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[Thursday
October 2nd At 10:41AM] |
it wasn't until last night when i had my arm around your neck to hold me up when i realized i couldn't live like this anymore we were leaving the club and i could barely stand & it was 2 am and raining but i was still wearing my sunglasses and you didn't understand and my words were slurring so bad i couldn't explain it even if i understood and once we got halfway to my apartment you heard my heels stop clicking so you had to pick me up and i looked dead drunk in your arms my curls were waves at that point i looked like a child in your arms my hands were shaking not because i was nervous but because my body was so tired from the past couple of months and once you carried me up the stairs to my place you had to fumble around for my door key while you still held me and the looks you were getting from the bystanders were terrible they had no idea you were my hero that night once the door opened you laid me down on my bed and left me when i heard the front door slam my body jumped for the first time in days and the sunglasses finally fell off my face and you really werent there this time and that's when i realized i couldn't live like this anymore.
the next morning i spent a majority of the day with my head in the bathroom but i had no idea where yours was at because you didn't call me, you were no where to be found.
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| heaven |
[Saturday
April 21st At 9:53PM] |
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so tongiht we were really high and we were driving over that same bridge we always drive over but when we were driving up it the sun was setting on the other side and the whole sky was purples and pinks and orange it looked like we were driving into heaven and the windows were down and it finally felt warm. the type of warm weve been waiting for all fall and all winter and the wind was blowing in our hair and we were just staring man staring and jamming out driving into the sunset. i swear to god i really think thats what heaven looks like man. it was a beautiful thing.
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[Thursday
February 22nd At 8:52PM] |
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adasfd
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| " we love eachother, but were not in love with eachother" |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 10:06PM] |
im afraid we are drifting apart
you dont wait up for my call
and im not falling part
oh i love you and care for you
i just dont think you feel the smae way
and that kills me because i thought you did
and i dont want to be alone anymore
so stay with me even though you feel nothing
because this company is more than i could ask for
i love running to you when i have a problem
i love hearing your voice when i call
where did we go wrong
when did our love die
" we love eachother, but were not in love with eachother"
thats what you preach
thats what pushed me further away
when im with you
i can say anything or do anything
and not feel ashamed or embaressed
i can truely be myself
i thought that was special
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| australia |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 10:03PM] |
he said
"if you take anything from this
remember this one thing
dont do those drugs
they will ruin your life"
he said
"when you forget me
just remember this
dont try those drugs
they will ruin your life
just like they did to mine"
if i was there halfway around the world with you
you wouldnt have to rely on a substance
you could be addicted to me
it kills me to think
that being waist high in this ocean
is the closest ill ever get to you
what your doing to yourself
it isnt safe
you might not wake up tommorow
i may never talk to you again
oh my god
i could save you if you really cared
its one am here its 3 pm there
never thought id get this interetes ina person ill never meet
i cant explain it, but this feeling in my gut
tells me that one day we will find eachother at just the right time
he said to me,
"you distract me from doing it"
youve been taking them for 5 years now
how about you just take 5 years with me
i know it would never between you and me
buyt its just that i could make yo so happy
and its painful to know
that ill never get the chance
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| fate |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 10:01PM] |
fate doesnt bring two people together
effort does
you can not move on unless you know youve tried
thats why all the slackers are left behind
if someone doesnt want you anymore
you cant change their mind
life doesnt work that way
you cant make your heart feel things it doesnt want to feel
you cant convice yourself that the feelings are real
you can fake them for the things you want
which mose people do
tell someone you love them but leave them feeling used
if there is anything i learned from this
is too look out for myself
and dont ever trust anyone with your precious gifts
they can only be unwrapped once
until the paper starts thinning and wasting away
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| fuck you |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:59PM] |
accepting yourself and the person you are
is more difficult then getting you back
but iw ouldnt want either
id rather spend my death alone
solitary and naked just how i came into this world
yeards of lies and the constant remind that
i will never be good enoguh
resulted in this day
this hour
this second
time will stop on nobodys clock but mine
sit back and reflect before its too alte
stop and think before its pushed too far
for i am not forcing this pain
the ghosts of my past are beggining to terrorize me
my strongest fear is not to be alone nor to die alone
it is to feel alone
to loose control fo everything ive earned
just to let go of the things that didnt make it all
tear myself to sleep?
no i must wake up thinking it will only get better from here
this will not beat me
i will not fall apart
for am i stronger than any self centered boy that tries to tear this wall of self pride down
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| dont make me choose between you two |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:57PM] |
the sun is shining oh so bright
its beautiful out here
but nothing seems alright
i feel so out of place
in a place ive been in my whole life
im not complaining
im just trying to understand
why im doign this to myself again
theres no point in asking other people for help
when i cant even help myself
when the sun sets my luck better change
i cant spend another moment staring at these spider webs
waiting for one to pbreak
my music and myself
surrounded by pale flowers going on my sixth hour
anything to think about the only thing that i should be thinking about
no more choosing, let it fall into place
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| .... |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:56PM] |
just wanted to say thank you
for standing me up again
you are so thoughtful
how do you do it?
oh and the adding of "i love you"
at the end of the conversation
was a great touch
stop contradicting yourself
STOP HURTING ME
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| you can't make someone love you |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:53PM] |
broken up, torn apart
left alone
where do i start?
hideous foolish & fat
brainwashed me to think all of that
tell me you cared
but you never loved
and all i can ask myself is
why didnt he love me?
why couldnt he cherish all of my qualities
why couldnt he accept all of my flaws
because love dies, promises are over
a missing petal on a four leaf clover
hearts are filled with blood distress and sex
and broken by the boy which they possess
i cannot accept the mere actuality
that you just didnt want me
being unwanted is far worse than being used
and being used is far worse than being in love
and being in love is far worse then being alone
but we all seem to end up thjat way
how could ytou say you used me
how could you bring your mouth to say such awful words
how could you allow your heart to perform such dreadful actions
to someone who wanted nothing more then to let you know
"she cared"
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| the breakup |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:52PM] |
everything i fear is coming true
and the worst thing is i actually lost you
the chain that repeats itself
has finally broken
the pieces have shattered
and when the morning comes
i will be reminded
of the mess we left
hearts that need mending
cant heal by themselves
i catch myself thinking about you all the time
such a shame we couldnt work it out
such a shame the flames have been put out
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| you have no idea |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:49PM] |
its amazing how we think we've seen everything
when we barely left this place
everyones faces become so familiar
we forget there mores around
drive past the interstate and let me know what youve found
dont fall apart cause no one around here can please you
just remember how big the world is
and that theres someone ine very town in every country
that could knock you head over heels
dont break down
i found its hard to pick up the pieces
and putting yourself back together is a waste of time
confisdering it will happen again
because love is blind
i try i really do
i try to remember that ill be able to
lave this place
but it feels like it will nevre happen
they tell me it will they tell me it will
they preach how good i have it and how its not a bad town
but do they have anyt idea how hopeless a seventeen year odl can feel
no because they never walked in these shoes, not even an inch
they never cried these tears
they never felt these feelings
hard to hold on when theres nothing worth grasping
is something har dto contain
and hard to control
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| last |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:47PM] |
live a little & you a lose a lot
of your confidence
and integrity
so thank you
take a chance and youll take the fall
at the center of your heart
you split open your seam
id like to say thank you
if you let your guard down
you let yourself down
cause he'll hope you
continue to break down
onec again
thank you
so lets pull the knifes out of our backs
heal everything up
and just relax
i dont love anyone at all
anyymore
its easier this way
trust me
after you im done
i want to move on
tell me are you ahppy now
that your not last
lets compare & contrast
cause ill just be your first...
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| the rebound isnt going to happen for you |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:45PM] |
yeah its cold in the winter
but your heart just makes it freezing
so this is what ive come to be
seven months made it so easily
to not feel at all
but i got my act together
were no longer forever
so go find some girl
steal her heart
because i dont care
ill be the bets girl you ever had
i was out of your league
but i gave you a chance
now your not worth another glance, on no
i knwo this must sound mean
but im only sixteen
and there been so many guys ive seen
i gave up so many other guys for you
dont say you gave up girls too
because none of them could stand you
they thought you were nice?
well heres your fucking pirze
you better get yourself together
because no girl will want you ever
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| spotlights |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:38PM] |
i know i let you down
everyday
in every possible way
i know im not good enough for you
or anyone at all
and you, you like to see me so down
and i know im not special like you thought i was
you realized im nothing to anyone
and i cant do anything right
i start all the fights
you just make me cry
wishing that i would just die
or get away from here
i go to sleep hoping i dont dream of you
i cant do anything right
so just let me go
let me know
that you hate me as much as i know you do
my self confidence got lost somewhere int he past
by the way you talk to me it seems its going to stay that way for a while
i wish you cold be my angle, make me whole again
and if you are and this is heaven then it feels like hell
so baby are you gonna make an effort to save me?
you turn to me and say :count your blessings"
well im stuck at number one
you were my number one babe
i still start all the fights
you still make me cry
tell me some many lies
i cant sleep afraid that i would dream of you
i still cantr do anything right
you bring me up
just to bring me down
but im a toy to you
so youll just keep me around
hey babe i still feel slighty happy at times
well whats taking you so long
arent you going to take it from me
along with my dignitiy, my personality, any feelings at all
well hello to you and congratulations
i am compeletely dead inside.
if you live all your life in the spotlight your never good enough in anyting you do
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| the hint |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:33PM] |
you were always such a sucker for eyes
and you said you loved the way mine sparkled and shined
and you said
those were the most beautiful eyes you ever did see
but what did you see in me?
you thought i was the perfect girl
but perfectiuon must have ran short thist time around
because youd rather be scratching your eyes out
then to keep me around
you wont admit it, oh no you wont
but i cant see it inyour eyes
hear it in your voice
and smell it on your clothes
i just wanted to say
thanks for being my muse
at least two good things came out of this
about 70 songs and an empty bottle of jack daniels in the other room
ill be fine dont worry about me
gon on your free to go out on your own
i wont annoy you on the phone, i wont show up at your door
i wont do anything to disturb you and your new whore
i get the hint
ITS OVER
so tell angle
does she make you smile like i do
o rshe kiss like me
oh wait, no one kisses like me
we both agreed on that
because you wont even deny
how many times out lips locked
and you got lost in my eyes
but im taking that all back now
and ill put it under my pillow
so when i sleep i can dream of all the time we had
because i knwo they will never happen again
hey babe its okay
i get the hint
its over...
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| the rain is for romantics |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:31PM] |
There is just something about the rain
that makes everything seek okay
the way it touches my face
soaks my hair into place
its madew for the romantics
as the waters get rough in the atlantic
and i just wish you were here.
we held eachother
as the thunder made us hide under covers
and the lighting striked perfectly each time
when we were gazing in eachothers eyes
off of yours into mine.
and i grabbed your hand as you grabbed my heart
i knew we were off to a wonderful start
and even though the storm would b eover soon
we would still lay entangled in your room
this is what love is about
memories are forever
and this one i am glad to have
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| im sorry |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:27PM] |
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i'm sorry but i have to start detaching myself again in a few weeks it going to get bad and i doubt that i am emotionally stable enough to handle this again. i'm not sure if i am content or at a new stage of emptiness. I'm scared. Cause whats going to happen? nobody knows. I dont want ot hurt anymore. I dont want to hurt you. I dont want to be without you either. I love being with you. Its just the drama that comes along with it that i cant handle. I am strong but i love. They cancel eachother out now. This is draining all of my energy. I can barely speak, im exhausted. Im giving up. I gave up. Im gone.
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| October 14th |
[Tuesday
February 20th At 9:24PM] |
As i sit in the darkness
my room pitch black
I look in the mirror
and pull out a knife from my back
the size of your ego
i push it down on my skin
doing this was such a sin
but i didnt care
hell it couldnt be much worse
then what you put me there through there
before i knew it
It felt so good
i screamed bloody murder
in a screeching sound
but no one came in
and no one called
but my lasy words
had to be something good
i called up your house and i got the machine
"you know what you did was real mean
yeah let me pull these knifes out of my sp ine
but let me keep the one in my wrist
i broke you heart ? so you broke my lifespan
id say about 2 minutes before my bones are dry cold
ithis blood is soaking into my carpet
i feel weak and old
but yet so alive
I did this for you, you know
happy birthday by the way
coincidence i picked this date?
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[Sunday
December 24th At 1:37AM] |
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a part of me just wants to hurt myself because its christmas eve and its different this year very different so maybe i should act a little different myself, i dont know what to do.
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