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[10 Jul 2003|10:40pm] |
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hmm...i was way bored and changed the layout again. it looks rather childish but i like it that way. it kind-of suits my personality. i'm out.
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2 attempted to end my misery - please kill me
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| everyone needs to forget about me and live their life. |
[08 Jul 2003|04:23pm] |
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i have totally and completely honestly given up on trying to get myself into a relationship. yes, i still love him and i always will but it's not going to happen so why bother trying for someone else when i know that nothing will come out of that either? i'm not going to feel the same way about anyone else anyway so there is no point. i feel empty. when he said that it felt like my heart fell in my stomach and somebody punched it. there are those things he said...the good ones...that i will remember forever...but then there are the bad ones...which will haunt me. that indeed was one of the bad ones. i don't know what do to. i am so confused. i am so stressed. i wish everything would just be back to how it was. i can't stop crying. everyone is telling me their opinions and this is horrible to say but i think they are just making things worse. matt said i have given him enough chanes already...jenny said i was too good for him. i think he's too good for me. he's cute, funny, sweet, nice, intelligent...he's everything i want and more but i can't have him. i want to die...seriously. this time...i will end up doing something stupid. i can feel it. more bad is yet to come. i wish this pain would go away. i wish i could be like that kid in everwood who was in the coma and can't remember anyone. that would just be great right now. i can't even smile...or laugh...or do anything. people are saying things that i would normally find funny and yet right now...i don't even see the slightest bit of humor in them. i don't even care anymore. maybe i should just take dan's advice and not care what anyone says and not care what people think. only do things for myself and not worry about anything. i told my dad that i didn't want to go to florida...he said i have to...but i think i changed my mind. i wouldn't even care if i moved there. i'd do anything to get away from this place. i'm probably not even going to come online anymore. just to update uj and this one. but no more instant messenger. i really don't have a purpose to come online...in fact i just don't have a purpose to live. i have no reason and i don't care. i guess i'll die. i stood out in the rain today. i was talking to my dad. so much for the cell. i don't want it now. i don't even have a purpose for the calling card even though it only have about an hour of calling time left. god this is a weird thing...everytime i start crying...because i keep starting and stoping...it starts raining and getting all cloudy. i hate life. brenten said it's called teenager time...well fuck that. it's probably more than that. at this point my future plan is no longer...go to college, get married, have kids, be happy...it's now...be alone and miserable for the rest of my god damned life. god is an asshole i hate him...if he even exists. he's never done anything for me...well actually the only thing he has done was put me on this fucking planet. i hate racists. even if you say, "you'll go to hell because you don't believe in god." in my opinion that is a for of rascism. the fact is...as far as religion goes you'll never actually know which religion is right so people like my sister need to stop telling me that i am going to hell just because i dislike god and i don't even really think there is a god. if there is and i die and go to hell then so be it. well enough about this religion crap...the only reason i brought it up was because i have been thinking a lot about it lately. i hate holidays. this summer sucks. i want to die now. well good-bye.
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please kill me
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[08 Jul 2003|02:06pm] |
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hmm...it's been a long time since i updated this crappy thing. so here's my update. everything sucks so bleh.
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please kill me
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| RAWR! DAMN UJ! |
[14 Jun 2003|11:32pm] |
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man i hate ujournal so much...but yet i love it. it works all of the time except for at night. anyways...
summary of events:
went to the park with monique. hung upside down and sat on the swings as we talked about how most girls are bitchy and most guys just suck. we were also trying to figure out why exactly jenny dislikes her. i think i know why but eh...whatever. then i went home. called brento. then later jonah called. then jenny called...it appears that she has lied again. i don't know why i am friends with her. screw her. i hate her. she's...ARRGGG! some friend she is. i hate my life. seriously the three day thing just may take effect. ARRGGG...i can't type in here. too many eyes. ugg...me die.
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please kill me
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| GOD DAMMIT! |
[09 Jun 2003|10:49pm] |
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ben kweller: "sha sha" |
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WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!
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please kill me
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| hmm...damn ujournal again! |
[09 Jun 2003|10:36pm] |
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ben kweller: "sha sha" |
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ugg...okay. well that was a whole load of shit. one day relationships suck major ass. brenten is threatening to kill himself. i am no longer with cody...not exactly sure why though. it kinda hurts but yeah. oh and on top of that jenny likes jonah. ugg...RAWR! i wanna punch someone right now. i dunno...i am so confused. could guys please just make up their minds. i don't know why i bother going online to chat anymore...i just get myself in to shit. sure i like the people i chat with but it hurts to end up liking them and they don't like you back or to "date" them and it turns out bad or whatever. ugg...
well here is the highlight of my day...
i went to the mall with jenny. we saw nicole and hung out with her since the people she was waiting for weren't there. we just basically were walking in and out of the food court and to hot topic. hmm...i got new shoes and a cd. we chased a guy thinking it was this kid named ben that nicole knows. i got coffee and bought nicole a cookie. then i went home and went to monique and michelle's house. monique and i went to the park. got eaten by mosquitos and came back. that's pretty much it.
well i am going to go eat my pie now. bye.
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please kill me
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| GUYS ARE ASSHOLES!! I HATE EVERYONE OF THEM!! |
[08 Jun 2003|12:41am] |
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well uj isn't working so listen to my crap in here now...
i am seriously wishing i could say that things can't get worse from here...but they can and will. i can garuntee it. it's only a matter of time until things get so bad that they will be the end of me. i want to isolate myself from the world or get brainwashed or something. i wish this wasn't happening. i wish i never moved here and somehow never met the guy i appear to be in love with. love sucks and it hurts bad...and the other thing is i had to find that out the really hard way...not only through experience but through lies. i can seriously say that i have never been more upset than i am now. the pain i have is mental, physical, emotional...every type of pain possible and it hurts really really really bad. oddly enough i am not crying...i should be but i haven't given myself a chance to. tape won't fix this broken heart of mine...nothing will. tasha even said that guys are scum. that's the truth. they don't know how to deal with a person's feelings. us girls are better off being nuns. i think it may possibly be time for me to either move on or just flat out leave everything behind. it's hard to let go of those feelings i have/had for him...really hard to let go. i am thinking that this is all his fault though...he didn't have to lie to me like that. why didn't he just tell me in the first place?...it would have saved me so much pain and even then i may still be able to keep those feelings i have/had for him. i am slowly beginning to cry now...i need to ease this pain somehow. maybe some drugs or shit would help...even though he is totally against them he obviously really doesn't care at all about me to let me be like this and to have lied to me. it's late...i'm screwed. i hate me. i hate life. hopefully yours is better. i hate friends with benefits...i hate all that shit he said. i wish he never said it...but it's my fault for wanting to know. hopefully i will go to sleep and wake up tomorrow to find out this is all a dream. if only that was possible. this is like a fucking living nightmare...something you'd hear about in a movie or a book but you'd never expect to happen. atheism is also on my mind right now...being as god seems to hate me and doesn't do shit to help me. i am a bad person though...at this point i don't really care what happens to me. nobody will care. they say they would but i have witnessed things like this before and they don't. it's always the same. i wish someone who seriously does care will read this and could help. my wishes are too unreal to happen though. well i'm done complaining about my shitty life but my journal helps me escape few problems even if it is available for the world to read.
fuck life...i'm out.
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6 attempted to end my misery - please kill me
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| hmm... |
[20 May 2003|09:52pm] |
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sum 41: still waiting |
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i needa update in this crap...ahh...screw it. i like uj better anyways. i'll do this l8er when i have more time...join nicole's community and look at my prettiful icon i made for the community!! woo...i'm out.
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please kill me
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| QUIZIES!! |
[11 May 2003|12:39pm] |
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the offspring: why don't you get a job |
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Funny Asian Man
What's Your Personality Type?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your ideal mate is Bobby Drake. With his innocent
sweetness and his boyish good looks, how can
any girl go wrong? He's the type of guy to
supply you with all the TLC that you can
handle, and he'll always be there for you when
you need moral support, or just a shoulder to
cry on. Though he is still young, he lacks the
experiences of life, and can be naive.
Who Is Your Ideal X-Men 2 Mate? (ladies only)
brought to you by Quizilla
ok that's all for now...i'm tired. bye!
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1 attempted to end my misery - please kill me
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| ?¿ |
[09 May 2003|06:36pm] |
You should be a Scorpio, Passionate, vibrant,
magnetic, perceptive, emotional, sensual,
alert, willful, determined, resourceful,
purposeful, directed, dominant, ambitious,
fearless, committed, intense, but can be
obsessive, extreme, vengeful, jealous,
spiteful, unforgiving, bully, menacing,
possessive, arrogant
~*What is your TRUE Zodica sign?*~
brought to you by Quizilla
weird...i should be a scorpio? ok well whatever.
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please kill me
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| today sucked...i hate me |
[06 May 2003|09:43pm] |
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notta lotta |
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well, first off i thought it was just gonna be like every other damn day but...nope. everything started out ok...we were watching some gay movie in language arts and talking...the usual. well we go on the bus to the field trip...me and jenny like barely talked even though we sat next to eachother. lol. well then we go there and i start getting really bored and it was so fucking hot outside that by the start of the ninth inning i looked at my arms and realized that i had sunburn on the area from my elbow to my wrist on my right arm...not my left, just my right. well i didn't think anything of it at the time. then the game ended. we get back on the bus to find out that six kids from our school were doing some form of drugs at the game...not that i care but i just had to add that. well, we were about to leave and roula touched my right arm...now i could tell it was burnt because she barely touched it and it hurt like hell. so we get back to school around like 4:15 or so and i walk home. i start walking up to my back door and my mom was outside and she was like damn you are red...all i said was oh...my arm is the only thing that hurts and i went to take a shower. i glanced in the mirror and noticed my face was pretty burnt too...mostly the right side. well it didn't hurt at all until like right now!! IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND I LOOK LIKE A CHERRY!! AHHH!! ok well that's my complaining about the sun burn story...well that's not the worst part of my day because i can live with sunburn. i took my shower and went online...i start talking to a couple people...then shellie comes over but monique wouldn't because she was too busy complaining about her headache...ahhh shit...i'll have to finish tomorrow...i needa get offline.
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please kill me
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| something stupid... |
[05 May 2003|08:59pm] |
here's something stupid i thought of the other day...
i would hate to be a tree. think about it...people surround trees with wood chips...and woodchips are dead chopped up trees!! that would be like surrounding a person with dead chopped up people. i feel bad for the trees...give the trees some sympathy!!
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please kill me
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| I AM AWESOME BEYOND AWESOME...(not really) |
[05 May 2003|06:00pm] |
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afi: bleed black |
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whoa...damn...ok, anyways. oh god i can't believe dan wrote that. ARRGGG!! lol. gosh i am such a loser. WOOHOO!! but that's ok. MUHAHAHA!! ok i am bored as hell and i wanna go to the park...i wonder if monique or someone will go with me??...hmm...baseball game tomorrow...i won't be home from school until like 4-4:30...but that's ok. i really can't wait til 6 flags being as i am one of the only people who hasn't ever been there. WOO...i'm so sad aren't i? ok this couldn't get anymore boring so i will stop now...
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please kill me
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| if i told you this was killing me would you stop?! |
[01 May 2003|08:46pm] |
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afi: girls not grey |
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da dum dee doo da...ok so today sucked. although caleb hates me to be honest i don't care. (jus thought i'd mention it) i was pissing him off because monique said he was being mean to her so i was like swearing and stuff and he was all like saying i said stuff that i didn't. it was pretty funny tho. then dan was like can i say stuff to him and i was like go ahead so he said to caleb...HI ASS MONKEY!! but caleb blocked him. then dan put a little sad face crying and dan was like god he's no fun he was suppose to say stuff back...what a pussy. good times. good times. but caleb is such a dumbass he's all like i changed my password from i luv kim to i hate kim. who the fuck would give out their password?! i hopw someone hacks into it!! MUHAHA!! lol. j/k. well then i was telling dan about nicole being called oobalajoobala...ahhh shit...i gotta go so my mom can make a quik phone call...i'll finish this laterrrrrr.....
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please kill me
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| journal |
[26 Apr 2003|02:23pm] |
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good charlotte: the innocent |
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uggg...the whole purpose of this journal was so that i could write stuff about certain people if i don't want then reading it. but jenny has to have a loud mouth and ends up telling people about it!! so now this is jus another normal journal...i will have to make a new one on some other site.
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1 attempted to end my misery - please kill me
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| filler outter thingy... |
[20 Apr 2003|02:28pm] |
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ludacris: what's your fantasy |
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I ____ Kim.
Kim is ____.
If I were alone in a room with Kim, I would _______.
I think Kim should _____.
Kim needs ______.
Kim will never ______.
I want to _________ Kim.
Kim can ______ my _______.
When I think about Kim, I ______.
Kim thinks a lot about _______.
If I could describe Kim in a word it would be: _______.
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please kill me
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| doo doo doo... |
[17 Apr 2003|05:58pm] |
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simple plan: grow up |
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ok...i jus made this journal thingy cuz oobalajoobala told me to. i don't kno what to type so i'll type l8er.
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1 attempted to end my misery - please kill me
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