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steven

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(still holding on...)

[03 Mar 2005|02:45am]
i have transferred all entries in this journal to my livejournal, i update that now.

click here to read it.

(still holding on...)

:-/ [03 Mar 2005|01:13am]
[ mood | rushed ]
[ music | Jack Johnson - Brushfire Fairytales ]

it's 1:15 AM. i have a project due in 10 and 1/2 hours, and i have to sleep. that wouldn't be so shitty, except i have a packed day tomorrow ( 4 classes back to back, an apartment-viewing appointment, a little time to eat, then a volleyball game) that i really could use some energy for, which i won't have. i was about to do the usual shithead-steve thing and just go to bed, and vow to turn the project in late, but i'm gonna flip the script. i've been actually getting slightly motivated, i went to all 4 classes on tuesday, for the first time in about a month. i will do the same tomorrow, too. there might be a new steve in the works.

today was a suprise, i hopped on my suitemate's volleyball team last minute...mine fell through because i am a shithead with paperwork. we're alright, we've got some practicing to do. i looooooove volleyball so much. i have a game tomorrow, as mentioned above, i'm psyched about that. so glad to be playing again.

this weekend should be fun:

i haven't spoken to my boss since monday, i hope i still have a job :-/ . i'm going to call him tomorrow and see if i can get some hours, which i'll probably regret, when he slams me on fri-sat-sun. i might not get paid for like another month, when i'll get hit with a lot of money at once, but i need it right now. which sucks. i want to buy a whole load of things, like new plugs (getting sick of black glass and tunnels), some clothes (nothing crazy: a nice, tight hoodie of some sweet band, a hat, maybe some t-shirts for spring), a gamepad controller for my computer, TTCM (the original) on DVD, probably some other things i can't think of.

i haven't seen kris much in the past few days because she's sick, but with a little luck she'll be feeling better and the weekend is when i have the most time for chilling anyway, so that's nice. not trying to turn my journal into a sapfest, but it's worth mentioning how awesome she is. in regards to the dating/relationship aspect of my life, i think i'm the happiest i've been in a while. so that's nice.

Final Fantasy VI is going pretty well, playing about three hours a day, i'm almost half-way through. it's still not totally picking up, i don't have high hopes for this game. it's not terrible though. the character relationships are really underdeveloped though, reminds me of an amateur film-maker or something. looking to beat this game before spring break, so i can dedicate spring break to fun in real life instead, before i start another RPG. i am soooo back into video games, wish i'd never left. i was on gamestop.com the other day checking out how many sweet games have slipped past me in my absense. gotta spend some cash on that too, maybe it'll wait 'til summer though.

unfortunately, i've got a deadline impending for a lot of make-up work, i absolutely intend to do some of that this weekend. that's where the weekend won't be fun. but i'll find some kinda way to keep motivated.

so now the big issue i'm wrestling with...

(Just a Warning, this is probably a little more personal then i'll usually get on here)

a little background if you don't know, on academics:
-i'm a sophomore
-i'm about 6 credits behind
-i'm a women studies major, undeclared minor
-my gen eds are almost all wrapped up
-i'm almost single handedly going to take on leadership of a group on campus, SETA: Students for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

a little background if you don't know, on my social life:
-my girlfriend is graduating and moving far far away in 2.5 months
-in almost two years of college, with the exception of maybe john daciuk, maggie johnson and a few here or there, i haven't made any serious friends. (NOTE: this is in no way meant to talk shit, please don't be offended). everyone else has either came and went, or gotten really busy and we're on some kinda hiatus. i'm not crying about it, but i'm a little upset that i have so much trouble. i wrestle with feelings of insecurity about my character, but i think about my friends back home, specifically my brother, slice, tim, and kaitlyn. i had to do something right to make them stick around for so long. i miss them sooooooo much, it's rough.

a little background if you don't know, on my living conditions:
-i hate the dorm life, i want a place with a communal living room, not one where i lock myself in my fortress-like room and mind my own
-i hate the food on campus more than anything, i can't live like this anymore. it's having negative affects on my physical health, as well as my happiness. it usually tastes like shit, everyday i am usually faced with a question of ethics, and it wastes a lot of my time

so, with that said...i've been looking at apartments with John. we're having some luck with that, which is awesome. it'll be a really nice life, living on my own, buying groceries, cooking great food, short walks to bars and bombers, etc. that will solve my living conditions, and a small chunk of my social situation.

however, for the following reasons, i am considering taking a year off of college:
-i have no idea what i really want to do with my life
-i want some time to live for me, without school and money problems holding me down all the time
. . . -i want to buy a reliable car
. . . -i want to travel, leave the country even
-i want to be close to the people i really love.
-i never decided whole-heartedly to go to college. i got good grades in high school, went to college cuz that's what kids do. scared to take some time for me, because they say once you leave you never go back. well, a certain individual i know is proving that belief WAY WRONG. granted, he's a better man than i am, but i think we share some things in common and i could follow his success. i could leave, come back after a year and know what i want to do, and get awesome grades. right now i'm doing shitty, because i'm not totally motivated to work. it sucks.

so, i have until sunday to tell john whether i'm in or out on the apartment business. do i move in with a good guy, pick a minor fast, stick with a women studies major, take on SETA and do the best i can, find a way to get motivated, and scramble through the next two years, leaving behind the only really great things i'll still have in my life, or do i hit pause? spend some time with the ones i love, risk getting bored, risk wasting a year of my life on nothing, risk losing focus.

it's crunch time :-/

Steven

(2 scared kids | still holding on...)

RPGs [01 Mar 2005|12:46pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | The Backup Plan - ? (some rare stuff dave sent me) ]

so for fun i'm making a list of all the RPGs i've beaten. i might have to edit this list later:

Final Fantasy II (NES)
Final Fantasy VII (PSX)
Final Fantasy VIII (PSX)
Final Fantasy IX (PSX)
Final Fantasy X (PS2)
Chrono Trigger (SNES, but i played PSX rerelease)
Chrono Cross (PSX)
Xenogears (PSX)
Sword of Hope (GB)
Pokemon: Blue (GBC)
Breath of Fire III (PSX)
Rise of the Dragon (SEGA CD)

action RPGs:
Legend of Zelda (NES)
LoZ: Link's Awakening (GB)
Dark Cloud (PS2)
The Bouncer (PS2)
Shenmue (DC)

My to-do list (in order):
Final Fantasy VI (PSX rerelease, currently 1/2 way through)
Final Fantasy V (PSX rerelease)
Final Fantasy IV (PSX rerelease)
Kingdom Hearts (PS2)
Final Fantasy X-2 (PS2)

comment with yours.

(still holding on...)

hmm [01 Mar 2005|01:42am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Black Sabbath - Paranoid ]

it's 1:43 AM, and i am hoping that this snowstorm will cause my classes tomorrow to be cancelled. i have an exam tomorrow morning that i just found out about, not completely prepared for it. i don't really mind that though, i think i'll ace it anyway, i know the material, i just want an excuse to sleep in and play a little more final fantasy.

i just found out taco bell jalapeno sauce is vegan, i'm excited about that. this means that the 99 cent bean burrito especial (competitively priced the same as the regular bean burrito, but double the size) is totally vegan if you get it without cheese. i'm excited about this, the jalapeno sauce tastes excellent but i had stopped eating it until further review, because it has a creamy texture. anyway, taco bell is a staple for the vegan mall worker and all around fast food junkie.

i decided i'm going to cut off fun things for myself if i can't make it to class. meaning, if i don't go to all of my classes, i'm not allowed to play video games that day. i need to do that. i am going to try to turn things around for myself and do well this semester.

i decided i'm going to stay in albany with kristen for spring break. that way i can keep going to work, have access to the library for make-up work, and kris and i can spend a nice chunk of time together. i was hoping to get home and see my friends, so i might go home for a couple days, just not the full 10.

i'm going to sleep.

(1 scared kid | still holding on...)

ff [28 Feb 2005|05:14pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | Another Breath - Not Now, Not Ever ]

i called in to work and offered my shift out to anyone that wanted it, so i could play final fantasy six all day, do a little schoolwork, and then hang out with kristen. i'm really excited about that.

final fantasy six is not a bad game, a little drab, kinda overhyped. too many people are loyal to this "if it's an SNES RPG, it must be incredible" ideology. the truth is, these SNES RPGs are excellent for their time period, but only really fair, when compared to more recent RPGs. it has nothing to do with the graphics... although better graphics can pull you in better, and voice-overs make the game more like a movie, a good story is a good story no matter the medium on which it is presented. the plotline is just, slightly underdeveloped, not as full as those to follow. i also think it's not that challenging...levels come really fast, every character has incredible skills, a little extra leveling and you smash through every fight, even the bosses. we'll see if that changes...

i paused the game now (5:20 PM) to think about dinner, i'm starting to get a little hungry. this afternoon, they had vegetable calzones in the dining hall, but they weren't vegan. leo said the couldn't use the soy cheese, because it came in slices, so they used ricotta. this really bothers me, because a few weeks ago, they had vegetable calzones, said they were vegan with soy cheese, and they did not have sliced soy cheese, they had a seemingly real cheese product in them. i was skeptical, they must not have been vegan, which is pretty shitty.

maggie is convinced that i won't do any work tonight, that i will play final fantasy and then go straight to hanging out with kristen, then sleep...she's wrong.

(1 scared kid | still holding on...)

if i wasn't so cold, i'd swear this was hell [27 Feb 2005|09:13pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Bane - Give Blood ]

i miss my mom
i miss my brother
i miss slice
i miss tim

i miss the people who really care.

(still holding on...)

after talking enough shit [27 Feb 2005|06:51pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | american nightmare - S/T ]

i decided to start a journal today. i was gonna go with livejournal. i forgot i still had this one from back in the day, so i patched up some (what i think is) nifty code and got ready to start. i talk a lot of shit about journals, because when i had one, all i did was talk shit, and start fights. i don't think i'm gonna do that kinda thing anymore, it's kinda lame. if i find myself causing trouble with this thing, i'm gonna shut it down again. i don't think it matters, i don't know who will actually read it. if you ever find something i wrote in here to be annoying, too personal, etc.... lemme know.

(still holding on...)

can't take it away from me...can't take my pride [11 Aug 2003|12:59am]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | kill your idols - i told you so ]

Kill Your Idols
you are Kill Your Idols - it's all about unity and
keeping it positive!


What NYHC band are you??


sounds good to me.

st-evil

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