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mood |
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rushed |
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music |
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Jack Johnson - Brushfire Fairytales |
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it's 1:15 AM. i have a project due in 10 and 1/2 hours, and i have to sleep. that wouldn't be so shitty, except i have a packed day tomorrow ( 4 classes back to back, an apartment-viewing appointment, a little time to eat, then a volleyball game) that i really could use some energy for, which i won't have. i was about to do the usual shithead-steve thing and just go to bed, and vow to turn the project in late, but i'm gonna flip the script. i've been actually getting slightly motivated, i went to all 4 classes on tuesday, for the first time in about a month. i will do the same tomorrow, too. there might be a new steve in the works.
today was a suprise, i hopped on my suitemate's volleyball team last minute...mine fell through because i am a shithead with paperwork. we're alright, we've got some practicing to do. i looooooove volleyball so much. i have a game tomorrow, as mentioned above, i'm psyched about that. so glad to be playing again.
this weekend should be fun:
i haven't spoken to my boss since monday, i hope i still have a job :-/ . i'm going to call him tomorrow and see if i can get some hours, which i'll probably regret, when he slams me on fri-sat-sun. i might not get paid for like another month, when i'll get hit with a lot of money at once, but i need it right now. which sucks. i want to buy a whole load of things, like new plugs (getting sick of black glass and tunnels), some clothes (nothing crazy: a nice, tight hoodie of some sweet band, a hat, maybe some t-shirts for spring), a gamepad controller for my computer, TTCM (the original) on DVD, probably some other things i can't think of.
i haven't seen kris much in the past few days because she's sick, but with a little luck she'll be feeling better and the weekend is when i have the most time for chilling anyway, so that's nice. not trying to turn my journal into a sapfest, but it's worth mentioning how awesome she is. in regards to the dating/relationship aspect of my life, i think i'm the happiest i've been in a while. so that's nice.
Final Fantasy VI is going pretty well, playing about three hours a day, i'm almost half-way through. it's still not totally picking up, i don't have high hopes for this game. it's not terrible though. the character relationships are really underdeveloped though, reminds me of an amateur film-maker or something. looking to beat this game before spring break, so i can dedicate spring break to fun in real life instead, before i start another RPG. i am soooo back into video games, wish i'd never left. i was on gamestop.com the other day checking out how many sweet games have slipped past me in my absense. gotta spend some cash on that too, maybe it'll wait 'til summer though.
unfortunately, i've got a deadline impending for a lot of make-up work, i absolutely intend to do some of that this weekend. that's where the weekend won't be fun. but i'll find some kinda way to keep motivated.
so now the big issue i'm wrestling with...
(Just a Warning, this is probably a little more personal then i'll usually get on here)
a little background if you don't know, on academics:
-i'm a sophomore
-i'm about 6 credits behind
-i'm a women studies major, undeclared minor
-my gen eds are almost all wrapped up
-i'm almost single handedly going to take on leadership of a group on campus, SETA: Students for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
a little background if you don't know, on my social life:
-my girlfriend is graduating and moving far far away in 2.5 months
-in almost two years of college, with the exception of maybe john daciuk, maggie johnson and a few here or there, i haven't made any serious friends. (NOTE: this is in no way meant to talk shit, please don't be offended). everyone else has either came and went, or gotten really busy and we're on some kinda hiatus. i'm not crying about it, but i'm a little upset that i have so much trouble. i wrestle with feelings of insecurity about my character, but i think about my friends back home, specifically my brother, slice, tim, and kaitlyn. i had to do something right to make them stick around for so long. i miss them sooooooo much, it's rough.
a little background if you don't know, on my living conditions:
-i hate the dorm life, i want a place with a communal living room, not one where i lock myself in my fortress-like room and mind my own
-i hate the food on campus more than anything, i can't live like this anymore. it's having negative affects on my physical health, as well as my happiness. it usually tastes like shit, everyday i am usually faced with a question of ethics, and it wastes a lot of my time
so, with that said...i've been looking at apartments with John. we're having some luck with that, which is awesome. it'll be a really nice life, living on my own, buying groceries, cooking great food, short walks to bars and bombers, etc. that will solve my living conditions, and a small chunk of my social situation.
however, for the following reasons, i am considering taking a year off of college:
-i have no idea what i really want to do with my life
-i want some time to live for me, without school and money problems holding me down all the time
. . . -i want to buy a reliable car
. . . -i want to travel, leave the country even
-i want to be close to the people i really love.
-i never decided whole-heartedly to go to college. i got good grades in high school, went to college cuz that's what kids do. scared to take some time for me, because they say once you leave you never go back. well, a certain individual i know is proving that belief WAY WRONG. granted, he's a better man than i am, but i think we share some things in common and i could follow his success. i could leave, come back after a year and know what i want to do, and get awesome grades. right now i'm doing shitty, because i'm not totally motivated to work. it sucks.
so, i have until sunday to tell john whether i'm in or out on the apartment business. do i move in with a good guy, pick a minor fast, stick with a women studies major, take on SETA and do the best i can, find a way to get motivated, and scramble through the next two years, leaving behind the only really great things i'll still have in my life, or do i hit pause? spend some time with the ones i love, risk getting bored, risk wasting a year of my life on nothing, risk losing focus.
it's crunch time :-/
Steven
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