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Monday, August 25th, 2003
3:00 pm - just piss & moan some more
School starts tomorrow. I can't believe it. I just went to Wal-mart this morning with dad to buy my supplies, then mom & I went to the H.S. to pick up my schedule...yeah I have band an I'm not too awful happy about that. Marching Band sucks. I know my grade will...drop. Hmm. I'm takin' Legal Studies, so that should be neat. Mr. Chapis thinks I have an eating disorder. Whaaaat the heck. He said he's gonna watch me to make sure I eat. LOL Okkkk. I'm mad at mamma cuz' she's totally being moody and grouchy and it SERIOUSLY is annoying. I wanna just go to school...see my friends...whatever. I am so outta here.

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Sunday, August 24th, 2003
1:10 pm
Well, well, well. I'm back from the best vacation ever. It was great, an I loved it!!! I got home last nite at like 7-something, so Rob & Dom came over. Awww it rocked. School starts in like 2 days an I need to get a ride to the freakin' high school from someone, for my schedule. Mom needs to take me to get all my supplies an more clothes.

Hey Jes...next time you're on the net, if you see me on, will you say somethin cuz' I need to talk to ya. Thanks.

I feel like crap today. I had to like choke down my breakfast. Eh.

Later, maybe not because...ok...bye

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Friday, August 15th, 2003
4:02 pm - FriLeY34: maybe i can do some chicks tonite
Well Jes is back home & we didn't really actually "hang out" once, but it was nice to see her a couple times and I know she had fun. It's been kinda...yeah...lately. Just a little $%&@&!. lol That's fun.

I LEAVE FOR NEW YORK TOMORROW MORNING AND I CANNOT WAIT. Mannnn. I can't believe we're leaving! Usually we go in the beginning of August for our big reunion, but that's every other year, so this year we don't have anything special to do up there. AHHHH. I won't have to talk on the phone, get on the computer, watch tv, fight with my brother, do chores, clean my room, check the pop machine - I'm just so anxious to leave. I LOVE NY. I think all of my aquaintances know that.

Later today mom & I are goin' into pick up some last-minute things before we go, we might go to g-ma's tonite, an I haveta to go my Uncle's house in Galion to pick up pictures from our camping trip. That was quite a few weeks ago, an I wanna see the pic's. I heard they're hilarious. The guys took pictures of me everytime I took a nap. lol They're obviously easily amused!

Tyler, I hope you comment on my comment, or something. I wanna talk to you about this whole deal.

I got this letter in the mail from this Poetry-deal-thing...I sent 'em a poem of mine, an they said they'd publish it in a book, an whatnot. I know it's probably a scam, but how awesome would that be? Ahhh, I dunno. I'll have to read it over. Maybe I don't want my stuff published...

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Monday, August 11th, 2003
3:44 pm - infecting her own wounds
WOW Lots has happenedededed. Jes & I talked an worked things out...it's very confusing and we know exactly what happened, so it's all good. However, that was very weird.

Jes, don't worry about it. Remember...life's too short

Uncle Mark's was an okay time. None of my cousins were there, so I was kinda mad. All adults. Blah. At least I have a cool family. We talked about boobs. lol Yeah....well I DON'T get to leave early for New York after all cuz' my MOM wants me to ride with her & people. BBLAAAAHH. OMG Last nite was soooo awesome. haha Rob, Dom & Jimmy came over at like 1am an stayed after 2. lol We have soooo much fun, it's unbelievable. Good thing my brother was half-stoned, cuz' he woulda told mom & pops. I love Jimmy!

icydream555: so what did you do today?
FriLeY34: wake up at 3
FriLeY34: and piss
FriLeY34: and nothing

I have lessons tonite, I gotta start packing & help mom can peaches, need to make food for me cuz' I need to eat, I gotta talk to Jim, bring down suit cases, make dad this weird food-stuff, I have to sweep the van ooout, and blah blah blah!!! Lotssss of stuff! OH YEAH. Yesterday @ g-ma's I talked to m ASHLEY on the PHONE for the first time in 2 MONTHSSSS. That's how freaking long she's been gone! Jesus. I'm gonna go!

I look like poor white trash!

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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
11:46 am - what's goin' onnnn?
Jeska, I swear I don't want Dan. lol We used to be suuuuch good friends, then after New Years Eve things totally changed. He was my best friend and I haven't talked to him in months. I just wanna talk to him, ya' know? Wow. Ok, and as for you, I don't even know you well enough to call you a whore, so I'm assuming someone is blowing my words out of proportions. That happens A LOT, so I'm not the least bit suprised. You can have Dan if you want him, I'd never try to stop you and don't intend to. Ok, so there's a little bit of that explained...do what you please. lol

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Thursday, August 7th, 2003
11:18 pm - abe lincoln - once more
Dad's doin' good! He's been tired today, but it's understandable. He's already outta the hospital! :o) Guess who called me today? Dom!!! woooo I miss him. He gets back this Sunday, not Monday. I can't wait. It's been boringgggg. I made a family tree thing today, an it took ages. Actually I just transferred the info onto a different paper, but it was still a pain in the booty. I bought some school clothes yesterday. CUTE pants, man. For real. I've been living off tea. I'm leavin' for NY a day early with my cousins, it'll be a crazy blast. No freaking parents or adults, whatsoever. As soon as we get there, we have a cabin for the night until the ADD-ults drive up the next morning. FUN!!!! Yes. Ya know that Fiona Apple CD "When the Pawn..." Yeah, well I memorized the wholeeeee title of the CD. It's super long...

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king, what he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight and he'll win the whole thing 'fore he enters the ring, there's no body to batter when your mind is your might so when you go solo, you hold your own hand and remember that depth is the greatest of heights and if you know where to stand then you know where to land and if you fall it won't matter cuz' you'll know you were right

Well I'm bustin OUT of this joint, man...tomorrow I'm outta here 'til Sat or Sun, so catch me later.

Oh yeah, Tyler, dude, why'd you tell all your friends that we're goin' out???

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Monday, August 4th, 2003
10:08 pm - stop, hold on, wait a minute, Mr. Postman
"The hardest thing I've ever done, is keep believing there's someone in this crazy world for me..."

The Carpenters' are corny, but dammit, I don't care!

I miss my friendsss...no one has been out for the past few nites an it's getting lonely around the fire by myself. Actually I haven't made a fire...whatever.

It's cool being alone.
It's nice being by myself.
I enjoy momentary solitude.

(SO LEAVE ME ALONE)

Does that say enough? In...hmmm...about another week Dom will be home, so that'll rock my socks, then we're doin' crap that week. NY is the next week. School starts a few days after that. Braces come off. Singing lessons again. School shopping is crammed in there somewhere, cuz' I need lots of new stuff. I love shopping for crap. Everything is all NEW an there are TONS of sales. lol I woke up @ 6:45 this morning. It's not easy being beautiful. (HA yeah right) I feel naked. Slutty is more like it. I like the word 'naked'. It's very provacative. If only I could find one person that could understand me, with my whacked out thought patterns. Then it wouldn't be any fun. I wouldn't be special. It's like someone finding the combination to a safe filled with millions of billions of dollars. Sure, they're rich...but the secret is out. That's how it would be if someone understood me. I swear. I think I just figured out a huge fear of mine. Being understood. It's slowly making more sense. Must write....

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Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
12:09 pm - hahahahahaaaaaa screw you
I love singing. It's been quite nice lately, friends stopping over whenever, hanging out, having fun. Dad's surgery is next Thursday cuz' they had to reschedule or whatever. Tomorrow is my next-to-last orthodontist appt!!!!! woo hoo. They're doin' crap so when I go in on the 26th I'll be DONE. It's about time. Dom is on vacation. I leave for New York in 2 weeks...that's gonna be AWESOME cuz' mom, dad & I have our own cabin and the rest of the family lives like across the lake. We can swim to each other, even though the lake is huge. lol I'm gonna go get ready to leave cuz' I'm goin' to the prison today, then to g-ma's. Haven't been there in a few weeks, so yeah. Fun times. We need to buy a phone battery. I feel random. I miss Ashley. I want to hug her!!! Swing low, sweet chariot...(that's our song) Peace out, homie G *shoot self*

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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
12:50 am - bouncy stopsign
Tonite was awesome!!!!! My day started out crappy cuz' mom & dad were in bad moods an arguing, so Chad and I wanted to leave...we went to Mansfeild around 8 an I bought a couple cd's. Great stuff. The REAL music you can really appreciate. Ya know? Got back a little after 9, then mom an I hung out in my room. We do that every now & again. Around 10 my FRIENDS Rob, Dom & Jimmy came over to see me!!! I really love those guys. We messed around, jumped on the tramp, played with fire...the usual. I love having a special friend with benefits. I really love it. lol They left at midnite, and of course they were late. Of course. That's nothing new for Dominic - he always leaves here like 4 min before he has to be home. Bubba came out an hung with us for a while. He was drinking a bit, so it was amusing. He always tells me that all his friends want me, and it's true, but it's just how he says it. lol It makes me laugh cuz they're all way too old. I'm wet and cold cuz I just took a shower. Jimmy made me smell like gasoline. That hooligan. He's wonderful. So is Dom - he's unlike any other. And Rob...he's just hilarious. I'm gonna go up an listen to some Etta James 'til my ears bleed.

"Somethin' told me it was over, when I saw you and her talking."

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Sunday, July 27th, 2003
10:09 pm - I hate you
Loooong time since I've updated this thingy. I just got home tonite! It was such a productive, tough, rough, AWESOME trip. We packed out of the mountains about 2 or 3 days early for a few reasons, there was a chance of rain, mom just had her surgery, dad is old (ha), and I wasn't feeling super great. Yeah...last wednesday I passed out...AGAIN. We were in Maryland at a BurgerKing for a rest-stop and I totally gave out, hardcore. I don't remember much, but the guys say my face hit the corner of the counter so hard that I got thrown backwards and my head hit the floor. Sirens, ambulance, oxygen tank, strecher, emergency room, pokey things, not breathing...the whooooole deal. The WHOLE freaking deal. It was so chaotic. It hurt (but I'm not complaining)...my top lip was stuck to my braces, which was quite unpleasant. They told me exactly what was wrong, but I don't remember. All I know is that my blood sugar was very low the whole time, so I think that's a sign. I'm gonna go get some sleep in my OWN bed and try my hardest not to take my life for granted. I'm so astonishingly lucky...

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Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003
1:31 pm - longing to kiss him
Temptation was flowing like wine

Well tomorrow we leave for the back-packing trip so I'm finishing last minute packing. A whole week. That's a long time. No music, no comfy bed, no talking to friends, no hugs, no kisses. lol Dang it. It'll be tons of fun, nonetheless. I'm takin' a notebook so I can write, and I'll take pictures. I'm excited! We leave super early, so I'm gonna just do nothing today. I haveta' save up my energy. The 311 concert is the 24th (this thurs), so yeah, I can't go but I still have to pay for my ticket. That sucks nuts. Hmmmmmm - need to get dressed and go buy stuff. I'm gonna take a LONG LONG shower, too. *sigh* I miss my friends already, and I'm not even gone. I hope mom's surgery goes okay. It's Thursday. Dom better have loads of fun at Ozzfest today (if it all works out...long story). Ok, well I cannot wait 'til tomorrowwwww. I'll catch you kids whenever, but until then, keep it in your pants!!!!

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Monday, July 21st, 2003
12:45 am - abe lincoln
I stayed home today and hung out with myself...then Dan dropped Tyler off, Derek called and came over, and Dom and Rob showed up...we hung out by the fire all day and bought DELICIOUS Boneless Honey-BBQ chicken wings from kfc. Oh Lord, so good. After a good while of talking and being merry, Dylan and Dan Potter showed up, took Derek away, then Dan brought him back. It was confusing. lol WELL I'm gonna go talk to Dom an Miah, so I'll catch YOU later...yes, I'm talking to you! Sweet dreams...

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Sunday, July 20th, 2003
12:40 pm - sickeningly enjoyable
Oh My Lord. These past few days have been (read my lips) CRAZY!!! Oh man, yeah. Lots of things have happened that I never could imagine. mmhmm. TYLER IS HERE!!!! WOOO. Man, I meant to call him yesterday, but I went to the prison for a car show and slept the whole rest of the day. Then dom came to wake me. mmhmm...I'm gonna go finish packing for the humongus back-packing trip. It's comin' faster than I thought. I hope I can survive. I know I'm gonna forget all the really important things. *will have a nervous break-down before the week is over* Ehhhhh I wanna go, just, I don't know. I wanna go AWAY from here. Away, away, away. I wanna be driven around at midnite, when it's freezing cold with all the windows rolled down and all the lightening bugs out & about. I love summer nights...

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Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
11:07 pm - honey, I've gone away
Eh, you fags. I thought of some things that anger me, so heck, why not post 'em?? lol

1. people/guys that call me, but can't hold a conversation with me on the phone
2. people on the net that only say "hehe haha", no matter what the conversation is about
3. people that gawk at me when I'm carrying a baby, assuming it's mine
4. people that list things that anger them, even though they know damn well nooooo one cares

That's about it...great stuff, eh? HAHAHAHAHAHA You're GAY. I know YOU won't comment because...well I don't know why, but it doesn't matter. It's irrelivant. I had a good day! Do you care? Nope. Notta. Zip. Zilch. Why do I update this thing? Geeze ow. I'm off to have a conversation with Chelle about things guys don't have the slightest clue about. Wow - the list goes on and on and on and on...(yeah, if I seem bitter, it's because I AM)

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Sunday, July 13th, 2003
10:35 pm - yeah, don't listen to whiney Sarah...
If people only knew how absolutly terrible they make me feel sometimes, they would be so unbelievably astonished. If maybe they'd listen when I tell them, they'd get a chance to feel that way. I just got home and I was fine up until all the jokes about me started at my g-ma's house. Basically people told me I was gonna die, and I looked sickeningly thin for a few harmless hours. Yeah, it obviously did wonders for my self-esteem, eh? I cried all the freaking way home. I do not have an eating disorder. Okay? I'm sick of hearing about it. I don't need the jokes. I don't need to hear people ask how much I weigh. I don't need people telling me I'm gonna die. For every ounce of love in this entire beautiful universe, is that not absolutly the most sickening thing ever? Is it not? Some of my own family, for God's sake. My own flesh and blood, sitting there in front of my face, making fun of me. It's totally the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to me. I can't believe it. I would never do that to anyone...period. Let alone people that I love with all my heart. Does that mean they don't love me? Does it? I need someone right now. Ha. Nevermind. I don't need anyone. But seriously...can you believe that? Can you believe my blood can sit there right in front of me, laugh, and tell me I'm goin' to DIE??? That is so fowl. It's so insensitive. It makes me question a lot of things. It makes me sick. If anyone for one reason or another also feels sickened by this...please comment. You don't know how good it would make me feel...

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Saturday, July 12th, 2003
2:25 pm - the bottom line is the bottom line
No movie with the guys last nite, but Dom an I went to the drive-in...it's a long story an I don't feel like telling the whole thing so we'll just leave it at that. Mmmk?! hahaha My g-ma is here, so I'm gonna go. I had a very, very nice time last nite...

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Friday, July 11th, 2003
1:52 pm - arggggdf
Hmmm...Dom came over last nite. That was fun. No matter what we do together, it rains. Everytime! haha We play in the rain though, so it's all worthwhile. Mom told me this morning that papa needs to have a heart cathederization thing AGAIN. It's a heart-surgery type deal. Where they take the ballon an blow it up inside his arteries...the doctor said only 1/3 of his heart is functioning, and on top of that, dad is gonna wait until AFTER the big-deal-out-in-the-wilderness-for-a-week camping trip in W Virginia. Smart, or what?! ha Yeah. That's what I said. Mom gets her surgery done while he and I are gone. We bought some freaking awesome furniture for the shop today. Awesome stuff. Tomorrow I'll have to clean stuff, make some room, dust, sweep...yep. Tonite mom & I were goin' to the prison to help out at a Ghost Hunt, but Damien just called an I might go see a movie with the guys. That should be fun...phew. I'm tired. Woke up too early. Entirely. Man, I seriously hope mom an pops stay healthy. I really don't need to worry about anything else, ya' know? Psh...I'm gonna leave

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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
2:04 pm - I swear I'll take just one lifetime
I've been helping dad out with book/paper work for the shop today. Fun stuff right there. Mamma told me today that she's having surgery. What's up with that? I don't feel like typing. I'm gonna go......

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Tuesday, July 8th, 2003
3:56 pm - soakin' up some rays!!!!
Mom went to the doctor today cuz' she's been havin' really bad problems with her gallbladder, and couldn't tolerate it anymore. She hasn't been to the doctor in 15 years, so I'm really suprised she actually went. Chad an I found a tent in the old house, an we pitched it. It's so worthless, the door doesn't even zip up. lol Oh well. Maybe I'll sleep out there tonite. Bubba & mamma went to get me some chipped ham at the deli. I'm SO craving that. mmmMmm! It's sooo good. Violin lessons went well, but to make a long story short, I'm playing the viola, not the violin. It's hardly any different from the violin...but yeah. It's really hard, but I think I'll get the hang of it. It definately will take lots of pratice. Dom's comin' over sometime tonite. He's my only friend that I've seen almost everyday this summer. I love him for that! God, we have so much fun together????! hehehe Well mom goes to the hospital for an ultra-sound tomorrow to verify exactly what the problem is, so kinda hope the best for her. I really hope she's ok an it's nothing serious. Wow - if it's not one thing, it's another.

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Sunday, July 6th, 2003
11:20 pm - what happened to you???
I'm happy to be home. I've been gone all day long and I've been listening to orders all day too, so I'm sitting here enjoying myself. Some biker called me Sunshine today, it was awkward. Someday I'm gonna live in the Reformatory!!!! I know I talk about it a lot, but that's one of the most fascinating places I've ever been to. Travel channel named it one of the "100 places to go before you die". lol Tomorrow is my first violin lesson. I'm not takin' 'em through the Academy in Mansfeild cuz' it's more expensive, so I'm gonna meet my instructor at his church for lessons. I know exactly what he's gonna get me into. SINGING for his church. Yep. You just wait! I garuntee that's what his plan is. lol That fag...;o) (he says "fag" a lot, I just realized that) Derek an Corey want me to go swimmin' tomorrow with 'em but I don't really want to and they know that. They're just so horny ALL the time, and sometimes I just can't stand it!!! lol

Dan, I hope you're not mad at me for speaking my mind last nite. Things have been...for quite a while. I'm not by any means trying to run your life and I really think you know that...but I don't know. Maybe you really meant what you said.

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