| fucking roller coaster feelings...they ruin us all... |
[05 Nov 2005|06:04pm] |
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mood |
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maybe he'll call tonight... |
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music |
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some times it feel like i can deal...then other times i just wanna blow my brains away...
hmmm...p-chis was the only one to call me today...big surprise there...[/sarcasm]...fuck it all...doesn't matter...gotta learn to not get so fucking attached to people...i'm leaving soon enough NE ways...doesn't matter...i'll be gone...and prolly never talk to NE of you guys again...shit...i'll be off in Italy...Germany...or England...and not have time for friends that aren't in the army...or even fucking boy friends for that...i'm trying to figure out what would make this easier on me...and nothing comes to mind...i try telling myself that he broke up with me...and that will make it okay for a little bit...i tell myself i would have left soon enough NE ways...helps only for moments...i tell myself it's okay...and i try to forget that he even exsists...pretend nothing ever happend between us...pretend it was the way it use to be...when i just sorta always liked him...but he was always the ass hole who hated me...called me a bitch and blocked me when i said i liked him...makes it feel alright for a while...it's when i tell myself he never loved me...or that he just got bored of me...and shit like that that makes it worse...but in a way...sometimes i feel like thats the truth...what ever...he's 19 years old...lives in another city...and we're just so different...i hate myself...i'll just keep pretending like we never exsisted...why does it work for others? and not for us?...you know...that fucked up little thing called love....
if my life slipped away...in the whisper of the night...who would know?
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