too cold   
05:54pm 11/01/2005
 
mood: cold
music: "jumper" by third eye blind
i have a real bad headache..i have all day. and my house is really cold because we don't have a fire in the furnace again because tony let it go out and now we're out of coal and he's too lazy to get more. blaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.		  
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06:41pm 03/01/2005
 
mood: crushed
music: "takeoffs and landings" by the ataris
my day sucked today but all day long there was one thing that kept me going. i had a reason to get up, i had a reason to go to school, i had a reason to try to be in a good mood. that reason's gone now. he's not coming.		  
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03:48pm 28/12/2004
 
mood: pissed off
fuck fuck fuck.		  
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where's my snow, dammit.   
11:25pm 23/12/2004
 
mood: cold
music: none
without you next to me it feels like twenty below...frost bite on my heart; this pain and suffering are feelings that you don't know.

actually, it feels like twenty below all the time...because it freaking is. or close enough. remind me again why i wanted winter in the middle of summer? was i temporarily insane or something? jesus christ. it's cold and the wind is blowing like a mother. and there isn't even any snow on the ground! there was a few inches just the other day. i swear, i'll be soooo annoyed if we don't have a white christmas. i can't even remember the last time we did. and this is freaking pennsylvania! we have snow from like october to april and there hasn't been snow for christmas for i'll bet at least three years.		  
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she slammed the door and said "i'm sorry, i had a bad again."   
04:26pm 21/12/2004
 
mood: crappy
music: "river below" by billy talent
-sigh- for being the shortest day of the year, today sure seemed agonizingly long. i wanted school to be over in like 2nd period. on the up side, it actually warmed up to above freezing today. on the down side, something that i was really excited about isn't going to happen. i'm going to dan's house tomorrow to take his things back and get my stuff. bri's going and maybe shanon. i'm not sure about her though because she wants to take andrew and i'd rather we didn't. why can it never be me and my friends? why does one of their boyfriends always have to tag along? i don't take mine everywhere..not that i can because he's far away but that's not the point. i hardly see anyone outside of school anymore. i have no social life and it's starting to get to me.		  
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we're all just a bunch of fakes around here   
05:13pm 18/12/2004
 
mood: sore
music: "yeah" by usher (don't ask why)
women fake orgasms but men fake entire relationships.

heard that on tv today, found it interesting and, sadly, sometimes true. in other news, i had surgery on tuesday and i hurt. it feels like there's a hook through my belly button and someone tugs on it everytime i move. fun.		  
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asking for too much..   
08:07pm 12/12/2004
 
mood: blah
music: none
i just wanna feel loved, is that too much to ask?		  
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noise and kisses and....itchy palms   
10:37pm 08/12/2004
 
mood: calm
music: "noise and kisses" by the used
look in my eyes, i'm jaded now, whatever that means. by sharing these things, i rip my heart out. it's worth my time, whatever that means.

my palm is incessantly itchy. that means...i'm going to get money? wooo!		  
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ugh   
09:44pm 07/12/2004
 
mood: scared
music: "on the way down" by ryan cabrerra
i am vindicated. i am wrong. i am right, i swear i'm right; i swear i knew it all along. and i am flawed but i am cleaning up so well and i'm seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.


i'm having surgery next tuesday. exploratory, but if they find out what's wrong with my ovary and it's easily fixable, they're going to fix it then. it's not a big deal, but i'm kinda scared because the only surgery i've ever had was a tonsilectomy when i was five. that was a long time ago and i don't know what to expect. i guess i'm gunna have to miss two days of school: the day it's done and the day after. i'm not supposed to be left alone tuesday night so i'll probably have to go out to my grandma's since both my parents have to work 4 to midnight. i wanted jason to come up but he can't because he has school work. blah. i hope it doesn't hurt too much.		  
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh   
11:34pm 06/12/2004
 
mood: nervous
music: none..
jesus christ. gynocologists tomorrow. hold me.		  
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let's play twenty...scratch that...a bajillion questions   
11:27pm 28/11/2004
 
mood: calm
music: "every you, every me" by placebo
ONE: On the outside
Birth date: June 12, 1987
Birthplace: DuBois, PA
Current Location: Brockway, PA (yes, a whole ten miles from where I was born)
Eye Color: hazel
Hair Color: purple
Height: 5'6"
Righty or Lefty: Both, though I'm out of practice with my left so I write with my right.
Zodiac Sign: Gemini
Republican or Democrat: Independent, though I was all for the democrats in this past election.

TWO: On The Inside
Your ethnicity: Mostly Polish, and some German, British, Dutch, and a lot of Eastern European things...
Your weakness: kryptonite. lol.
Your fears: spiders, needles, rejection
Your perfect pizza: extra cheese
Goal you'd like to achieve: Right now, I'm just aiming to graduate high school.

THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: good job, nice, hot, etc.
Your thoughts first waking up: "ugh"
Your best physical feature: erm...Jason says I have a champion lazy eye and nice boobs. lol.
Your bedtime: Whenever I pass out.
Your most missed memory: Fishing with my grandpa
If you could turn back time: I'd have saved my virginity at least a little longer.

FOUR: Your Pick
McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
Single or group dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: uhmm...meh.
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee

FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: No
Cuss: When I can't think of anything better to say.
Sing: Off key, but yes.
Have a/any crush(es): Erm..I'm dating him, does that count? Other than that, famous ones.
Love anyone: Yes
Like(d) high school: Occasionally
Want to get married: Someday, hopefully
Believe in yourself: Depends
Get motion sickness: No
Think you're a health freak: You're kidding, right?
Get along with your parents: Sometimes
Like thunderstorms: Oh, god, yessssssss...
Play an instrument: I kinda sorta play bass...though I'm out of practice.

SIX: In the past few months have you...
Drank alcohol: Yeah
Smoked: Nope
Done a drug: Yes
Made Out: Uh-huh
Been on a date: Yup
Gone to the mall: Yeah
Eaten sushi: Yes
Been on stage: No
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: I've gone skateboarding.
Gone skinny dipping: No
Dyed your hair: Yeah
Stolen anything: Nope

SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Uhm...I've played naked pididle and...lost. =/
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No
Been caught "doing something": Having sex? Sort of..
Been called a tease: Yup. =)
Gotten beaten up: Nope
Shoplifted: I stole bazooka bubble gum from Sheetz when I was five.

EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: I dunno...Hopefully by the time I'm 25.
Numbers and Names of Children: I don't know if I want any...but if I decide I do, I want two boys named Donis and Jeremy
How do you want to die: Blah.
What do you want to be when you grow up: heh. An author,but that likely won't happen since I suck, so my back up plan is to just be a journalist.
What country would you most like to visit: Scotland

NINE: On a girl/GUY
Best eye color?: Green
Best hair color? Not picky, though all the guys I've dated have had brown hair...In varying shades..
Short or long hair: Short, though shaggy hair's not bad. But not ponytail length. Ick.
Height: At least 6'.
Best clothing?: I don't care
Best date location: Hm...On the couch with a good movie playing.


TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of people I could trust with my life: Erm...I don't know.
Number of CDs that I own: Probably around fifty.
Number of piercings: Three
Number of tattoos: None...yet.
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: Uh...a few times. I dunno really.
Number of scars on my body: Two from chicken pox (one on my forehead, one behind my left knee), one from a burn on a go-kart engine on my right wrist, a few from cat scratches on my left arm, and I think that's pretty much it.
Number of things in my past that I regret: Too many to count.

ELEVEN: Favorites
Favorite color: Pink and black
Favorite food: Chinese, Polish, and Italian...Yeah, that's kind of a broad range.
Favorite outfit: Uhm...I dunno.
Favorite TV shows: Everwood
Favorite genre of music: Eeeeeeemmmmmmmoooooooooo
Favorite stores: Uhm..FYE
Favorite time of day: Midnight
Favorite time of year: Autumn		  
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look in my eyes, i'm jaded now...   
07:22pm 28/11/2004
 
mood: drained
music: "noise and kisses" by the used
i feel completely alone right now. i want to cry, but i won't...because i don't want to force someone to pretend they care about my petty problems that i can't even figure out. why do i keep feeling like this? i keep looking at my desk drawer, but i will not open it. i will not get out what i hid in there a long time ago. i don't want to do that anymore.		  
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keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you. can i lay in your bed all day?   
09:21pm 23/11/2004
 
mood: excited
music: "nobody puts baby in the corner" by fall out boy
going to virginia tomorrow. wooo! finally. i've been telling my friends about this everyday, several times a day in some cases, for over a week now. i think they're beginning to hate jason and virginia. except amy, of course, who may hate virginia but wants jason anyhow. oi. back off, bitches. annnndd...i made peanut brittle today. and banana nut bread in a jar. yes, in a jar. oooh, ahhh. and i burnt a cd! my first on this computer..the first time's the hardest, they say. i'm being hardcore emo right now for no particular reason. i'm all huddled up and i've got my beanie on and i'm wearing a dashboard confessional shirt. i'm a loser. o0o! the second issue of the school's paper came out today. anddd...it kinda sucks. and so did the last one. i'm turning out to be a terrible editor, i think. but there's this one kid, his name's jason askey and he's in like 9th grade, and he just makes the entire paper. i love that kid. i don't know him, but i love him. he's the only person that's not in the journalism class that has written for both papers, plus he writes well and is amusing. at least there's one thing worth reading in there. i need to come up with something cool to write about for next month. any ideas?		  
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cuz i don't want to be just a memory to you   
10:26pm 17/11/2004
 
mood: crushed
music: "just a memory" by rufio
today was a bad day. tomorrow will be only slightly better, if at all. and no one seems to really care. my school has yet again taken something away that is very important to me. what next, carlini? you wanna take away the yearbook and newspaper? how about art crew? hell, just kick me out of art class while your at it. and! and, here's a wonderful idea, take me out of journalism and communications and give me two math classes instead. that will just make my senior year that much fucking better.

but i knew that was a possibility...because she hates me. so my back up plan was to get out of school early and go to pittsburgh with shanon and bri. they're going to a him concert with they're boyfriends. i wanted to go down and hang out with jason because i don't have the money to buy a ticket. well, i can't. they won't take me. or rather, shanon doesn't want me to go. because if she has to sit in the back with me and andrew, she'll get car sick. she's gunna get car sick anyhow. she could be in the back by herself and she'd get carsick. she just doesn't want me to go. and then at the a+ assebly, shanon and bri sat down beside me and then a few minutes later just got up and left me there by myself. thanks, guys. i appreciate it.		  
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they say it's over and i'm fine again...   
09:27pm 16/11/2004
 
mood: horny
music: "fine again" by seether
one might assume that due to my having been a human being for the past 17 and a half years, in which time i have eaten approximately three meals a day everyday, i would have somewhere aquired the skills needed to eat without hurting myself. in this assumption, one would be undoubtly wrong. because i, though indeed i have been a human being for 17 and a half years and have eaten roughly three meals a day every day, still cannot chew my food without bringing tears to my eyes.

translation: i bit my tongue really hard while eating and it bled for about 15 minutes. the tip of my tongue is now swollen and i can't talk properly.		  
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rap sheet   
11:49pm 15/11/2004
 
mood: cold
music: "up in here" by dmx
i...am listening to rap. you should all be ashamed. especially since i'm doing this of my own free will..		  
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08:14pm 14/11/2004
 
mood: depressed
music: "handle this" by sum 41
"you said it once before, you don't do those things you used to anymore. you say in doubt 'we're fading out, forgetting who we used to be.' cuz i will bring you down. i don't wanna miss, i don't think you can handle this. you lost what you can't find; never what you had in mind."

i feel sad today, and i don't know why. jason spent the night and left early this morning and i went back to sleep after he left. i woke up at like noonish and just felt...blah. why do i keep doing this?		  
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fuck   
07:27am 04/11/2004
 
mood: frustrated
music: "pulse of the maggots" by slipknot
i hate my government teacher. which is sad, really, because he used to be one of my favourite teachers. but now i know how much of a fucker he really is. and i hate him.		  
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i've got a little gun, here comes oblivion...   
08:46pm 02/11/2004
 
mood: blah
music: "anasthesia" by bad religion
Random Things You Like:

01) music
02) writing
03) politics
04) history
05) english
06) scottish accents
07) boys in eyeliner
08) pink and black
09) starry skies
10) thunderstorms
11) my cat
12) van gogh
13) half-opened roses


Twelve movies:

01) big fish
02) the emperor's new groove
03) the day after tomorrow
04) bubble boy
05) can't hardly wait
06) the ring
07) requiem for a dream
08) labyrinth
09) interviewm with the vampire
10) donnie darko
11) titanic (yeah, leave me alone.)
12) finding nemo


Eleven good bands/artists:

01) matchbook romance
02) blindside
03) motion city soundtrack
04) bad religion
05) billy idol
06) jason mraz
07) the used
08) hot hot heat
09) afi
10) him
11) fall out boy


Ten things about you:

01) i have short hair
02) i'm tall-ish
03) i colour on my sneakers
04) my fingernail polish is chipped
05) i wear glasses
06) i crack my knuckles (ick)
07) my ears are kind of pointy
08) i hate my nose
09) i have hazel eyes that turn green when i cry
10) i'm addicted to chap stick


Nine good friends:

01) brianna
02) shanon
03) amy
04) stephanie
05) shannon
06) jason
07) brett
08) justin
09) sarah


Eight favorite foods/drinks:

01) starbuck's frappachino in mocha
02) chicken fried rice
03) pepperoni and onion pizza
04) black forest cake
05) french fries
06) helushki
07) dr. pepper
08) perogies


Seven things you wear daily:

01) shoes
02) socks
03) "shag" bracelets
04) a hair clip
05) bra
06) glasses
07) necklace


Six things that annoy you:

01) ignorant people
02) rap
03) tony
04) chapped lips
05) being sick
06) hang nails


Five things you touch everyday:

01) my clothes
02) a pencil/pen
03) shoes
04) toothbrush
05) my bed


Four shows you watch:

01) everwood
02) laguna beach
03) cold case
04) random things on vh1


Three celebrities you have a crush on:

01) dominic monaghan
02) gregory smith
03) mo rocca


Two people you'd like to kiss:

01) dominic monaghan
02) mo rocca

One person you could spend the rest of your life with:

01) if anyone could stand me for the rest of my life, that'd be amazing.		  
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six figures enter; they've come to destroy the world...   
06:14pm 01/11/2004
 
mood: complacent
music: "six to eight" by afi
JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and
soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive.
Active mind. Hesitating, tends
to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and
humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.
Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able
to show character. Easily
hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up.
Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom
shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Brand conscious. Executive.
Stubborn.
_________________________________


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