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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
the shit hits the fan, the girl hits the pavement's Blurty:
| Monday, May 12th, 2003 | |
| 4:51 pm | almost pulled a kurt cobain this morning. to find that the gun doesnt work. bleh. fuck it. i mean really. i was really going to do it. wrote my note. loaded the gun. put it in my mouth. pulled the trigger. nothing. can i not die? this is unfair. |
| Tuesday, April 29th, 2003 | |
| 7:05 am | i wish i had written this... A Static Lullaby - Love To Hate, Hate To Me Read the tale of my desire A book of hate 1000 Volts for every smile you gave me As your eyes close I'll brine, as before, the sight of true unhappiness Whisper I care Then gracious enough I let you go Remember me for the times I ruined you Not I made you smile Take this blade to my wrist Help me end what makes you ugly Swimming in the pools of my mind You come to me at night Leave me black and save yourself The story prolongs With each word my stomach starts to turn I've swallowed nails So I can never say your name Now words are heard through my eyes Can you see the fire that burns from my heart This song is for you So perfect Its my fault I can't sleep 'cause you're on my mind I have made an attempt to have you Tonigt I will sleep with the gun in my mouth Good night my love |
| 5:04 am | ive been down its been so long im so tired this is so wrong and all i know all i know is that its too late for me cant you see it? these tears ive been crying cant you tell it? this heart of mine is dying and all i know all i know is that its too late for me those long highways of life that ive been paving cracking with the roots of pain crumbling with no chance of saving and all i know all i know is that its too late for me is it too late for me? |
| 5:04 am | i got on the train your eyes green in the april rain we spoke of the past and how nothing ever lasts i saw a teardrop in your eye the stars shining like candles in the sky speaking of long over days and how getting close never pays it always hurts when you go memories freeze like december snow and every one of them brings more pain my tears mingle with the rain i get on the train you call my name but i cant wave goodbye i cant stand to look you in the eyes as the train pulls away at the end of the day and scenery passes out of sight truth is that ill be missing you tonight i lie here in bed with your song in my head this is no existance i can feel the distance every mile cuts like a shard of glass and the moments as they pass cut through the remains of my heart youre not here as i cry in the dark and the nights now they seem so long and everything it feels all wrong and all the things i regret and all the things i cant forget sometimes life feels too long when everything you do is wrong times got hard and the road got rough but the times we spent together were never long enough dedicated to my best friend, kim. |
| 3:34 am | i <3 my kim. she is the bestest best friend ever. Current Mood: loved |
| Monday, April 28th, 2003 | |
| 7:27 pm | |
| 4:45 pm | all around me are familiar faces worn out places worn out faces bright and early for the daily races going nowhere going nowhere their tears are filling up their glasses no expression no expression hide my head i want to drown my sorrow no tomorrow no tomorrow no no no no and i find it kinda funny i find it kinda sad the dreams in which i\'m dying are the best i\'ve ever had i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take when people run in circles its a very very... mad world mad world children waiting for the day they feel good happy birthday happy birthday and i feel the way that every child should sit and listen sit and listen went to school and i was very nervous no one knew me no one knew me hello teacher tell me what\'s my lesson look right through me look right through me and i find it kinda funny i find it kidna sad the dreams in which i\'m dying are the best i\'ve ever had i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take when people run in circles it\'s a... mad world mad world mad world |
| 11:12 am | if there is a god then hes one sick bastard. with a sick sense of humor, even sicker than mine. |
| 10:53 am | people really do think theyre going to live forever. part of us doesnt accept death until its in our face. then you have to accept it. you need to know that youre going to die. |
| 12:53 am | know how i spent my birthday? all alone in my room. me+my computer+goldfish crackers+pepsi one=my birthday "party". |
| Sunday, April 27th, 2003 | |
| 12:01 am | HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! ITS THE 27TH OF APRIL AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IM 20!!! WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! |
| Saturday, April 26th, 2003 | |
| 3:51 am | 5 more days counting today. |
| 3:50 am | stupid thought of the day,hey i liked it, cus i made it up if you killed yourself you wouldnt be suicidal anymore |
| Friday, April 25th, 2003 | |
| 10:53 am | to all you taking exams now. good luck. ha ha fuckers. these are the days that im glad that i dont go to classes. yes ladies and gents im a freeloader with a dorm room. it rocks ass. |
| Thursday, April 24th, 2003 | |
| 10:09 am | another depressing post office trip. i mightas well stop checking my mail. all i get is junk. seems that the world has forgotten that im turning 20 this sunday. i need money too, now, this sucks. happy fucking birthday to me. if i dont get anything by sunday im going to hang myself. you can come help me with the noose if you like assfucks... |
| 8:11 am | If you are reading this right now, you just wasted valuable time that should of been spent shoving pills down your throat, because you're are fucked anyway! Happy trails : ) What is your likelyhood to commit suicide at a future time? brought to you by Quizilla |
| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003 | |
| 8:56 am | im going to the post office, not expecting any mail. i never get anything. nevermind that my birthday is sunday. i should send myself a letter. dear kelly, you are a stupid fuck, you should stop stalling and go ahead and kill yourself. hate always, kelly. there should be a good way to die in your dorm room. suicide made easy! college editon.... i may well try to hang myself in my closet again (for the 3rd time). the only problem with that is i cant hang myself high enough so i cant break my neck,i have to strangle myself. damnit im gonna get out of here. |
| 8:20 am | knowing im going to get out of this fucking hell makes me feel better. im smiling because im soon leaving. leaving, leaving on an amtrak train, youll never have to see my face again...the last trip ill ever make. |
| 2:22 am | when i was 5 i tried to hang myself with my jump rope. im telling you kindergarten was traumatic. i once wrote a song about that but then the paper caught fire and burnt down my house and killed my dog. poor smoochy. sometimes i throw myself down the stairs just to make myself cry. it doesnt really hurt. the only bad thing about that is the possibility of landing on conor oberst and killing him, why hed be here i dont know but that would be awful. him dying i mean. ok other than the part it being awful if conor died that was all a lie. |
| 2:04 am | playing the emo game aka yelling "die pop punk fuckers!!!" repeatedly, at 2am. also yelling "stop shooting at conor!" and "die bastard die" and other varations and singing along when the gameplayed a song i knew. |