| the more i think about it...the more upset i get... |
[03 Oct 2005|04:16pm] |
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it's just more shit that makes me stop writing...*sigh*...i mean...i write a poem...and it's just like..."oh...that's nice"...she writes a fucking poem and it gets laminated and put in his fucking wallet...i hate writing...all it is, is a damn compitition of people to see who can draw the most amout of people in...who can bring then to their fantacy world..........who can.................................maybe not...cuz when i write...i just like to write...i like making people laugh and looking back on it and saying "that was great"...i don't care if i never publish a piece of work in my life...but as long as i can look back and think so some of my storied and tell myself "wow...that would've made a good movie"...that will be good enough for me...who needs to publish NE thing when it entertains me...that's good enough...how i hate writing...i should just take a pen and stab myself in the head...bleed out on a piece of paper and call it my final story...it shall be entitled "the end"...hahaha...can't wait to write out that suicide note..."I hate the world and my life...i was left alone with enough time to kill myself so i did it...by the way...i hate writing...that's why i'm writing out a suicide note"....you would think if i hated writing so much i wouldn't even have a blurty...maybe cuz i don't hate writing...i love it...it's my passion...all i ever do now is think of new things to write...so in other words when i say i hate writing...it really just means "Geez i wish i could be better at it"...so much to know about me...i write out an owners manuel, but it would have to change dayby day cuz that's how much i change...one day i'm perfectly content, happy and feel loved...then the next i'm miserable, want to die, and deny NE thing that has feelings for me...god how i hate writing...there's too many moods for me to count...wow...talk about just letting your thoughts out..NE thing i think write now just wants to come out...I want to be loved...i want to be known...and i never again want to be alone...yet here i sit...in a silent house...so when i scream...and cry...and die that much more on the inside...no one knows....
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