3 and it was 80 dollars.. grrr well ne how i got home from shopping and eatin and yada yada and I got online of course b/c i have no life har har and guess who i had the balls to talk to? Ill just tell you..sxe emo kid he was#1 on Bp the other day and hes sxe so he had to be cool so I IMed him lol but i dont so much know him right now..ill have to put him on my favs.. speaking of favs havent talked to my drummer guy in a while.. and OMFG CheekyVicky lives like a mile away from me.. crzy huh? yea well she is kinda lol.. but ne how im just waiting for someone great to get on..but that probably wont happen lol okay done for now /end

current mood: bouncy
current music: on the way down ryan cabrera

(comment on this)

2:12 pm - So I was randomly thinking..
about Brad (End) one day.. (which makes me sad in so many ways) and how I hate that he lives so far and how much I miss him and how much we've grown apart :( and then Eddie got online (eddie is my new friend from Bp) which was completely awkward cuz just then I realized how much Ed looks like my old Brad. The resemblance is friggin weird no joke.. i mean Brad could still be an A&E model but he just looks so much older.. but Eddie looks exactly how I remember Brad.. adorable lol.. but ne how that made me sad.. and Im not so much sure that my mom will let me go on a road trip with Brad next year.. but maybe if I beg and start listing reasons today lol..other than that..I have Pings annual hot tub party to go to this weekend.. and she told me not to tell ne one i didnt KNOW was invited lol so its okay to put it in here since i dont KNOW of ne one who reads this hah. Yea I'm concerned tho..you kno i hate my body (well you probably didnt kno..but now you do) and I HATE swim suits that I dont wear for actual SWIMMING (speaking of swimming conditioning starts in oct.) so im really not looking forward to this damn thing.. altho every year i have a stupid swim party too grr ironic? and I just now noticed that at the top of this blog* thingy it says local time..in 24 hour time.. I can barely read normal time... how in the WORLD am i posed to figure this out lol... its an outrage.*Hold on I have to straighten my hair* OKay done with that... now guess what im listening too? hah of course "she will be loved" I want some one who WANTS to make me feel beautiful and doesnt mind spendin everyday on my corner in the pourin rain... ahh but thats too much to ask bc guys like that dont exisit grr... damn maroon 5 for giving me false hopes.. and all the stupid fairy tale movies that make you feel like some one may actually think ur worth something and really care about u... dont believe it its all lies i tell you.. ppl conspire to make the whole female teenage population feel worthless... damn it... ugh im actually upset about this, maybe they should make a song/movie that portrays something that is actually possible.. like a girl friend and boyfriend breakin up and NOT gettin back together..and she doesnt find prince charming and she dies inside b.c of all the heartache and closes herself off from the world and becomes that mean lady next door..(you kno the one im talkin about who has like 8 cats and yells at u for steppin in her grass) and you never really kno what kinda pole is shoved up her butt..and then finally she gives up her will to live knowing that she will die alone. yea they should have more movies like that... grrrr wow totally feel like a pesimist (sp?) right now... but im def not.. just hostile i guess lol .. okay well its laundry time (not ME doing laundry HAHA my mom.I just have to take my crap down stairs) buh bye

current mood: disappointed
current music: haha.."she will be loved"

(comment on this)

1:21 pm - I have no idea?
Oh crap

current mood: crazy
current music: none haha

(comment on this)

Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
10:19 pm - So this is my first time right..
and this journal I want to keep so that I can type all of the things i really feel in here. I'll start by saying school starts Friday. One more day and I will be a highschooler? That doesnt seem right.. wait, oh yea it is! And I'm so excited in ten thousand ways but I can already feel seperation. Leaving the comfort having every class with the same 30 ppl for three years is terrifying and they are like my family but I can already see each of us drifting in our own ways. Like Mollie, goin to new pal and Kelsey being a cheerleader.. they'll have no time for me and the more I think about it the more scared I am. I love them soo much ugh* And is it sad that Im actually crying over this? (she will be loved is on which makes it 10x worse dk why) And thats another thing.. with Highschool I know I'm goin to start "doing stuff" and Im so scared. Im not ready to grow up grrr. Im goin to have so much responsibility and like zero free time.. I dont kno what to do. Every effing class I am in is an X class 'sides Drama and Orientation.. Its totally unfair...but hell I picked it right! So enough about school Im definately having b/f withdrawls... when someone says being single is great they r either lying or slutty and still gettinsum altho single... and me a slut? ha thats a definate circle-slash-no! And I guess i could go out with the weirdos but I seriously want someone that i connect with on a mental level not just sumone who wants sum ass.. altho i dont really have an ass but thats an issue for a whole other entry. There are very few ppl my age and even a lil older that have the same maturity level as I do and that are capable of actual feelings... and the ones that are, are either gay (which is hot but not good 4 me), taken, or uninterested... speaking of interested, sadly I dont even think anyone is interested right now.. not sayin that im just gunna jump any guy who wants me but you must admit being liked by (almost) anyone is appreciated somewhat.. I mean it makes you feel wanted which is definately a feeling that I rarely feel.. and when i do feel it its from someone i kno i cant have... damn it why r these ppl such teases... Oh yea I wrote my first song last night..it was purty okay sounding for my first one.. i def have to get with Diana for band practice (and inform her that IM THE DAMN VOCALIST NOW) haha.. jk but really i am gunna be the vocalist. not to toot my own horn er ne thing but im better than her... she takes voice lessons, but so? wow i found sum of my old poems..they r the sadest things ever and i was even more emo b4 i knew what emo was... cry cry lil emo girl lol okay time for my sex talk.. I am very upset everyone on BP thinx that i shouldve had secks by now.. uhm no ..right? i mean gosh... i dont have to be a hoe right? and seriously EVERYONE not just Bp ppl tell me i should *M* word.. and im kinda ::embarassed:: that I dont ya kno? but seriously its SOO weird feelin.. i mean its odd.. just eww haha... so that i def wont be doin..unless.... lol jk
so on with the BP talk... IM effing attatched to my comp screen..seriously havent gotten off for more that 5 hours in like 3 days... AHHH oh gosh im gunna go blind from the comp glow okay well let me go check my ratings HAHA (seriously) lol okay buh bye -not sure why I feel the need to tell myJOURNAL buh bye?

current mood: lonely
current music: Only One *Yellowcard

(comment on this)


> next 20 entries
> top of page
Blurty.com