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Chase's Journal

15th November, 2004. 4:36 pm. Station next to the bed sheet.

The lights go out, pull the cap from the lens. Let these eyes take a picture and write mental notes with black and blue pens. This moment wont be forgotten. With one last swallow my throat becomes cotten. I want to spend another evening with you. Next to candle light and not not one heart but two. Beating against one another as my lips find yours. Did we close the blinds, have we locked the doors. You're so attractive with your hair a heap across a bed spread habited with your head to your feet. Let me hold you till morning. When night is day. Baby I love you. But words to describe it, I cant follow up and say.

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17th May, 2004. 11:13 pm. Who am I?

Static expressed in eyes. A unclear picture of whats going on. A vision of being alone in black and white. A hollow television set. Views expressed as images in a empty picture frame. A broken reflection in glass on the floor. 10 eyes looking back on an unsettled body. A victim to his own war. A machine without gears. A blind witness on the testimony stand. Cant decide wether walking forwards or backwards or walking at all. Down on these knees with a cry. An open window dresses a corpse with sunlight. A vampire without midnight. A broken heart without super glue...a broken heart without you.

Hmmmm.... Does that make sense? It does to me...i think. heh

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15th May, 2004. 11:56 am. I cant follow up these words with emotion.

Always shooting for second best, a silver medal trend. My heart with a silver lining, worn around your neck. Show it off to your friends. If you wanted a gold medal then why do you still wear me? Hanging by my throat, dangling inches from your chest. A chest as hollow as your soul. I'll pull hard, I'll choke you dear, I wont let go. Take a rest, go to sleep, I'll bury you six feet deep. Then you'll see my shallow body crying over your grave..I'll miss you, I know I'll miss you.

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13th May, 2004. 12:21 pm.

"What I want to be, I cant see. What I cant see, keeps hurting me." There's this space filled with darkness between earth and sky where we both could live and break night with light. The world is our limit, a playground that only we can climb. I can follow you, reach out to you, and feel your skin rest on mine. We can talk about nothing, cause theres nothing to talk about. Except three words I want to hear but I only hear two. If this heaven were to burst and guns were to fire. I'd scream out your name and only hear silence. The words are there but not for you to hear. Cause you have him, and I have fear...

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11th May, 2004. 2:41 pm. Can I let this pass me by?

"My thoughts are constantly stabbing me in the back, The more I think of you, the more I lay myself down. Its been years and just hugs and waves. Now I'm asleep and all I can dream of is holding you, and not letting go. A touch to my side, a glance my way, a chance to say, good night, I'll see you in the morning. I let this heart settle in my stomach as I see you with anyone other then me. Should I let it lie, or should I pick it up, dust it off and speak what i cant say. I wish this was easier and you can just be mine. But I hit dead ends, choked words, and puddled pillows. Good night, I'm dying."

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13th April, 2004. 12:15 pm. To Live Journal.

I dont know if people still even use blurty anymore or read this new journal is at LJ. GO THERE NOW!

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11th April, 2004. 1:09 pm. Dearest I'll Meet You In The Shallows

HAPPY EASTER! Yeah today is easter. Day of pink bunnies and what not. Hope your all enjoying yourselfs. I've decided to post in blurty today. I keep getting the urge to just drop blurty but I will never do that! what have I been up to? Yesterday I went to the matinee with Jake and we saw "The Girl Next Door". That movie was really good. I enjoyed it. It had everything you want in a was funny and about porn stars. Well after the movie we stopped at Taco Bell and I got some nachos! Jake had family things to do for the easter weekend. So we went home and I watched some tv and kinda just hung out till 8:00ish where I went and picked up Jack and gave his sister a ride to her friends house. Then we went to the electric theater for the The Contingency Show. Well that show was alright. The opening act was them one girls Meg and Dia with there full band called "Cowards Courage". They were pretty good. I think Meg and Dia are pretty hot. I dont know if its just me. But yeah i enjoyed them. Then "The Middle Distance" played. They were alright...they just didnt catch much of my attention. They reminded me of No Motiv for some reason with a little Salt Lake Indie in them. When I say Salt Lake Indie I mean like how a lot of indie bands from SLC kinda have a slight similiar sound in them. Like The New Transit Direction, The Contingency Plan, and Hudson River School. Anyways....the were alright the middle distance. Then the best of them all played "The Contingency Plan". They were amazing...had a few new songs that were rad! They played a couple old ones I knew and I screamed my lungs out when they had us sing part of "Chemical Burn". but it was just me and Dan who were really singing it heh. I wanted to talk to Jay and the guys...but i said I'll wait till after the show. Then Gabrael came on...these guys were nice guys. But they scared a lot of people away i guess...they reminded me of thrice and from autumn to ashes combined with pennywise lyrics. I dont know how to explain it. But they were rockin...I kinda enjoyed them. But they were weird. So by there last song I think there was less then 10 people there. And only like 4 of us were from st. george the rest were like friends of the band or the other bands. It was pretty sad. Felt bad for the guys...but they stayed positive and were nice guys. Umm then I went in search for the guys of TCP to talk to them and I couldnt find any of them. Their merch was all gone and took down too. I was dissapointed (sorry Sara I tried to get you stickers or something but yeah, they left fast). So me and jack talked to bucky for a bit. He told us Audio Karate wanted to come back with "APPLESEED CAST!". Awesome show! But we would discuss it at the street team meeting cause it fell on a weekday...I also told him Day Two has been emailing me like crazy to play down here. He said he'd love them back on May 12th. but thats also a weekday and we'll discuss it at the street team meeting to. Anyways talked to Bucky then talked to the middle distance, got some free stickers (If you want a middle distance sticker sara you can have one of them). They also gave me a free EP of theirs cause I mentioned I'm a DJ and they wanted me to play it on the radio. So yah cool guys too. All nice guys, I feel bad when such nice guys get shut down by fancy pants st. georgians. I saw people who left early including Dan walking the boulavard..that was sad. anyways..we grabbed some Del Taco food and then went home. Shara told me she got fancy hair that I want to see now. Then I went to sleep.
Woke up today, easter morn. Got dressed and went for my usual sunday morning adventure. I like these adventures...I used to go by myself then jake came along then now im going alone again. I like just driving alone around. It gives me time to think about stuff. So I did that morning ritual of mine. Wanted to go buy a movie at Target to watch this afternoon. I always watch a movie Sunday afternoon..another sunday routine I do. But Target was closed for easter i guess. And I didnt feel like going to Wal-Mart movie. I'll just watch a oldie I have...(Airplane! maybe). Now I'm here on the comp. I think I'm going to go play some guitar and write some more lyrics/poetry. So I hope you guys enjoy your easter. See ya!

Current mood: blank.
Current music: Yesterdays Rising - You Tell Me.

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8th April, 2004. 12:10 pm. Trapped in your own hate.

Staying true to my roots. Yes, one of my favorite quotes from my dad he always seems to say at the right time. "Never forget who you are, and where you came from." I love when he says that. But yeah blurty is my roots so I wont forget you blurty my boy. Lets get some shetails (details) on yesterday. Well I went to my radio class...had a lesson on the offspring. What class can you say you went and had a lesson on the offspring? Ummm...RADIO! I love this class..anywho..that went good. I then went and dropped off some electric theater flyers at Iceburgh and Charlies. Then I went home and watched the coolest movie...yes, THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE! HA! Actually I watched the first 45 minutes then I had to go to work. I was bummed. I was working and wearing my clean non work clothes cause i wanted to go straight to the show afterwards at the theater and be clean. But some dirtbag had me climbing all over on the ground and under his truck in full service. Got me dirty and i was wearing my "ripped pants" (a whole other story). And they ripped even more! Now you can see a whole chunck of my ass. Anyways, as soon as he left I stripped in the bathroom at work and fixed that mother with ducktape! Then I was chillen, rockin to Less Than Jake when incomes Jack! He pulls up and comes into my work and we dance. Heh, not really, well sorta. Then I close an hour early (shhhhhh...) and we go to this show. Now the first band ive seen there name on a few show line-ups before but never saw their shows. But "Harvest" is there name. And as soon as I saw the guitar/singer my respect for them went out the window...i really dislike that kid. Then out steps Cody Higgs on drums. More respect face first out the window! I hate that no good show off. (also a whole other story). then there music really caught no interest of mine with there catchy pop lyrics and shitty guitar noise. Only respect I have for them is trying and doing stuff they love. Anyways, then good ol' How Many Fish took the stage. It was alright...they have cool merch now. I loved the fish-stick value meal. Then ATTN did well. They rocked more then I've seen them rock on stage...I thought they did swell. But as Todd said "Not the best performance". I was worried the place looked kinda empty. But "The Higher" took stage and there drummer was getting arrested out back for reasons i dont know and AHHH i just remember i wanted to talk to bucky about that. I'll get info later I guess...but yeah he somehow got out of the handcuffs and they played the show. And the room somehow filled up more and there was a lot of support for the higher and that made me happy. They did good...and they had TEDDY AGAIN! I love teddy, that handsome little teddy. There new songs sounded great. It was a good overall show. Well worth my time and risking my job by ditching out early. I wanted to buy the highers ep cause I've had a downloaded copy of their cd since before their first show here. And I thought why not, these guys are great. But they raised the price of it to 8 bucks! I only had 6 bucks. So I was hungry and said maybe next time...went got some Taco Bell and ate then went home...and slept.
TODAY! I had class this morning for screen printing...I didnt go. Didnt feel like doing nothing in that class today cause I need to buy more shirts to print. But my older brother finally got a job! So I had the house to myself for a bit! So I took advantage and recorded some acoustic songs and stuff on the comp this morning. Didnt get to do any vocals cause my mom came home from work. But she came home with some good news...and it came in letter form from the mail box...STATE OF UTAH TAX RETURN! MONEY! $ federal will be double that...cant wait till it gets here. I dont know what I plan to do with this money....start saving for a new car, buy me a actual good computer, buy a new bass guitar, or put it aside for when i finally move out...which is hopefully soon. due time it will sit in my savings. Well today will be lame. I have to go take a test for CIS, which I pray I do not do bad on. I have to do good on this test or else...then I have work...then I'll come home and just watch tv. Yeah thats my plan...OH! Todays my good buddy Blake Nylunds birthday! So if you see him wish him a happy one. I ordered a "Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends" Limited Vinyl with rare bonus tracks. It should be here soon. But I'm going to hand it over to him for his b-day as soon as it gets here. Also i talked to him about jamming friday and he dont work and is up for it. So I'm finally jamming! Then if it goes well we'll jam saturday too! I also talked him to go to the show Friday at the electric, he hasnt been to a show forever and yeah...that will be cool to get him to a show. Also I dropped off my zebrahead pics from the show like monday and I think they'd be done by I'll go check today. Anywho...thats about it. SEE YA!

Current mood: content.
Current music: The Sugarland Run - Richmond, VA.

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7th April, 2004. 1:19 pm. LIVE JOURNAL

As I said I'm jumping back and forth from LJ and Blurty. Just to keep you boys (and girls) on your toes! eres my live journal entry if you want to check it out.

Current music: Junction 18 - Lil' Joey.

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6th April, 2004. 12:10 pm. Well here I am...

Just thought I'd write in this here journal cause I was bored and I think its been awhile. I just finished my CIS work thats due today I handed in and waiting for it to be graded so I can get the heck out of here. This computer place gives me headaches, and im not the only one! (SHARA!). But yah...this class is pushing me to my limit. I'm so sick of this crap day in and day out over and over. A stupid class it is. I went to screen printing today too. I printed a shirt with a horse on it. It came out totally crappy! But in a way it looks cool cause it looks crappy. I dont know...but i kinda like it. I was told by my radio colleagues to ask the teacher if we can get our 105.1 The Disc shirts printed there. The teacher said ok thats fine. YOU can do it! ME! He wants me to print 100 shirts! And he said it would count as my final project which is cool. But me! 100! That will be interesting...they'll probably all turn out like crap. Oh well. I've been talking to Mitch about sharing an apartment. I've been really wanting to move out for the longest time. But its weird cause it seems as soon as I'm out of the house my whole life will dramatically change from easy going to pay rent bills struggle to survive on my own kinda thing. I just hope I'm ready to make that step...but first to be ready I have to make sure I have a good well paying job! Which means double the effort in looking for a new job. It's also funny to read mitch talk about his mission and life. And I totally understand where he's coming from. Like my parents have had 5 boys (one in heaven now). So 4 boys...the first 3 pretty much failed there expectations. They didnt go on missions they dont go to church and two still live at home heh. And I've always been there last chance for a good son. They've pressured me so much and even told me "You always were the one we'd knew would go on a mission." And it breaks my heart cause I want to go just for them. But then again I dont feel im ready and everyone says it will make me happy! But in reality it really isnt or hasn't yet. Anyways...thats just a little into my side of the story that mitch is going through heh. Oh and lately I've felt this urge to not be alone anymore. Yes finally its hit me again. I dont know why but it has. It's been like years without anyone and I've loved being the single guy having fun. And I never even second guessed ever being anyway different till now. I dont know just lately that mood as lingered over head. I haven't dated anyone in awhile either. So I think I will keep my eyes open and look now. If you've ever even thought of moving in on me..heheh haha like that would ever happen. And it felt as I ignored you or shut you down sorta speak. Thats probably cause I wasnt ready to move back into the so called scene. But now I eyes are try again! heh. Anyways this entry has gotten to personal and too long. So I'll end it now. SEE YA!

Current mood: contemplative.
Current music: From First To Last - My Heart, Your Hands.

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