Fucked Up Again   
10:04pm 27/03/2003
mood: tired
music: Landslide-Fleetwood Mac
I think i just lost the best thing that happened to me....
02:25am 22/03/2003
mood: confused
I really dont know anymore... Things are just so weird and fucked up... The only thing i know for sure right now is where ill be this summer... But it sucks cuz i dont even know if myself will let me live this summer... How can you be afraid of yourself? I wish i could answer that cuz if i could maybe i could solve my problem............

I'm Sorry   
12:03pm 08/03/2003
mood: crappy
music: James Dean-Daniel Bedingfield
I did something really dumb again last nite and all i want to say is that im really sorry i did it, but i just couldnt take it anymore.....

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Go Boys!   
11:03pm 04/03/2003
mood: drained
music: Drift Away-Uncle Kracker
Awesome news guyz... My boys won tnite.. Charli called me after she got done watchin the game and the boys won! I am so excited for them... I really am... So if any of the boys are readin this your awesome and i hope you kick some major ass Thursday nite.. Which is even awesomer cuz that means Tessa will be coming down Thursday for the game.. Yah! Me and her have a date Saturday nite.. We're gonna go to Mazitlans and have fried ice cream cuz its so good... Im kinda weird with the whole best frend area... I have alota people i consider my best frends..

Charli Green-I love Charli cuz we fight... We dont have a perfect relationship, but we know that we'll always be there for one another when we really need it... Its really weird with her cuz she knows everything about me and i know everything about her... Sometimes we even know things before the other person tells us... Its crazy, but we're both crazy so its ok...

Andy (Roo) Ryman-I honestly thought he was one of the best things that ever happened to me... Hes great... Andy knows everything about me too... Hes the one whos there to hear my cry about everything and hes always willing to give me a hug, tell me he loves me, and say that things will get better...

Danie Braun-Well, things with me and her have been really frusterating lately... Sometimes i pretty much live at her house... Her parents worry about me... I dont really know what else to say about Danie... Shes usually there when i need her...

Tessa Mayer-Seriously one of the most awesomest people in the world... We sort of drifted over the years but now our frendship is exactly where we left it... Shes the person who brings out the best in me when no one else can... We have the kind of frendship that keeps you up all hours of the nite talking about how things use to be... Shes seriously my best frend and always will be...

Mel Schlichenmayer-Shes my sister and thats prolly all i need to say about that... Shes always there for me and im always there for her.. Even if it means driving 90 miles to get one another...

Angela Spear-We seriously are very close to the same person.. She knows when im having a bad day and when im lying about something... Shes really awesome and alota fun to be around.. I love her to death and we always have fun...

I do have other close frends who if are reading this i didnt forget about you... I love you guys just as much so thanx to Nate Schaunaman, Jenna Williams, Jody Christesen, Studly Hansen, Brent Duerre, Bob Brown, Justin Maack, Eliot Lucas, and Mike (Beautiful) Zinter..

Well, i better cut this short now... Ive prolly been writting for way too long... Thanx to everyone whos there for me and makes me smile.. I love you all...

Lotsa Love!
Why Do I Care So Much...   
12:01pm 03/03/2003
  Yea, well work sucked ass yesterday... One of the guys i work with kept telling me that i was a cow... It really started to get to me... Then later on during the day another co-worker came up to me and told me i had stickers all over my back... Well, Phillip, the little basterd, put cow stickers all over my back... Im not even sure when he did it cuz i didnt notice... Work is just taking so much out of me lately... Im just emotionally drained... Its really not a good thing... I was so excited when i found out that i have two days off this week... How horrible is it when you get excited over two days off... Pretty sad huh?

One good thing did happen yesterday... My mom agreed to let me go see Tessa at JC the 21-23.... Im really exctied... I seriously love Tessa to death... Shes been my best frend for 18 years and she will always be my best frend... She'll even be up there with me if i ever decide to get married.... That prolly will never happen though so i hope shes not looking too forward to that...

Today sucked too... Yea, my frend told me i was fat... Well ya know what im starting to think... If one of my close frends thinks im fat i prolly am... Im hearing it from people at work, people at school, and at home... So i came to the conclusion im going to stop eating... Yea, thats prolly the dumbest thing a person could do, but as of right now i dont really care... Theres only one person whos worried about me, Tessa, but shes 90 miles away and i hardly ever see her... I guess i just hope i dont get too out of control... But hey, whatever happens happens... Everything is predestined and whatever happens happens... I cant ever control my life anymore so hopefully God only planned for me to have a short life....

Lotsa Love
Why I Love My Best Frend   
09:07am 02/03/2003
mood: sleepy
music: Girl All The Bad Guys Want-Bowling for Soup
Last nite was totally awesome... Work went ok, even though i was really mean to quite a few of my work frends... Well, i was kinda in a pissy mood cuz me and Andy, a really good/close frend of mine, and i got into it AGAIN! It seems like all we do lately is fight... I think the thought of next year and him being so far away from everyone and me being so close to mom scares him a lil bit... I dunno though... Onto the good stuff... My best frends name is Tessa... We have been frends for 18 years... Ever since we were lil kids we have been best frends... I love her to death... This weekend she brought her bf home from college for me to approve of... So I stayed at her house til 3ish in the morning just watching movies and hangin out... Its lil things like rewatching the Lion King and stuff like that that make you know realize what your really missing.... Who knows... All I know is that shes totally awesome and i dont know what i would do without her some days.... Shes going back to JC today but she promised that she would stop by work and say hey to me.... Hopefully she members cuz i have a feeling today will definately be one of those days... I work 8 hours tnite and im still kinda moody so i hope no one gets in my way... Well, talk to ya'll laterz...

Lotsa Love!
01:20am 01/03/2003
mood: depressed
music: Thinking Over-Dana Glover
Well... Now its time to tell about the adventure of the brain... My frend Nate had been talking all day how it would be cool to eat the cow brain we were disecting... Anyways... We came up with the idea that we would all give him 10$ and total he would get roughly 100$....... Anyways... Doug wrote him out a check and we were all going to give Doug our money so Nate could have his money sooner... Then Nate ate the piece of cow brain... He chewed it up and everything... We got pictures... Ill snag one and try and post it somewhere... Well, the catch is that Doug voided Nates check... Needless to say, Nate ate the cow brain for nothin...

Other than that my nite sucked... I got to see my exes dad... I love him to death... But everything else with him was just depressing... I dunno.... Im just in a weird crying mood tnite.... I want it to go away..... Anyways... Im going to close up now and head to bed to try to get out of my mood...

Lotsa Love!
Tired Today...   
12:03pm 28/02/2003
  Well, today its Friday! I wish that today would just get over... I slept through the end of my History class.... The only reason that im stayin here is that we get to disect a cow brain today in physiology! Its going to be so awesome... Ill have to write more after i witness that... Now theres definately something to write about.... Ive been trying to figure out what im going to do this weekend... I really dont know... All i know for sure is that i have to work ALL weekend... Its really going to suck... Then theres the whole getting ready for prom thing... Sometimes i wish i wouldnt even of decided to go... Its just like, well, i dont really know... I just know that this is my senior year and i really need to start livin it up.... Catch ya all after those brains =:0)

Lotsa Love!
This is all new to me =:0)   
11:53pm 27/02/2003
  Well... I decided to check this whole online journal thing out... I thought "Hey! Maybe it will be fun!" Well, im always up for new things and all that so i guess here i go... Well, soon i should have some pictures up of myself for all you awesome people to see but until then i guess youll just have to use your imagination... Who knows, maybe youll imagine a horribly ugly person and be suprised when you see how cute i actually am =:0) Its late though and im tired so ill cut this first one short and talk to all all you great and crazy people laterz...

Lotsa Luve!