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[02 Oct 2006|11:17am] |
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mood |
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fucked...and i mean FUCKED... |
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music |
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i'm going through this thing right now, where i suddenly just wanna lock myself away and never talk to anyone again...it basically hit me like last night...where i just don't wanna live NE more...like, not that i wanna kill myself, (i'm so over that)...but i just don't wanna live life...i also don't wanna leave...i don't wanna go to the military...i suddenly wanna go to....dare i say it? college...*ew*...don't get me wrong my college bound friend (cha) there's nothing wrong with college, i just never saw it as a thing for me...i really wanna do Air National Guard for a while, then go into active duty...i just don't feel i'm at the right point in my life to just up and leave...but i still think it would be a really great thing for me to just go...cuz it would basically force me to grow up, which is something i desperatly need to do...i still wanna do all those great military things, but i don't wanna do it alone...i know i'll meet people in there and all that, but having to make those new friends...i just don't know if i can deal with that...all my hair is gonna fall out again, isn't it?...
it's all cuz i met new people...and i wanna get to know them better...and 3 more months just isn't enough...it's so sick...but matt, zach and creep-o make me wanna stay just a little longer...i almost hate them now...lol...
wtf am i gonna do??????
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