| i really feel like singing right now... |
[05 Dec 2005|03:38pm] |
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*sigh*...i'm in one of those moods...to where i just need to think of someone right now...and you know that some one...*sigh*...but he died and turned into some ass hole who thought suddenly we were going too fast...i'm almost going into that desperate mode...you know the one...where i'd date NE one...thank i'm it's only ALMOST mode...*sigh*...i just really need that boyfriend or girlfriend shit...i'm so dependent on it...it's so fucking sickning...*sigh*...geez...what i wouldn't give to be able to have that person to just fucking go to right now, and just fucking sink into their arms...knowing that they really don't fix NE thing but they do make you feel better...i've never really been with some one long enough to really do that...i mainly get emo when i'm single...go figure...i hate that word...single..."i'm single" it sounds so stupid...*ugh*...why do words annoy me?...i don't even know...*ugh*...i hate me i hate me i hate me...sometimes i just wanna die...and i don't even know why...yup...pretty much...someday...i'll fall asleep forever...lol...*sigh*...
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| sometimes i wish i could just STOP breathing! |
[05 Dec 2005|10:13pm] |
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see, this is how stressed out i am now...that even the littlest things get to me...but in my house, it feels like my computer is the only thing i have now a days...and it's times like these when i just want to call him and try to make it work so hard just so i'll have someone here to cry and bitch to that really has no choice...what am i doing here? Now i have to cry just so i won't call him, i have to fight myself to not randomly text him...i just really need someone right now...to just get my mind off everything...why can't you just take me in your arms, look me in the eyes and tell me all those things you use to...tell me you love me, tell me we'll always be together...tell me i'm not going to the air force cuz i love you too much...cuz to be totally honest, if you were still here...i wouldn't be able to go...i hurt all over on the inside...i feel so sick, so weak...i guess i keep saying i'm dead on the inside cuz maybe if i say it enough it'll come true, cuz when your dead you can't feel NE thing...and it all just hurts so bad on the inside...geez...i'm going through with drawls so bad right now...that's why i'm do fucking moodie and anti social...cuz i've gone (I hate the saying "cold turkey") so i'll just use "i've quick all together at one time." there was no weining process...it was just 'bam' no more...and i want it back so bad...so fucking bad...how am i gonna make it through tonight with out calling him? how? do i even want to...RELAPS! somebody fucking help me...i dunno how long i can go before i reach for that phone...i'm so fucking weak...i guess i like the head games cuz it's better than nothing all together...why did i believe him?...why did he tell me those things? why am i so fucking weak...i won't call him...i won't call him...oh fuck...we all know i will...god, i fail at life...why can't i just die and come back as like a fucking fruit fly or something...isn't their life span like 2 days...thinking of those syringes in my room, really makes me think of shooting air into my veins...think that'll be fun?...let's go try it and find out................
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