Dedicated to Jamie Gayheart   
01:14pm 07/09/2003
mood: annoyed
music: Carls Music..Its So Loud..
You're a lame ass and I want to abuse you, you fucking whore.
My Sad Little Convo With Brian   
10:26pm 03/09/2003
mood: weird
music: Silverchair
Me: Please Stay.. My Friend Is On Away..I'm Lonely
Brian: Get a dog
Me: I Have a dog.. she doesn't play.
Brian: I don't play either
Me: Aww
Me: Can't you just pretend?
Brian: Uhm.. no.
Brian: I'm going now..

Man.. I wish my dog played and stuff.. old poop head.
* Rawk On Dood'ette *   
09:23pm 03/09/2003
mood: happy
music: South Bay BesSie
...Well, today I have several random thoughts to *express* . But I don't know where to begin, there's so much I haven't said. . . and a lot that I've been thinking, so I'll just start with whatever comes to mind, and stop when I get bored.

*^*^* Anyway. . . Grosse Ile's going Okay'ish.. Not the best, yet far from the worst. I'm assuming that I'll like it a lot more than my previous school. I actually like going to school here, unlike my last H.S. I dreaded it.

*^*^* Our New House Gets Built.. In Like.. 1 1/2 Months :-D "WooT WoOT"

*^*^* I stopped crying as much. I cry much less than I did when I Lived with Jean. . . I'm happy here, I *think*. Sometimes Chris gets on my ass about gay stupid shit. I'm not used to being *Restricted* from doing what I *wanT*

*^*^* Homecoming.. What to do, what to do. Tina says I should go with her, Stacey, Robin, and the girls... But I don't like the idea of going "stag".. but I don't feel like finding a "date" . Tina and I are going to go shopping one day for dresses... but who *really* knows.. My moods and opinions change frequently.

*^*^*Boyfriends. . .I want one.. but I dont *need* one.. I don't feel like searching for one.
So I don't have one. lol.

*^*^* I met some cool people.. yet I failed to meet people in MY graduating class. Everyone's older... :-\ So when it comes time for me to graduate, I won't know anyone really in my class, shitty deal, eh?

*^*^* As I've probably previously stated.. I Love Emo Boiz. Boys In Bands. Boys with Piercings. Boys who *Don't* Care About Others' Opinions. Boys That Love Music. Boys Who Keep Convos aLive. Guys That Write "Awesome" and "dude". BoYs That Don't Carea Bout Money. Boys Who Rawk..From Inside Out. Boys Who Aren't Lazy.. And Boys That DOn't CHeat. Arg... Just.. Unique, Awesome, Dare To Be Different GUYS. And @ Grosse Ile.. They're mega hard to find. . . yet I managed to find one, but I don't think he's interested.. give me a week and I'll get over my *obsession* .. as I call it.
Blah Blah Blah. . .   
10:50am 30/08/2003
mood: annoyed
music: NoFx
1 am... and Chris freaked out and told me everything was bullshit... My curfew w/ Jean used to be midnight - 1:30 ish... or later depending on where I was.. here it's like 10.. wtF? Now Chris is trying to give me a BED TIME... O..M... G.. This makes me so annoyed... and It's immature and Lame.. I'm almost 16 for crying out loud.
Yesterday Sue tried to inform me that Gothic people are bad... so we argued... and it wasn't a bad argument.. then Chris had to put his two sense in... and then it blew up. Okay.. and I don't see ANYTHING what so ever wrong with Goth's...And even if I did.. I wouldn't say that they ALL do this or they ALL do that... That's wrong. UGH... I can't even dress the way that I want to dress because they think it's steering me in the wrong direction... I'm not used to having my personal appearance stripped away.. I don't like to conform.. yet here I am.. wearing trendy stupid shit... and I don't feel like rebeling.. just to get a slap in the face and be told I have an even BIGGER limit on my curfews etc... This IS bullshit.
Jean used to be so much more leanant... and she wasn't the best mom.. but she wasn't the worst.. and she knew that I could take care of myself to a certain point... and it's so lame that Chris and Sue treat me like I'm a baby... But Eh.. What.. The.. Fuck..Ever.
Update Nation   
12:47pm 23/08/2003
mood: sick
music: The Starting Line- best of me
I've been sick and I start school in G.i. Monday.. ew? All of the freshman are super immature, I don't like them much.. but I can't really judge them before I know them.. I went to the movies with Mike.. he's a cool guy.. Anyway... I gotta go to Trenton, I'll write more later tonite... I miss my zachary... really bad... I can't wait to see him.. omgggg *HEART ATTACK* ZAc Zac Zac..
I Miss Chad    
07:56pm 12/08/2003
mood: content
music: Choking Victim
Chad: Love is over rated
Me: yea I know... the people that are in love take it for granted and abuse it, and the people who don't have it, want it, and get sad over relationships..:-(
Chad: ya.... I was in love once.. but then (Broken Heart)
Me: Hmm... yea, i thought I was in love before.. but now I just sorta... don't know any more if it was or if it wasn't.. cuz if it was.. then why didnt it last, ya know? or whatever..
Chad: I am over you, don't worry. lol
Me:but then again, im kinda dumb when it comes to break ups, lol.
Me:Eh, I am over you also.. but then every once in a while. . . im like "aww chad moes" :-\
Chad: I always thought what we had was good. :-S
Me: Me too... It was good Chad...
Me:But, lol... when I start to think too much, then I just start thinking one thing after the other, and then I'm like "omg this relationship wont work" so i make up a reason, and break up with people
Chad: . . . (broken heart)
Me: Yea... Anyway... :-\
Chad: well I gotta go , nice talking with you. peace ya later.
Me: K... nice talking to you also, later *thumbs up*

First time we've had a decent convo since we broke up.. and yesterday.. we got along pretty good too :-\ I miss him ... We didn't fight... we just didn't have good enough.. communication, and he didn't tell me things about why he was upset.. and I didn't understand why he wouldn't tell me... :-\ But we could've made it work... but I suppose that since i moved.. it doesn't much matter... right? Who knows... I give up on relationships for now... I mean, I thought I liked somebody new... but I kinda... don't get him, and what I did wrong to make him not call... so I give up for now =)

Peace Out.
The Events Of My DAy...   
02:46pm 12/08/2003
mood: amused
music: Thrice
Well.. Last nite was crazy, I don't get high, yet everyone fails to realize this and still tries to con my money from me. Anyway... I'm in Matt's Car with Two guys named Matt, lol, and then Behind us is Zac, Chad, Derek, Steph, and Danielle... Okay, well I give them directions, and we take off... Then we go around the block for some odd reason... and then we run into the whole 2398 friends that were in Zac's car... and they think the car is broken or something. Meanwhile Matt and Matt are worried we'll get help from the police, which would suck because Matt and Matt dont have insurance on the eclipse... so... here we are on a country road, when the Fire Department STOPPED to help us, geesh, his muffler or something fell off :-O Matt TAKES off with all of my belongings in his car, omg I was so pissed, but he took off because they thought it was the police ... but it wasnt, they flipped on the crazy lights though. lol. So after all the car trouble is taken care of, Derek wants to be left at Andreas because he's tired of all the running around and circus ride, so here we go, Zac drops him off, and then we are on our way to COLDWATER... jesus..does the chaos ever end?... So... We get to coldwater, Zac and Chad and everyone want us to be at CHADS house, which is understandable... but instead matt decides to drive home, our tank is on empty, and its raining... so here we go, and then 1 hours LATER, Matts like "oh hey its past ur curfew" WTF... So anyway, here we are way part curfew and running around in a car with no insurance and a bag full of wee dunder our seats.. whatever... we get to chads and we're rolling a blunt., and his dad walks up and goes "what am i missing, im not stupid chad... Hey kid is that a blunt between ur legs" Kamp goes "not unless you want a cigar" *Wipes off forehead* it was nuts. THEN They spilled the extra shizit we were supposed to take back to Nate in Hillsdale, so whatever with that, and thennnn Kevin told us to meet him at a party to get his money, he never even showed, so we had to come up with more money than what we had... :-\ Then Steph's dad was pissed because we weren't there... and meanwhile back at Chads house... his dad knew about the pot, and threw chads hat down, and looked at the table, but he didnt notice that when he threw the hat, it made the roach fall off the table... which is wayyyyy lucky for us, so he leaves, we roll it, we leave to go to Kids Kingdom... well here we are smoking a blunt in a kids playground with pouring rain under the pevillian.... Woo, so finally we went back to hillsdale, After Zac randomly hydro planed because he was high.. and I wanted to drink, not smoke, Blahhhhhhhhh.
Jamie Vs. Ashanti The R & B Artist   
02:32pm 12/08/2003
mood: amused
music: ASHANTI Mwahahha
Jamie= My Sister
*Driving IN The Car And Listening To 95.5*

Jamie: Who sings this?
Me: Probably Ashanti, sounds like her
Jamie: Yea it does..

*Another song comes on*

Jamie: okay who sings this
Me: Ashanti..
Jamie: Why do they keep playing ashanti??
Me: It's Trendy...You should know about trendy things
Jamie *pokes stephanies bruise on her arm*

**New Song comes on**

Jamie: Who's this?
Me: Duh, Ashanti..
Jamie: Nuh uh, this isnt her style...
Me: Are you 100% sure???
Jamie: No :-\
Me: See stupid, It's ashanti, she just like Variety..Duh!

*Radio anNouncer: And that was Lil Kim*
Jamier: What, I thought it was ASHaNti *gives her little sister (me) a dirty look)
Me: *Laughing* I don't listen to rap, I just guess the first name that comes into my head..And Ashanti reminds me of Anti Ash... so there you go...
Jamie: Beats up little sisters bruises.
My Sister And Ashanti The R & B Artist...   
02:25pm 12/08/2003
  My Sister: Who sings this?
Me: Probably Ashanti, sounds like her
My Sister: Yea it does..
*Another song comes on*
My Sister: okay who sings this
Me: Ashanti..
My Sister: Why do they keep playing ashanti??
Me: Dunno.
**New Song comes on-A Guy Singing**
My Sister: Who's this?
Me: Duh, Ashanti..
My Sister: Nuh uh, this is a guy
Me: Are you 100% sure???
My Sister: No :-\
Me: See stupid, It's ashanti, she just changed her voice..!
Radio anNouncer: And that was R.Kelly
My Sister: =-O
*^ Back For Now ^*   
01:56pm 11/08/2003
mood: sick
music: Choking Victim
I've made several entries, but in a hand written journal, and I don't feel the need to add it all to this one :-\

- The Basics - (And Theres A Lot...Sorta, there's big gaps, lmao)

xX- I met a guy @ 7-11 @ 4 in the Morning...he loves all the bands that I do..He Rawks...Coincidentally his name is Zac =)

Xx- I Met a girl @ 7-11 Also... Her hair rawks, Beautiful, she doesn't care about what people think, i love it.

xX- Me & DAn Don't Hang Out

Xx- I Met Jared and Jimmy on Gratiot @ 2:30 In THe Morning, we All Party together now though, very very awesome.

xX- My sister and I compare hickeys. HAahhahaha [sluts]

Xx- I talk to Joe a lot now, and I miss Zac (My Buddy, Not The 7-11 Guy)

xX- I Sleep On Trampolines

Xx- Jenn and Jess came over on XTC, and We watched tv and made fun of people, and tried to get joe outta my bed so we couLd attack him. lol

xX- We broke into the abandoned house, took a new comp desk, and a buncha stupid shit, oh and Joe painted the car... - tsk tsk - that harsh... I wouldn't have done that, see im a good person!

Xx- My Niece gets mad at me and screams "NO DONT!" all the time <3 but i still love her.

xX- Joe Utash bothers me a lot, hes really annoying, but i suppose that it's okay.. he has my dvd pLayer and some of my pillows on his trampoline.

Xx- August 25th School STarts In Grosse Ile... I'm Moving There Soon

xX- My mom is trying to compromise my personal style to better benefit the social scene.... I'm not going along with this, but it's an okay attempt to conform someone. Hmph. Whatever

I'm Out.. =) Ta Ta ta... Today I'm staying with Amy, Chad, breNna, Tanya, and Jessica AND Zac @ Amys <333 W3rdddd?
     Read 2 - Post
02:57pm 02/08/2003
  Beauty is in the mind I suppose. And no one really understands. Altered images of this society cause insecurities in 75% of the females. Stupid, yea I know. Sad, but true.

Xx. Babysitting
xX. I Miss Zachary
Xx. Going To Gi. High Aug. 22nd
xX. My Niece Rawks My World
Xx. I Met Someone With THe Name" Springer" -Possible Relation, She gave me her #, shes about. 40? I suppose.

dot To The DizOt... I Met an Awesome girl named Katie!! <3 Hawtness.

*Poof Be Gone*
Criss CrosS To The CrosS CrisS   
02:42pm 24/07/2003
mood: crappy
music: Alkaline Trio-Radio
Yes, that's right.. everywhwere I go, I don't run into Zac, wherever he goes, he doens't run into me! We keep calling each other and missing the calls. Blah.

xX I Made The Alkaline Trio Cd
Xx Sang Random Songs Super Loud Through WalMart
xX Ran Around With Chad
Xx Waiting For Zac..
xX Dot Tot he DizOt, Dunno What Else.. Suppose To GO See Danielle? *Shrugs*

*Dot To The Dizot Dan Ish Hot*   
12:36am 24/07/2003
mood: happy
Here's Mr. Gorgeous Himself - - >

Dot To The DizOt   
12:20am 24/07/2003
mood: thirsty
music: *Mine And ZAcs Song* what did I do today?
x Woke up with Zac @ 10am
x Left Amy's @ 12
x Talked to Zac @ 2
x I ate a sub and took madd pix of myself
x I thought Daniel looked hawt & I read his whole diary..minus 23498 pgs.
x Learned Gamers Code <3 Thnx to the Zacanator.
x Started watching Gangs in new york, didn't like it
x Took Nap- Woke up @ 10 in the P.m.
x Here I am.

Good nite good nite.

The Zac Has Left Me Madd Msgs <3 Aws. yay.
Just Another Day...   
04:50pm 23/07/2003
mood: excited
music: Random Emo
I saw Zac, it felt so awesome to listen to him talk and be by him! I Haven't seen him in 234098 years! Hmm... I kinda miss being in Hillsdale... I visited for a few days... =) And I don't wanna leave muh friends... Man oh Man.

Ohh Guess what Daniel=Hawtness.. Hmm.. He = Gorgeous. Doo doo doo, I like it when people don't care what you think.. and you can sing music super loud with the windows down and play instruments that you don't have in the car <3 It rawks... He seems like he'd be able to do that :-D Woot W oOt.. He ish a hawty... he's so funny... and nice... =) Awwww=) okay okay. -settle young grass Hoppa!- I want him.

I just noticed that I'm out of water. I am so tired. I think that I need a nap... but I don't want to go to sleep... Because Guess who is online:-O *gasp* yes that is right Diary.. you heard me.. Daniel Is online. lol <3

Kyle Hoye hates me.. yes he does. I informed him that I don't love him, and I never did, nor will I ever. And he said I made him feel like shit... and It's not the point, because I told him from day 1, don't say it unless you mean it... and then a few DAYS later he said I love you. What kinda shit is that?. Oh and just now he Msg'ed me. and freaked out when I said "weiner head". So here we are.. arguing again.. Blah blah blah. He asked me to marry him, what a weiner. Jesus..

I Took Zac to Danielles house and her lil brother and sister gave him 234908 pokemon things, lol <3 He was happy =) Zac Rawks.. Hawty Biscotty<3 OMG I invented a WORD.. hahahahaha =) Yay *does a dance* Anyway dot to the dizot .

Poof Be Gone.
dot to the dizot   
12:05am 20/07/2003
mood: energetic
music: None..Tv.
I've had more than enough "Thinking time" lately. . . I guess I don't need a boyfriend. . . do I?? Eh... with time all good things come.. or something like that. -Shrugs- no big deal =) I have 23498 years to figure out my life. It seems asif everytime that I write in this it's about *relationships* Boo. Anyway... I'm officially moving outta my sisters and moving to Grosse ile.. my aunt is trying to convinve me to move in with her by moving to coldwater.. :-\ Boo. Daniel=Gorgeous ;) but he just left to go get a slurpee from 7-11 so I'm going to go watch tv=) bye bye
Just Another Day =)   
01:10pm 16/07/2003
mood: calm
music: Saves The Day
Hmm, yea well I think it's about time to get another boyfriend.. lol. Only because I kinda miss having a long-term relationship =\ I don't know why.. I just do.. and I meet a lot of cool/funny/nice guys=) and they rawk . . . but I dunno anymore, I guess I just have to wait, right?? Hmm.. oh well. I wanted to get some sun, but I couldn't because it's kinda cold outside =\ plus the breeze makes me freeze my booty off! . Wind=Weiner Head. I've been doing awesome lately =) I live with my sister still in Roseville.. but my real mom wants me to move in with her in Grosse Ile.. but I don't know if I want to move or not... My sister is awesome, and I love being there, but I don't think she's read to be my "Mom" ya know?? She's having a hard enough time with Mike and her baby. My mom (the one I just moved away from) is being weird, she gets crazier and crazier as the days pass... we still don't get along and i've been gone for over 2-3 Months.. I just don't think we're meant to be int he same house..and I know this sounds harsh, but I don't think she's meant to have kids.. If she was meant to have kids, then she would've had her own, and wouldn't have raised me, ya know??
12:57am 13/07/2003
  It's been oh so long... I dated Amanda, we broke up... :-\ Me Me Me Me !.. I might move in with my -real- mom! Yayyyy! I'm so happy, my aunt and I don't speak, I still have to get my stuff from my old house.. this guy -who will remain anonymous- fucking is awesome!!!!!!.... He's so funny..and so ... like me! <3

Oh and Me and Joe.. Yea.. Joe rawks too!... 4d! <3 Oi La La La ! <3 I'll write more later!
Hmm...Makes Me Wonder   
07:24pm 11/06/2003
  I like *Him* but I don't know if he's the one for me, I mean... He's the best and I'll probably never find anyone better.. but I don't think I'm good enough for him *Sigh* Oh well. . . "Baby if you give it to me, I'll give it to you, as long as you want, You know I got it..." LoL, It's playing ont he RAdio *La La La La* I'm babyistting, again but I get paid 50$ everytime i yea ist worth it +PLuS+ the kid sleeps a lot.. eh oh well.

Ky's dad is in the hospital... and His momd oesnt think he's going to make it, so I feel really bad, ya know? It makes me wanna cry... that's so sad... if he dies, I'll cry=( Even though I didn't know his dad, and I plan to make a visit to see him... if he'll feel like seeing me, ya know? Bleh.. oh well, My cigarettes almost out, and so I'm just gonna go outside or something <3333 LaterRrRrR
..Here I am Again..   
06:56pm 07/06/2003
  wooo... Ive been in Roseville since May 23rd.. I really like it here... I met some people-e-e...I'm talking to Tommy again..Danielle's moving here for the summer <3333 YAY! Amanda and Id ated, but broke up because of my lack of..emotional commitment... She's better off without me... I love my sister to death, and I love my niece... I like being heer because my mom's not around... She says she misses me .. but I don't mind it at all... Adam Bernardi is Secksi... but I probably will never see him again.. <-- Which SUcks... I love Kyle Hoye.... but he's going into the army, and I dont see the point in wasting my life waiting for him.. ya know??... He's too good for me anyway... but he's secksi too... My sister and I are getting closer as the days go by....Hmm..IM so much HAPPIER! <333 Woot Woot... g2g.. P.s. My sister doesnt have a computer yet, so I can't update this frequentyl.. :-\ Boo... Ttyl