Can You Reconize The Beauty Of Servitude!?'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Can You Reconize The Beauty Of Servitude!?

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[04 Oct 2005|02:06am]
Do you wish upon stars for your love that's so far? With tears in your eyes, do you sing her name to the sky with hope your voice will reach her as a lullaby? 800 miles and a different time zone were two things we've never wanted, but we can't change what's been done. No, we've gotta throw this out like trash and hide the smell that's stuck on the walls. We've gotta cover up the crime scene with cheap make-up. It'll fade soon,
but we'll still have each other.

I'm not like them..I cant be what you need. I can't be perfect. And I'm hoping this isn't real. Someone, wake me up. Tell me this isn't happening. Convince me it's all a bad dream. I dont want to wake up without you.. Look into my eyes ; look at what you've done. A bruised little girl is what this feels like. Not good enough to stand by your side. Not good enough to hold your hand.. Won't you wake me up? Or let me sleep forever in this prision? I'd rather suffer from apathy than feel the stab of this rose's beautiful thorns, but I guess we all make mistakes. But this one's fatal. I'm slipping away into this darkness. Wont you wake me up? This is all a bad dream, a terrible nightmare I've created out of dim lights. The lights that barely reach the walls that seperate our bedrooms. You've left me for better, but you're only getting yourself into worse. They can't scream your name like I can. STOP WALKING AWAY. WON'T YOU WAKE ME UP?

You've covered yourself in pitty apologies and selfish desires but you can't hide your face. You've got bitch written all over you and I must say you look lovely tonight. Prancing about and around with that cigarette in your hand ;;You're such a doll. Wouldn't you think? Don't get carried away. Read the road signs: Lust is a dangerous thing so watch your step. Don't play with a fire you can't control. It'll burn you down to your cold and rotting core. And we all know you cant stand to get your hands dirty. You place the blame on someone else as if this is a game. Look again this is real. I have to remind myself sometimes, too. We don't wish these things upon ourselves others do. I guess I've gotta THANK-FUCKING-GOD FOR WHAT YOU DID. Welcome home, bitch.


[04 Oct 2005|02:04am]
Lights were flashing in my rear-view mirror
I was hoping it would be a warning and I'd be let off easy
but if that were so, I'd continue what I was doing..
I pulled to the side and a man walked by and said
"Have you been drinking, or have you been smoking? 'Cause the way you're driving isn't safe and you don't look too sober."
I looked him in the eye and clutched the steering wheel.
I said," No officer, my visions just bad.
See, I've been crying all night and I dont know whats true.
Yeah,the grass is green and the sky is blue,
but all that's in between is so unclear and foggy..
it blocks the road and I dont know where I'm headed."
He studied me for a moment and pulled out his pad.
He looked at me, wrote something down and handed me the paper.
The edges were uneven and the words were sloppy, but who am I to complain and judge?

You're headed the wrong way.
Let this be a warning
And when I looked up from the paper, he had vanished.
His lights were gone as if they were never visible to begin with.
Was he ever there, and if not, Why did I stop?

I looked back at the paper, but it was a dollar bill and a boy was in the seat besides me
"Hey lady, would you mind if we started going? I've got places to go and people to see. I can't waste time on this lonely road."
So I pushed on the gas and we drove down the lonely road where lost souls go.
They never make it out alive.

We passed a sign that said

Bridge closed.

Detour turn right.

but I didn't know which way was right, so we took a left.
I've been told that a left doesnt make a right, but 3 lefts do, or something like that.
But we only took one left.
The boy looked at me but before he could say a word or even move his lips,he was gone.
Did he jump out or was he ever there?

Sitting in his seat was a rose composed of dead pedals.
Each of a different colour,holding a different meaning.

He loves me, he loves me not,
he loves me..he lied to me.

The pedals caught fire and left a note in it's ashes..
Lovers dont meet in cars..
Well, I've heard they die in car crashes.
So this one's for the boy who broke my heart.


[15 Dec 2004|09:48am]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Atreyu ]

Darling, you give Love a bad name.



[24 Nov 2004|12:43am]
may I have this dance?

2 ?

[22 Nov 2004|06:14pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | mom is singing. ]


Baby, Take My Hand, Blindfold My Eyes...and Lets Get KRAZY!

*you, yea you..guess what. Im Back...Biaotch!*


[19 Nov 2004|12:36pm]

take my hand. and if you feel yourself losing grib. know that i am right beside you.
i will never let you down.<


WHOOPS... did i just say that?.. [17 Nov 2004|01:29am]
i hope you slit your fucking wrists
♥ to save me the effort of ♥

writing your suicide note



[11 Nov 2004|10:37pm]
And so go past the lights,
and all the excuses,
You could have left "sincerely yours"
Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
Anything too daring to say to you
Will be said in this letter,
then burned away
So you never realize I'm here

I'm thinking of your vague reply
So I can understand
Why we put this at rest
Why we forget to
say that we were leaving,
say that we were sorry
The past remains unspoken
As this vacant night is dieing
But I still miss you
This cold air brings such a distance to us
Such a painful distance
I'm still waiting for you to say you hate me now,
So I don't have to hold on to this burning heart,
This burning heart is getting old,
it's getting old.

And while sitting on this cold kitchen floor,
Head down to hide the tears,
I've realized
I finally realized that you were never,
You were never meant for me


[10 Nov 2004|11:22pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | TPC ]

to: the boy who makes me smile like a total goof ball,

please start taking initiative. step forward, grow some damn balls!
my brains telling me to leave 'us' alone and so are my friends.

my hearts loosing a battle i desperately wanna win.

talk is cheap. make a move

the only part of me that still wants you: my heart


[06 Nov 2004|09:55pm]
someone should update..i need something to read on here!


[05 Nov 2004|02:04am]


SO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [04 Nov 2004|02:42pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Island View Drive *see you at the show tonight* ]

1. What's on your bedside table?
i have my alarm clock, the house phone*cus my cell doesnt work* my cell phone, and the clicker's to my radio and the television.<3

2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection?
hm, i'd prob say all that pop stuff, like backstreet boys, nsync, britney and ect.

3. What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
i love fishes cuz their so delicous!!! (aka goldfish)

4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?
if i didnt have a.d.d i'd be able to tell you.. books make me cry though...

5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
make my butt or maybe boobs a little smaller *giggles*

6. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
what the fuck?

7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
covering my face? i do that, a lot.

8. Do you ever have to beg? i have to beg. (yes..sadly)

9. Do you have too many love interests?
not at all.. i'm the king pin playa biiiiioootch!!!

10. Do you know anyone famous?
Humm..i know people on the radio! and i know the people who are soon to be famous!(does that count?)

11. Describe your bed.
how about you come over and you find out for yourself *wink wink*

12. Spontaneous or plan?
depends on the topic, most of the time i'm spontaneous, but other things need to be planned

13. Who should play you in a movie about your life?
me of course, i would be the best at it

14. Do you know how to play poker?
Uh, NO! but im thinking someone should teach me. im sick of always bein the one down to her skivies in the end *winks*

15. What do you carry with you at all times?
my bag, which ever it happens to be at the moment, but there's always my wallet, money, cell, make-up and of course tampons!!!

16. How do you drive?
Well, first you out the key in the ignition. Then you check your mirrors *op.buckle up!!* then you put the car into drive *or reverse* and..gently step on the gas... and go!!!

17. What do you miss most about being little?
being able to be yourself, the ability to act stupid, no worries, nobody cared about what you looked like, and what you wore, and boys had cooties...

18. Are you happy with your given name?'s okay.

19. What color is your bedroom?
purple and green and blue

20. What was the last song you were listening to?
opening up by Island View Drive (what what there show is tonight)

21. Have you ever been in a school play?
yes, 3rd grade it was called building brides, i had one line "one day father called his sons and showed them 3 bundles of sticks" and of course i fucked it up, 2 out of the 3 times we performed. Oh yes and i was in the Scrooge play in 5th grade.

22. Have you ever been in love?
no, love is something that grows, and i've never had the chance to watch it grow.

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
depends on what day of the week it is.

24. Have you ever done any illegal drugs?
me?!? drrrruuuuuugs?!? noooo!! neeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeer!!

25. Do you think you're cute?
i have my days

26. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
of course. i'm suuuuuuuch a sweet heart!


[04 Nov 2004|12:50am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | Just Let Me-Ashlee Simpson ]

I dont have much to say.

i just wanted to tell everyone that i got a new lj and blurty layout
cus that is what i do when im depressed.
cus it makes me happy
when i create something pretty<333

thats all.

love you!

2 ?

it only hurts when i breath [03 Nov 2004|12:22am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | the postal service ]

I wanted to write in here all of the things that i miss.
But if i be honest the list would go one for days.
There are so many things, people, ways..just so much that i miss.

I would like to take them back...or get them back.
But i mean, what if everything really does happen for a reason.
Like..what if all that stuff didnt happen for a reason..and if it didnt, then i wouldnt be where i am today.
That could be a horrid thing... but at the same time, it could be wonderful.

Tonight, while i was at sarahs.
My heart, in which only have a stitch or two, until it was completely healed..
was torn.
A Dear friend of mine, one in which i loved more then anything....
told me to "kiss his ass" and that "the friendship was over"
Im honestly not going to sit here and cry about it.
because its not worth it. if someone if just going to give up something that once was great.
then okay. maybe he's happier without me in his life. and that is wonderful. i mean, he does matter right now how much i wish he was hurting, he does desirve to be happy.

Im talking to an ex. one inwhich i loved dearly.
and the things happen, and we said our goodbyes.
But, he is one of the greatest people i know.
no matter how many bad things i say about him.
or no matter what i ever did... He called me one day,
just to say he was sorry.
and then... he came, and stay'd a weekend with me.
and things happen.
and he..appoligezed for them.
why? because he is a true friend, and he does care
(not that i minded them...i mean, of all people i would choose him to do those things with..)

The election is making me mad
i just want it to get over with.

Sarah and I hung out today.
It was nice.
And i have realized that her and i..
are really best friends. I mean, her and i have been through more shit then most of you even realize.
Or maybe you do realize, you just dont care. and that's cool.... but she does. and i do.
and that matters..and we matter.

The one who sits behind the computer screen...yea you?!
uhm, you should know,that i dont care anymore about what happens with us either.
you break my heart. all the time.
i am naive when it comes to you.
i really want to be done.
i dont hate you, infact, i love you..very much.
and it sucks. because.. i know that if i truned and walked out of your life.
it wouldnt really matter to you...ily

Sweet Dreams tonight everyone<33.

please..comment and tell me something..vent to me about something bothering you.
tell me something that will make me smile...
or...maybe leave me a few things that you really miss....



[01 Nov 2004|02:52am]
[ mood | depressed ]

1 ?

"Can you tell me you name, so i know who im sleeping with later" [01 Nov 2004|12:40am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | The Postal Service in my head ]

drown. drown.
to make the bodies go down.
elusive to a thought but the image travels there.
down. down.
i'm a bad girl.
i love to fuck guys.
does that get you off?
look at me! i love to fuck little boys!
i'm a boy fucker!
i can come up with what i think is original poetry
by stating i love to fuck boys!
how handsome.
how convenient.
you're the one.
i flip the bird because i'm scared.
because you're the one.
because you complete me.

So... A Weekend to always remember!! )

i think that you should comment



T H E S E W O R D S K E E P S L I P P I N [28 Oct 2004|10:29pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | "She Loves Ya, SHe Loves Ya... Ummhuh Yea" ]

I look at you and I see my best friend. Your energy and passion inspire me in ways I never thought possible. Your inner beauty is so strong that I no longer fear being myself. I no longer fear at all. I never thought I'd find someone to love that would love me back unconditionally. And then I realize that although we were often apart, you were always with me and you were always my soul mate. You give me purpose when I feel I have none. Without you my soul would be empty, my heart would be broken, my being incomplete. I thank God every day you were brought into my life and I thank you for loving me.

i love you: )


[27 Oct 2004|03:30pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | im watching some TV show ... ]

I can call you my baby boy, you can call me your baby girl )


[27 Oct 2004|02:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | im watching some TV show ... ]

edit: sorry.


Goodbye School, you're .o.v.e.r.-.r.a.t.e.d. [27 Oct 2004|07:52am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | his voice<3 ]

ill be there.
ill pick up everything you left behind.
cross your fingers,and pray for winter...

ill be there, painting the town your favorite color.

i guess ill call or see you around.

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