Date:	2003-07-18 12:22
Subject:	Crossing over to the dark side?
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

At the suggestions and behest of some online and real-life acquaintences, I have opened up a Live Journal live journal. I will definitely try to keep up on both-- I've downloaded the client that should let me manage both, but forgive me if I am absent more often then I would like in these parts. If you want to track me down in LJ, or you already journal there anyway, my username is the same- sunnylioness. So you can find me at sunnylioness.livejournal.com, and can also email me there; it routes to the same email addy I use for this one. Cheers!

I've been gong off on some personal rants lately, so I have most of my journal set to Friends only right now. If you actually know who I am and want to read up, let me know and I can add you!

:-)

Got out of the habit for a while... Need to get back to the journals!! Even if this is just in snippets, it'll be better...

Let's see-- the last 24 hours:

We had our first softball game last night. I played 2nd base (yea! no outfield) although I didn't have anything especially exciting happen there. I did have a couple of good hits, which was cool. Nailed them about 6 inches above the shortstop's reach. Unfortunately, we lost though.

Haven't been "flying" much lately, need to get back in the habit. The in-laws are here and I haven't been getting much done, but it's nice, they've been doing some picking up for me! They're here until Tuesday. The alt-flyers have been chatty as ever though. It's such a great group!

I've been trying to track my eating online a little more starting this week. Hopefully I can keep it up for a while. About all it's done for me right now is prove out that I've been eating like crap. About 60% carbs and no protein. Need to get the veggies back in to the diet. Good for me to see it broken out though. And all of the packaged or fast-food crap I eat is documented on the web sites, so while I'm surfing I can just grab the nutrition info and plug it in.

Anyway, nothing more interesting then being unmotivated and a little sore from softball. I'll try to keep up here!

Don't know if it's just cuz I'm overloaded or worn out. Have a brewing headache tough. In the mood to whine a little, even if it never does any real good.

Gotta run already; be back for more

Date:	2003-04-02 16:35
Subject:	nap time... zzzzzz.....
Security:	Public
Mood:	groggy
Music:	none right now- it's pretty quiet in the cube farm

At work... it's been pretty quiet around here so far today. I'm just not inspired right now so I'm going to look nice and busy typing here for a few minutes. The alt_flyers have been pretty quiet today to, so I haven't had as many distractions to check my email as usual.

I think I'm going to make a serious attempt to get the house in passable condition over the next week. It's not quite manic crisis cleaning, but it's not baby steps either. If I can get a solid 1 1/2 or 2 hours in each of the next 3 or 4 nights, and then 30-45 minutes daily after that, the place might not be a pit like it is now. I want to be able to invite people over to my house!!! Errrg...

Anyway, today is mellow. I'm tired. Nothing like I'll be tomorrow, I imagine. I'm doing the early shift tomorrow to help cover a vacation here. See if I can remember how the hell to wake up at 5:30 AM. It'll be kinda nice though to have the afternoon off. Maybe instead of playing, I'll power through a couple of rooms at home.

Bought the kids' airline tix this week so they can fly back to see the grand-folks. Their dad is being a weenie again though. I guess the state is after him about the lack of child support checks in the last couple of months. So he's back on a "why me" trip. Of course it's my fault because I moved them 1800 miles away and he can't ever see them. Not like I haven't offered many times to work out seeing them. Oh well, only so much a girl can do. If he ever gets off his pity trip, they'll appreciate seeing him. In the meantime, I'll just keep explaining to the kids that he'd sure like to see them but can't get off of school/work/travel to do it. whatever.

I still haven't decided if I'm going to start a huge rant in a futile attempt to purge my demons. I've been dwelling on OLD bullshit again the last few weeks. Probably stemming, in part, from watching the girls grow up. Not going to be too long before they hit the age where I started getting really screwed up. And they're already both on the path to some sort of neurosis. Nothing severe, I don't think, just enough to make life a little tougher for them. I try really hard not to foist my own insanity upon them, but I think enough of it already has affected them, plus their own budding chemical imbalances. Just need to try to keep loving them and push them a little harder to find their place in life.

Well, either I'll start Chapter 1 of the auto-biographical ranting here or in a new profile soon. It'll either be cathartic, it'll get me a movie-of-the-week deal, or I'll just feel the same way I do now-- dwelling on old shit that I can't (and shouldn't try to) do anything about. But, it's who I am. Whoever the hell that is.

Date:	2003-04-01 10:34
Subject:	today's draw
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

I'm not sure this is a good sign. I'm kinda late getting to it, so I did my daily draw online. I pulled the Tower card. I'm not sure I want to know what the hell could blow up in my face at work today! I've had too much of that already! I guess I can at least keep my eye out for it this way.

Ugh...

Date:	2003-03-27 16:50
Subject:	Getting caught up...
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	whatever's in the next cube: Bad Company right now

I really need to set myself a regular time to do this, so that I am not just writing when I need to bitch about something. It'll make it look like my life completely sucks. It doesn't actually; I just dwell on shit too much.

Today has been pretty decent though. The boys at work were immature as always. Going to a going-away gig for one of them tonight. Ought to be interesting. Probably involve a drink or 4. I have to remember to behave myself with this crowd though. They can all put drinks away in such large quantities, and I simply can't keep up any more! I don't need anyone checking in on me in the AM to see if I made it home OK! ;-)

Pulled a tarot card online to see how the rest of the day is going to go. Drew The Fool. I suppose that's a good enough sign. I can always use a little bit of light and happiness in the face of the unknown. I really need to catch up on my class there. Another typical SHE thing; I started with the best of intentions and wandered off and got distracted. Oh well, it's still very cool.

I built me computer desk finally last night. And since we got the new monitor, I think I can finally get my computer set back up at home! Yeah! Since DH installed his gaming stuff to the new docking station for his laptop, my computer has been a file server with no monitor. Which leaves me to bum his laptop when he's done. I'll be happy to drill with the alt_flyers, keep up on my journal, and get back to the tarot lessons soon. Now if I could just work out online, I'd be set!

I'm out for now...

Date:	2003-03-25 15:48
Subject:	ack...
Security:	Public
Mood:	moody

You know, sometimes songs from way back can do scary things... The cube in front of me just had "Separate Ways" by Journey on. That's like straight to being truly fucked up in 7th grade. I hate getting unnecessarily rattled in the middle of the day. Ugh... I'll write some more on this later when I'm not in the middle of a bunch of work crises!

Date:	2003-03-24 09:50
Subject:	The great debate
Security:	Public
Mood:	melancholy

I've fallen behind on my tarot stuff, which just shouldn't be surprising somehow. But I keep debating with the journal how in-depth I want to go. I've been stressing out again lately, and it just seem like if I put it all in to words on 'paper' that I might start to make sense out of it. Not to mention that DH and I have had the conversation several times that we ought to get our memoirs written down before we forget what happened to cause us to be so fucked up! So maybe I will start from the beginning, start delving in to why I'm so freaking neurotic and uncomfortable in my own skin. 30 isn't old, why should I be so freaked out about it? I know I have plenty of causes to be a little off-center, how much detail do I want to go into with it, and how many of my current issues to I want to 'blame' on shitty circumstances 10, 15, 20 years ago? AArgh...

Date:	2003-03-20 15:48
Subject:	first test of the software
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

let's see how it works!

Tarot draw- about halfway through my fully crappy day yesterday, I went to lunch and decided to do my daily draw to see how the rest of the afternoon would look. Pulled the 10 of swords-- and isn't that a happy one?! But, read through my book to get some detail on it, and the book had some good insight. Said that while it's often about something negative gong on, it's more about overkill and martyrdom. Kicked my bad case of whining right in the ass.

I really need to download the client, so I can journal whenever I'm feeling the urge, rather then surfing over here and putting the web page away whenever anyone walks by. Also need to get in to the habit. Haven't written anything in so long. I'm always joking with DH that we need to get our fucked-up dysfunctional lives on paper before we forget about everythig that ever happened to us. We'd make such a great Lifetime movie. bleck.

Anyway, I didn't get today's draw done, so we'll fake it in the tarot lesson for today. Ned to get caught up on my reading too. I'll be back...

So I'm here. Finally found a service that I could log in to without crashing MSN or requiring me to get my credit card out of my wallet. This way i can do a couple of things... I can keep track of my tarot stuff in one place-- log my daily draw and definitions and see how it applies every day. And I can just get out my daily rants. If I can't find anyone i know to ramble on to about all of my neurotic issues, why not anonymously post them on the internet for all the world to see? Makes sense, doesn't it? ummm... sure.

So I'm going to try to do my daily draws teh night before right now. See if I can carry the mood appropriately or if I end up with my intuitino pointing all the wrong directions if I get an early start.

So I just drew a 2 of Pentacles. Knave-ookgin guy with the 2 pentacles in a jocb's-ladder, infinte loop thing. With a couple of ships at sea in the background. Looks kinda lonely.

The book says for this: jugglinh, flexibility and fun. Guess I read too much in to the simplicity of the card. It says that this card should remind us to ride theups and downs with grace, efficiently and effectively. Says it's a reminder to lighten up and that "greater vitality will be yours".

It's supposed to keep raining tomorrow, but I suppose that it ought to be a good day. hope it means my on-call tonight will be quiet so I can get some sleep too.

I'll check in tomorrow, and try to keep this updated...