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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
things aren't doing any house got sold so know we are fucked i have to find a new house but we might have to lose my cat's but i will die before that happens.this fucking sux.thankfully my b/f to help me.and he does help.acctually we are sitting together right now.and i'm glad to because he helps me not cry.i just wish this dilemma was over

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Friday, December 5th, 2003
3:14 pm - hurt
i cut myself again last was much deeper than bled more than usual too.i don't know what to do i a,m dying inside.i need help.really i do

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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
11:00 pm - more about me
[Name] amber
[Nicknames] suicide,bambie,sexy,demongirl
[Screen name] vampirechick1987
[Birthday] nov15
[Age] 16
[Astrological sign?] scorpio
[Chinese zodiac sign?] rabbit
[Location] Cali
[Sexual Preference] Bi
[Religion] Wiccan
[Eye color] Hazel
[Height] 5'8
[Shoe size] 9
[Parents still together?] No
[Siblings?] 3
[ Nieces/Nephews? ] No
[ Kids of your own? ] No
[ Grandkids? ] ...No
[ Pets?] cats
[ In school/graduated? ] in school 10th
[ Rent, lease, or own your home?] rent
[ Have any credit cards? ] No
[ What do you drive? ] 78 dautsun

[ Color] black,blue,red
[ Number ] anything odd
[ Animal ] cats of anytype
[ Vehicle ] hummer
[ Flower ] pink roses [ Scent ] my ocean by club med
[ Shape ] cirlcle
[ Drinks ] anything with alcohol
[ Soda ] mountin dew
[ Book ] vampire chronicals
[ why? ] vampire kick ass
[ Bands ] anything gothic and heavy metal
[ Song ] terniquit by evenesceance

Do you...
[ Color your hair? ] no
[ Twirl your hair? ] no
[ Have tattoos? ] Yes 1
[ Piercings? ] Yes12
[ Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? ] boyfriend i want a girlfriend to though
[ Cheat on tests/homework? ] No
[ Drink/Smoke? ] not anymore
[ Like roller coasters? ] ohhhh yeah
[ Wish you could live somewhere else?] sometimes
[ Want more piercings?] Yes
[ Like cleaning? ] I get in the mood sometime
[ Write in cursive or print? ] print
[ Carry a donor card? ] nope
[ Swear a lot? ] not really
[ Own a web cam? ] yes but i hate it
[ Know how to drive? ] yea i do
[ Diet? ] no
[ Own a cell phone? ] yup
[ Hablar Espanol? ] a little

Have you ever...
[ Kicked someone in the nuts? ] yes
[ Stolen anything? ] no
[ Held a gun? ] yes in an attempted suicide
[ Drank? ] use too
[ Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name? ] yes
[ Considered a life of crime? ] No
[ Considered being a hooker?] never
[ Been married? ] not yet
[ Cried over a girl? ] Yes
[ Cried over a boy? ] Yes
[ Lied to someone? ] Yes
[ Been in love? ] Yes
[ Fallen for your best friend? ] nope
[ Made out with JUST a friend? ] Yes
[ Used someone? ] No
[ Been used? ] yes
[ Been cheated on? ] yes
[ Experimented with homosexuality? ] hello bi-sexual here duh!!!!!!!

[Current favorite celeb ] angelina jolie, johnny depp
[Current crush ] my baby ryan
[Current occupation ] hopefully working at body jems in the mall

The last time
[Last book you read ] she said yess oober sad book
[Last movie you saw ] Rocky horror picture show
[Last thing you had to drink ] hot coco

Do you
[Play an instrument? ] yess flute,piano,drums,violin,guitar,bass,and trumpet
[Remember your first love? ] Yes
[Still love him/her? ] yes i do
[Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?] Yes
[Consider love a mistake?] no
[Believe in astrology?] yes
[Believe in God?] Not really
[Do well in school?] on ocassions
[Go to or plan to go to college]dunno yet
[Wear hats?] not really
[Hate yourself?] always
[Have an obsession?] Yes with odd numbers
[Have a best friend?] only my boyfriend
[Close friends?] Yes
[Like your handwriting?] sometimes
[Care about looks?] my weight i hate myself in everyway

=Love life=
[First crush] justin haberstough we were 5
[First kiss] 7 by justin
[Single or attached?] Very attached
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] Yes
[Describe your ideal significant other] sweet,passionate,great personality,loves me for me
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] yea
[Have you ever been intoxicated?] Yes
[Favorite place to be kissed] My neck, my lips,my back
[Are you a tease?] only when i'm horney
[Shy to make the first move?] always

Are you a
[Wuss] no
[Druggy] no just a stoner
[Daydreamer] most of the time
[Freak] oh god yes
[Dork] naturally
[Bitch/Asshole] all the time
[Brat] haha yes
[Sarcastic] Yes
[Goody-goody] hell No
[Angel] no
[Devil] only his child
[Shy] most of the time
[Talkative] not really
[Adventurous] somewhat
[Joker] only when i am in a good mood
[Flirty] only when i'm single

Word association
[Rock] sex
[Green] ugly
[Wet] water
[Cry] pain
[Peanut] yummy!
[Hay] horses
[Cold] me
[Steamy] sex
[Fast] quicky
[Freaky] me
[Rain] turn on
[Bite] ryan
[Suck] ryan
[Blow] ryan
[Hard] core
In the last 48 hours, have you...
01. Cried: yes i always cry
02. Bought something: no
03. Gotten sick: yup
04. Sang: well hello i'm a singer
05. Eaten: not much
06. Felt stupid: naturally
07. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: no i told him
08. Met someone new: yes
09. Moved on: yes from my ex b/f brandon
10. Talk to an ex: yes
11. Missed an ex: not really
12. Talked to someone you like: yeah my boyfriend
13. Had a serious talk: yes
14. Missed someone: yes ryan
15. Hugged someone: no
16. Fought with your parents: yes always
17. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: at the moment yes

Social Life:
01. Best girl friend: aint got one
02. Best guy friend: ryan
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: ryan
04. Hobbies: singing and spending time with ryan
05. Pager: none
06. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: center of attention
07. What type automobile do you drive: 78 datsun
08. What type automobile do you wish you drove:hummer
9 Where is the best hangout: the beach
10 Do you have a job: notyet
11 Do you attend church: never
12 Do you like being around people: somewhat

01. Who is your role model: micheal jackson he made me wanna be a singer
02. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: hasnt everyone...
03. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yes
04. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: no not really
05. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: Yes
06. Would you rather be dumper or dumped: dumped i hate hurting people i really do
07. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": i dunno
08. Want someone you don't have right now: yes tiffany
09. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: no
10. Do you want to get married: yes to ryan
11. Do you want kids: yes 2
12. Do you believe in psychics: meh
13. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: yes
14. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: my eyes
15. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: nothing
16. Are you happy with you: never
17. Are you happy with your life: only ryan
18. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be:my weight and scars
[ Current Clothes ] PJs
[ Current Mood ] pissed and aggravated
[ Current Music ] Evanescence
[ Current Taste ] chocolate
[ Current Make-up ] none
[ Current Hair ] none it's short
[ Current Annoyance ] everything..
[ Current Smell ] none
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ] sleeping
[ Current Desktop Picture ] elvise presly
[ Current Favorite Group ] lots of em
[ Current Book you're reading ] Vaittorio the vampire by anne rice
[ Current CD in CD Player ] none
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] blood red
[ Current Worry ] my suicide attemptes and failing school

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9:41 pm - festering testical wart
wow wht a wonderful can be used to discribe so meny men.but not mine.mine is a sexy bitch. i love him so i've decided top post a journal that says I LOVE RYAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah there muwahahahahahaha..GO! DUCK! GO! yes anyways i need to go because my bed is awaiting me and i need sleep.see ya'll later


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3:01 pm - FUCK!!!!!!!!
the thoughts of suicide are getting more and more intense.i don't know what to do's been 3 days since i have really eaten now not only am i suicidal but i am also anorexic.the only person who can help me is my boyfriend ryan,but i can't see him.both our parents are anal retentive fucks and will only allow us to see eachother on the grandmother is bitching that i'm not happy,but when i tell her seeing ryan would make me happy she's goes all ape shit on me.what the hell am i supposed to do,sit around a twiddle my thumbs.fucking crist.someone give me an answer.

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
7:45 pm - meh
my ex-girlfriend is being a bitch.she's ragging on me and my new b/f. how fabulous.just gives me more reasons to hurt myself.i'll do anything.i'll cut myself,hit my head agenst walls,burn myself,hit my legs with hammers,try and drown myself.anything that will get rid of the pain all the fukers in this world put on me.the only reason i am staying alive is for my boyfriend because he loves me and needs me,so i just hurt myself and don't tell him about it.that's all i can do.


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