| we all knew i'd give in sooner or later... |
[30 Aug 2005|12:58pm] |
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sorry blurty that i've negelcted you for so long!...i'll never do it again!...wOo!...feels good to be back...NE ways...it's been waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long for the tay...it's fucking update time...i feel fucking terrible right now...to the fucking max...........oh yeah...and no more private shit...well..maybe once in a while...but it's time for my blurty to be free and open again!...NE ways...wow...i'm fucking freaking out about life at the moment...i've already cried like twice over it!...*geez*...NE ways...okie...so here's my thinkings...i'm starting school tomorrow...and now i have a job...so i'm probably not gonna be able to see Puma much NE more...(hopfully i'm wrong)...so yeah...i could so see him finding someone else who can actually give him the time of day...and can rush over to his house faster than like 30 minutes....................fuck...okie...so there's that...okay...next on the list...i really don't want to start school...mainly cuz once it starts i know it's gonna be over that much quicker...don't get me wrong here...i hate school as much as the next teenage slacker...but just knowing i'm gonna have to get out and make the hardest decision of my life...not to mention one of the most important...i'm so fucking scared to have to decide what i'm doing after high school...i'm also hella curiouse what school's gonna be like...cuz we (or I) must face it...every one has fucking changed...don't get me wrong...i've changed too...and i understand it happens...and i knew it was gonna happen sooner or later...cuz that's just what happens...so i don't want NE little bitches commenting "that's just what happens...get over it"...or some shit like that...cuz yeah...i kinda fucking get that!!!...that doesn't make it suck NE less...and it still doesn't take away the pain to think that people i thought were gonna be my friends forever can't even call me NE more let alone invite me NE where...but what ever i guess it's understandable when their new friends don't really like me...and since they're so much closer now i don't even matter...but what ever...i guess we just have to live with that shit some times...still hurts though...wonder what lunch time it gonna be like now??...who's gonna stay?...who's gonna run off together this year?...fuck it...doubt i'll be around much...i figure if i slowly rip the bandage over an amount of time...when it comes time to rip the rest of the bitch off it won't hurt as much...Translations: if i distance myself from the people i care about now, when i finally have to take that final plunge into what ever i'm gonna do...and totally leave them...it won't be as hurtful...as if i was there all the time...but i guess it doesn't really matter NE more NE ways...cuz from what i saw this summer most of my friends don't really care about me NE ways...so yeah...it's all good...i don't fucking care...hmm...i guess i figure the more i say that shit, it'll finally come true...what ever...i really need to grow up...and say fuck it to those who don't care...so yeah...doesn't matter NE more...i don't care...i don't care...i don't care...haha...this update will prolly cause some sort of pissed off-ness...that is if people can actually put togther in this shit who i'm talking about at what parts...haha...oh well...if they do...i'm ready for it...if they don't...shit...better for me...i'm just so fucking agrivated right now...to the fucking max...i'm scared...i'm mad....i'm lost...confused...and forgotten...shit...didn't think i'd still feel all forgotten and shit as long as i was in fremont again?...i actually feel worse than when i lived in Milpitas...should've never came back...but can you really blame me?...i mean...i thought i was fucking invinsiple as long as i was with my friends...shit...now i just end up invisible...*ugh*...i'm just so fucking....i can't even describe it...fuck...high school ended up being the worse shit for me...wish i would've just killed myself back in 6th when i was thinking about it...would've made a lot of things a lot easier...by far...hmmm...maybe it's not too late..........................fuck it all...
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