| [sheepish grin] | ||||
| 08:27pm 28/12/2003 | ||||
It would be totally sweet if I can claim Brand New the band and my parakeet, Cammie :) [yes, he's the one in my icon] Thanks a gagillion! --lesley |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Down On My Knees.. I Wanna Take You There | ||||
| 06:05pm 28/12/2003 | ||||
So it's at Mike and Emily's house. Yep, you heard me right. Emily and Mike (Royack) got hitched. Not only that but I was recently married to Dan. Oh yeah, Dan Richter. Oh lord, was it weird. So we're all watching TV and I say to Emily, "so why did you marry that scumface?" She replied, "because I married you." [That made no sense.] So after that everyone was going to sleep and I looked at the clock and it said 'f3:gh' [That made no sense, either.] So holy shit, it's a big king sized bed and all four of us had an orgy. I must admit it was hot, but it was so strange. One.. I guess I pictured Dan and Mike naked or something and while Emily and I were undressing, everyone was looking at me and I was like, 'oh come on.. it isnt like you all havent seen me naked before.' [Okay.. that kinda made sense.] So we're all sexing each other up and I ended up kissing Mike [number rule of orgies: no kissing on the lips] but when I opened my eyes.. it was Dan. [What. The. Hell?] After that I woke up and had to pee and while I was getting myself a drink I thought about what all of it meant. Nope, it didnt really make much sense. On the other hand, I FINALLY bought the Vandetta Red CD as I've been promising myself since July. Oy vey. And tomorrow.. I'm flying down to New Orleans!! AHHH! It's going to be shweet. I'll bring you back something if you comment. [insert cheap wink] |
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| -2 broken-hearted losersimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| If I'm Just Bad News.. Then You're A Liar | ||||
| 08:19pm 22/12/2003 | ||||
 Mike Royack and Sean Kelly playing in the treehouse.  Sean  One of my personal favorites.  Gina, hehe. This is the nicest one I made.  Oh come on, you know it's true.  That was spectacular. (Yes, that's me.) Notice the socks, and how they match the thong. :) |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| If I'm Just Bad News.. Then You're A Liar | ||||
| 08:14pm 22/12/2003 | ||||
Gina, hehe. This is the nicest one I made. Oh come on, you know it's true. That was spectacular. (Yes, that's me.) Notice the socks, and how they match the thong. :) |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| ...And All That Jazz | ||||
| 11:25pm 20/12/2003 | ||||
So my birthday passed, yay for me. I've survived another year, and I'm just as lonely. [insert smile] I'm never going to get this right, am I? Duuude, John Schettini is hot. So is Jon Reina, and Jon Sydlo.. and John Magsino.. so many Johns/Jons! And I'm going to kiss that John Schettini kid before the end of the week. I know it! [insert silly, sarcastic grin] |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Tell Me What You Thought About When You Were Young and So Alone | ||||
| 05:34pm 03/12/2003 | ||||
Liverwurst kicks ass. It does, it really does. You may think I'm disgusting for this, but liverwurst sandwiches are awesome. I sometimes look at myself and say, "I look really good today. There's no way in hell I'm ugly." Yeah, okay. Whatever Lesley! I lie, okay? We all do it. Last year, I took Stacker 3s, hoping I'd get skinnier. I got skinnier, but it didnt last long. I've considered going on them again, but I'm too chicken to buy it. I miss Mike. Yeah, self-explanitory. That also leads into me living off other people's pain. When I'm in a bad mood (most of the time), I dont want to hear it. Sometimes I complain about my best friends, and the worst part is that they complain back. I made out with Eric Warmbrand a couple weeks ago. Shoot me. I also did stuff with Carsten two days after Mike and I broke up. I bite my nails so horribly. And when I have no nail to bite, I like, tear up my fingernails. Gagh. I still dont feel great about this. *frown* |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| He Only Had Himself To Blame | ||||
| 09:05pm 30/11/2003 | ||||
Sure, I'll do that for you, but only because he deserves it. I want him to find out soon enough that I dont have to live with this lie, but with enough time to really get something done. Thanks for the offer, I'm taking it. He had it coming He had it coming He only had himself to blame If you'd have been there If you'd have seen it I bet you would have done the same -Chigaco, what a great movie |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Honestly, How Could You Say Those Things | ||||
| 06:10pm 30/11/2003 | ||||
There are certian things, Andy, I promised not to let you know. I promised not to tell you how I willingly let Carsten do what he did. I promised not to let you know I had every intention of going over his house to do what we did. I never wanted you to know how I initiated everything. I promised not to let you in on truth behind my devious lies. I'm letting you hate me now. I'm letting you tear me to pieces. Please, tell me what you really thought of me that day. Do you remember our last kiss as I do? I remember standing on my tippy-toes, so you wouldnt have to bend down to hug me. I remember the tree that I tried to climb, and the tape you used to tie me up. It's still lying under my matress, along with some other valuables. Andy, you were my world. To me, you were everything. I couldnt survive without knowing you felt the same, and I felt so secure in this that we shared. I have never felt like this with anyone besides you. With Max.. it was just for fun. With Mike.. it was lust. And now I'm alone again, and only I really know why. How could I do this to you? How could I go and throw myself at you, and not think twice about how you'll reject my last effort. Maybe you didnt hear me last night when I told you I still loved you. And yet again, I remove my heart for you, only to have you blink at me in wonder. |
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| -2 broken-hearted losersimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Here's A Present To Let You Know I Still Exist | ||||
| 05:28pm 28/11/2003 | ||||
So Gina, Hope, and I went to McDonalds. I mixed a LOT of salt with a very little amount of sugar. Then grabbed another sugar packet and opened that in front of Mike but switched the packets at the last moment and told mike, "hey.. we have this bet that you wont down this packet of pure sugar." So mike took it and put it in a cup, then checked to see if we put pepper or something in it then he swallowed all of it. Oh man, it was great.. Gina's mom had just pulled up to McDonalds so while Mike was throwing up into the cup, we ran the fuck out of there! Holy shit, it was so awesome. Oh, not to mention we had about three large fries, chicken, milkshakes, sodas, and a crapload of napkins. Now I hope Carsten will call me so I can end a perfect day with a perfect night. Hehehe, go me. Okay, now it's a war. |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| There's No Setback | ||||
| 10:36pm 26/11/2003 | ||||
DMV Employees The New York Yankees The Pope Backstreet Boys Hipsters River Styx Goths River Phlegyas Spiders Prostitutes, 90 Degress Michael Royack |
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| It's A Place That Meant The World | ||||
| 09:45pm 26/11/2003 | ||||
there's a place we used to go to get away from it all Somewhere down in Fullerton there's a place we used to go to get away from it all But I'm still trying just to figure out why this feels so wrong when it felt so right Felt so right four years ago So please don't go away Won't this feeling stay with me forever, forever, I said "please don't go away I just want you to stay with me forever" Somewhere down in Fullerton there's a place that meant so much to everybody like me Somewhere down in Fullerton there's a place that meant the world to everybody like me But I'm still trying just to figure out why this feels so wrong when it felt so right Felt so right four years ago So please don't go away Won't this feeling stay with me forever, forever, I said "please don't go away I just want you to stay with me forever" I'm sick. Sick in a mental way. I'm really fucked up again, and it isnt like I actually understand. I went through depression last year, and now I cant take it. I want to go away, I want to move away from everyone here. I've realized my greatest fears are growing steadily closer to my reality. Jon didnt never really told me personally that he misses me. I miss him sometimes. It's strange, but I'm beginning to miss the people closest to me. My closest friends, or what once were, I dont know. I'm letting them sift through my fingers, and I feel powerless to anything. So this is high school. This is losing your friends, losing your grades, losing your boyfriends, losing your mind. Oh, and it isnt like Mike having a girlfriend makes me feel much better. Talking to Celeste made me feel a lot better, but this mood of mine is so reflective of what's going on around me, it seems that I cant really hold onto my good moods. Someone always ruins it. |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Cut The Shit, My Dear,... You're Breaking | ||||
| 07:23pm 25/11/2003 | ||||
It started with Gio being Gio and telling me all this shit about Mike, nearly making me cry, in gym. Then it ended with me realizing how hypocritical I've been the past month and a half. I knew it was over before it was declared over, but come on, I think I deserve something for trying. So basically, I'm a hypocritical bitch for being upset when I heard that Mike made out with some chick named Megan at the Powderpuff game. Now keep in mind that two fucking days after we broke up, I was in Carsten's arms, in his bed, this close (very close) to being a not-quite-so-virgin-twice. And now I think I have the right to be mad with him for maknig out with someone besides me. Ha, for a minute there it sounded like I was bitching about something else. Someone quite like myself. Someone who cheated on the guy she really loved with a guy who really loved what she would do with him. Oh how I love being a broken-hearted teenager. *grumble* It's almost December 6th. It's almost December 16th. It's almost December 17th. I hate December just as much as November. |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Run... Run For Your Life, My Love | ||||
| 09:37pm 22/11/2003 | ||||
Colleen and I got bored so we went to the mall. I'll cut to the fun part. So Micah, Colleen, and I found this toy at the table where Colleen and I were sitting. Micah, being the silly thing he is, threw it at Santa. Then, we ran. The rent-a-cops started talking to their walkie talkies and of course, the place was like, surrounded. Haha, then we put our boxers(that we stole from Pac Sun) on and Micah took this red thong and put that on. We stuck some dollar bills in it and went around saying, "support Ville Athletics! Micah the Male Dancer will dance for a dollar! Do you have a dollar?" I think we got, erm, two cents. Oh! I forgot to tell you about playing in the elevator... We were probably in the elevator for... uh.. ten minutes. We were just riding it up and down and up and down and ohhhh! So then more rent-a-cops are looking for us! Greaaaaat! So we ran out of the mall after the Micah The Male Dancer and hung out by the payphones. About twenty black guys, all about six feet tall, and this one HUGE white guy surrounded us. Micah, Colleen, and I were so scared. This one guy went up to Micah and pushed him, so I pushed him back. That must've been funny looking.. small, white girl dressed in all black pushing a 5233rlw893y9e44 pound wigger. This one black guy was like, "yo.. I've seen these two hoes before. They was suckin' dick in a porno!" (Talking about Colleen and I) One, you do not call my best friend a whore and two, you do not call me a whore. Then he was calling Micah a fag and stuff. I wanted to cry so badly.. I was so scared. We were cornered by so many really intimidating guys. Holy crap. So then I just sorta left Colleen and Micah, hoping they'd follow me since I saw a bit of an opening between some people. Colleen and I said bye to Micah then ran into my dad's car. Poor Micah had to wait a little longer for his dad to come pick him up. He should be home by now.. but I mean, the kid will speak what's on his mind and that could get him into some big trouble. Now Colleen and I wish we had told my dad to turn around, because I really really really hope he's okay. If he was physically injured in any way, I'll feel so incredibly bad. Micah... I hope you're alright. You're my hero, love. |
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| I'll Be Forever Grateful To This And You | ||||
| 02:43pm 22/11/2003 | ||||
Then the guys went to the little hill next to the gas station and tried to look all cool for the twelve year olds. It ended with Mike Johnson being a stupid stupidhead. I got bit, again. *frown* As always. But hell, it felt great. Oh! So then the four of us are walking up my street and god, I wish I had my camera. Mike flipped out when this bee was on his leg. Holy crap, it was so funny. Oh, and some more 'please flash us's. Eeek, Mike (royack, not johnson) felt me up yet again. Oy vey. And yet again, he tried to pants me... that time he nearly succeeded too. Overall, that made my dull Saturday a lot better. *sneeze* |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| She's In Love With The World | ||||
| 06:59pm 21/11/2003 | ||||
I'm so blah today. Tired.. pessimistic.. pissed off.. all the above. Peer leadership was awesome, though, since I "threw away my troubles" and whatnot. I bitched about certian individuals (including one who happened to be in the room), and Andy who fucking LAUGHED at me. I cant stand it when people laugh at me when I say something wrong. Andy- When was emo created? Me- Late 80's. Andy- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SO STUUUUUUUPIIIIIIIIIIIID Me- And you're ugly. God he annoys me. So do you. You, you, and you. *points rudely* Mike is at the mall tonight.. I wanna be there too. Meh. He asked me today if I wanted to go, but I already made this plans with Gina and like, I dont want to break them for Mike. Holy crap, I just wrote "dream" three times, backspaced, wrote it again, and then finally wrote "break." *shuffles, jumps up and down* I WANNA GO TO THE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Spinning Hubcaps Set The Tempo Of The Music Of A Broken Window | ||||
| 07:08pm 20/11/2003 | ||||
I dont feel too well emotionaly and mentally. I go to school, but nothing sinks in. I used to be able to go home and remember what pen I used to take notes... now I can barely remember if I even took notes or not. I most likely didnt. This happened to me when Mike and I broke up in 7th grade, too. I know my lack of attention in world studies is linked to him somehow. ThisisthelasttimeIdie. *scratches head* So here's a present to let you know I still exist I hope the next terribly contagious on |
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| Maybe I Should Hate You For This | ||||
| 08:40pm 18/11/2003 | ||||
b La Dz 0 sTee L: you don't even know how scared mike is of Scott b La Dz 0 sTee L: i'm talking like take the long way to his class just to avoid him happy red avenue: i'm sure he's fucking terrified. but he isnt scared enough to stop flirting with karin It serves him right. Fucking max pushed me in the hallway, it's a good thing I was worried about getting to practice on time because I would've pushed his face in. I swear, I'm ready to fucking do it. |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Hey! Wait! I Got A New Complaint... | ||||
| 03:11pm 16/11/2003 | ||||
I just realized how much I hate myself. I hate how I cant sleep at night. I hate how it takes forever to get ready in the morning only to realize I'm still ugly and still me. I hate how I can never say the right things and how I cant ever do the right things. I hate how I cant pay attention in school because I'm thinking about irrelevant things. I hate how I cant spell 'irrelevant'. I hate how she's so much prettier than me and she's so much skinnier and everyone loves her and she can get all the guys she wants and she's smart and so much cooler than I am and she's such an emo girl and she always cries and night and she thinks that she's so horrible. Yeah, well, just remember who introduced you to those bands and those shoes and those guys. This is officially my license to hate you. And I hate how everyone talks about their plans in front of me. Now that I'm boyfriend-less, I find it a lot harder to make plans with anyone and everyone. No one wants to hang out anymore, and even my best friends have found their new best friends. You say hi to them in the hall when we're all together, but I never get even a parting glance. So many emotions are bottled up inside me, and I cant feel my fingers since they're flying so fast across the keyboard. "Yeah, people are coming over later." "I'm going ice skating with everyone." "No, I'm hanging out with ______ tonight." "Sorry, I've got plans." "wonwegoiniurngqdonie signed off at 394:4999:3747" "I'm going shopping with _____" "I dont think my parents will let me." Yeah. I dont want to be silent anymore. |
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| -2 broken-hearted losersimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Shit. | ||||
| 11:35pm 15/11/2003 | ||||
 |
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| -2 broken-hearted losersimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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| Oh So Let It Go | ||||
| 11:28pm 15/11/2003 | ||||
Dude, if I didnt know that was me, I would seriously piss my pants. Now THAT is a scary picture. Speaking of scary, it was really windy today and I froze my ass of at a Becton football game with my dad. You see, he's the superintendent up there and everyone is really nice to a snot-nosed teenager like me, so yay! I got a hot dog, and it was good. Anyway... go to this site. It's some good shizzizzlenizzlemizzlerizzledazzlefoo. http://www.picturetrail.com/to_no_avail |
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| -1 broken-hearted loserimg src="http://static.blurty.com:8080/img/searchingdots.gif" Come To Me- |
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stay_quiet |
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