| hmmm...well...yup...it's really over... |
[02 Nov 2005|04:42pm] |
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mood |
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I'll try not to party too hard |
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music |
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*sigh*...it's weird...right now...i don't feel like hurting myself...i don't feel like dying...and i don't feel like crying too much...i'm just sad and down...kinda the way i felt when i lost my job...i mean...i knew it was coming...but finally when it was really over...it just kinda hurt and made me feel really low...hmmm...i just feel really...like...heavy...and it just kinda sucks...but i think i'm okay with all this...i mean yeah...it fucking sucks...and sure i do still love him to an extent...but i'm okay with this...cuz he's right...it just doesn't work...we just don't work...and there really isn't anything we can do about that...but who knows...maybe someday...when we both grow up...(cuz we both need to do a lot of that) maybe it will work...i mean...what did i expect any ways?...i know no matter what i'm going off to the air force...and did i really expect him to wait 4 years for me?...and did he really expect me to put my life on hold for him?...i guess i kinda expected that from him...(bad on my part)...i think i'm gonna stop calling him a lier though...cuz...just cuz we feel something at one moment...but then that feeling goes away doesn't mean we lied about it...it just means, that things are different now...it's still does bug me a lot that he's gonna go on a date with her...but that's just something i need to get over...and i'm okay with everything he said finally...cuz really...all this all was was a game to hurt one another...i know just about everything i said was mainly just to hurt him...i guess one last attempt to see if he cared...but yeah...we're just both really different people...and we just had to relize that...i guess it won't be so hard trying to get over him...since i don't have to see him every day...or hear about him and shit like that...now i just have to work on not thinking about him so much...well...all in time...this all did happen today after all...hmm...it still sucks though...no promises...i know...but maybe...someday...
is there any such thing as a non or un fatal thought of suicide...cuz i always thought that suicide and fatality just went hand in hand...but this guys raps about "fatal thoughts of suicide" you would think all suicide thoughts would be fatal to an extent...eh...what ever...
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