Blurty for Nikki.

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Friday, June 25th, 2004

Time:5:12 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Music:Lacuna Coil - Heaven's A Lie.
Will i ever understand what a friendship is? i don't think i will..i've gained and lost...but, i've losted more than i've gained which sucks..and over stupid reasons..

So called friends of mine, i don't know if i should even consider them friends. They say they'll be there for me, but when i come to think about it i can only recall two that i know for sure that will be there when i need them. It sucks, you lose them over stupid reasons. And one person has fucked me over for sometime now and she doesn't even realize it. She honestly thinks she's getting hurt when it's really the other way around..i followed her advice, did what she told me to do, and look where it got where..absolutely no where..Follow your heart she said, move on she said..i did and it got me no where. It gained me a better relationship, but lost me a friendship i wouldn't say it was the perfect friendship but more or less it was a good friendship..but that's over now, like she says you can't change the past..she can speak all she once, but obviously it doesn't matter because i will never be able to actually get the point i want to make to her, i know i can sit there and talk to her. but she's not going to care. i would just be wasting my time..obvisouly i screwed up again..i'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me, that's the last thing i want is sympathy..the last fucking thing..what i want is for people to actually listen to me..i've sat and listen to people..but when do i get the same in return? it's just strange that people say they forgive in forget..but what they actually do is never forgive and shall not forget..they just say that do, and still think about it and talk about it among other people but not with the one person they should be..but, this person knows i'm talking about them..she'll realize sooner or later..i just hope sooner rather than needs to be forgotten, i thought it was..but obviously i was wrong, but i'm not going to be the person to start talking about, because i haven't brought it up, she has so she should come to me..

That's all i have to say for now..

4 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Tuesday, June 15th, 2004

Subject:It's been awhile..
Time:3:39 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Music:Atreyu - A Letter To Someone Like You.
Hey Everyone, It's been awhile since i actually wrote in this journal. I can't really say i've kept myself occupied. I got my report card into today, i passed everything. But, the only thing that sucks is that i'm going to have to wake up @ 8:30 in the morning to go take my sciene portion of the TAKS test. I haven't actually learned anything in the science section, since all i've been doing since my freshmen year is coloring worksheets since i have lazy coaches for teachers who can't teach, so i didn't even bother trying on that test. Even though i could've passed it if i would've got one more question right. But, oh well. Life is full of mistakes, this is just another i need to try to correct, and i will.

My birthday is coming up soon, I'm hoping to get some cash. So i can go to some upcoming concerts in Corpus. The one i really want to see is Lamb of God along with Atreyu and Unearth along with some other band, i forgot the name.

Haven't really been doing much this summer, went to sea sculptures this weekend. It wasn't all bad ass, but it didn't suck. Sucked for the part when i got kicked off the beach with a few friends, but hey. Lying got us back on so we we're good. Had to lie to like 3 cops though, haha. But in the end, it all worked out.

I haven't gotten my piercings yet, that's why i'm hoping to get alot of cash. :). So, if your a friend and your reading this. Don't forget to put some cash in that card, i mean hey, i'll appericate the card and everything put a few dollars wouldn't hurt. :) Be a pal. Ya'll know how long i've been waiting....

I suppose that's it for now, i'll be off. Going to go play some need for speed. Good bye

People Who Love Me

Sunday, December 28th, 2003

Subject:New Resolution..
Time:3:50 am.
Mood: depressed.
Music:Guns N Roses - November Rain.
Hello All,

Merry Belated Christmas! I know it's a few days late, but hey thought counts right? that's what i thought. My Christmas was just like any ordinary christmas, go to my grandmother's, go to my aunt's, then i come home, then i leave, simple as that. I got money instead of gifts from people, which is better because usually the objects or clothing material they get me i don't like, i appericate it. but, i rather have something i enjoy or wear something i feel comfortable in. i spent my $500 on the following:

Dvd's : Freaky Friday, Edward Scissorhands and Guns N Roses : Welcome to the Videos.
A Tripp Jacket from hot topic
Guns N Roses shirt from hot topic
The Starting Line shirt from hot topic
Vans: Off The Wall (Pink lettering, black shirt) from pacific sun
Element shirt (white) from pacific sun
Hipster Hugger Fade Jeans ( 2 pair ) from AE (american eagle)
Square braclets, Spikey Braclets and Rubber braclets from hot topic
A Star Wallet from hot topic
A Pink Purse w/ an intinal "N" on it from bealls
A Tribal Necklace from a local stand in the mall
A belt w/ Black pyrmaids and a white trim from hot topic
A Pink Jacket from bealls
Well, that's what i bought with my money. I also got a jack hat and beanie from my friend Cass. Because i am obessed with the nightmare before christmas.

Another new year, oh what joy. i wonder how this one is going to come out. this year wasn't bad, it wasn't good nor that exicting. i lost friends, i gained friends. failed tests, didn't apply myself. many differnet things, too many to name. hopefully there will be more happiness and not depressiness this new year.

I've been really emotional lately, i have no idea why. i guess it's because i'm lonely. i'm never lonely, i hate being lonely, and when i say lonely i mean relationship wise. i always want to run back to my first love, but i shouldn't. it won't go anywhere. i'm sure he has no feelings for me anyways, i'm sure he's moved on. i was never anything good to him anyways, just another girl that complained too much, and never gave him the respect i needed. he messed up too, but i feel i did more. i also can't have a relationship with fighting 24/7. but, people say the more you fight, is the more you care for that person. i never really understood that, but i guess we must have loved each other then because we argued alot. either that, or we we're just two ingornant teens that had nothing better to do then bitch and complain about every single then. i don't know, i've just been really emotional lately, basically just having random tears fall whenever they want.

I think that's it for now, i'm going to go off into my music world.


1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Monday, December 22nd, 2003

Subject:Deepest Reality
Time:9:27 am.
Mood: blank.
Music:The Distiller's - Drain the Blood.
Hello All,

Another simple, pleasant day in my life. I just got home not too long ago. I was at a friend's house, Max. There was a little "after party". It was just a few people getting together sharing thoughts and accompaning each other on their little drinking adventures. I went to the Feeling Zero show, I thought it was rather intersting but the band wasn't too happy with the crowd. I gave my all and showed support, i'm just sorry i can't be one of their "alice's bitches" :-). Changing the subject, I'm thinking about getting a tattoo of Jack and Sally on my back. What do ya'll say? Should I? If you don't know who they are, their the main two character's from the nightmare before christmas. It's either get a tattoo or get my eyebrow done, but way should i get my eyebrow done if i'm still in highschool. so i'm just going to wait til' summer, but i'm still dwelling on the fact if i should get my eyebrow done now because i really want it done, or should i just wait and get a tattoo? i'm confused. i want both, but i can only have one. hmm, i'll make up my mind once the time comes. i have to decided before this friday, so we will see what happens.

There's a show tonight in Abeline i think? i'm not too sure. It's going to be Superjoint Ritual and another band, i forgot there name. I want to go to that, but i don't have a ride. so i'm just staying home today, for once. that's a first for the past few days i've haven't been home, i come home for 10 minutes then leave. weird? i'm a weird girl.

Well, that's if for right now. I'll be off.

People Who Love Me

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

Subject:Lost in Life
Time:6:23 pm.
Mood: confused.
Music:Ra - Do They Call My Name.
Hello Once again,

Do you ever wonder why people use people? I'm just curious. People break up with people and still dwell on their relationshp that had with that certain individual, then they go off and just find some random person they've known for awhile and say that like them and want to take their relationship to a higher level. Well, the majority of people do that, not all. Why would someone do that? That's very childish and ignorant. It seems that love is just a game to people, they can take if from people and just play with it in their hands like a 8 ball. That's why i'm not very fond of relationships, i would like one. But, i don't think there's anyone out their who is really right for me or understands me. I'm not going to waste my time going around looking for love, if love is important it will find you when it's that special moment. Hey, it might just come tap you on the shoulder and say " I'm your love. ". I don't know, I was just thinking about that earlier today. Plus, my friend told me how this girl he was dating was just using him. It's kinda depressing if you ask me who people can steep that low to hurt someone. But like i said love is a game to people, they will never learn until their love for someone becomes a game.

Another thing that bothers me is cheating, i mean why would you want to mess up a relationship like that? It's stupid. I mean, if your going to bother cheating on someone call that person on the cell phone and say "I don't want to cheat on you, so i'm going to break up with you right now." i mean, it's a whole lot better than messing around that certain individual's back. But that's just my opinion, i would rather have that done to me if it was happening to me. but usually when someone cheats on me, they bother not to tell me and i have to find it out on my own.

I hope ya'll don't think i'm depressed or anything because i talk about relationships alot, i'm not. or i don't think i am? i'm just here. alone and lonely, but i don't let it bother me.

i wonder where i would go if i died? would i become another infant and live another life? or would i become an animal? or maybe i would be a building? i guess i won't know until i die. because i mean, when i go somewhere i always have dejvou like i've been here before, or when i'm in a history class i feel like i've experinced what they use to back in the day, mainly the witchcraft part and the slavery. it could just be i find it intersting and i like it, or maybe i had a past life as a slave or a witch. i don't know. my wittle brain is just thinking nonsense once again. but i always think, i just never write it down.

well, i guess that's it for right now. i'm off to a local punk show at the el pasino lounge. if you read this by the end of the night, go! it will be worth it trust me.

2 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

Subject:Simple, But Pleasant Quite Night.
Time:10:30 pm.
Mood: mellow.
Music:The Starting Line - The Piano Song.
Hello All,

Once again I'm here to write my thoughts. Have you ever wondering if you lived in the past before? Like you had a past life. It's somewhat like dejavou, you know you've been here before but you just can't remember when. It's a mystery. That thought popped into my head a few days ago. I thought I would just share it with ya'll.

When your standing in front of someone carrying a converstation with them do you stop to think if their looking at you? Or looking threw you? I mean, Of course you could sit there and talk to them. But, are they really listening? Or do they just pretend to, to make them feel like they helped you with the situtation you we're in. I have friends, but are they really my friends? Or are they just random people that come up to me and say "Hello" and "How are your day today?" Like they actually cared. I'm just curious as to what goes on in my friends minds, and if they are really my friends at all.

When I stop and actually take a look at this town, I see nothing but maddness and confusion. I see people walk around like their lost. Like they've never seen this town before. They walk around hopeless dragging along behind someone. I see the maddness & hate floating up in a little cloud above my head, because there's so much in this town it gets polluted with it. It's just like the trash you see on the side of the road when your driving, Just sitting there waiting to get picked up.

I'm just a lonely girl lost and confused in this town. I see the horror and it tries to take over my soul but the light on the other side protects me from it. Like an angel, It sheilds me from the terrible things that goes on. But at night it tries to sneak up on my body, It tries to crawl into my soul to make it's self comfortable in a new home. But it can't, I won't let it control my body. I want to be relieved. I want to feel refreshed.

Is love real? Or is it just an illusion? I'm very curious. I don't know if I've ever experinced true love, I thought I had once. But it wasn't, I was blinded by the illusion. I hope to find it one day. Very soon. I need happiness in my life once again. I'm tired of putting on a fake smile, day by day fake smile after another. When will it stop? Who knows. I just have to wait and let time takes it's place. Love will find me someday. I will just wait here until it does.

I mean, I really shouldn't be complaining about anything. I shouldn't try to make this seem all important. Life is just like a marry go around. It keeps going faster and faster..It never stops. You may want it too, but it won't. There are no stops in life. You just take life one step at a time and see where you end up. Life can never be perfect, It's impossible. You can try your hardest to make it seem like you have a perfect life, but you don't, you never will, You could possible kill yourself trying to make your life as perfect as you can. I mean, I shouldn't sit here and blabber about nonsense because I mean, It's just a life right? We're all going to die someday. I can't try to cover the holes inside of me, they are their for a reason. I can't try to make my life seem like it's the best one out there. I mean, Things go wrong in my life. But I could try to heal from them, but I doubt I will. Because I will still dwell on the past, so basically anything that goes wrong in your life you never heal from it. You can't, Your little brain may tell you that you have, but you haven't. So you sit there, thinking whatever went wrong went away but really it's just sitting in a dark corner in the back of your mind waiting for you to go back there and start thinking about it.

Am I real or am I fake? Hmm, That puzzles me sometimes. I mean, No matter what people copy people. No matter if it's style, clothing, music wise, etc. So how can we tell if we're fake or if we're real? Is it because what we know? Or what we've learn? Or if we say we know something, but we really don't just so we can try to impress the other person that does. People are confusing. You never know what goes on in their head until you sit somewhere with them and actually have a deep converstation with them getting to know them and understand them and try to share intersts with them.

Is sex the must important thing in life? Or is just that stimulating that people would do anything to have it? I mean, a guy or girl would sit there at a table with you telling you lies just so they could get you into bed with you. I mean, Come on. Have some respect. I mean, Actually take the time to get to know the person. I mean, What if they had Aids? Or an STD? You would never know because you never took the time to stop to ask them. Grr, I make myself mad sometimes. I mean, I could be doing these things myself and I'm just sitting here wasting my time typing it. But, I can't help but think right? I can't help but speak what's on my mind? People are curious, They like to know what goes on in the world. I know I do. I would definetly like to get to know the individual I would be sleeping with before I actually do it. Another thing that bothers me is that how can people actually sit at a computer screen and try to have "cyber sex" with another individual online. I mean, Come on. Are people that desprete that they would steep that low? How could someone actually get pleasure from that. I don't understand it. I mean, if they do. The more power to them. But I would really like to have a converstation with someone and have them explain to me how they could do that. I would really find that intersting. I really would, so if you do and your reading this at this very moment, Add me to your list because I'm very curious. I'm a very curious person as you can see if you actually wasted time reading this journal entry because if I we're you I wouldn't have because it's just another person trying to waste their time on the internet..

I think it's time to say farewell to this journal entry, I think I've wrote way more than I shouldn't have. I'm actually curious to see if someone comments on here. They will probaly say something like " You whine to much, get a life." or "Shut up already, Shit." People are so predictable half the time and they don't even realize it.

Good day,

10 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Sunday, November 16th, 2003

Subject:Haven't seen this thing in awhile?
Time:9:52 pm.
Mood: refreshed.
Music:NOFX - Stickin' In My Eye.
Hello All,

I haven't been in this thing for awhile now, I guess I just complete forgot about it. But it's not like I have anything intersting or anything worth talking about to say. I'm just here in my ordinary little world as usually, Awaiting the days until I can leave this town behind. It will just be another slowly forgotten memory in my mind.

I've been spending more time with Katrina. I never use to hang out with her. I forgot how funny she use to be. But now, We're always together. She went to Houston today, she got me red fishnet stockings & purple/black socks. I love her to death, She's my twin. Hah, Because we always dress the same and we don't even know it. I think it's because we just think alike, It's weird.

Amanda is "talking" with Paul now, I'm really happy for her. I'm glad she's found somebody, It's about time. We've been wanting for her to get with someone, I guess now is here time. Even though I'm still alittle bit upset with her for almost killing me, But hey, forgive and forgot. Even though I'm still going to make fun of her about it, because it's never going to get old. Inside of me & kat calling her Loosey Goosey *inside joke* We call her Ditch Girl now. Hah, That's what she gets though. How are you going to drive right into a ditch? Hmm...Let's ask Panda. Hah, I'm just kidding. But if you look back on it, It was pretty damn hilarous.

My friend Alyssa finally got to see her Fiance' today. Well, yesterday really. He's name is Nick. I'm really happy for her. She finally gets to see him after all the talking she's done about him. Now it will give her something new to talk to me about. I wish them both the best of luck.

I got an interview @ McDonald's but they never called back, So I suppose I didn't get the job. I really wanted it too. But Oh well, I guess it's a sign telling me McDonald's sucks and I could do better. I think I'm going to go apply @ Shorty's next. I think me & Max will go drop our applications off sometime this week.

My little brother's birthday was this Friday. He just turned 12. He's so adorable. I love him dearly. It was his birthday and also my cousin Justin. He turned 15. They had fun, I think they went skating then to the movies? I'm not too sure. But I know they enjoyed themselves.

I think this will be the end of my journal entry, I just keep going on and on about complete nonsense. I'm surprise if your actually reading this that you read all this? I would've left along time ago. But that just me. :-).

I'm off, Farewell.

People Who Love Me

Monday, July 21st, 2003

Time:4:27 pm.
Mood: good.
Music:Finch - Post Script.
Hey Everyone, I forgot I had this damn thing! I guess my so called summer started picking up and I haven't really been on the computer much..Hmm..Let's see what there is to talk about..

My Birthday was pretty cool. I went to the bowling alley with Katrina, Checka, Mary & Amber. I won of course, Because I'm good like that. Hah, Anyways I Katrina got us a ride with her friend J.R. then we came to my house and ate cheesecake and watched a movie, then walked to Allen's house then took Katrina home then I came home.

Things I got for my birthday...$400 I spend it on the following bullshit:

Rubber Braclets (Pink, Blue, Black, Red, Etc)
Knee High Socks (Red/Black, White/Black)
Fishnet Stockings (Black & Purple)
All black Converse
Purple/Black Dress from Hot Topic
Skull Necklace
Two CareBear shirts
Another green shirt
and Make-Up, Doesn't seem like alot right? Trust me..It was.
I recieved some crap from family members and friends. My cousin Eric gave me a stuffed animal (Love-A-Lot CareBear), Elijah gave me a stuffed animal (Cheer CareBear), Checka bought me a red ring from Hot Topic, and I think that's it?

I've been hanging out mostly with Checka, Brian, Amber & Amanda alot. But of course, I've been hanging out with Elijah more. It's his birthday today, I'm going to go over after he gets done getting a haircut. Yesterday night I spend the night at Amber's house. Haven't really hung out with her for awhile, I'm glad we got to hang out. Cheecka Check Double Deck was also there. Hah her nickname. Mine is Nicky Nick. Anyways, I'm going to go to the Summer Santirum concert in 12 days, Then the next day Me and my cousin Ross are going to go to see AAF and Die Trying. That should be a good show. I'm really looking forward to it.

Well, I can't really think of much to write in here right now. I guess I'm done. Update more later. Bye

2 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Tuesday, June 10th, 2003

Subject:Summer = Blah...
Time:9:17 am.
Music:DDR - Midnite Blaze.
Hey People, How goes it? I guess Im okay, Haven't really updated this crap in a LONG ASS time, I guess I've been busy doing other things.

This past weekend I went to houston to go visit family I haven't seen in awhile, hung out with my cousin eric mostly the whole time, and chatted on the net while I was up there. It gave me something to do in the summer.

I've mostly been spending my summer at elijah's house *boyfriend*, Just hanging out their watching movies been dumb. >=D-|--<. HeHe, yeah. Or going to local shows. I went to go see Dope! In corpus that was a great show, got to meet the lead singer got an autograph that was pretty bad ass.

My birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks! Yeah, I'm all exicted. Finally, well I just want the money to go spend on worthless things that make me happy I suppose. But hey, as long as it makes me happy Im fine. haha.

Hmm, Amanda & Checka are over here right now. Washing the puppies. I hate taking animals baths, they started to cry and get all fussy, it's stinky. But, they like to so I let them do it. haha.

Well, that's it for now. Farewell

4 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Monday, May 26th, 2003

Subject:Waste of time, Waste of effort...
Time:3:51 pm.
Mood: crappy.
Music:Unloco -- Nothing.
Hello everyone,

I didnt bother going to school today, I woke up around 8 and say to myself "Fuck that" and just stayed home. It's suppose to be a holiday anyways so why bother going to school?

I havent updated this crap in a long time, I guess I've been "busy" not really but you get the point just too lazy.
Amanda came back, she got here on friday like around 8 she didnt really feel like doing much so me, cass & katrina helped her unpacked then went for a quick cruise then we all went home.

Saturday I went to corpus with Elijah, Allen & Pamela, Because just went to go play ddr and go buy some worthless things. We saw Cass & Amanda there we ran into them at Mc'Donald's. We came back home around 7 I went to Elijah's after we came back, then around 1 Amanda, Cass & Checka went and picked me up and we went for a quick cruise then we all went home. That's about it for my weekend.

Thursday I am going to go to corpus to get my layaway off at hot topic and go buy some more tickets for the concert *Dope, Saliva & Unloco*, I think Max, Adan, Carrie & Ashley are going to go with my friend Amanda not too sure yet I have to ask her, but mostly she will.

I'll probaly be going to a local band show here at the el pasino along with a few friends. F.T.M, Feeling Zero, Downward View & Final Notice should be playing. That should be a great show.

School is almost out! Yes...Well..I think that's it. Im going to go now, I'll update more when I have something worth saying. Farewell.

1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Thursday, May 15th, 2003

Subject:Periods suck....
Time:3:18 pm.
Mood: crappy.
Music:Fuel -- Metallica.
Hey People, I home I left school early today I started my period which fucking sucked. Because I was going to do some things this weekend and now I am going to be unable to because of my damn period. I was suppose to go on a choir trip, but I blah. I really dont care..but sucks..

I have a choir banquet tomorrow, I guess thats going to be cool. It gives me something to do instead of sitting and home doing jackshit.

School is almost out...Summer is coming...I have to go to summer school though for geometry which most of my summer will be spent there doing jack shit but work. Most of my summer will probaly be spending time with my boyfriend and friends, going to concerts, going to local bands shows in corpus or here, going shopping, going to houston..and other things...

I dont really have much to say so Im going to go Im not going to sit here and bore people with my nonsense. Good day.

1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Monday, May 12th, 2003

Time:4:31 pm.
Mood: guilty.
Music:Nirvana -- Smells like teen spirt.
Hey Everyone, Havent really seen this thing in awhile. I guess I've been doing other things I havent really had time to get on the internet. Not like anyone missed me anyways.

The choir concert actually turned out pretty good, Treble choir did excellent in my opinion. Concert choir could've done alittle bit better but they we're still good. The boys did a nice job. The second half of the program turned out better than our other concert.

Friday I went to corpus to go see if I could get tickets to "the big O rock show" but they closed ticketmaster at 8 so I was screwed and that was going to be my present to my mom for mother's day because the concert was actually on mother's day but it didnt turn out that way. I just got us tickets to go see Dope, Unloco & Saliva June 1st probaly going to be taking a few friends with us when we go, that should be an intersting show.

Saturday I went to Cass's gradution dinner, It was funny. Im happy she's moving on in the world and not stuck in boring little beeville, she's going to make it far I know she is, she's got the talent and the skills. Im going to miss her though. I hope I can go with her whenever she lives to go see her college and walk around with her and see her dormroom. But, It's whatever she wants and who she's taking Im not going to force her to take me or anything. Then, After that I went over to Elijah's house *Me and Checka* and just stayed there and watch a movie and came home.

Well, I guess that's about it Im going to go and find something to entertaint myself because Im fucking bored. Farewell.

1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Tuesday, May 6th, 2003

Time:9:58 pm.
Mood: blah.
Music:Hole -- Celebrity Skin.
Hey Everyone,

Today was a very boring and humity day, kinda sucked really but its over with and tomorrow will be a brand new day I cant wait (notice the sarcism). Anyways, Today kinda sucked because Elijah wrote me a letter saying that I boss him around and what not even though I dont, Or I havent noticed it and if I did someone else would've told me by now and not let it carry on. But he came by early and apologized so I guess I could let that go Im not really going to hold that against him.

Thursday is my choir concert, I encourage everyone from Beeville that is reading this to go. Even though I know nobody would read this but okay. I still havent decided which formal I am going to wear (such a typical girl). Its a tie between a pink one or a lavender one I mean their both beautiful and they both have spring colors in them but the hard part is choosing between them, So tomorrow I am going to ask a few people to come over and help me decided as to what to wear.

My weekend was good, I went to Elijah's house on Friday even though I was sick which sucked. Then, Saturday I went to corpus with my mother and Checka. I had to go get some new contacts because I either tore them or lost them (Typical teenager). I found out that I got a stronger vision in my right eye, which kinda sucks because my prescription use to be the same now it changes so I have to stop being lazy and actually put them in the right case or I am going to end up messing my eyesight up pretty bad and thats going to suck alot.

Well, I guess I better hurry up and go to bed. I have to go to pratice first thing in the morning because I have it 1st period. Then we have to go and pratice how things are going to go on Thursday 2nd & 3rd period, I mean dont get me wrong its going to be great getting out of Geometry because I hate that class but It also sucks because I have to spend at least 3 hours with the people I hate the most, Oh joy. Well, Im off. Farewell.

3 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Friday, May 2nd, 2003

Subject:Stupid Fever...
Time:3:31 pm.
Mood: sick.
Hey People,

I feel like shit, I have a fever. *sighs* But, I still went to school today and left around 11. They weren't going to let me leave at first until I finished my test so I had to struggle my way threw that stupid TAKS test, even though I guessed on like the majority of all the questions on there. Then, When I got done I got a pass and went to the nurse Me & Jerrod had to go, Poor thing he was sick too. He looked like it. As for me too I was really pale, Paler than usually. I finally got to see the nurse she told me it was nothing and for me to lay down, but after she gave me something to drink I threw it all back up, Yeah nothing right? She called my mom and she arranged for some women to come pick me up and take me home so here I am now, Still sick, Still feel like shit I feel alittle bit better though, much better than I did early. Threw up 6 times today, I thought I was going to die, honestly. But they said it was from my allegries and also the fact that I didnt eat anything that day or last night.

I hate being sick! Well, Im going to go lay back down now. Farewell

1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Wednesday, April 30th, 2003

Subject:Kool-aid grin...
Time:10:28 pm.
Mood: giggly.
Hey People

I feel much more better now then I did early, I went to church and it refreshed my system and I feel better thank god. Me & Cass went to sonic to go get ice cream and she was trying to play with her straw and she got her tongue ring stuck in the straw! LOL! It was hilarous, thats what she gets. HeHe, Then when we went to go pick up KC for church she got ice cream on her skirt, HeHe. I laughed at her she got punked 3 times. LoL. But then when I went to suck on my straw I missed the straw and sucked on the spoon LoL. So that was pretty fun there's more things I did but I dont want to bore you and Im too tired to type so Im just going to go. Bye.

6 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Subject:Today sucked....
Time:5:38 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
Music:Guns N Roses -- November Rain.
Today was a horrible day, It sucked alot. I mean considering the fact that I have some crap going threw my mind I had to sit in a class room for 3 hours with the people that piss me off the most but I guess that doesnt matter anymore until tomorrow when I have to go back in there and take another test which I know Im going to fail because I cant think when I have crap on my mind.

I have so much crap going threw my head I dont even know where to start I guess I'll just start with what happened today. Okay, I wake up at 5:30 and this is early for me I usually dont wake up until 6:30 but I wanted to look nice today for my boyfriend and get there early to see him because he promised he get there early to see me and I had to hurry people up so I can get there, even got bitched out by my mom but I didnt let that bother me I was going to let that ruin my day. So, I get there all happy and exicted but it turns out hes not there so I said to myself "That's okay, maybe he'll come within the next 5 minutes or so." But the next 5 minutes past, then 15, then before I knew it the tardy bell already rung and I was the only one out there waiting for him and he never showed up. So I went to class, and took my test I figured I see him later but that didnt make me happy. I wanted to see him in the morning and actually spend some time with him, instead of in between class periods. And what made me even more mad is that he promised me he was going to come and that was the third promise he had made that he broke so that made me even more mad, But its not he's fault but then again it is he knew he couldn't make it in the mornings but he still promised me. So, whenever the bell rang for us to get out of the classroom we were in I saw him standing outside with some friends of ours waiting for their girlfriends too. He came and gave me a hug and he asked me what was wrong and I said nothing even though i should've said that there was but I didnt, I dont know. I just hate when people break promises too me, It bothers me alot. But whatever happened today between me and him was my fault, I should've said something. But Im a fuck up like that, I'll just keep it to myself thinking it will go away and it won't bother me but then later on it will get even worse and I will end up fighting with that person. I guess I just need to fix some things, but I dont know how.

Another thing thats been on my mind is that I think Im too ugly for my boyfriend that he could be with someone more prettier and nicer. I know I've talked about this already but, Its just something that keeps bugging me I dont know, I guess its just me and my stupid thoughts.

Well, I think I've wrote enough today I dont want to sit here and bore people with my life there's nothing exiciting about it. Farewell.

People Who Love Me

Tuesday, April 29th, 2003

Subject:People today...
Time:4:18 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:The sound of a lonely violen playing in my heart..
If you had a boyfriend/girlfriend and they cheated on you once before in the passed would you still be with them? I mean the person Im with right now *elijah*, I love him with all my heart. But the sad thing is I got on his yahoo one day and looked at his messenger and I saw converstations I didnt like I mean he has done things to me in the past that were really messed up, but Im still with him and I dont know why. But, there's nothing wrong with that. I see nothing wrong with the way we are today. But just the things I see on his messenger and stuff, I dont like it and he spends all his time on the computer it just worries me thats all. I mean I would never take anything that enjoys doing away from him, But It just worries me. I mean just a minute ago I logged on the computer and there was a message from some girl that said "Hey, Hottie" "How are you doing sexy?" Or something like that, and I know he talks to her. Sometimes I feel that maybe Im too ugly for him or something I dont know..Maybe I am...Who knows..Well..I really dont want to talk about this anymore so Im just going to get off the computer and go listening to music or something...Farewell.
1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Subject:This day sucked...
Time:3:48 pm.
Mood: curious.
Music:Wheatus -- Teenage Dirtbag.
Hey people, Today wasnt a very good day for someone reason. I just seemed out of place like I didnt belong in school today. I mean, Its not that I was sad/depressed/pissed or anything I just wasn't up for people's bullshit today I guess. But I went anyways because I can't miss anymore days of school or else they will take me to "court".

Allen is getting better, Im going to go see him again today. I think alittle company from all of his friends made him happy. He looked better. I gave him a little zebra beanie baby, He said it was ugly. But! I know he like it even though he won't attmit it.

Tomorrow and all threw Friday I have to take these tests, That's going to be a blast stuck in the same room with the people that piss me off the most. I can't wait for tomorrow, Notice the sarcasim? But, I might as well take them I know I can pass them Im just too lazy.

My fucking Biology teacher told me that I didnt turn in 3 papers, Which I did and he saw me but he says I didnt so I got zero's for them so that kinda pissed me off and made my day go down the hill. I wish teachers could keep up with things for once and not lose papers. That would have to take a miracle though, Too bad Im not a geunine or a magican.

Im going to corpus this saturday to look for a dress for my choir concert my friend Mary is going with me also, We're both in choir together and we need dresses. We're not the kind of people that would buy dresses every so often so we need to get some HaHa. I hope I can find one for a cheap cost, Im sure I could considering the fact that prom just finished and they probaly have all their dresses 50% off or somewhere around that.

Well, Thats all I have to say for right now. Im going to go get ready to go see stinky allen. Bye. Leave a comment if you love me, Nah you dont have too. HaHa.

People Who Love Me

Monday, April 28th, 2003

Subject:Nice cool day...
Time:4:10 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
Hey people, Just got back from school how exicting ay? It was a nice cool day today, I was all nice and cool it was great. Anyways, School sucked as usually nothing new. Just another ordinary monday. Me and Elijah didnt fight today either that was a good thing, Usually we do. I guess that's something new.

Allen is in the hospital, poor thing. He has nomina <-- didnt spell that right sorry. Yeah, Im going to go see him in alittle bit so I dont really have time to update, I'll update more when I get back I need to go change and get dress.

Well, I'm off. Bye

1 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Sunday, April 27th, 2003

Subject:Just another ordinary Sunday....
Time:3:27 pm.
Mood: awake.
Music:Trapt -- Still Frame.
Hey everyone, I just woke up like an hour ago. Decided to get on the computer and update this since I havent done it in awhile. Today I have to go sing @ a local church, the high school choir does. I'm not really up too it but I have to considering the fact that its my church and all. So, That's on my agend today.

Saturday was a good day. I got up around 9, got on the computer and just looked around at local sites and what not. Then around 4 or so I went over to my boyfriend's house, just kinda laid around and watch movies that was a blast. HeHe

Friday was just the same as Saturday.

Blah, Blah, Blah. I feel like crap. But not that anyone cares. Well, I guess I'm off. I'll update this whenever.

2 Kissed Me| People Who Love Me

Blurty for Nikki.

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