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[scribbled @ 4:03pm on 1.31.06 ] |
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short update.
jon jon called.
we started hanging out again.
it was absolutely amazing.
until he dicked me over.
like he always does.
i cut again.
i gained weight.
i hate myself.
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[scribbled @ 8:26pm on 12.7.05 ] |
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so i was in the car today and i hear the song scars by papa roach. and it`s crazy how much this song reminds me of jon jon. like i was completely okay with me and him being done. i mean, he obviously wasn`t in love with me. anyways, back to my story .. the song reminded me of him and i got kind of upset. i don`t know why. like i`m finally content with life right now. maybe it`s because of the way that things ended, and the way he went about the entire situation. maybe it`s because i never got to tell him what a fucking asshole he is for hurting me the way that he did. maybe it`s because i just never got to tell him those last few things that i wanted to tell him. i don`t know .. and it makes me completely upset to know what he`s gotten himself into .. it really hurts me. but why?? i should be the last person to give a shit, especially NOW! he doesn`t give a flying fuck about me and what i`ve been doing. he doesn`t care if i`m okay.
ahh, whatever.
fuckitall.
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[scribbled @ 11:31am on 11.11.05 ] |
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i'm obsessed with myspace. that's why i haven't been on here. i'm thinking of moving to livejournal. but i d k. i don't know how to make the page look all pretty. so until then, blurty it will be.
things have been okay. boys are fucking assholes. as always. i've been working a lot. which is good because i'll have more money. and i won't be stressed out about that situation anymore. school, eh, could be better but i'm not complaining ... yet. i did get the scholarship back so whoopty doo for me!
i hope that everyone else is doing good.
love you all.
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[scribbled @ 12:45pm on 9.26.05 ] |
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my views.. he doesn't call me all weekend. this is the second or third weekend he does it. he only wants to hang out with his friends. never with me. and he's been chillen with that slut. i know it even if he says he hasn't anymore. so this weekend i decided to not sit home while he went out and did god knows what. but i gave him the benefit of the doubt and considered me and him as if we were together. but it hit me this morning, if he can forget aout me so quickly and stop calling me then i never meant as much as he said i did. nobody should be treated this way. nobody . so because of this change in events i'm assuming that jon and i are no longer a couple. if this was his way of breaking up with me (not calling at all) then he really is a fucking pussbag. it just hurts me that this is his way of breaking up with me. like seriously, grow the fuck up and be a man.
anyways.. i'm going up to florida southern in lakeland this weekend. and i also want to go down to miami the weekend that i get back from lakeland, maybe i'll drive down with david. i can't wait to get the fuck out of this fuck ass town. lol.
CULO! lol sorry i had to say it.
love you guys.
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[scribbled @ 9:36am on 9.13.05 ] |
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i'm fucking miserable. i've been betrayed and lied to.
yet i still love him.
what the fuck is wrong with me? i'll post the tell all a little later. i'm off to school. love you guys!
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[scribbled @ 5:32pm on 8.31.05 ] |
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i haven't written in forever!
let's see, my birthday was okay. i went out to dinner with my family and jon jon to pf changs. with the exception of my father because he decided to show up to dinner after partying with his friends .. so he was nice and drunk. then he left. whatever. i got a lot of clothes from abercrombie and makeup from mac. makeup is always exciting. too bad i didn't get those much needed chanel sunglasses. and now i can't find those bitches anywhere! blah.
last friday night i hung out with christa and i got my C R U N K on. lmao. haven't done that in a while, so it was fun. and because of the intoxication i was calling jon jon an excessive amount of times and he was ignoring my calls.. intentionally. he should have just picked up the first time i called and been like "i'm gonna do something else tonight." fuck that kid.
so yeah, jon jon and i are .. there. just hanging there. i guess that's what you could call it. last saturday i showed up at his house with intentions to pick up all my shit from there and never speak to him again because he pulled some fuck ass shit that friday night. so i broke up with him .. and he told me that he was gonna make things better. and he asked for a second chance. so i gave it to him. but things really haven't gotten any better. our typical day goes something a little like this: everything is good from the morning up until he gets out of work .. becasue once he gets out of work he takes the car to go chill with his boys and smoke. and that's fine if he wants to chill with the guys but like make some time for me and atleast fucking call me! that's what leads me to believe that this fucking drug is more important to him than me. so i broke up with him again last night for the same bullshit as always. and he texted me this morning so we talked and he told me he was going to try to stop smoking reefer. i wish he would just scratch the word try out and seriously just stop, but i guess i really couldn't ask for more at this point. let's just see if he actually does it. cause i'm not gonna put up with it. i can find someone else who doesn't smoke. it's not like every guy on the planet smokes weed. ya know?
i started school. i'm taking college composition II, college algebra, and american government. i dropped my nutrition class because it was online and i have no clue how to do that! hah. so, i'm trying to find another class to add on but by the looks of it everything i need/want to take is filled up. but yeah. so far, so good. teachers are cool. and everything seems pretty laid back for now.
... now if only i could say the same about everything else in my life
<33
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[scribbled @ 5:46pm on 8.8.05 ] |
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i'm back ya'll ..
goodness so much has been going on i don't even know where to begin .. i was away for a little bit. some shit happend and i kinda just dissappeared off the face of the planet. and then i went on vacation with my family and that was relaxing. boy did i need that time away!
i broke up with jon jon. and then we got back together. but absolutely nothing has changed. he still treats me like shit .. so, i think i might end it for good .. it's just that so much has been brought to my mind these past few weeks and i don't wanna do this anymore. but i love him. and i just want to be with him. i wish that he could understand that, and make some changes, not for me but for us
i went to orlando for a few days. i really like it there.
maybe i do need to leave here .. maybe
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[scribbled @ 10:07pm on 7.13.05 ] |
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so much has been going on lately and i can't update! why? because my house was broken into and everything was taken! it's so depressing. we called the cops and they ran for fingerprints and they're gonna get back to us on friday. so for the time being i have to be ghetto and use the computers on campus and at my aunts house. any e-mails that i need to be writting will be sent out as soon as i can! i prominse! (ange i'm thinking about you! i'm gonna call you at some point this week, i want to talk, maybe we can get together and do lunch?) anyways i'm gonna go to bed.. this has been a kinda shitty week for me. hope everyone is doing good! hugs and kisses!
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[scribbled @ 2:45pm on 7.9.05 ] |
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i almost forgot.. he didn't cheat on me that night. it was his stupid ass friend putting shit in my head. ryan was like "oh melissa he's with soraya and they're looking for somewhere to go together".. and "i'd tell you to come over, but you wouldn't wanna see jon jon and soraya together".. "you won't be okay".. what would anyone think if someone was saying that?? and then i got all upset because i thought soraya and i were straight and i just didn't think that jon jon would do something like that to me- ever. well, turns out they were looking for somewhere to go.. A PARTY.. so that soraya could meet up with the guy she's dating. i was so pissed that ryan made all that shit up and then he has the fucking balls to tell me the next day that he never said any of that shit. guys are just as coniving as girls!
but i felt so shitty the next day for even believing what ryan was telling me. i should have known better. i'm glad i didn't do anything stupid that night though... i just came home and went to bed after the drama.
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[scribbled @ 2:40pm on 7.9.05 ] |
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things between jon and i have been great!
i hope it stays this way..
mom bought me...
a prada purse *woohoo*
kate spade sunglasses (that i don't really like)
and a new hair cut (that i absloutely adore)
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a penny for your thoughts