>>>blah<   
12:14am 08/02/2004
 
mood: longing
music: "am i not pretty enough" ~ Kasey Chambers
OK, well not much is new with me, but you know I thought I'd talk anyway b/c, well that's what I do best:). Anyway, I couldn't sleep at all last night, like serioulsy I didn't fall asleep 'til like 4:30 this morning for some odd reason. I just kept tossing and turning and thinking about "K" and me, I'm just weird I guess. So, needless to say, I didn't end up going to class this morning, but I don't think it'll be a big deal. Anyway, I did go to work today and it irritated me b/c i was like the only one in concessions besides me and a manager who makes the biggest freaking mess...but I was so glad when 6:00 rolled aroudn, you know?

Oh, I just spent like and hour and a half talking to "D" online. He's so awesome and the girl he's marrying is one of the luckiest girls in the world b/c he's just super great and he's so damn funny too! I'm glad he found her and is going to be happy with her b/c everyone deserves to find love and truely be happy, you know, that's what i want! I want love in my life so much and I think that might be my problem, you know? I mean maybe it's true and you can't really find love and/or happiness unless you aren't looking, but it's hard not to look and want and long for love and happiness, you know? Anyway, I need to stop rambling about this stuff. I guess that's all for now seeing as how I didn't get to see "K" today b/c it's saturday:(. Alright everyone have a great night/morning/day tomorrow and remember>>>someday we'll all find true love:)~Sarah

PS: yeah, i heard the kasey chambers song randomly on something and got stuck in my head and I love that song so much, so here you go>>>

"Not Pretty Enough" ~ Kasey Chambers

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don?t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I?ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don?t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it?s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don?t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?x3		  
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>>>boys, wth?<   
11:39pm 08/02/2004
 
mood: confused
music: "don't know why?" ~ nora jones, i don't know why i chose it, it just came to my head
So, yeah I just don't understand males and sometimes i think that i never will. I mean I'm 22, you'd think that I would have figured something, but apparently not! It seems that every guy I try to start something with is insane or something! Remember that guy i was telling you about the other day...the 19 year old from onlline, well he's all like "when can we go out?" "you got any pics?"...so, I blocked him right away and that was that...but then he emailed me and was like "how come every time I talk to you you sign off?"...ah, what the hell? I just don't get guys, well maybe I just don't get younger guys. I'm actually talking to a guy online right now who's 29, but he just keeps giving me play by plays of Jason X, which is a little destracting to me. I mean he seems nice enough, but he keeps talking about a naked chic in the movie hes' watching and that's just not something you talk to a girl about, you know? I mean maybe if it's a girl you know really well, but not someone you're talking to for the first time. And he just sent me a pic of some girl and was like "isn't she attractive?"...what the hell is with guys these days? Am I just supposed to sit here and take his shit? Are guys just not taught how to act around girls? I mean who the hell would do this? Guys=serioulsy screwed up! You know who would never do this? "D" would never do this b/c he is a gentleman and clearly this guy is, well, not. I think i need to stop talking to him soon, i mean i have class in the morning anyway and i'm getting sleepy and i just don't get it. I think I'm going to talk to "K" about my situation and maybe that could possible help our situation...you know?

Anywhoo...I took the fam to see "Miracle" today and it was great and Eddie Cahill (me-ow;)...anyways "K" was in the lobby when we got out and oh, i just want him to make a move so badly, you know? He would never do this kind-of thing either...you know well, i mean he talks about girls, but he and I know each other and i know he's just flirting with me when he does it anyway. I just don't get guys in general. Well, I guess that's all for now b/c i have class at 8 am and then field placement and more classes 'til after 7, so I'll talk to you on the flip side. Have a great night and remember, as hard as it is for me to actually belive>>>someday we'll all find true love:)~Sarah		  
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  starsinthesky81
 
 
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