From now on, all of my journal entries will be found here.
Something about a golf tournament. And some bowling. I don't really know. But the part that stuck out was walking on the beach. With Deborah. It's dark out and we talk about random little nothings. Then suddenly she tackles me. Just something we'd goof off with, and she starts to grin. I can't help but smile back, but suddenly she is pulled away from me. A man, who I cannot quite make out, though I'm sure is old, pulls a knife to her throat. He uses his free hand to draw a pistol. I stand up, but he shoots me and I fall backwards. I live long enough to watch him cut her throat and then walk away as she collapses in the sand. Everyone blames me. She tells me that she can't believe I let that happen to her. She says, "In fact, you did this to me. I hate you."
I woke up and stared at the clock. Five minutes before my alarm goes off. I don't know what it meant, if it meant anything. But I don't like it.
Apparently I'm hawt like Sarah Michelle Gellar. But I'm not all that popular.
Idol
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Things have kind of been blah. I'm totally failing physics. "Phun" class my ass. In fact, PHUCK PHYSICS. I hate it. I can't graduate without taking it or physical science (100 times easier), so if I do fail, I'm takin' that next year so I don't have to worry about the whole mess. Good news, though: I saw Tonya the other day. O-M-G. I mean.... /drool
"The Sleeper (Julian Baynes):
Shine--lake of fire!
Lines take me higher.
My mind drips desire,
confined and overtired.
Living this charade
is getting me nowhere.
I can't shake this charade.
The city's cold blood calls me home....
Home.... It's what I long for.
Back home... where I belong.
The city... it calls to me.
Decadent scenes from my memory....
Sorrow--eternity.
My demons are coming to drown me!
Help--I'm faling, I'm crawling!
I can't keep away from its clutch!
Can't have it, this habit!
It's calling me back to my home.
The Miracle (Senator Edward Baynes):
I remember the first time she came to me.
She poured out her soul all night and cried.
I remember I was told there's a new love that's born
for each one that has died.
I never thought that I
could carry on with this lie!
But I can't resist myself,
no matter how hard I try!
Living their other life
is getting them nowhere!
I'll make her my wife!
Her sweet temptation calls me home....
Home.... It's what I long for.
My home... where she belongs!
Her ecstasy means so much to me!
Even deceiving my own blood!
Victoria watches and thoughtfully smiles!
She's taking me to my home!
Help--he's my brother, but I love her!
I can't keep awat from her touch!
Deception, dishonor....
It's calling me back to my home.
Nicholas:
Her story--it holds the key.
Unlocking dreams from my memory.
Solving this mystery
is everything that is a part of me.
Help--regression, obsession!
I can't keep away from its clutch!
Leave no doubt, to find out....
It's calling me back to my home!"
I am sooo bored right now! I have homework to do, but I don't want to. And I don't want to play games, either. I need something to do.... Something....
"Go now, if you want it!
The Otherworld awaits you!
Don't you give up on it!
You bite the hand that feeds you!
All alone, cold fields you wander,
memories of it cloud your sight!
...fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber.
Lost your way, a fallen knight.
Hold now; aim is steady!
An Otherworld awaits you!
One thousand years, you ready?!
The Otherworld it takes you!
Go, go into the sand and the dust and the sky!
Go now, there's no better plan than to do or to die!
Free me, pray to the Fayth in the face of the light!
Feed me, fill me with Sin, now get ready to fight!
You know, you will....
You know, you will....
You know, you know, you know, you know that you will....
You know, you know, you know, you know that you will....
You know you will...
...fight, fight, fight!
Fight, fight, fight!
Fight, fight, fight!
Fight, fight, fight!
Hope dies and you wander,
the Otherworld it makes you!
Dreams, they rip asunder!
The Otherworld, it hates you!
Free now, ride up on it,
up to the heights it takes you!
Go now, if you want it
an Otherworld awaits you!"
I survived.
Glorious massacre.
...stared death in the face.
Shared human flesh
with Satan's brother.
Relived the horror, evil and jinx.
Ooh la la!
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?
Ready to be... scared.
Sexy.
Hungry.
A murder suspect?
Ooh la la!
Voodoo!
Love goddess
remains wary,
using scare tactics to sabotage me.
Fantasize about being free,
bounce back on the beam.
Sexy.
We are hungry.
Loosen up and get dirty!
And then I felt myself falling insane!
Ooh la la!
And then I felt myself falling insane!
Ooh la la!
Felt myself falling insane!
Felt myself falling insane!
Ooh la la!
What a week!
Sunday, went to church. Met up with Andy. Glad he was in town. We had to do something. We wound up going out to lunch with Brooks and the other Andy plus a girl named Amy. Had a good time, 'cept the guys gave Brooks and Amy beef when they ordered chicken.... Went to Barnes & Noble and then Best Buy, in hopes of finding Lucia Cifarelli's From the Land of Volcanoes. Failed miserably. I WANT THAT CD! IF YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET A COPY, TELL M!!!!!! Andy bought a Cradle of Filth CD. Went to the mall and saw some decent stuff. Didn't buy anything, though, heheh. Went to Media Play and I (finally) picked up KMFDM's Beat by Beat by Beat DVD. It has all the music videos (except Attak/Reload--it was released prior to that) and some life footage. Good stuff. Then we went up to Atlanta and shot some photos. If we had more time and/or money, we definitely would have stopped at Five Points.
Monday, went to my father's house in Sarasota. Got there pretty late, so I just played Final Fantasy X-2 all night.
Tuesday, woke up rather late, but that's okay 'cause my father had to work. Played more FFX-2 after I ate breakfast/lunch/whatever you want to call it. Beat it, but didn't get everything, so I started over. Went over to my father's girlfriend's place. Met her sons, sister, and nephew. Her nephew was cool, though we didn't talk much. The younger of her sons was a bit annoying, but bearable (i.e. I didn't lash out and kill him). The elder of her sons was pretty cool. He's my age and plays the bass guitar. He plays jazz, but we're pretty much on the same level musically. Great guy. Then I went over to my father's roommate's parent's house and met him and his parents and his girlfriend. Some more alright folk. Stopped at Blockbuster. Went home, watched Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Played more FFX-2.
Wednesday, woke up late again. Ate, then played some FFX-2. Went out with my father and some of his friends. Ate dinner and played billiards. Some of those girls down there are... well... *drools*.... But they're obviously out of the age range since they were drinkin'. Oh, and I got to play deisgnated driver. Yay. Talked with Debbie. Didn't say much, but it made me feel a bit better. Not that I felt bad. Well, not more than usual. Went home pretty late and watched In Hell. Crazy movie. But good. Has Jean-Claude Van Damme. After my father went to bed, I played some FFX-2.
Thursday! Thanksgiving! Yay! Went back to my father's girlfriend's for dinner. I ate some soup, which assuaged my hunger, before the turkey was served. I downed some wine with it. Oops. I didn't even think that--despite my stomach not feeling empty--the soup wouldn't have enough substance to it to keep my stomach from hurting. That was the weirdest pain I've ever felt. I ate and started feeling a bit better. I'll never forget not to have an empty stomach before I drink, heheh. I finally saw Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. *ducks* Good movie. Duh. Went back to the house and then played some FFX-2
Friday--today--I woke up and my father and I went out to breakfast. I had to be at the airport at around one o'clock. Got there and security was nuts. There had been two delayed flights, so that screwed things up. Got through and sat down for a bit. Guys never called my name for standby, so I had to wait until everyone boarded. Went up to the counter only to hear the guy telling the lady (the only other person not yet on board) that all of the seats were empty and she's the only one who couldn't get on. I was like, "wait a second. That means I'm on. But he never called me." And then she gets all wide-eyed and starts to panic--she had to get to Atlanta to catch a flight to Germany. Had I gotten up to the counter earlier, I wouldn't have heard this and I would've gotten on the plane and been home by like three thirty. The next flight left at seven o'clock--about five and a half hours later. I let her have my seat. I think it's good that I did. A nice gesture. But I don't feel good about it. I mean, sitting there, I actually regretted it. The fact that I had thought about if I hadn't waited and then got on bothered me. Since I had regrets, I felt that my sacrifice wasn't really all that sincere, which really bummed me out. I called Debbie, but she seemed quite preoccupied. I love her to death, but I kind of don't like talking to her on the phone since usually there's a million things she's trying to do at once. I cut our "conversation" short and called Josh. Didn't really accomplish anything enlightening, but we talked more than we had in a long time. It felt good. When the time finally came, I boared and left. But to my surprise, my friend Hanif, who goes to my school, was there in Sarasota. I was like, "What the heck are you doing here?" Turns out, he was visiting his father, too. And he just so happens to live in the same town of Port Charlotte as my father. Creepy, huh? Okay, I'm starved and going to go eat. And then I think I'll play some FFX-2.
She's dead.
Dead as dead can be from what the doctor tells me....
But I just can`t believe him--I prefer the optimistic one....
I`m sure of your... your ability to become my perfect enemy....
Wake up to face me....
Rise up and show me....
Someday I'll say you're vacant and maybe you're better off this way....
Leaning over you, dear, cold and catatonic.
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been.
It's your right and your ability
...my perfect enemy!
Wake up! Why can't you face me?
Rise up and show me!
Someday I'll say you're vacant
and maybe you're better off this way!
Maybe you're better off this way!
People better off this way....
You're better off this way....
You're better off this....
You're better off this....
Maybe you're better off!
Wake up, again to face me,
come on and rise up!
I tell you, 'show me!'
Some day, oh, I'll say you`re vacant
and maybe you`re better off this way!
Go ahead and play dead!
I know that you can hear this!
Go ahead and play dead!
I know that you can hear me!
Why can`t you turn and face me?
I know that you can hear me!
Why can't you turn to face me?!
You fucking disappoint me!
For pictures of KMFDM's WWIII concert at Heaven in the Masquerade, click HERE! I also have some pictures of my friend Kate with individual members of the band, but I'll not share those since she didn't give me permission.
I. Reflection
Cunning, baffling, powerful!
Been beaten to a pulp.
Vigorous, irresistable!
Sick and tired and laid low.
Dominating, invisible!
Black-out, loss of control....
Overwhelming, unquenchable....
I'm powerless, have to let go!
I can't escape it!
It leaves me frail and worn.
Can no longer take it!
Senses tattered and torn.
Hopeless surrender!
Obsession's got me beat.
Losing the will to live.
Admitting complete defeat!
Fatal descent... spinning around.
I've gone too far to turn back round.
Desperate attempt to stop the progression.
At any length, lift this obsession
Crawling to my Glass Prison,
a place where no one knows,
my secret lonely world begins.
So much safer here,
a place where I can go
to forget about my daily Sins.
Life here in my Glass Prison,
a place I once called home....
Fall in nocturnal bliss again.
Chasing a long lost friend
I no longer can control.
Just waiting for this hopelessness to end....
II. Restoration
Run – fast from the wreckage of the past,
a shattered Glass Prison wall behind me.
Fight – past walking through the ashes,
a distant oasis before me.
Cry – desperate, crawling on my knees,
begging God to please stop the insanity!
Help me – I'm trying to believe!
Stop wallowing in my own self pity....
"We've been waiting for you my friend.
The writing's been on the wall.
All it takes is a little faith.
You know you're the same as us all."
Help me – I can't break out this prison all alon.
Save me – I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own.
Heal me – I can't restore my sanity alone.
Enter the door--desperate!
Fighting no more--help me restore!
To my sanity--at this temple of hope!
I need to learn--teach me how!
Sorrow to burn--help me return
to humanity--I'll be fearless and thorough
to enter this temple of hope!
Believe--transcend the pain!
Living the life--humility
opened my eyes--this new odyssey
of rigorous honesty--serenity
that I never knew--soundness of mind
helped me to find--courage to change
all the things that I can.
"We'll help you perform this miracle,
but you must set your past free!
You dug the hole, but you can't bury your soul!
Open your mind and you will see!"
Help me – I can't break out this prison all alone!
Save me – I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own!
Heal me – I can't restore my sanity alone.
III. Revelation
Way off in the distance I saw a door I tried to open.
I tried forcing with all of my will but still, the door wouldn't open.
Unable to trust in my faith, I turned and walked away.
I looked around, felt a chill in the air,
took my will and turned it over.
The Glass Prison which once held me is now gone,
a long lost fortress armed only with liberty
and the key of my willingness.
Fell down on my knees and prayed,
"Thy will be done..."
I turned around, saw a light shining through.
The door was wide open.
IV. Reflections of Reality Revisited
Hello, mirror. So glad to see you my friend, it's been a while.
Searching, fearless.... Where do I begin to heal this wound of self-denial?
Face yourself man!
Brace yourself and trace your Hell back!
You've been blinded, living life a one-way cold existence all the while.
Now it's time to stare the problem right between the eyes, you long lost child.
I want to feel your body breaking!
I want to feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold!
I want to heal your consience making a change to fix this dying soul, this dying soul!
Born into this world, a broken home.
Surrounded by love yet all alone.
Forced into a life that's split in two.
A moter and a father both pulling you.
Then you had to deal with loss and death.
Everybody thinking they know best.
Coping with this shit at such an age
can only fill a kid with pain and rage.
Family disease pumped through your blood.
Never had the chance you thought you could.
Running all the while with no escape,
turning all that pain into blame and hate.
Living on your own by twenty one.
Not a single care and having fun.
Consuming all the life in front of you.
Burning out the fuse and smoking the residue.
Posessive obsessions, childish games....
Vengeful resentments....
Passing all the blame.
Living out a life of decadence.
Acting without thought of consequence.
Spreading all your lies from coast to coast.
While spitting on the ones that matter most.
Running power mad with no control.
Fighting for the credit they once stole.
No one can ever tell you what to do.
Ruling other's lives while they can't stand the thought of you.
A living reflection seen from miles away.
A hopeles affliction having run astray.
I want to feel your body breaking.
I want to feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold.
I want to heal your consience making a change to fix this dying soul.
Now that you can see all you have done,
it's time to take that step into the Kingdom.
All your sins will only make you strong
and help you break right through the prison wall.
V. Release
Come to me, my friend--listen to me.
I'll help this torture end--help to set me free.
Let your ego go--I can't carry this load!
You can't go through this alone--I feel so hopeless and exposed.
You'll find your peace of mine--give me some direction!
You can no longer hide--break out of this isolation!
Let humility--openess, honesty
and become what you can be--a healing tranquility.
Help me.
Save me.
Heal me.
I can't break out of this prison all alone.
These tormenting ghosts of yesterday will vanish when exposed!
You can't hold onto your secrets!
They'll only send you back alone!
Your fearless admissions will help expel your destructive obsessions!
With my help I know you can be at one with God and man!
Hear me!
Believe me!
Take me!
I'm ready to break right through this prison wall.
...my cousin's been having some problems lately. She was about six months pregnant (perfectly alright--she's married and this is not her first child), but also has some medical complications. Well, the baby had been trying to come early and this wasn't good for the baby nor my cousin. She had been given some kind of drug that would delay the baby's birth, that way it would be healthy enough, but it harmed my cousin. She had been in stable condition, but as of about an hour ago, the baby was born. The baby's not ready for this world, but it's too late now. Things would be.... I don't even want to think about it. Just, please.... say a prayer for her. That's all I can ask of anyone. Please....
It's Friday, but we all know what I'm doing tonight. Yup, the usual--working. However, I don't have to work tomorrow night, and since I worked yesterday, I'll still make my average weekly pay. There's a party tomorrow that I'm supposed to go to, but I don't really want to. Instead, I asked my friend Sara if she wanted to do something. She said "yes," though we've not the slightest idea as to what we're doing, so I guess we'll just have to see. Bought the new Dream Theater album the other day. It's pretty good, though not my favorite. The first track starts off exactly where Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence left off, plus This Dying Soul is a continuation of The Glass Prison, proven by providing parts IV and V. A good song alone, too.
HEY! Right before Thanksgiving I could go see KMFDM and Bile again at the House of Blues in Anaheim with my sister!!!!! They play on the 21st, the Friday before vacation! I can bring my camera! I can get autographs! And I can still get to my dad's house afterward! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Time to call my seester.....
I need two things for the next three weeks: time and money.
Tuesday, November 11th: The Misfits with Agent Orange at 7:00 PM @ the Masquerade, Heaven.
Thursday, November 13th: Deftones at 7:30 PM @ the Tabernacle.
Tuesday, November 18th: Dimu Borgir with the Children of Bodom at 7:00 PM @ the Masquerade, Heaven.
Thursday, November 20th: Pigface with Dope at 8:00 PM @ the Masquerade, Heaven.
Thursday, November 20th: KMFDM with Bile at 8:00 @ the House of Blues, Las Vegas.
Saturday, November 22nd: Genitorturers with Pig Hut at 7:00 PM @ the Masquerade, Heaven.
Saturday, November 29th: Shadows Fall with Killswitch Engage and Lamb of God at 8:00 PM @ the Masquerade, Heaven.
Friday, December 5th: Anti-Flag @ the Masquerade, Heaven.
God? Why must I have work and school and no money while all of these great bands decide to play? Missing A Perfect Circle was bad enough, but gosh.... most of these shows on school nights and the rest when I have to work? Oh well. I got to see KMFDM at least. But I really wish I at least brought a camera, even if I couldn't get to meet the band....
By the way, after the show, any music that's not KMFDM has just seemed.... Well, it's not doing anything for me. So I'll probably have lots of posts with KMFDM music, heheh.
I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news: THAT SHOW WAS FUCKING AWESOME! Bile was amazing, but let's talk about KMFDM! The show recorded was the one going to be used in the WWIII DVD. They brought the camera outside and talked with me and my friends Kate and Aaron, so I'm sure we'll be on there. They played WWIII, From Here on Out, Blackball, Ultra, Stars & Striped, Bullets, Bombs & Bigotry, Moron, Revenge, Attak/Reload, Sturm & Drang, Brute, Juke-Joint Jezebel, Godlike, A Drug Against War, Light, D.I.Y, and some others, I can't remember off the top of my head. Watts was fuckin' amazing. Lucia is far more captivating than I could've ever realized. And Sascha? Dear God, I'll never forget this night. I was raging my way through the pit as often as I could. It hurts, but it's a good hurt.
And now the bad news: everyone wanted to go, so I couldn't stick around to meet the band. I wanted Lucia to sign my copy of Drill and for Watts and Sascha to sign my ticket stub, but couldn't. So I figured I'd ask Kate, but she was nowhere to be found. Also, I forgot my camera! How stupid can I be?
KMFDM forward! The ultimate sound.....
I'm going to go pass out, now.
I'm taking off NOW. The show starts in FIVE hours, so we're gonna head up to Little Five Points to hang out until then. We're pretty sure we'll meet the band, and hopefully I'll have a lot of good pictures to show you! Auf wiedersehen!
KMFDM!
Isolation. When you leave it's like I disappear.
Desolation. Everytime you go it feels like seconds slowly turn to minutes.
One person is coming up.
Time, again, it pulls me under....
Wonder if I'll ever rise above.
...it's too much but not enough.
Misery loves company.
...for a little bit of sympathy.
It's here today but it's gone tomorrow.
It's here today and today will never come again.
It's here today.
Desperation. Sinking into somewhere dark and cold.
Deviation. A place I knew I didn't want to go.
To forget is all I know.
Misery loves company.
...for a little bit of sympathy.
It's here today but it's gone tomorrow.
It's here today and today will never come again.
It's here today.
Minutes slowly turn to hours and every momeny passes by.
Seconds of eternity, I...
...wonder if it's time to say goodbye.
It's here today but it's gone tomorrow.
It's here today and today will never come again.
It's here today but it's gone tomorrow.
It's here today and today will never come again.
It's here today.
The KMFDM CD that I had won off of EBay. Still haven't received it. Why? Because it's in Europe. I need to pay for it in £ sterling. No big deal, right? Just get an IMO. So I did. But the only ones available were in U.S. dollars. Okay, so I just convert the £27.8 to U.S. dollars. Done. So now what? I have to send it. Oh, but it will cost me an additional $5 to send it. Well, okay. No big deal. So now what? She receives it but can't use it. It's no good for her. Why? Because it will cost her £10 to cash it. And since I'm the buyer, I'm the one who must cover the expense. That's another $16.70. I mean, I'm okay with covering what I'm supposed to, but she never said a word about it. And I can't find IMOs in £ sterling. The whole thing bugs me. I hate money.
I just might be a transcendentalist. Upon learning about such a philosophy, I’ve wondered thought quite a bit about my life and how I live it. While I have my own beliefs and they are strong, my open-mindedness has given me quite a bit to think about, especially since I began reading a series of novels written by an author by the name of Neil Gaiman. Why do I think I could be a transcendentalist?
I am not judgmental. I may speak my opinion about a person’s acts, but in the end I know that it is not my place to judge. I am not the one who decides right from wrong and I hate being judged myself. So, I do everything in my power to not be judgmental.
I am not materialistic. It is true that I am the owner of many possessions—but I know that I can live without them. I enjoy things such as my computer and guitar and car, but my life does not revolve around them. If I have the ability to own such things, so be it. But life has much more to it, does it not?
I distrust and test rules on a daily basis. I fear the laws of God for, in my belief, they were created for purposes that keep my eternal soul out of danger. But I do not obey them blindly. I discern my own reasoning for their presence and then guide myself along the path they provide. I could care less about the rules of man. I can and do push these rules and discover on my own whether or not they should apply to me or anyone else.
I believe in the overall goodness of man. God created man to be good, and so it is only natural that he is. He is only tainted by the evil that rebelled against God so long ago. He can be forgiven on a whim should he be sincere in repentance, therefore he cannot be all bad.
I do not believe in the necessity of organized religion. From the start, a one-on-one relationship with Him is what God intended. However, evangelism is necessary to enlighten the lost and fellowship aids in the struggle to maintain in God’s grace. When the relationship becomes religion--that is when it is corrupt. It becomes something that it is not.
I cannot say whether I like artificial things. I believe that everything that naturally exists is all that anyone or anything ever truly needs. However, man’s ability to craft and forge has drawn strange boundaries here: can a man’s creation of something comprised of entirely natural elements be considered artificial? And can man ever truly create something all on his own when he does not possess the ability to conjure matter or energy from nothing? I’ll have to ponder this further.
I believe in the individual. While everyone’s the same in that they’re human, the complexity of the differences each person can have is so massive that conformity should really seem non-existent. Anyone can imitate someone or something else, but deep inside, there’s the difference that gives each individual person his identity.
I am self-reliant. I do not file my own taxes, have my own home, nor make enough money to provide for my own sustaining. But that is only because society does not think I am ready to. I can and will do everything I need to do myself. And should I not know how, I will learn. I’m not afraid to ask for help, but I prefer to be able to do things myself, in a non-proud sort of way.
I do not have inner peace. Such an abstract concept seems difficult to grasp at first, but I believe I know what it is, though not how to achieve it. I’m not close, but I’ll be there, some day.
I am a deep thinker. I spend each waking (and perhaps even dreaming) moment thinking. While my thoughts may not seem all that profound when forged into words, the ideas that cloud my head are various yet complex.
I dislike hard work. Who doesn’t? I’d rather take time off to go play in the rain or even take a nap in a tree somewhere. I often wonder why I don’t just leave whatever work there is to be done to simply enjoy life. After all, I’ve placed very little care in mankind’s agenda.
I do not place importance in money. I have money and know how to use it, though I do not really like the concept. In a perfect world, each man could obtain what he needed without a price. God would provide or men would share. Money is what creates greed. Money is what people think gives them power, when really it’s only society’s brainwashed belief in its necessity.
I follow my own instincts. I do what I feel like when I feel like doing it. Other people think they have control over my life simply because I do what they tell me to. I don’t do what I do because I have to. I do it because I feel that it is right to humor others with their requests.
I absolutely love Nature. There’s not a thing I wouldn’t trade for being able to spend all day in Nature’s realm. Sadly, I don’t go outdoors much—Nature’s remnants are what man allows them to be, an empty shell of what used to be something glorious. I rarely see Nature’s beauty without also seeing the corruption that was thrown over it. But I appreciate the little bit that I can observe and enjoy.
By the way--4 days remaining until KMFDM....
Yeah, real fast....
de·tach·ment (d-tchmnt)
n.
1. The act or process of disconnecting or detaching; separation.
2. The state of being separate or detached.
3. Indifference to or remoteness from the concerns of others; aloofness: preserved a chilly detachment in his relations with the family.
4. Absence of prejudice or bias; disinterest: strove to maintain her professional detachment in the case.
5. a. The dispatch of a military unit, such as troops or ships, from a larger body for a special duty or mission.
b. The unit so dispatched.
c. A permanent unit, usually smaller than a platoon, organized for special duties.
Now, I'm curious as to what Lestat meant--3 or 4. It seems that it could go either way....
"Stick around to see the ugly look on my face.
You always come around when my will is broken
and I can barely stand on my two feet.
Was it something I said that you can't forget?
But you know it's something you need to make it all work out.
But the fact still remains that you can never take back what you say.
But I take back everything.
I feel so empty. Why'd you do this now,
when all the color left in my face is fading out?
I won't ride that evil suicide wave no matter what you hear me say.
Why does it feel like the sun is just burned out ?
Why does it feel like everyone waiting for us to crumble and just break down?
Where's that helping hand that you pull away
everything I'm in the back of the line?
If I start to fall out on the last mile, just wash the blood off my face.
I feel so empty. Why'd you do this now?
The viscous circle of life tears me up all inside."
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