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kiss the trigger

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[21 Dec 2004|01:09pm]
[ music | straylight run - play crack the sky (yes that is right...) ]

this is the end. this storys old but it goes on and on until we disappear. call me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.

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but its because everyone who answers me is a liar. [11 Oct 2004|11:52am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | mewithoutYou - Seven Sisters ]

sometimes i wish the notion of a work day was only 5 hours. i know the standard is 40 hours a week but who came up with this? in some countries 12 hour work days are the norm, so i know someone had to deduct at some point in history that 8 hours seems fitting for the United States. i think everyone would be more happier with 5 hour work shifts and that more people would have jobs to fill in the empty spaces that the aforementioned 8 hour work shift would leave. now the average per hour wage would also have to escalate to accomodate this drastic decrease in labor, but hopefully employers would do so and know so. employees would be more productive because some would sleep more and have more rest to do their job. no one would be working 11 pm - 7 am then 3 pm - 11 pm that same day. haha. i dunno, just my thoughts on how to relieve stress in the workforce.

my sound doesnt wanna work on the computer so im essentialy lost since i have nothing to listen to music on. besides a ps2 and TV audio isnt exactly tempting. the posters at post way too much useless info sometimes. aggravates me alot.

this week is "bosses week" make sure you do nothing to commemorate it.

the second hand on my ultra old school clock seems to move for about an hours worth of time. power down and resucitate itself then goes back to work, completely throwing the clock off its course. if that clock only had to work 5 hours a day, i think it would be a more efficient displayer of eastern time.

i also believe every band should let the world stream their album before it comes out and then people can decide on whether or not they should go out and buy it. this crap with the advances is going to eventually stop so then everyone i think will be screwed out of early copies of a cd. i could be dead on wrong, but i think the streaming thing would curb people from downloading but still satisfy their need to hear the cd early.

got a new cell phone. this phone is the weirdest looking flip phone ever and its just an odd phone to use, i kinda feel uncomfortable making calls with it. it has speaker phone but the volume on it just doesnt quite cut it for being able to hear. i can never get on the internet with it, and the text messaging is such a hassle its not even worth it. thank god i didnt pay for it. so if anyone has TMobile and they want a flip phone just to have one, contact me and ill see how you can receive it.

ok its 12:10 and my mom wants the room cleaned. NOW.

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ill be just fine [26 Sep 2004|11:29pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]
[ music | The Used - im a fake ]

wow. 4 days off in a row. havent had that in forever. come to think of it. ive never had that many days off without losing time. odd but its nice. did alot of stuff this weekend. all in all, i think it was good, nothing like time wasted.

so friday was the beginning of my 4 day excursion into the weekend. went to dinner, saw 'the forgotten.' bad movie. then saturday did alot of running around, went alot of places got alot of stuff. ran out of gas at 1 am. awesome. sunday was the eagles. so impressive, kearse has to be the defensive player of the week. 5 tackles, 3 sacks, a forced fumble. hes an amazing cat.

well the bad news is my car is fucked for inspection. i need alot of work done on it before it will pass. that totally blows asshole but i guess its gotta get done. hopefully people will help me out and shit (not with money but other shit) but i guess we'll see.

ok its 1135 and i think im gonna watch post game live

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:::imagining pat summerall's face between my icy, glazed thighs::: [21 Sep 2004|12:41pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]
[ music | SAO-fuckin-SIN - Keep your Teeth ]

EAGLES WIN LAST NIGHT!!!! god i am getting so excited for them. this seriously could be the year. and ill be damned if merril hodge has one more shitty, lame comment about them. keep betting against them bitch. you to salsbury. that motherfucker is a joke anyway, i.e. shaving a christmas tree into the back of his head when he was quarterbacking the vikings. please....cant take either of those two washups wanna talk to a man who knows philly sports? bring on jaws....

been downloading some cool new music from musicians we have all known to love. whats that? yeah im talkin about new MY CHEMICAL FUCKIN ROMANCE!!!! and not just that shitty "sister to sleep" live mp3 thats been out for ..... uhmmm........4 months?

felt the baby give a boot to the stomach last night. finally...hes been doing it forever im just a jackass and could never feel it. ashton's getting there. (his nickname will not be will be me a nigger. ill bite you)

been working the SHITTIEST of all hours lately. this weekend just blew. SUCKED ASS. im getting to sleep a little more than i used to but i dunno if its worth it. but i do have a four --- yes 4! --- day weekend on the horizon. im getting psyched....building momentum....

my car has to be inspected and all that other yada yada BULLSHIT soon. and i need to get alot of shit done to it before i get it checked out by the head honchos who think they have the automotive world by the string. wait maybe they do....if anyone just so happens to have a 1989 Chevy Cavalier right lens cover just laying around the house, drop me a line. ill throw you a few bones for it.

"you see i got this tattoo when we won 3 games. people told me to cut my arm off. now they want to kiss it."

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im so apathetic in my resentment [15 Sep 2004|11:43am]
[ music | the used - all ive got ]

havent updated this in a long time. it seems like i start every journal off like that.

im downloading the new straylight run album. so far, it sounds exactly what the demos were like. nothing new. kinda sucks. it seems the new critieron for emo albums is piano ballads, one or two catchy songs and the rest is filler. well not filler in the sense that its garbage tracks but just the same redundant sound for 7 tracks.

work has given me a divergent schedule for the weekend and has me working 3 - 11 saturday and sunday. at least the eagles are off on sunday.

the new used cd - preternatural, prodigous, supermundane. you insert the adjective.

let it enfold you

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the revealing nature of this song [24 Aug 2004|11:11pm]
[ music | Say Anything - All my Friends ]

havent updated this thing in a minute. anyhow, this is what i can write.

went on a 9 day vacation. it was nice. florida. sea world/universal studios. had a really good time, wanted to come home for the sake of being home but now i wish i was not working. work has been good, an impending huge promotion may be on the horizon and all.....the baby is getting closer and closer to becoming human-like. got an ultrasound.......its a boy. pretty psyched. ashton thomas turner. andreas belly is gettin bigger too. im glad cause it means shes getting further along. pregnancy something that is rough.

so other than that, my music is getting "broader." alot of older stuff by bands....say anything - baseball and jimmy eat world - clarity are really what i listen to alot. besides those two its been MCR/TBS rotating the playlist. still cannot get over the MCR CD. its just brilliant. tho i got big into coheed. i saw someones playlist that i thought shouldnt be listenin to the music and it included some bands that i like. i vomited but good thing my brother was in the bathroom so that he didnt have to see.

see ya

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the backend of forever [09 Aug 2004|02:08pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | coheed - the velorium camper ]

Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance that vaguely set your doctrine of beliefs, you know nothing of art or sex that you couldn't read in any trendy new york underground fashion magazine...Proto-typical non-conformist. You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store gestapo. You adhere to a set of standards and tastes that appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges giving your thumbs up and thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art. You're diving face forward into an antiquated past, it's disgusting. Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself? You spend your time sitting in circles with your friends, partipicating to each other, forever competing for that one moment of self agrandizing glory in which you hog the intellectual spotlight, holding dominion over the entire shallow, pointless...conversation. When you walk by a group of "normal" people you chuckle to yourself, patting yourself on the back as you scoff. It's the same superority complex shared by the high school jocks who made your life a living hell, makes you a slave to the competitive capitalist dogma you spend every moment of your waking life bitching about. You are shamlessly self involved, spending hours in front of the mirror making your hair looks elegantly dissheveled. You self medicate with drugs and alcohol to treat your extreme social anxiety disorder. you are free to whine, it wont get you far.

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would i have a better friend if i werent so blessed than i ever had in either one of you [27 Jul 2004|01:00pm]
[ music | Straylight Run - Your Name Here ]

bored. cleaned errrthang in my life today. ie car, wallet, room.

got espn 2k5. not as good as madden, but it has its moments. its more realistic with the scores, how plays are run, stats, etc. not like you can score in 19 seconds in this game, like you can in madden. i just might suck at it. who knows.

bought tbs album today. good stuff, worth the money. right.

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[26 Jul 2004|06:11pm]
how awesome am i for having the TBS album way before anyone else?

and then giving it to people.

i get everything before everyone else.

which sometimes has its disadvantages.
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in hopes that i wont be afraid again.... [14 Jul 2004|03:46pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | coheed and cambria - neverender ]

i was reading over old journal entries and deduced that i havent really wrote a journal about anything besides my jetset life. so here goes, in what could be one of the final journal journals.

things are so much different now then they were in say.....november. everything changed so quickly. but i cant say that it all happened without a catalyst. im not blaming anyone besides myself. i created a different life after the birth of this new year. my relationships with people, i assume will always be weird for the rest of my life. (minus my baby momma...eww). but anyhow, yeah i started a new universe within myself in about 2 weeks. i kept thinking on january 1st, im going to start talking to john again like i did in the summer. before that it was more like we would call on fridays and see what each other was doing. and he would pick me up, we would do absolutely nothing then call it a night. but i decided to try and resucitate that relationship. i did, but it cost me one of the greatest friendships ive ever had. and to this day, i still take all the blame for what i did to joe. i understand fully that what i did was so fucked up, no matter how fucked up in the head i was at the time. i ended up in a whirlwind of drinking/drug inhalation every night. you name the drug it was done at some point during the week.

with john, i met jim. who turned to be a real cool guy. alot more than i expected came of him. i just thought he would end up being a guy john knew and that i said whats up to whenever. with him i met erin and andrea. and i expected nothing from that because i was emo brian who was a puss, etc....

well fast forward a little bit, and me and andrea started getting close, and things started getting weird. danielle came home from school, and was one of the first girl i met that knew/listend to most of the bands that i did. so all 6 of us started hanging out almost every night i think and we drank...drank...and drank...the closer me and andrea got the farther apart the 6 of us got. i cant explain why but some dumb things ensued on the way and everything got fucked up. i still cant explain some things, but whatever its all in the past and in back of me. im goin on.

fast forward even farther to now and im going to be a father. things have definitely changed since november.

but i wish things could be different with my relationships with the other 4. they are their own persons, so i cant tell them what to do and what does my opinion/advice/voice really matter to anyone when you have your heart set on doing something? but i wish i had a better friendship with jim and john. honestly. if it wasnt for them i wouldnt be where im at right this moment. i would have never met andrea, and things would be different. but i mean, they are young and they dont have the responsibility which im about to have so they can do whatever they want. and thats fine with me, why tell people to stop what theyre doing until i can go back out and do it again? retarted nonsense if you ask me.

but to not really further the issue anymore, in hindsight ive realized i did alot of things for my own sake, my own selfishness. and i also think theyres a level of maturity you kinda reach when you can acknowledge your own faults. and hindsight is 20/20. but theres nothing i can do to change whats been done. im just really hoping this can change at some point. everyone is really only a phone call away, but i dont blame anyone for not wanting to talk to me.

oh yeah, ive been listening to alot of coheed and cambria lately. not that they would put me in this mood but...

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so lucky, so strong, so proud...i never said thank you for that. [09 Jul 2004|03:08pm]
[ mood | complacent ]
[ music | brand new - indifference besides her ]

bought the butterfly effect dvd yesterday. spectacular movie, one of my favorites (besides old school). watched that last night and didnt fall asleep. well actually, i didnt fall asleep till around 1ish and got up at 4 am. but somehow i slept for 34 minutes after work and i dont feel too tired. that may change soon. i have to take my sister to work in a little bit, then maybe clean my room.

tmobile thought they were slick by debting my moms bank account for my bill but that got taken care of real fuckin quick.

a song for so heart so big, god couldnt let it live.

things have been well lately, work has been suckin but ive come to accept that it will never be what i want to so just deal with it and whatever. ashley told me she is quitting pot because shes getting too old (21) for it and its stupid which i told her was the smartest thing shes ever told me. good for her.

no bullshit crap this past week which is good. but it was the roughest week ive had working wise in a long time. 5 - 1 5 days straight (tuesday was really like 5 - 6pm) but yeah i survived without breakingdown. somehow.

so reckless, so thoughtless, so jealous, i could care less. ---> wow.


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[02 Jul 2004|03:50pm]
new mewithoutyou cd finally downloaded. incredible.

mcr vs. tbs ---> MCR in round 1 (TKO)

//end of journal
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the last time i saw you.... [29 Jun 2004|02:40pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | new Brand New ]

blah. blurty has become something to do when im bored and at home. and im never home or bored really so its rendered useless. worry you cant post anonymously and its a friends only journal so fuck him but you can read about EVERYTHING a 21 year old homo who looks like shaun cooper does during a day. he turned it friends only because of me and this homo has it coming for him i swear. i really hope he reads this but i dont think he will.

ok some new brand new songs have surfaced the net, well 4 of them and they sound really good.

new taking back sunday is pretty good. i was enthused to get it and now after listening to it enough times i dunno how great it is. lyrically the songs arent that good but whatever its really not TBS anymore, its a whole new band. EVERYTHING sounds diffrent besides the songs they STOLE from john nolan. yes they did STEAL them because he damn near wrote them yet they continue to use his shit on thier cds.

work is alright some faggot manager got suspended and then he put in his notice and now hes trying to pull some shit saying i have 20 write ups so i should be suspended too.

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and its tiresome, true, more SUBTLE than you... [09 Jun 2004|08:17am]
[ music | TBS - The Photograph is Proof ]

so a day off and its beautiful outside. those 2 things never coincide. and its 8:22 AM.

new MCR debuted yesterday. hasnt stopped playing since its purchase. its 13 tracks of pure brilliance and musical mastery. one word: sleeve.

still havent told my parents about the child im going to have. im not scared of what they'll think, i never have. just worried how my mom might take it. so as long as shes ok then im fine.

THE JETSET LIFE IS GONNA KILL YOU ---------- greatest track maybe on the cd.

just had to let that off my chest.

this heat is really getting to me. im sick of me waking up to the dog whisperig sweet nothings in my ear. its gotten to us all.

2:13 into The Jetset Life.... listen to it, the verse is awesome.

i think burger king breakfast is screaming for me right now.

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stop expecting things. [04 Jun 2004|06:12pm]
[ music | mewithoutyou ]

been listening to TSL alot lately. odd. the last track on whatever the full length is called is just so good. cant resist.

like john said blurty is on life support. i cant even think of what to write in it anymore. im fucking going.

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well if you wanted honesty thats all you had to say [17 May 2004|05:48pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | clapback ]

its been forever and 3 days since i wrote in here. wow i havent even been to this site in a long ass time. but i couldnt resist the small mule laboring on my anvil whispering, brian the blurty awaits. i listened to that mule and now im at the desk typing my thoughts onto an imaginary chalkboard of sorts.

so my brother is 2 feet behind me watching rocky. he rented it. who rents rocky? i think i know about 5 people offhand that own a copy of the original, about 2 of them have the whole collection on DVD. but whatever he also wasted his money on abtronics when i told him not to buy it. the motherfucker doesnt want to listen. but fuck it ive wasted money on plenty of things.

things have been nice lately, the weather and everything else in my life. mcds now thinks im top shit quality so they promote me and put me in charge of errthang. and im serious. without being immature like, i get to yell at so many people now and not get in trouble. whereas last week if i said hey clean that grill, i got threatened with suspension and this week i say hey clean that grill i get a pat on a back and good job brian get on them about that. makes no sense at all.

i got my schedule for june already. and he hooked me up. not making me work any 10 hour shifts or close at all. i primarily am working in the morning but not early. it will surely change, but not that much i dont think. the employees there cannot handle me as the boss which blows out the ass.

enough of that hogwash, my cell phone keeps getting turned off. it seems like ive put about 800 dollars on it in the last month. every week they say its getting shut off cause im not paying the bill and i have given them 50 a week for the past 6 weeks but it keeps getting turned off. i guess im gonna pay the whole thing off soon. but my mom gave me cash to pay off most of it which was cool. she normally doesnt do stuff like that.

lets see what else has happened............................................

nothing big at all, the weekend at andreas was full of ups and downs but it was altogether a fine weekend. drank alot and havent really drank since then. well thats because im poor haha no not really. i need to relax for a few with the drinking. and not because im not a man and cant handle all the drinkin but i cant really explain it because no one really wants to listen probably or can handle it.

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im a little off the chain, call me insane, but the fact remains that im a psycho [06 May 2004|01:11pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | cursive - staying alive ]

bored outta my skull right now.

so the past few days have been fine, work blows like always but the weeks almost over and it will segue into a weekend of beer drinking that begins (hopefully) at 1 am. i cannot wait till 2:01 pm tomorrow. no work for 2 straight days. wahoo. what has it come to now that im excited over somethin like that.

the new taking back sunday cd cover is real nasty lookin. reminds me of nirvana's cover for nevermind. maybe they are paying homage to that since adam loves kurt cobain. oh well, cover artwork isnt really a reflection of what the songs sound like.

i dont know what to write in herrre right now but i wanted to say something since i havent been really writing in here much about anything anymore. blah.

i think its time for another tattoo soon. i got a credit card but it kinda sucks so im gonna wait for a new one. pretty much have my design down but someones gonna have to draw it for me since im slightly modifying the original.

dead poetic has been playing nonstop in my winamp. except for this journal entry.

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And all this crazy shit I, regret it...all because i wanted to see Elton John naked. [01 May 2004|09:00am]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | d12 - get my gun ]

like that title?

so yeah last night was drinking on the back porch on fifth avenue. however, i was completely lacking sleep therefore the night ended sooner than anticipated. went to andreas "for a little bit," but ended up sleeping over. then went home and thats where i am right now.

my mom told me i have the perfect body. ewwwwwwwwwwwww and that i should work out because i have broad shoulders. ewwww again. jesus christ ewwww. not enough "w"s to emphasize how sickened i am. i have to keep a bucket near me today just in case i need to throw up when she makes anymore disgusting comments about me. well in all seriousness i know she was tryin to compliment me but i just couldnt handle all that.

when the weather is nice like this i just wish i had a bale of hay to run around in with my 2 dogs. it would be so fun just throwing them and getting all messy with those two rascals. oh well. heres for trying.

saw my dad last night for the first time in a while. he was crackin me up talkin about indians/niggers/anyone not born in america or pennsylvania for that matter.

ok my sister needs me to take her to her boyfriends. more later.

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its time to save ourselves. [28 Apr 2004|05:48pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | deathcab for cutie - the face that launched 1000 shits. ]

hello there.

blurty has been a bitch and didnt let me do shit for however long its been since i last posted. so here i am on april 28th and 5:49 PM waiting for andrea to respond to a yes or no question. and its been 9 minutes now. whats the question? you may think its something hard she needs to think about. well your right it is. "do they give you beverages to drink at your job?" well itsdefintely something to think about. hahahaha im just fucking around.

so drivers beware theres a new cat in town. haha ewwwwwww

anyhow. things have been cool its been a month now.

work has sucked really bad and i really hate just about every motherfuckhead that works there so yeah 40 hours a week are spent in hell. maybe since its not really hell its my purgatory. something better is defnitely in the works. thats just how purgatory works so im still here serving my sentence.

dead poetic is a new band that everyone should listen to or at least give a try. they dont sound all too bad.

enough with the broken thoughts, and seperate sentences. im izzout. ewww

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life as a series of addictions [21 Apr 2004|01:41pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | the bitching of kristine turner. ]

maybe at home drunk is everyone's better half. Maybe we've finally stopped living in the past. Dwelling over the dead. Maybe its here. Finally the future that ive heard so much about. maybe this is what we turn into. thought it is still booze we burn for. and i know that that might sound sad and pathetic but its something that we've all grown dependent of. and, believe me, it makes for better nights because sometimes truth can only be seen through these amber lights that we hold in our hands and suck down. so find your truth and suck it down. suck it up and be a mess. and i know that might sound even more sad and pathetic. or at leat i suppose so. actually you know what? fuck it, i dont want to know how it sounds. because home isnt just the roof over our heads. its the same drinks to your right and friends to your left. its something thats always worth the wait. something thats always been worth missing when we're away.

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