how many more days of this?   
11:58am 17/08/2003
mood: disappointed
I sit here constantly contemplating some of the decisions i have made in life. Wondering exactly why I chose the path I chose. Why did I not listen to my inner thoughts and warnings?

I have been married for over 3 years now and I love my husband with all my heart but i wonder exactly how long it will take before this void of HOMESICKNESS will last and if it will ever fade for that matter.

I was told that it passes well its be almost 5 years now and its still holds on some days harder than the rest. I decided to make this direction in life so how come I still question why?

A person can only cry for so long before they cant cry anymore and instead feel that void with anger and resentment and jealousy.

Life is to short for this yet I wake up each day and live with it!
11:30am 17/08/2003
  To put life simply it composes of three things i believe: 1.)fear 2.)conciousness 3.)whats reality and whats a mere figment.

I dont fear much but i do fear not knowing. Its not possible to know everything or better yet understand everything but I live constantly thinking of what my conciousness brings to reality and what it brings to make my life simplistic.

Ok so that was a bunch of weird shit that I feel i should post could be just another weird trip on the rollercoaster of life and love.

tillsky latersky!
just another day in boredom   
01:51pm 10/08/2003
  You ever been so bored: 1.)you start talking to yourself and actually fucking answer yourself?
2.)you sit there and think of things you could be doing yet dont do em cause that means you have to get your fat ass up and do those thing?
3.)write stupid posts in your journals such as this in hope that noone bores themselves shitless while reading these things?

Anyways, incase someone is actually sitting here and reading this and thinking im a fucking idiot well then, WHY ARE YOU READING MY MINDLESS FERKIN DRIBBLE?

Adios till manana?? spell check on manana lol