Jake-currentfave-BlackWidow's Journal

Monday, May 23, 2005

2:40PM

first day back to work.....So much shit to do.........blown away.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

2:45PM

i was at cedars sinai today, just coming out of the post op for the right "knee" thing. I was in an allen iverson tshirt (it would fit you as a dress), and really baggy shorts. but i wasn't black. I am pretty white (and my nickname was edward scissorhands on the playgrounds but not because of my skintone, and no i dont look like johnny depp, even on his worse day wearing eyeshaddow. This guy just started calling me ed-wad-scizzahands and it spread. beats me...) and i was waiting for my ride. I was crutching around and anxiety was riddling my tired left foot. i tried to sit down, but it was kind of a 1 footed squat, with my right knee shaved delicately and immobilized strappingly. You then came out and laid these latin eyes out at me. You smiled, infecting my knee with it, making my left leg growing wabbly on the squat. I didn't smile back, I never do. Sorry, I always think about why i didn't and beat myself up over it 5 minutes later but the moment passed and i'd forget 10 minutes later.
Even though I didn't smile, I looked directly in your eyes, burningly. (i tend to do that because thats what you have do to survive Bay Ridge, but not out here) You had enough confidence to approach me, bend over, and lift my right heel, taking all the pressure off and allowing my butt to park gracefully to the cement block railing. Thank You. Then you walked off and strutted your round mound of golden brown sugar at me. Then you looked back at me before you crossed the street and i turned my head casually, pretending my heel had never been lifted. Then you walked across the street and were about 77 yards away from me...You turned your head again to look at me. This time I looked and you smiled again. I just want to tell you I enjoyed your spontinaety...was it as good for you as it was for me? ahhhhhhhhhhh

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12:09PM - if things go right...

next year, i'm thinking about moving to miami...for real, property is good there, big lots...its warm...i dont know if ill ever stop being a laker fan and be a heat translplant, but who knows...At least shaq daddy's there.

Miami is sounding good...I could buy a property thats twice the size of here for half the cost. It's sounding so good...ok disadvantages, hurricanes, advantages no earthquakes...rounds out about even...well, the weather here is better...its so humid there..the women im sure are good.. what else do i need? The same money i make here...gotta make that payment system rock this year.

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Thursday, May 5, 2005

6:35AM

i have surgery in approximately 3 hours.....i have a good feeling this one is gonna go well and as strange as it sounds, im looking forward to it..cuz it means in about 8 weeks, ill be lightly PLAYING BASKETBALL.

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Sunday, May 1, 2005

4:19PM - after visit

In her eyes I saw restlessness...

We chilled and listened to her music. It was a little bit odd to understand your surroundings there. I did hold her hand for about a minute while we listened. I just wanted to help. She definitely is a pretty girl, although my desire to help didn't allow me to view her in any way but to show care. She did have some burns on her hands and i just wanted to hold her hand tight and make her feel llike she had a friend. I was her first and probably only visitor in all this time. I could sense a few timid moments probably directly spawned by that.

I brought her a couple flowers i thought were pretty, a couple were pink n white edged and also a purple one, maybe it was an orchid, i have no idea...far from mr horticulturee here. I also saw these cute little stufffed animal monkeys with hands wrapped around eachotheer...They were soft..Decided to get her those too.

hope everything works out....

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

2:22PM - Psychic thing

in reply to my friend gigi -

-----------------
I'll tell you i believe it for sure...I witnessed this incredible man who came to stay with my parents..A distant relative of my moms who lives in Israel. Anyway, we were all sitting around testing his powers my mom had told me about (when she was a kid, he would do this psychic tricks to keep her entertained) . So this was one of his gifts..He would take a book, put his hand over the print, no matter how thin/small etc. The book would be closed and eyes blindfolded , and he would read the print with his fingers...So immediately im intrigued right? A little background, He reads english, actually speaks like 7 languages (spanish one of them) although english not one of them. So I get this old classical jazz book out from a class I had back in highschool. I dug it up just in case someone was trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I blindfolded him, turned to a random page, he puts his hands inside the cover as I close the cover shut....He hesitates before he begins to read the text in a broken english accent...trying to make out (Miles davis...etc... some sentence) But I can hear the words well enough and look at the page and he'd read that same sentence...I was going nuts...

So next trick...To think about anything within the room, anything within our thoughts, and he would go execute the physical action of our thought. To do this, it required him holding the persons hand who was thinking about the specific action. So I tell my brother and my brother in law (who thinks this is a family conspiracy) what my thought is...It was to go to sit in the piano stool on the left corner of the living room, lift the piano cover, and play a single note, except my grandmother was already sitting there :-) So hes holding gabriels hand, and gabriel is thinking about that stool....He starts leading gabriel in the direction of the stool...Gabriel cracks a smile and (he didnt tell me about this until after) starts thinking about something else in the room...Immediately this old man changes his mind and starts walking toward another corner of the room...Gabriel then lets out a laugh and goes back to his original thought..So this Man shifts gears, going back to the piano stool, he gets to the stool and starts smiling, taking my grandmother by the hand and gently kissing it, helping her out of her chair...he then sits in the chair , lifts the cover to play one note...Me, gabriel and my brother in law are laughing histerically and we are puzzled...This was an original thought, not a conspired intention everyone else knew. I asked gabriel if he led him even the slightest bit. Gabriel said no way, to which he told me about why the Man went into the other direction for a moment, and how gabriel had tried to fool him...We started laughing harder...This was incredible...My dad, who is perhaps the most scientific minded person smiled...I asked him if he believed it and he said of course...He said that he'd read of these things and it is very possible to read mental energy if you have the muscle trained...

I understood what he meant by the muscle analogy...Do you know how some people know how to flex individual muscles you just dont understand how to flex...or just cant access it...Like for instance, I dont even know how to flex my calf unless I stand on my tip toes to tighten the muscle directly from that action...But I dont know how to access that tightening directly, without gravity forcing the tension...My dad and little brother both know how though...

Well I asked that man, how did you learn to do this..were you just born with it? And he told me, I trained when i was younger...But how did you know to even train it? Well, it was accessable to me...Just like that muscle u don't understand how to get to..I feel this analogy, but there are plenty of good ones..He said anyone can do this, but imost people don't feel access to it...We as human beings have access to so many powerful wonderous phenomenons , but there are doors closed to get to them...And they are hidden in grey matter areas of our brain we just cant fathom to reach no matter how hard we attempt to conceptualize..I can think all i want about moving an object with my mind, but I can't access the driving brain cell to make it happen...

I missed the best treat though before he left..I was at work and he had told me that he was able to levetate a matchbox...those little square ones..I said why only that? He said well, its shape is highly accessable and its very light to grab...So I laughed and frantically looked for one. Didn't have it. I believed already, even though i didnt see it.

My brother was home that day and begged the man to do the trick before the Man returned to Israel..My bro rode the bike to a store, got the matchbox rode back and asked the Man...The old man was already tired by this point, but could see the sense of curiosity and excitement in my brothers face. To him, it was unimpressive, but to my brother is was like everything he knew in the world to be one way, was able to be disected/manipulated/massaged....And so the man, according to my brother concentrated for a good 3-4 minutes (he was probably rusty =) and levetated the matchbox in one spot about 8 feet high....My brother grabbed it to check for strings..."no strings attached"... =)

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Monday, April 25, 2005

9:03PM

that was fuckin trippy...

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4:27PM - Hey guys

Just updating because I'm sitting here at work, bored outta my wits.

I was such a lazy ass this weekend. All I did pretty was have passover dinner and watch like every NBA playoff game that was on....

Connie didnt call me friday, which i was cureious about but enjoyed lol But she called me saturday and basically told me that she had a birthday party for her brother and was gonna call to invite me, but knew that i wouldnt come, so she didnt lol She was right...I probably wouldnt have come. But I know the real reason..Because Vivian was going to be there and vivian and connie have just reconciled their friendship after having a bunch of cat fights. Vivian slept with connies male friends and it didnt bother connie, so she threatened her by saying if she had a chance to do me, she would. Connie apparently had a couple beers and went berserk at those words. She punched vivian out lol I thought it was something from the old show G.L.O.W. wrestling...Anybody ever seen that show? lol I used to love those skanky chicks.

What else...My brother was trying to pass himself off as an 18 yr old by putting his picture on the site. But I have this review process where I can make thumbnails and approve or deny people. So I made the thumbnail of his shorts lol He called me at work and left several messages to cuss me out lol He said it looked like he had a "boner"...LMAO i was laughing so hard i had to run out of the office and go upstairs to a conference room to call him and laugh it all out...Its been one of thos kind of days..Feels like i am high on laughing gas.

Oh...i did get a lot of work done on the weekend though...I had a lot of good ideas and actually created a model for what the future site will look like. The model helped me catch a lot of problems it just helps to see visually.....

By the way..What instigated the posts about young men, old flames...? Harry Potter is fuckable? LMAO that cracked me up when i read that...I think thats even too young for my age range...I likem 18 at the minimum lol

http://www.whatalooker.com/user_area/profile-803.html
This is my site promo girl, my little piece of suga...I have been talking to her on the phone, getting to know her...I wanna protect her

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

10:32AM - I like this medthod, i think its slick

http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/sportsnation/listranker?id=277 but I can take it even a step further

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

5:29PM - i welcome all suggestions for the whatalooker2 concept

Added Features:

 Contest can be changed to Daily, Bi-Weekly, Weekly, Monthly easily.
 This affects males and females of the day as well as prize resets, votes info reset.
 Winners history would also be directly affected. Must be done so there is daily, weekly, or monthly history to reflect current contest.
 Contest for new registered users must have deadlines. Ie. Monthly contest latest entry is 20th of month. After that, it’s in the next month contest. Daily must be submitted the previous day to be a part of todays contest. Weekly must be submitted by Sunday deadline to be a part of next week contest. Deadlines should be flexible so that I can change my mind about days easily.
 Total contestants = users. Users pay 1 contest point for unlimited pictures in that contest rather than 1 dollar for each picture. Users do not have to enable contest to be in search. They should always be in search but grand prize is counted only for paid contestants. There must be something to denote a paid contestant in search from unpaid.
 Users who are not in contest but ahead of paid contestant in points and are not new should receive a mail I can write/control easily from admin CMS, the day before contest is over telling them to enter their money because they are ahead of 1st place paid contestant and have a good chance of winning.
 Voting pages change in design to drop and drag strategy. Pictures supplemented and verbal instructions may be necessary.
a. drag numbers to pics / pics to numbers
b. click details to open user profile without leaving page. A small window not hiding screen.
c. Free flirts can be sent by dragging and dropping. Concept of icon for this must be created
d. Concept for vacant pics in “Number Line” ie. 9 (90-100) must be created.
e. Auto rotation from right to left after each vote is made. Voted pic gets hidden to the left while new right pic appears until all are voted by each contestant. It is not mandatory though and picture rotation can be done manually by dragging or clicking to choose who you want to vote for. If going back and seeing voted people, there should be something to denote they have been voted for, in other words vote disablement. However they still can flirt and open profile. Once flirted for, flirt will also be disabled from that user/ip.
f. Before entering this big voting area, there should be a convenient way to introduce some encrypted numbers to copy before one may begin.
 Custom searches will have all options as current, but search results will be shown as above, except filtered custom criteria.
 User Area: User area should mimic very much what anonymous area shows without having too many extra pages. Information should be maximal and efficient throughout, while having features that already exist in user area.
a. There are too many screens: months entered, pictures in each contest (including primary photo)
available contest points/message points
b. Pay area should not navigate away from contact page. Can use same idea as user profile, of opening new smaller page to make payments. All pay options should be available as now, except more compact and efficient information source. The process of paying should be as minimal as possible (few screens and almost no navigation to go through) Once payment is made, automatically closes payment page to be back on user account area with updated information reflected.
 CMS: all fields sortable by clicking headers, even allow me to run my own sql query from there and see information displayed how I sent the command to do it.
 All email actions that currently go out should be captured in CMS. Allow me to change messages from there if I need to. Also allow me to send team@whatalooker.com email from there to everyone in my database, or anyone in particular. Allow me to see current schedule setup for all automatic messages and customize schedule of messages sent at my command.
 Pic Review Area: Will be adding a voting grid to this page also, but since only admin will use this screen, it does not capture ip. It will allow all users to have a starting vote so that no one ever has a null score. Message area about yourself will be added to users profiles but will be reviewed here all in one step with picture. If people edit their information about themselves, needs to pass through the pic review process again for approval, or whatever is the best choice we will think of…

 Design: Design must fit the new drag and drop features. It must be low resource intensive, but still very slick. All pages should be tightened up where needed, including any flash. It should reflect a very fashionable kind of look, showing instructions for all features so that all features are undestood. Ie. Mouseover tips, or whatever is very trendy now.

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Friday, April 8, 2005

1:47PM - This is funny

This chick on my site is so skeptical it's funny...

Check it out....
"

Hi,

Just signed up... Glamazon here...

Just want to make sure I'm not gonna be charged!

Right?

Diana Meier"



My staff:
"Correct, we are in a free promotion state and your
picture has just been reviewed and approved. An email
should have gone out explaining the next steps.

Sincerely,
Whatalooker Staff Member"

reply:
"Was gonna sign up but it says are you willing to pay... no I'm not..
you should change the wording of it...

Diana"

"We have given everyone who signs up, free "pay"
points. ie. if you did not have enough points to pay
for a membership, after pressing the button, it would
lead you to a screen letting you pay with pay pal. In
other words, it is as if you have already paid. We
plan to turn the "free" payment points off after
getting 1000 contestants. We apologize for the
misunderstanding of the wording currently, as the
demand for the contest is high and our first 1000 contestant
goal will be reached in the near future

Sincereley,
Whatalooker Staff Member"



If you don't want to enter the stupid fucking contest Diana, then fuck off ! lmao
I'm not going to scam you after being so clear with my wording....Besides that, i don't really want this woman on the site, the old bag looks like sun dried pitted prunes...Is anyone constipated? Have a looks see.
lol

Oh brother, this dumb ass site is making money for me, but the shit i have to go through to get it rolling is fucking ri-dick-ulous.


Someone buy me out already so i can make my forieign payment system huge...

Then i can be rich and quit my job here at earthlink (or as i call it, "shit-link")

sorry all, it's that kinda day

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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

1:12PM

Sorry you are having such a bad day!

I just came back from the lunch gym thing...I saw these two girls there working out... they were twins. They were so adorable that i wanted to strike up a conversation and I could feel them glance at me while i was working out on another machine, but when i gave myself an excuse to go closer, like pick up my workout bag near where they were, they'd look away as soon as i came by. Uphh.......MMM they were delectable..I'd be like, which one of you is single, i don't care, ill take either one

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Friday, April 1, 2005

8:56AM

She doesn't even know what it is she wants to accomplish in her own life. She always mentions she likes how I treat my family, how i am to my brother. She called yesterday and apologized for bringing the subject up and i confessed it alienates me from her and annoys me when she does that, but that there was nothing to be really sorry for. I don't feel like she actually did anything bad. She simply hits these buttons once in a while i dont want hit.

When i was engaged a while back to Diana, the girl who I wrecked my relationship with Melissa over, once i felt the feeling of being engaged, I did not want it. I did not want her, for the rest of my life. It is normal with guys in the same situation, but to me, it was a commitment to someone I know i wouldnt be in love with for a long time. Whether that can be considered love at all is arguable altogether. Maybe I loved her when I didn't quite know her thoughts, perspectives, habits. And i had the "feeling" of love, but it was the feeling prompted by who i thought she was. It is possible to trick yourself into the actual feeling of being in love, i realize it now. A human being is capable of tricking himself/herself into any human emotion, if they can get themself to believe it, even temporarily.

As soon as I realized that's what i did, i wormed my way out. Now I have knowledge about what i'm actually capable of doing in order to achieve an "effect". This makes me more skeptical of my emotions, actions...When i have them, I try my best to not react suddenly. As i mentioned before, writing helps service the need to express impulsiveness. I take a day or two, maybe even a week and if i still feel the same way through a time span of highs and lows, then it may in fact be a real feeling. The good thing is i realize my highs and lows. Impulsive actions are directly instigated by feeling high on things and recognizing that is a power. It not only helps you understand yourself, but it helps you know what other people are feeling , being more forgiving, understanding, humane in the same process. It keeps you from over reacting.

Sometimes when connie gets like this, i tell her its ok. I stay emotionally the same because I know what she will say in 10 minutes, or tomorrow. She then stews in her emotions and calms down, balancing her emotions. Sometimes she's angry i have the ability to do that because she wants a reaction out of me, but am i suppose to give her one, knowing that she is stewing and once the lid gets lifted off the pot, she will air out and be pleasant to talk to again? Why would I? lol Wisdom is so key, why pretend not to have it? There are plenty of things where wisdom is underdeveloped for me, and I would much rather concentrate on developing it for those things...

"but what happens when she notices that that's all there is, her reward for all that effort, of constantly being 'on'. She expected more but now isn't really sure what specifically"...........
"She no longer smiles in that way that lights him up"..............
"it puts a price on which you didn't know you would be expected to pay. Of course you want to put some distance there, to move away."............
"you only feel it's right to move away and put things back in perspective and not lead her on."

- that's brilliant

That may in fact be what i'm doing....

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8:55AM - Friend......

"Hey friend. :)
I was thinking about your post, and without knowing Connie or her side of it, but trusting that you're fair in your descriptions (even with the emotional ones, it seems you offer enough details that I think you don't have any trouble imagining the other side of it), I'm wondering if the trouble is that it seems as if Connie's want isn't neccessarily for YOU, for everything you offer after, for your ongoing goals. It seems like it's a need of hers, some lack she feels which she's built you up to be the solution too. You're a challenge she must prove herself against. And that's a burden you know you can't carry, because the issue really starting from inside of her, can't be solved from something or someone outside. Maybe she just doesn't see this yet.
Girls make me impatient with this. They build their lives around finding and catching their man, but I don't think they put much thought into what happens after. The catching is the event, a goal to be reached, but what about after? The day by day, hour by hour? If that was their only goal (and lets be honest, many of them act like it is), then when they've reached it, what then? Is this man supposed to be their fulfillment? Their source of satisfaction and identity? These girls will be everything their men could possibly want, while the infatuation is still there. Sex whenever he wants, cuddles whenever he wants, afternoons with the boys without a peep, but what happens when she notices that that's all there is, her reward for all that effort, of constantly being 'on'. She expected more but now isn't really sure what specifically..that's when it all starts going downhill, I believe. They didn't really catch their men for the man he is, he was really just a validation of who she wanted to see herself as. A validation of her sexuality, her attractiveness, her personality. When familiarity takes away the challenge, there also goes the interest in the poor fool who may wonder what happened to the woman he married. The woman who adored him so much, thought he was the funniest person alive, the greatest lover in the world, king of her world. She no longer smiles in that way that lights him up and makes him feel like the manliest man in the room.
If she believes she's wasting her life on a friendship just because it may not turn in the direction she wants it to turn to, then it's only her fault for allowing her life to waste. But don't suffocate you with her needs and say things like that because that cheapens the moments you do enjoy in each other's company, it puts a price on which you didn't know you would be expected to pay. Of course you want to put some distance there, to move away. If she can so misconstrue your intentions and tell herself that spending time together means that inevitably you will end up together, you only feel it's right to move away and put things back in perspective and not lead her on.
But that's just my thinking, I could be overanylizing. Night!"

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Thursday, March 31, 2005

11:44AM

ok connie's been giving me the love talk again. As though the best time in her life (being young) is being wasted spending time with me because i will never turn our friendship into a long term relationship.. And then she apologizes for putting pressure on me and says she is a bitch to do that.

No, shes a very good girl and not a bitch, but whenever this starts, it alienates me and I don't feel like talking to her. And its very repetetive, she calls on thursdays to see if i will be available on the weekend to hang out. But whenever she starts these talks, the same thing always happens to me. I shut down on her, see the number with caller id and i don't pick up. I ignore her until im ready to talk. Also, during these moments where i am alienated, I am not at all attracted to her.

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Monday, March 28, 2005

4:43PM

There was no easy way to tell Mike that our friendship is over. I cant believe he called me today, especially after our last phone conversation - He said, hey, you dont call me, i dont call you...

I figured he would take it as a hint when i didnt call. That was at least 6 months ago.

I dont feel bad really. I feel like i told him the truth. Email was easier to do that. Sometimes you can say what you want to say in your heart by writing it...It has a permanent effect. I wouldnt say idotic shit in an email, or tell him what I would say on the phone if we were backlashing at eachother. I usually save my emails where i feel it's a milestone. I delete the rest. And I wouldnt want to look at what i wrote 5 years from now with greater wisdom in my eyes (which happens with most people), and think, what an idiot i was. I wrote the most ridiculous childish thing.

Instead I wrote something that if i ever see again, i wont be embarrassed of. It was the truth. I exaggerated when i said 'i was largely at fault'. I said it just to be remembered well. It's important for me to be remembered well. The reason being, that he can not look back and really hate me now. Instead he can either respect me for apologizing for his benefit , (I have nothing to apologize for :)) , or grow up himself, and think about his actions.

I learned this when I was with a former girlfriend Lana. After we broke up, I could have easily hated her. But I didn't, and i defended her to friends who bashed her. She was very mature, maybe the most mature girl i ever dated. She was too mature for me at the time, and i was probably 22, while she was 18.

I hate mature women, they always get the best of me! lol

MMM and i love childish women because they are so cute and its fun to know whats going to happen, rather then them dictating. lol I got on a tangent.

I'm going home...work went by fast today.

did i mention i had my first $1000 dollar client in my exchange system. if i get like 250 of those a month, which is realistic with paying people for projects oversees, ill be raking in more than 15 grand a month.
"Im out makin sweet mula with uncle rico", "your mom goes to college"

click on Kip. He is my favorite character of the moment, "peace out". Nobody makes me laugh harder
http://www.collegehumor.com/news/2005-01-20.napoleon.php

Oh and I never saw unbreakable until recently! Ok underrated, future classic and i now declare it as the best superhero/comic movie of all time! Strong statement I know...But I loved its realism, lack of "bang, pow, zoom" ...What a great movie, ive seen it twice and will watch it again...unbelievable soundtrack too!

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4:27PM - to michael...

Sent: Monday, March 28, 2005 3:54 PM
To: 'Michael G'
Subject: hey

Listen man, I'm sorry that I never call you and that you always had to call me. Really, I never thought you would. Things are just different now, I watch my back a lot. I barely have a friend I can trust because of the nature of things...I mean first Ahron, and then our thing in Vegas put things in perspective for me. I know I was largely at fault and I'm sorry for everything I said that in any way offend/hurt you. I was immature and regret a lot of things. But because of that situation, I feel extremely jaded and I really don’t have true friends in my eyes that would be there for me through thick and thin, as I would be for them if they needed me. And I was always prepared to do that for you, in case you didn't feel that was the case.


But as of now, I truly don't hold any grudges toward you and hopefully you don't toward me...At the same time, our friendship has faded in my eyes.

Anyway, I will keep it short. I apologize upfront about not returning your call, it's tough to say in person because we were friends for a very long time. At the same time, I am a man about things and would not just ignore you or disappear for life.

I really wish success but most of all health and happiness for you, because not to sound cliché, but that's what matters in life...

Peace.
Jake

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

1:20PM - im a little tired

i just came back from the gym and a little winded. Im getting to be in great shape though..its showing.

Im starting to think i am not the marrying kind. Do I really have to? Will there be no substance in my life if i decide not to? I don't think i'll ever be in love again. I hope to be wrong though. Because if i do fall in love someday, it will mean that the woman was someone who was way better than any of my expectations, and felt right to me, despite all the experiences i've had. I mean the more you have, the more you really understand what it is you don't want. And I really understand what i don't want.

Today at the gym, while i did the 20 tedious minutes of incline walking at the steepest level that fucking treadmill allows, the time went by quickly. I was thinking about my brother. How he played so well in his last game, he had 10 points, 8 boards, and 3 blocks. I have a photgraphic memory when it comes to basketball, the style of a player, and obviously for my brother i have a statsheet embedded in memory. He's getting much better...He was actually the MVP in that game, and i knew he could be. And so when i build my gym, he'll be good enough to play me and give me competition. After all, he is learning from the best lol. And also thoughts keep crossing my mind that i can invite some kids to play in my gym who don't have as many opportunities and really have love for the game, like i always did. But then i had other thoughts, like, what if i trusted them to play there, and they stole from me, or did wrotten things...Then i'd have this bad taste in my mouth. I'd also probably have to have to probably make them sign some consent form so if any injuries occured, it would be out of my hands...Maybe i'd make them take a psychological test profile, and if they passed it, they can play. And if they didn't, tough luck. I could hire some master sport psycholgist with great credentials to write it up for me...Like the kind NBA scouts have when they are scouting potential talent in the draft. Ha! wouldn't that be funny... I bet it would be so great though..And i can watch these youngsters play the way the game should be played...Nothing but for the love...They come in rain, they come in darkness, they come after they do their schoolwork - just thought id add that in.

one day..one day...

it's good to have dreams

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Monday, March 21, 2005

2:32PM - Progressssss

Hi, so i got the visio flowcharts done and sent to lawyer. Now he should have everything he requires to finish the job. I am sort of suspicious about him though. He was very inquisitive of my site. I kept it on the downlow. Attorneys smell blood, or money...You choose.

Had a doctors appointment and opted for 1 more surgery to fill in my bad cartilage. Just have to do it, no other choice. The one that healed in is only scar cartilage and will not hold up to the wear and tear of basketball. One more...I hope

Also, we are trying to get the wire to go directly to WM, skipping ukrainian bank fees of 1%+$5. Rip off artists....If we can somehow get that done, we'll really be rich soon. Am I ready for everything I set myself up for? I have knots in my stomach, jitters of excitement...A little overwhelmed its happening, a little skeptical that it wont really happen, but the plan seems so good...One way or another it has to work.

Lastly, after rough estimates, even in my promo state of whatalooker, I generated 27% of total users in actual cash dollars per month. We have 402...so ive made 27% of that in dollars just this month...and that's just in people contacting eachother.
Further estimations when i start charging for contestant pictures, will bring that percentage up. But minimally, I say even if I eventually start making 25% in dollars, of 10,000 contestants per month just for contacts, that's an extra 2500 per month for sitting on my ass and collecting royalties.

Connie described me as such a "freaking genius"...I feel that is going way too far. I so loved the compliment though. I mean, compliments about intelligence are worth more than anything to me. Its such a sign of utmost admiration and respect. You can call me ugly a million times and I will gladly accept it in exchange for 1 "you're a genius". Ok, its all about business, which I'm told is like war? Don't flinch, don't get too happy jake, don't feel like you've done anything yet....Just keep going....

to say what i'm feeling best, is already done by the best rapper alive.

Jay-Z Dirt Off Your Shoulder lyrics
-----
Now tuned in to the muthafuckin' greatest
Turn the music up in the headphones
Tim you can go on, brush your shoulders off nigga, I got you
If you feeling like a pimp nigga, go on, brush your shoulders off
Ladies is pimps too, go on, brush your shoulders off
Niggas is crazy baby, don't forget that boy told you, get that dirt off your shoulders
I probably owe it to y'all
probably be locked by the force
Tryin to hustle some things
that go with the porsch
Feeling no remorse
feeling like my hand was forced
middle finger to the Law
nigga, gripping my balls
seven ladies they love me,
from the bleachers they screaming
all the ballers is bouncing
they like the way I be leanin'
all the rappers be hatin'
off the track that I'm makin'
but all the hustlers, they love it
just to see one of us make it
came from the bottom of bottom
to the top of the pops
nigga run through Japan
and I'm straight up the block
like a running back, get it man
I'm straight off the block
I could run it back nigga cuz I'm straight with the ROC
(Chorus)
If you feeling like a pimp nigga, go on, brush your shoulders off
Ladies is pimps too, go on, brush your shoulders off
Niggas is crazy baby, don't forget that boy told you, get that dirt off your shoulders
(4x) You gotta get that dirt off your shoulders (4x)
Ya homie holdin' position
in the kitchen with soda
i just whipped up a watch
tryin to get me a rover
tryin to stretch out the coka
like a wrestler, yes sir
keep the heckler close
you know them smokers'll test ya
but like, 52 cards went out
im through dealing now
52 bars come out
now you feel 'em now
52 cars roll out
remove ceiling in case
52 broads come out
now you chillin with a boss bitch
of course, SC on the sleeve
at the forty-forty club
ESPN on the screen
I paid a grip for the jeans
plus the slippers is clean
no chrome on the wheels
I'm a grown up for real G
(Chorus)
Boy, back in the building
Brooklyn we back on the map
me and my beautiful bitch
in the back of that back
i'm the realist to run it
I just happen to rap
I ain't gotta clap at 'em
Niggas scared of that black
i drop that black album
then i back out it
that's the best rapper alive
nigga, ask about me
from bricks to billboards
from grams to grammys
to O's to opposite off of any
you gotta pardon Jay
for selling out the garden in the day
I'm like a young Marvin in this
hey, I'm a hustler homie
you a customer cronie
got some dirt on my shoulder
could you brush it off for me?
(Chorus)
Now tuned into the muthafuckin' greatest
Best rapper alive (2x)

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Thursday, March 17, 2005

2:43PM - Things are still very high

My doors of opportunity are swiftly opening, people are looking at me in a new way, respecting me? Am i emitting a confidence to deserve it? Nothing has happened yet, but isnt it incredible?

My mother calls me her millionare-cheek, its kind of a pet way/love dovey way of saying a word.

In russian, its possible to give all names a little add on at the end to show warmth or affection.

Like you would be gigi-chka (gigi) or something like that...isnt that funny? or lets say you have the word,
daughter, which means dochka...If i were to say it in a sweet affectionate way, i would say dochinka.

Older people tend to use these sweetening terms to younger people to make the younger feel a connection or a bond...Sometimes even if they dont know you.

I think it really works. However there are some who can find it offensive. They take it the wrong way if they have mental problems (im thinking of a very particular person, sorry lol). For instance, you can say dochinka to your daughter's friend lets say...And the daughter's friend may say, HEY I ALREADY HAVE A MOTHER! (that really happened) kind of mental! But it depends on your upbringing. If you come from a very huggy kissy traditional family, perhaps a southern-european or mediterranean upbringing, its perfectly acceptable and taken as a compliment. Countries that obviously pop to mind are latin origin countries, italy - spain - south american - mexican... You get my point.

Western Europeans may find it very archaic and primitive, even though it's not. But because of the freedom in culture, in sexuality, in independence, other commonalities trickle.

Personally, its even affected the way I look at things. For instance, once i went out with a girl who liked me, but wasnt used to any affection aside from sexual...No holding hands, nothing. She found it customary to kiss in private, or to have sex, but felt odd about kisses on the cheek, holding hands in public...

I felt like a stranger and even though i liked her too, i couldnt handle that..I understood that it was culture clash more than anything. Perhaps she wasnt innertly "cold", but that's the only thing she knew.

I tend to express myself physically as well as verbally. Sometimes i dont even want to talk. "Just want to shut the fuck up and enjoy comfortable silence" - tarantino to add..maybe hold eachother, baby eachother, spank her....ok the last one is just me , disgratziadooooo ;-)

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